I always told myself I would post my story since there are so many different stories and there could be someone going through what I did,end up reading this, and having hope. That is what this website did for me. I never thought reading stories about a bfp (an unhealthy amount of stories a day might I add lol) would have such an impact on my negative or positive mood.
I'll start with a little background story. I'm 26 years old, and from the age of 18 had an addiction that I would try to beat for 8 years. I decided to make a life change and leave it behind however I always felt inadequate, I felt like I could never be a good mom after some of things I had went through. I felt like I had ruined my body and chances of even carrying a child but God saw something different for me. I never thought I would get my life together, meet a genuine guy who loved me and treated me right, and that I would live a life of normalcy. By the grace of God I was able to overcome those things.
In December I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't trying,but like I said I thought I could never get pregnant so I thought it may be stress. I took a test at a week late and it was negative. When I still hadn't started two weeks later I took a second one and it was positive. I was in shock, I panicked, I thought everything I had worked for all of the goals I had in place were at a hault. I honestly didn't know how to feel. Someone close to me talked me through it and explained how God had given me a new purpose in life and those words changed everything. When I really thought about it financially we would be fine,I was in a healthy place emotionally, and I finally got a little confidence that I could do this. I was good enough to be a mom. But after a week of constant cramps and spotting red blood I knew something wasn't right. I went to the ER because I had no idea what else to do,and found out I had miscarried. The heartbreak was worse than anything I had ever experienced (which has been a lot with my past). I once again felt even more inadequate, I thought it was my fault,that my body just couldn't handle it. I never thought this would have such an impact on my life. I had fell in love with the idea of being a mom, of the new life I had ahead of me. The sleepless nights, the stress, but all for an amazing purpose. I went through a depression, the first month I couldn't stop obsessing about it. I had came up with all of these insane reasons of why I had a miscarriage until I realized how it's actually almost normal. I finally had gotten to a better place and we decided maybe we could try and start a family. So we did. After my first period after the miscarriage.
I wanted to try but I didn't want to try so hard as to stress my boyfriend or me out during the process. So I did simple things like checked my discharge daily, downloaded an ovulation app, had sex every other day give or take a few days. I actually started eating healthier, making sure I had my greens every day etc. Which I'll be honest these things still stressed me out. I never realized how stressful getting pregnant could be! I just pictured it like a movie.
I was up and down the entire month.
I ovulated around cycle day 14. I had egg white cm.
Ever since the day I ovulated I was bloated,had gas,had random cramps.
On cycle day 20 I woke up with a dull cramp that felt like ovulation cramps. It kept me up for three hours. That's when I knew I was probably pregnant.
After that I would wake up with headaches, I was so emotional and on edge. I lost it on my boyfriend a few times. The anger during my pregnancies I can feel so much more than usual anger. I'm very laid back and calm usually. This was also a huge indicator.
I cried a few times (very out of the ordinary for me)
I started to break out towards my period, which is normal but last much longer than the usual two days of a pimple or two.
I had taken tests since a week after ovulation and had gotten negatives.
Four days before my expected period I had a very very light line on a test. I showed my boyfriend and he could see it too. But I didn't want to get too excited and ended up with negatives after that so it was probably a faulty test.
I end up missing my period and my breasts started aching.
Took a test day of missed period and three days after all negative.
I was so upset and this was such a stressful situation I decided I would stop trying and trust God that it would happen the next month if it was meant to be. I couldn't go through the stress of tracking everything again!
Four days after my missed period I got a very faint positive on a first response. Which honestly I couldn't see when I first looked but noticed later. I had just bought a puppy to help with the healing of the miscarriage because I was so sure I wasn't pregnant. But when I see that very faint life that even a camera couldn't pick up I knew.
I took a second one two days later scared to death but also had another faint line.