Hello sweet 2WW-ers!
I share my story to:
- Stop some of you from wasting time and energy searching for symptoms that don't exist, (eg me a few weeks ago)
- Assure those who lose a pregnancy, that your body can take a little time to get back to regular cycles, (I thought I would be GOOD TO GO RIGHT AWAY but this was very not true) but it can and will.
- Avoid doing my ironing.
So. I am 35 and had a mc in August, at around 7 weeks. I figured my body would swing right back into perfect cycles, because I was a 28 day cycle tracking hero, and sure enough, one very very heavy cycle came around 28d later. Then I got a solid smiley on a CD digital OPK at around CD14, and did everything 'right' to conceive, so obviously I would, right? Of course!
When the next bleed came at 23 days, unHEARD of for me, I course I told myself it was implantation bleeding and began googling like a maniac and pissed on every stick available, every day. The internet was the BEST at making me believe that you COULD have heavy IB and that made me a bit crazy. I wasted days searching for validation for my (non existent, phantom) symptoms.... (OH! I'm dizzy, I must be preg. OH! I just smelled that bin REAL strong: I'm preg. OH! Was that pinching in my tum? I'm preg. EXCUSE ME I SEEM TO BE WEEING A LOT. I must be preg. I'm a moody bitch! I'm preg).... time better spent with my toddler or working or eating donuts. I knew I wasn't pregnant. Because every time I HAVE been pregnant, I have known. And there are almost zero symptoms, except a little voice in my head saying, hey, someone else is with you now.
Anyway. I kept on with the OPKs, testing every morning from the day after that 23-day period arrived, even though I was "sure I was pregnant" but also in my heart knew I wasn't but man, hope is a powerful thing isn't it? By CD 18 I thought I'd missed Ov or wasn't gonna this month, then bang, flashing smiley. I was on my Chinese herbs and having acupuncture. We did our best to conceive, and then I let go. No symptom trackings. No overthinking. Ignored the stabby pains at around 9dpo. Was probably just gas I said, sipping on my lovely big bowl of red wine. I enjoyed my daughter and had massages and sushi. Enough of this living a half life til I am pregnant, I thought. I'm gonna do all the stuff I won't be able to soon, and do it twice as well.
After that, not a thing. No sore or big boobs. No tiredness. Nothing. Just that sneaky, cheeky feeling again that my number had come up in the deli line. Sure, I was a psychotic PMS dragon, but that's standard for me.
At CD 29 I knew. But I also needed a few drinks because D. Trump had just been made the leader of the free world and it was too horrendous an idea to swallow. So I tested CD30. BFP: Pregnant, 2-3 weeks.
I had WAY more "symptoms" when I was not pregnant.
Now, at 5 weeks, the boobs are too painful to touch, and the pinching is never ending. I'm cautious about taking it easy and I'm not telling anyone aside of husband and BFF. I am terrified of seeing blood in the toilet again, but also know that my body knew what it was doing, and I love that body, and I am proud of that body. It's magic!
Whatever happens is okay. The timing is never wrong. Enjoy your life today. Not tomorrow or when you fall pregnant. x