This past Monday night, I'd POAS daily for the last 3 days, and then another that morning. Driving home, I was praying about it, and remembering Sunday's sermon about how Gideon puts out a fleece (test) for God, asking God to "prove you're telling me what to do". So I start pondering, and feel that God is assuring me if I POAS that night it would be positive. Well, that doesn't make any sense - my period isn't due for 3 more days, so FMU is the only way to get a BFP this soon.
I go home, POAS and leave it in the bathroom. Run downstairs to start a load of laundry, and think to myself - is asking God to confirm this wrong? Well, Gideon asked God for confirmation, and he had lives at stake. Sure, he should ask, but should I? You would want to know if you were hearing from God if it meant going to battle. So then I think - God, do you really want me to be pregnant? We had a miscarriage in May, maybe this isn't your will? And then I was reminded that Jesus said he came to give us life, and give it to us more abundantly. That must include motherhood in my opinion (it takes all forms - adoption/mentoring, etc). But I'm feeling assured - and then I think - am I just being crazy? Am I putting "words" in God's mouth because it's what I WANT to hear? And I was reminded that we are his sheep, and his sheep hear his voice. If you don't hear, it's because you don't belong to him. So I decided to stand in faith.
I spoke scripture over my situation, reminding God that he said in his word, whatever we ask in prayer, believe that you received it. Then I asked him to help me with my unbelief, because although I know that God is the only giver of life, and that He is the only one in control, it's still difficult for me to believe it's not just me wanting this to be true.
I went and looked at the test - BFP!!!!!! (Well, actually big "faint" positive).... to which I proceeded to take 3 more tests the next day - finally a nice dark BFP, and then blood draw yesterday, HCG is at 44, and my period isn't even due until tomorrow. How AMAZING is God!!!!!!!!!!
So - that's my story - God is the ONLY one who creates life - it amazes me that he would use our bodies to do it! Now, I can't say that just because you pray, God immediately answers your prayer - which is all the more amazing to me that I heard from God, acted on his word, and am blessed with a pregnancy. Here comes the shocker:
I had almost NO SYMPTOMS over the last few weeks. The only thing I found strange was increased sense of smell on ONE occasion.
Then last night - only 2 days into the BFP, I have been crampy all day, headaches, and VAST nausea.
Not that I "want" to be sick, but we had a miscarriage in May at 5 1/2 weeks - I really didn't have many symptoms. So this time I welcome any proof that peanut is burrowed in. I am amazed at God, that I went from having no symptoms, to plenty of them.
All things in His time. I couldn't force Him, as much as I asked. I had been praying all along. There's no secret recipe or secret set of prayers. There's no "good behavior" that gets rewarded. It's faith, and an everlasting relationship with him. Look at scripture - we are NOT the first women to be grieved trying to conceive. I don't know how he will answer your prayers, but I know that he is faithful and loving, and is walking with each of us through this most difficult journey of TTC.
I hope you don't mind how long this is. Some might think I'm crazy - but I KNOW that God wanted me to give him HIS GLORY for being the ONLY ONE that made this come to pass. I have lots of things I've been doing - but I know that I know that I know that it was GOD ALONE that created life, using us!