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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

Doing the +opk happy dance!

 

 

 

I've been bringing my opks to work with me this cycle so I can test in the afternoon, since last cycle I only caught the tail end of my LH spike by testing in the mornings. This plan has worked, because I just got my big, bold positive opk AND a ton of slippery cm! Seriously could not be happier. 

I also just found out that DH has wine and cupcakes waiting for me at home, so I'm assuming that means he's in the mood for romance. How perfect is that?!

I'm proud of my positive opk the way a dog is proud of that dead squirrel he found in the yard: nobody really cares to see it, but I'm excited so I'll show it to you anyway. ;)

Anyone else ready for O? Anyone else thinking positive? 

Peace, luck,  & baby dust. 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd 16

Late-night panic

What if I don't have a baby by now because the universe thinks I'll be a terrible mother? 

I know plenty of people who are terrible mothers and clearly they got to have kids, but what if I don't? I don't think I'll be a bad mother, but what if I am? What if I can't handle it?

I will (hopefully) wake up and realize this is ridiculous. I'm patient and kind and I love building people up. I'm empathetic. I've worked with children. But those things don't guarantee you a child, do they? 

Sigh. 

I'm just crashing after a long day, I think. Things will look better tomorrow. 

I love opks, and other stories

With my first faint test line on the opk comes the return of my excitement about this cycle!  Yesterday's test was stark white and just too reminiscent of all those bfns I got right before AF came and put me out of my misery, but just seeing the faint line today has rekindled my hope!  I kind of also wonder if my  changing hormones don't have a little something to do with this boost, but I'm not complaining. 

I read through some of my old blog posts, and it really reminded me how far I've come and how I have to make the choice to be positive; I can't just sit around moping and expect positivity to fall into my lap. So I took some deep breaths and did a few stretches (as much as is appropriate in the office) and reminded myself to count my blessings. Today is a good day. This month is as good as any to hope for a miracle. Let's do this!  :D

You know how they say life is a journey, not a destination? Ttc is like that too. I'm always trying to find little ways to keep perspective. During this journey I've learned tons about my body and I've spent lots of time with my husband. One day, in the craziness of kids and pets and work and life, I'll look back and have a "remember when" moment: remember when it was just me and him? Just us. When we always got enough sleep. When we could have sex on the kitchen table if we wanted to. I'm really trying to embrace the journey and have faith I'll get where I'm going in good time.

 

I wish you positive opks and strong swimmers! 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd 13

Let's Get Down to Business

The fertile window is opening once again,  which means it's time for peeing on opks,   praying for ewcm, and, of course, getting busy in the bedroom (or wherever the mood strikes you, I suppose, if you're feeling adventurous). It's arguably the best week of the entire cycle. I'm hoping that this is indeed cycle lucky 7. With my hormones on the rise, I'm also hoping to get out of this funk in the next few days. 

Had to pay a ton for unexpected car maintenance today, so that helped make my opk decision for me, and I went with the cheapies. I couldn't bear the thought of spending any more large sums of money. Haha. Just tested negative on my first day of testing, but I'm expecting ovulation between days 16 - 18.

Here's to hoping. 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd 12

 

7-month Slump

 

 

 

 

 

I think I'm experiencing the 7-month slump. We've been at this for a while, and I'm feeling kind of blah. I've had less interest in my charts than ever, and I've been lazy about ordering my opks. Most of the time I feel like I kind of just don't give a shit anymore, which is stupid to say because I know if I see AF again I'll have no one to blame but myself if I don't put in a little effort and try. I can't expect a miracle if I'm not even willing to try. 

Give me a few days. I might see ewcm and perk right up. I'm just starting to feel like it might be a long time before I see a positive. I could never have imagined still being here past six months. It's been a learning experience, but at some point I need all this knowledge to work out for me. I think I'm also just tired, because I just got a promotion and I'm trying to get in the swing of things. Maybe a weekend to recharge my batteries and reconnect with dh will do the trick. 

The closer we get to a year, the more nervous I feel, despite the fact I know tons of beautiful babies that took longer than a year to make. I'm not in a hurry, but damn if this slump isn't getting the best of me. 

Tell me about your ttc milestones. Have you passed any points that you never thought you'd reach? How did you bounce back? 

Peace and luck. 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd 10

Opk dilemma

I'm going to continue to use opk this month, but I'm conflicted about what kind and how much I want to spend. Last month I decided late in the game and didn't have time to order any digitals, so I used the store brand opk and got good results! Now that I have time to be choosy, I can't decide if I want to spend money on the digitals or just get some cheapie opks. I didn't really mind reading the lines. I think I actually liked seeing the lines go darker and then get light after O. Is that weird? Lol. I guess it's just nice to pee on a test that's actually positive once in a while.

Also, does anyone have experience with dollar tree opks? Are they reliable? 

Peace & luck, ladies. 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd 6 

 

30+ days of FertiliTea

Honestly, when I started drinking FertiliTea over a month ago, I had no idea what to expect. I was nervous but pretty hopeful, and you know we all get a little desperate so I figured I didn't have a lot to lose - it's not like anything had worked for me yet, since I was (and am) still ttc. 

The first few days I drank it, I had some brown spotting after AF. I was a little worried, but from talking with others I assume that this was just the tea at work- giving my system a good clean to start fresh. I think this could be especially important given that I was on the pill for many years. I haven't had any of the brown spotting since, even though I'm on the end of AF now, so that is perhaps a beginner response. 

I was drinking two or three cups a day and started getting sick of the taste (that's a lot of darn tea) so I cut back to one to two cups a day and still got great results. Once my cycle was underway, I had textbook patterns of cm. No more frustration wondering if it was fertile or not. I had four days of ah-mazing ewcm (at best I used to get maybe one, then watery). It went sticky within 24 hours of O, just to further confirm that my fertile window had passed and that the cm  matched my other signs perfectly. This was probably the best thing about the tea experience - my cm pattern was finally what I kept hoping for! 

Since coming off the pill I've always been extremely regular, with 33-35 day cycles and a fourteen day lp. The longer cycles are great when not ttc (because who needs more frequent periods) but while ttc I found it excruciating to wait until at least cd 18 to O. With the tea, I started getting ewcm on cd 13 and Od on cd 16. My opk confirmed, and I also had strong O pain that afternoon. So that still seems to be working just fine!  This also set me up for a 30-day cycle. 

The tww is usually full of cramps, bad skin, achy bbs, and mood swings for me. I hated it. With FertiliTea, I didn't have any cramping, the sore bbs were minimal, and my skin has really not seen better days in the past seven months. My mood swings were in check, and I felt good. I had sticky turned creamy cm up until AF.

My lp stayed at a great fourteen days with NO spotting before AF. I used to get about a day of spotting before. AF came right on time and has been pretty usual. I always have a long AF, so at cd 6 she should be on her last leg now. I'm ready to do it all again this month! 

Lots of ppl claim they got pregnant within one to two months of starting the tea. I've got my fingers crossed for a success story. I definitely think it's helping and I'll definitely continue with it. 

Hope this helps someone out there! Cheers! 

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd6

Team Baby

After my 13dpo bfn, I told the hubbs that our chances were slim to none for this month and that I would start on Wednesday or Thursday. I started on Wednesday evening right on schedule and moved on to the idea of a November baby. Apparently I left DH behind, because yesterday when he started talking about "in October" and I corrected him, he was completely heartbroken. Since I hadn't confirmed AF he still had his hopes up for last cycle! I felt terrible for leaving him out! I'm really lucky to have a dh who wants to be really involved (at least these past few months), and I'm always encouraging people to make fertility a couples' thing; I suppose I should take my own advice! 

We're all on board now for trying for November. I definitely think if we have a few more well-timed months like this past one then we might make a miracle! 

Happy Valentine's Day! Don't forget your partners. ;)

7 cycles ttc - 8 cycles off bcp - cd3 

Day 1 of Cycle Lucky 7!

If you had told me back in July that I would still be ttc right now I would have laughed at you. "But I'm young and healthy! We have lots of sex. We're in great shape!" Oh, the arrogance of the pre-ttc. I can actually hear the universe laughing at me now. I love that I'm at a place that, looking back, I can laugh with it.

May your thoughts and your tests all be positive! 

 

 

 

 

Crabby Pre-AF Rant

I have a headache from hell, which I assume means that this weather has killed my sinuses and/or that AF will arrive on schedule tomorrow. Sweet sweet DH brought me mini chocolate Haagen Das and some wine, and it helped my spirits, at least (disclaimer: even if I fall into that 13% pregnant with bfn on cd14, one glass of wine will not be the worst thing in the world).

I suppose the real reason I'm ranting is that one of my only friends who knows I'm ttc got on my very last nerve today (not difficult to do right now, in her defense) by exploiting my knowledge of cycles. I've become something of the cycle guru to my non-ttc friends, because thanks to all my research and charting I know more than your average woman. (I claim I got all of this knowledge from the natural family planning classes we had to take before we got married - we're Catholic. That's mostly true). Anyway, she's apparently been using a period tracker app (not a charting app) to try to figure out when she shouldn't have random hook-ups, and she apparently started doing this based on the fact that I suggested she get a period tracker app so she didn't keep telling me she thought she was late every month. So she explains that she thinks she's having a longer cycle this time and that she has cramps, etc., so she thinks she Os today, but she wanted to know what I thought because if she Oed today then she would avoid sex for a few days. I'm just like... none of that will do you any good because you would have needed to avoid at least four days prior also, which you definitely didn't. I was just so frustrated. I don't know why people who want to avoid pregnancy don't just a) get on birth control or b) at least learn how to actually chart their fertility signs so that they have a much better chance of avoiding. And does no one worry about stds anymore? Is that just uncool, or something? I'm all for sexual liberation, but her comments just got to me. I wanted to scream. I just don't care to explain fertility to people who haven't even made an effort to figure it out beyond downloading a frickin period tracker app but are using it as birth control.  I just don't.  Not to mention it's not super fun for someone who is ttc to have to listen to someone talk about all of her "pregnancy scares" from all of her random hook-ups. (Disclaimer pt. 2: I know I could talk to her about it. Probably will. For the sake of our friendship, today was not the day).

I felt petty typing all of that out, but actually, I feel a lot better now! Sorry this isn't as upbeat as my usual posts. Everyone gets a pass to be crabby on 14dpo, though, right?! ;) 

My best to all of you.

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 14dpo - no spotting yet but clearly ^^^ not a ray of sunshine right now so it's expected shortly

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