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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

missfickleness's blog

Miscarriage (and my happy ending).

It was the morning of 10DPO. I was heading to a baby shower around noon, so I was in a rush. I almost didn't test. After dipping my Wondfo stick, I went on about getting ready for the day and came back a few minutes later. Much to my disappointment, there was a huge dye run on the test right where the pregnancy line would have been. I put the test on the windowsill and hardly thought anything of it, telling myself that I'd do another later in the day to make up for the "bad" one. At the baby shower, a very pregnant friend and I were discussing who would "be next" and she suspected it would be me. I smiled a little and brushed it off -- she didn't know we were actually trying then -- naming another friend instead.

Somehow, I managed to "hold it" all the way through the shower and until I got home. I did another Wondfo test and stepped away for a few minutes. Much to my surprise, there was a very faint, pinkish second line! I immediately started Googling for pictures of faint positive Wondfo tests and texted my best friend with the tentative news. I had to pee again two hours later, so I took another test not expecting much and got a definine colored second line! I knew then that I had my first BFP...and my husband and I were expecting our first baby. He happened to wake up earlier than normal for his night shift at work and saw the tests on the windowsill, so my plan to surprise him with the news was spoiled. But I didn't care...we were pregnant. :)

A few days and many positive tests later, I was beginning to get worried. The lines on the tests weren't really getting any darker. I talked to a friend and did a little Google searching to ease my mind, but I couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling that something might be wrong. My earliest symptoms slowly faded away (so slowly that I didn't even notice they were gone). I had a constant achy feeling and some sharp pains in my pelvic area, but I thought that was normal for pregnancy so didn't think much of it.

On the morning of December 17th, 10 days after that first positive test, I woke up and noticed a little spotting on the toilet paper. I went about getting ready for work -- it was my last day at that job and I was leaving for a month's vacation the next day -- but called for advice right after I got out of the shower. Unfortunately, all the medical personnel were unable to take my call. I tried to stay calm but worried all the way to work where I stopped to speak to our insurance representative (who was in her second pregnancy at the time). She advised me to stay calm, that spotting was normal in the first trimester, and to keep calling. After going round and round with my insurance and the doctors here, I was finally advised to go in to the ER and get checked out. I called and woke up my husband -- he had just gotten into bed after his 12 hour shift -- who immediately picked me up and work and took me over. I remember thinking about having a story to tell our family when we arrived at home and shared our happy news, thinking that we would all have a laugh about this soon.

It seemed like forever that we waited in first the ER lobby and then outside of the gynocologist's office. When we finally got taken back, the doctor asked some questions and then said he would try to do an ultrasound. He warned us that it was probably too early to see anything, though, so not to worry if that was the case. He was able to find the gestational sac -- it measured 11mm -- but there appeared to be nothing inside. He sent me down to the lab for some bloodwork, told me he would call by 4PM, and then I went back to work.

I nervously awaited a phone call but none came. 4PM came and went; I left work. When I arrived home, I noticed that I had a voicemail. The doctor stumbled through his words (English was not his first language), but all I heard was my hCG level -- 52 -- and that it likely meant I was starting to experience an early miscarriage. I immediately dissolved into tears. For some reason, all I could think about was the packing and chores that still had to be done before we left in the early morning for vacation. I shut my emotions off suddenly, busying myself until my husband got home and I told him the news. Sure enough, later that night I experienced bleeding significant enough that I knew I was miscarrying.

Instead of telling all of our friends and family back home that we were expecting, we had to tell them that we had been expecting but were no longer. Instead of spreading joy, we were spreading sadness. It was an experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I know my husband and I are stronger because of it.

Our happy ending is this: on January 17th, exactly one month after I miscarried, I got a strong positive test! We were NTNP after the miscarriage...and apparently being on vacation was good for us. ;) I'm now 6 weeks along and feeling much more positive about this pregnancy than the last. 

So far in cycle #3...

Cycle #3

CD 1 - 12 Nov

CD 13 to 15 - BD

CD 16 - Ovulation day

 

1DPO-5DPO: Nothing, just sick with a cold.

6DPO: Temp spike. Increase in wetness, but can't see any CM. Sharp, stabbing pains a few times during the day (enough to make me say ouch out loud). Trouble sleeping and fatigue from now on.

7DPO: Mild cramps in AM (probably digestive). BMs start changing (from being sick is my guess). Some milder stabbing pains in afternoon.

8DPO: BMs loose. Start noticing my face being flushed every few hours, start noticing some stomach discomfort after eating.

9DPO: Burping a lot. Stomach ache. Temp higher despite waking up earlier than usual. Some mild cramps in pelvic area. BFN with FMU.

 

All of the "symptoms" I'm experiencing this time around I have either had before in the TWW or I can attribute to being sick/recovery. There's really nothing to get excited about this time around...no spotting like I had last cycle. My temps have been really low post-ovulation, too, but I think that's because of my open-mouth breathing and sickness. :P

I'm disappointed with myself because I didn't have enough control to keep my hands off of the pregnancy tests. I intended to refrain from testing until the day of expected AF, but the little voice in my head won out. Since I only have a few more cheapie tests left, I think I'll use them all up before we go on vacation and not order any more. I can only justify taking one of the stick-type tests per cycle, so I know I won't go crazy with those. 

Regardless of this cycle's outcome, we'll be leaving to visit home for almost a month on the 18th. I can't wait for that! We'll be moving to a very nice house after we get back as well. I'm hoping that those things will keep me from stressing about TTC for the rest of December/January. I've only been at this three months but I already feel like we need a break. :/

CD 1...let's start over.

The witch arrived right on time this morning -- around 10AM as usual -- so today marks the start of a new cycle. I'm actually kind of relieved. I have been pretty sure AF was on her way since my temps tanked several days ago, so it's kind of nice to have that sucky wait over.

This will be our last cycle before vacation, so if it doesn't happen for us this time, we probably won't try actively until February or so. Traveling wreaks havoc on my reproductive system, so it would just be easier to take a little break then. 

Good luck ladies! I'll still be around a bit, but not checking the site quite as obsessively as usual.

12 DPO update

Continued from last post.

11 DPO: Temp spiked (98.6). BFN FMU. CM started out watery in AM, turned milky, had some sticky white globs, and even got some yellow EWCM from cervical tip at night. Some little cramping throughout day...same as I've had since 6DPO.

12 DPO: Temp dropped to 97.9 again. BFN FMU. CM watery with some sticky/stretchy bits. After BM, got yellow creamy CM with a pink streak. Little cramping again. Cervix felt like it was loosening or opening in the morning, but an afternoon check was closed again.

 

I'm throwing in the towel for this cycle! The cramps, watery CM, and temp drop are indicative of impending AF, so I'm not testing again unless by some strange chance I do not get AF by Wednesday. I'm actually alright with knowing that AF is coming again. I was pretty down about it earlier in the TWW. I think next time around I won't be testing unless my period is late...it's too stressful and disappointing to keep seeing all the negative results and knowing that my chances of being pregnant get slimmer as each day passes.

I'll update if there are any major developments...otherwise, see you on the (AF) flipside. ;)

10DPO Update

Continued from last post.

9DPO: Globs of thick, sticky CM. Cervix closed extremely tight. It usually has some sort of opening, but it's like it's sealed completely.

10DPO: Temp dropped again. Usually not this low until 1 day before AF. Watery CM returned (usually does before AF). Cramps increase in intensity. BFN FMU.

 

I'm not sure what to think at this point. AF isn't due until Tuesday, so if these are pre-AF signs, it's coming earlier than ever before. My LP has always been 13 days until now. I probably won't be testing again unless my temp rises.

9DPO Update

Continuation of my last blog post.

 

7DPO: In addition to the "symptoms" I listed last time, I saw one small, pinkish blood spot when wiping that afternoon.

8DPO: Couldn't get an accurate temp since I didn't sleep restfully. I woke up at 5:45 when my husband was leaving early for work and temp was 97.9. Tried to go back to sleep and temped at 7:30 when my alarm went off, 98.6. BFN FMU -- yeah, I know, super early! I'm a POAS addict. :)

9DPO: Temp 97.9 at 7:00 when I woke up. I was cold and my mouth was open, but still feeling a little bummed that it hasn't gone up. More achiness in pelvic area lying in bed in the morning. BFN FMU.

 

I'm starting to feel like I'm out for this cycle. I know it's still really early, but I feel like my temps should have gone up by now if my "dip" on 8DPO was implantation. The achy feeling is unusual, but maybe I'm just feeling AF coming much earlier? The witch isn't due until Tuesday and normally I don't see a dip or feel symptoms until 48 hours before. I was really optimistic earlier in the TWW, but now not so much. :/

Update! 7DPO

So, here's the latest in my current TTC journey:

 

2-4 DPO: Nothing out of the ordinary. A little sticky CM as usual.

5 DPO: Had a temp drop (from 98.4 to 97.9) and CM started getting creamy.

6 DPO: Temp rose to 98.2, but it wasn't accurate because I hardly slept. Lots of creamy/watery CM. A blob of tan-ish colored CM in the morning. Achy/sore feeling in pelvic area. Gassy. Bloated.

7DPO: Temp rose again today, now at 98.5. Restless sleep. More creamy/watery CM. A little achy feeling in pelvic area.

TWW begins!

Apparently, all my body needed was a little encouragement! ;) Judging by my temp that rose by a full degree this morning and my sudden lack of fertile CM, I ovulated yesterday. (I know there have to be 3 high temps to confirm, but I feel my guess is pretty safe, haha) We BDed the day before O and two days before O and I had plenty of EWCM, so I think our chances are pretty decent for this cycle.

 

So, here is the start of my crazy symptom watching!

1dpo: Hot flashes (I always get these post O). Very sore nips...don't remember having these around O in the past, but it's possible I just haven't recorded it previously.

 

Updates to come. :)

Still waiting...

Quick update:

I'm now on day SIX of EWCM! In previous cycles, I've only had 3-4 days of EW, so I was expecting ovulation a couple of days ago. That would have been early (I usually O between cd17 and cd20; I'm cd16 now). I'm getting a little anxious waiting for O time. I certainly enjoy BD...but after the last several days, I'm ready for a break! haha. 

I think I'm starting to get a cold, too, so who knows what that might do to ovulation if it doesn't hurry up?

It's that time again...

BD time! :)

I had my first bit of EWCM and my cervix has risen a lot, softened a lot, and opened a little. I hope DH is up to BDing all weekend even though he is working! Haha. I'm also hoping that this isn't a "false alarm" like I had last cycle. My body prepared for ovulation and my BBT even rose the day after I thought I had ovulated, but quickly dropped and my ovulation symptoms returned a week later. But, I was traveling at the time, so I think that played a part in it.

Anyway, I'm excited to be back in the game! 

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