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spazzle's blog

Crabby Pre-AF Rant

I have a headache from hell, which I assume means that this weather has killed my sinuses and/or that AF will arrive on schedule tomorrow. Sweet sweet DH brought me mini chocolate Haagen Das and some wine, and it helped my spirits, at least (disclaimer: even if I fall into that 13% pregnant with bfn on cd14, one glass of wine will not be the worst thing in the world).

I suppose the real reason I'm ranting is that one of my only friends who knows I'm ttc got on my very last nerve today (not difficult to do right now, in her defense) by exploiting my knowledge of cycles. I've become something of the cycle guru to my non-ttc friends, because thanks to all my research and charting I know more than your average woman. (I claim I got all of this knowledge from the natural family planning classes we had to take before we got married - we're Catholic. That's mostly true). Anyway, she's apparently been using a period tracker app (not a charting app) to try to figure out when she shouldn't have random hook-ups, and she apparently started doing this based on the fact that I suggested she get a period tracker app so she didn't keep telling me she thought she was late every month. So she explains that she thinks she's having a longer cycle this time and that she has cramps, etc., so she thinks she Os today, but she wanted to know what I thought because if she Oed today then she would avoid sex for a few days. I'm just like... none of that will do you any good because you would have needed to avoid at least four days prior also, which you definitely didn't. I was just so frustrated. I don't know why people who want to avoid pregnancy don't just a) get on birth control or b) at least learn how to actually chart their fertility signs so that they have a much better chance of avoiding. And does no one worry about stds anymore? Is that just uncool, or something? I'm all for sexual liberation, but her comments just got to me. I wanted to scream. I just don't care to explain fertility to people who haven't even made an effort to figure it out beyond downloading a frickin period tracker app but are using it as birth control.  I just don't.  Not to mention it's not super fun for someone who is ttc to have to listen to someone talk about all of her "pregnancy scares" from all of her random hook-ups. (Disclaimer pt. 2: I know I could talk to her about it. Probably will. For the sake of our friendship, today was not the day).

I felt petty typing all of that out, but actually, I feel a lot better now! Sorry this isn't as upbeat as my usual posts. Everyone gets a pass to be crabby on 14dpo, though, right?! ;) 

My best to all of you.

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 14dpo - no spotting yet but clearly ^^^ not a ray of sunshine right now so it's expected shortly

Expecting to spend vday with AF

Well, I'm down to a 13% chance for an Octobean, since I tested bfn this morning at 13dpo. I honestly can't believe I'm 13dpo already and that AF is right around the corner. It's funny how up until 10dpo the wait seems so slow but then all my testing days just fly right past. 

The good news is that this month has changed our whole ttc attitude. FertiliTea has made some great improvements in my fertility, I no longer fear opks, and DH is still enthusiastic and more involved by the day. He's open to taking FertilAid for men, so when AF arrives I'll order that too. I feel better about our chances than ever. It won't be much longer! 

I admit I got pretty bummed, and then down again when we had our taxes done (not great) and our accountant friend jokingly said that we basically need to have a kid. I definitely need to lighten up when people make innocent and even joking remarks like that, but it still can be a little frustrating. 

Anyway, I'm one month closer. I'm one month more prepared. I'm one month healthier (you should see my arms - no jiggle! I feel like john basedow.). Our savings account is one month richer. I've spent another month loving my husband and building our relationship. All good things. 

I also remind myself that I don't think I was ovulating my first two months off bcp, so really I can't act like this has been a true six months as far as our chances go. So there's that! 

I've seen a few bfps around here lately!  I can't express enough congratulations and excitement!  Now please let them be contagious ;) 

Wherever you are in your journey, have a great week, ladies. I'm sure I'll be drinking wine with AF before the week is out, but I'll be around for lucky 7.

Peace be with you. 

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 13dpo 

I was hoping for a miracle

I'm 11dpo this morning and just tested negative FRER. I stood here staring at it for the entire ten minutes. This is after I woke up from the clearest bfp dream that was just scary real. Not even a squinter line. I understand I'm not totally out but I also understand that the odds are no longer in my favor. Oh well... I'm one month closer to my month. 

I should probably pick up some AF supplies. 

I really hope someone sprouts an Octobean. I really thought I was pregnant. 

Peace & luck.

6mo ttc - 7m off bcp - 11dpo

p.s. I just don't understand how someone who only had sex once in the past few months AND used the pull out method is pregnant, but not me. (This literally just happened to a girl I know.) Just... ugh...

P.p.s. I know i had some successes this month and I should focus on that. This isn't a win - lose game. It's a process. 

P.p.p.s. It finally snowed. :]

Only ttc couples would understand!

This is DH's second week at his new job and he's been exhausted so we haven't really dtd during this wait. (He was fantastic about making time during my fertile window, though.) Anyway, last night when we were getting ready for bed he was talking about how tired he's been but how this weekend he promised we would "have sex, you know, for sport." I absolutely could not stop laughing. Only ttc couples would understand! Lol. 

Tonight I'm going to go buy an array of tests and hope for the best this weekend!  Thinking about it still makes me wanna throw up, lol. At least if I'm not - this has been my best tww yet. And if I am then it's DEFINITELY my best tww ever. 

I bought a little knit baby hat with bear ears on it and have been hiding it in a dresser drawer until I get a positive. Can't wait to surprise DH. Hopefully this is the month!  FX.

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 10dpo omg the answer is near!

May the odds be ever in your favor

I'm trying to justify when to test. On countdowntopregancy, the percentage of pregnant women who test positive are as follows:

10dpo.- 67%

11dpo - 78%

12dpo - 82%

13dpo - 86%

14dpo - 87%

The big jump between 10dpo and 11dpo definitely rules out testing tomorrow (10dpo) for me. Waiting until 13dpo seems silly because then I might as well have just tested on 14dpo. That leaves 11 and 12dpo as my preferred days, which will be Saturday and Sunday. We'll have house guests one of those days - don't really want to do it then, so I guess whichever morning we end up not having a guest I'll test! 

I'm also trying to decide whether to use dollar tree tests or to spring for the digital or one of the FRER. Anyone have any wisdom about which is best? I know to avoid blue dye tests, but otherwise I'm unsure which to use. I just want to feel like I'm getting a fairly accurate result. 

Getting nervous but excited! Anyone else testing this weekend? 

Close your eyes and take three deep breaths...

"Close your eyes and take three deep breaths... This is the only moment you need to be worried about. There's no yesterday. There's no tomorrow. There's just right now. You're not late for anything. You aren't going to miss anything. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. And you're exactly who you're supposed to be. You're absolutely perfect. And whatever happens today is exactly what's supposed to happen." (Hit and Run)

As we drag through this tww, it is important to try not to carry the weight of this journey in our hearts and minds. After all, we have to make plenty of room for a little bean, so we need to clear out all that negativity! 

How's it going, ladies? Are you feeling hopeful?

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - omg I'm already 9dpo! - hello symptoms!

 

 

Weirdest/funniest thing you've ever considered/done while ttc?

We've all been there. That moment during ttc when you get so caught up in ANY way to detect O or an early pregnancy. That moment when you think "do I have breast changes??? Is it a symptom?" and immediately consider taking daily pics of your bbs so that in the future you can analyze and confirm or deny any such thoughts. 

The TMI, the ridiculous, the laugh out loud ttc moments - share them! We could certainly all use a laugh. 

May your tests be positive and your sperm Michael Phelps that sh*t.

 

Panic! at 8dpo

Okay, not compete panic. An inkling of panic, really. My symptoms seem SO different and promising, but what if it's all just trickery? It won't be the end of the world, but I'll still be bummed. :/ I'm still holding out hope for Sunday!

I'm only days away from a 60-something percent accurate result. Thinking about it makes me want to pass out or throw up - but maybe that's the pregnancy at work! ;) 

Panicked but positive. Is that possible? I reserve the right to be contradictory. Lol.

Oh and the vote I put up to keep me entertained is 18 to 1, YES. If that can't keep me hopeful idk what will! 

I welcome any comments, rants, and distractions. :)

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 8dpo

 

One Week Wait!

We're down to the ONE WEEK WAIT! :D Who's still hanging onto hope?  I feel like everyone's positivity is waning, so I figured I would spread some sunshine!  I hope we all get our bfps and create a huge tww baby boom, lol. Take a deep breath and smile. You could be mere DAYS away from your bfp! :D

Just for funsies I'm about to post an Am I Pregnant vote. Haven't done that in a few months, but I figure it might help pass the time.

May your spirits be high and your tests be positive! 

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 7dpo 

Deep breath - only six days left!

Do we all just come equipped with a crazy hormone that kicks in when we're ttc?  The logical part of me says be calm, it will happen, there's no hurry. Then it's like my ovaries hijack my emotions and say omg, the clock is ticking, you better start panicking now! My reason and my hormones are definitely at odds today. Deep breath in, woo sah. 

I keep telling myself I could be only six days away from the bfp I've waited six months for. If that's not exciting I don't know what is! :)

This has been a great year so far: DH got a new job with better financial stability, I'm up for a possible promotion / better job. My life is really good. I have my health and I'm the mommy to the sweetest dog in the world,  and one pee stick isn't going to take any of that away. Perspective is everything. 

I hope you're all doing fabulously today! How's the symptom spotting (or lack thereof) going? Still two more months to get a 2014 baby! 

Peace, love, & baby dust. 

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - 6dpo

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