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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

Change of plans?

"Do you think we'll ever get pregnant?"
This is the question my husband asked me last night before bed. There was such sincerity in his voice it broke my heart, but I found it touching at the same time. He had just finished telling me about a dream he had a few nights ago that we had a baby boy and that he was perfect and we couldn't get around in the grocery store without people stopping us to tell us how beautiful he was. And then there was a part about how I had the baby in a sling and he kept thinking I was gonna drop it - lol - but other than that it was really sweet.
I had planned this month to be ntnp because all previous months when I charted and planned, the hubs would suddenly not be in the mood or something and at best we were getting one well-timed dtd per cycle, and I was frustrated and exhausted with worrying about coordinating when we should have sex with when he wanted to have sex. I've been content to forget my charts and drink my FertiliTea and come what may. Now he's all affectionate and asking which days this month would be best, and it's not too late, really. I'm cd12, and without the tea I o between cd18-20, though with tea may be earlier. But still, there's time to change my mind and get back to ttc!
I'm contemplating buying the opk with the smiley faces. What do you guys think? Waste of money? I don't want to miss anything this time given how involved dh wants to be now. I don't have fertile cm yet. Should I start testing then?
I'm SO excited about this new team effort with getting the timing right. And I'm excited about all the extra dtd. :)
I'd love any wisdom regarding opk as well as any happy thoughts. Obviously if the cheapie dollar opk are just as good as the smiley face ones, someone let me know! ;)
My best to all of you.

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - cd12

FertiliTea Observations & Questions

I know, I know - at this point I'm sure everyone is thinking stop posting about the tea, Spazzle! Lol. I am hoping for some insight, though, which you ladies are usually quick to offer! :)

AF ended a few days ago, but then a day after she was gone I started getting brown cm / spotting. This morning when I checked near my cervix I found tons of brown cm! Normal consistency, no odor, but still it is bizarre. I'm suspecting a few different causes: perhaps the tea caused my whole system to clean itself, hence the brown is just old blood. Or perhaps I am dealing with unrelated vaginosis, which I've had before with no odor or anything. Just in case I treated with a diluted Apple cider vinegar solution that will restore proper ph to the vagina. (This has always worked for me before.) Anyone have any thoughts on the brown spotting / cm? Obviously if it's a persistent problem I may have to discontinue the tea, but I'm hopeful it's not a big thing. 

Other things that I think can be attributed to the tea:

- my libido is crazy high to the point I have sex dreams almost every night (weird!) and have even orgasmed in my sleep a few times (which has happened to me before but never with such frequency! This is the best my sex drive has been since going on the pill eight years ago. 

- My period was one day shorter! For whatever reason it's been 6 - 7 days lately, but this one wrapped up in 5! I'm hoping this is a sign my whole cycle might be shorter. Usually it's 33 - 35, but closer to 28 would be nice! This might also explain the brown stuff...

- My vagina feels generally more lubricated. Not like it was an issue before, but the extra cm is nice! Especially since I'm not charting - in that case the extra cm may drive me crazy. Hopefully it's less hostile this month (lol, just a little ttc humor).

I'll keep you guys updated on the tea results! Also if any of you have experience with it I welcome your comments. 

As always, my best to all of you! Wherever you are in your journey, I hope this finds you well. 


6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - currently ntnp on a break

Drinking wine, thinking of you ladies

I'm past AF and thoroughly enjoying my ttc hiatus. FertiliTea is going great - it is yummy and my libido is crazy high. I'm not charting, but I've been checking in to keep up with some of you ladies I've come to know the past few months,  and I realized how many of them aren't here anymore because they've gotten their bfps. That makes me feel really hopeful for the rest of us! It won't be long, and why not enjoy the ride?  (No pun intended, lol.)

Still sending my luck to everyone fighting the good fight!

Tea time!

My FertiliTea (and new tea infuser spoon) arrived today! A belated birthday present to myself and a consolation gift since AF came. I'm enjoying my first cup - it's pretty yummy, but I probably could've let it steep longer than 5 minutes. That is how I feel about most teas though; just a personal preference. 

This is my ntnp cycle, and I love it already. I have enough tea for one month,  I'm on my last soft cup, and I had a dream last cycle that I was trying to buy period supplies and could only find one single box of them at the store. All signs point to this being my last AF for a while - you know, if you get all into the universe giving you signs like that. ;) 



Hello, AF. We meet again.

After two days of weird spotting, AF has finally made her grand appearance to usher in cd1, leaving behind a 34-day cycle that was two days longer than I expected. Goodbye charts, hello ntnp / ttc hiatus. My next cycle,  as I feared, is due on Valentine's Day. I'm ready to order some FertiliTea and forget about the rest. 

This cycle, like the others, came with its own set of symptoms designed to drive me crazyn and make me feel foolish when i have confirmation that none is related to pregnancy. Some cycle that will change, but I'm ready for this break.

I wish you all peace and positivity. :)

6mo ttc - 7mo off bcp - breathing a sigh of relief

Headed to cd35, confused

Well, here I am again, and I was sure I would see AF yesterday. If not yesterday then definitely today. I was so sure I o'd on cd18 - my chart looks EXACTLY like my previous month chart down to the details, and it was a 32-day cycle. I won't bore you with the details, but this should have been the same. I had some very very minor spotting yesterday and today, but it's all but stopped since about 10am. I'm so confused. I have had some cycles that were 35 days, but I can always count them exactly 14 days from O. Needless to say, I'm confused. 

I tested bfn at 10dpo and resigned myself to the understanding that this wasn't my month. Many of you know my story about where I am with ttc right now. Why won't AF just come put me out of my misery and let me start my cycle "off"? Is it because I'm - dare I say it - pregnant? 

We'll see what tomorrow brings. Cd35 of cycle 5 or cd1 of cycle 6... 

My birthday is Wednesday. Ugh so many emotions right now. I can't wrap my head around everything I've been through these past few weeks. If nothing tomorrow, i suppose I'll test Tuesday. 

Think happy thoughts for me!

Signs or coincidence?

I'm waiting for full on AF so I can determine if today is cd1 or just cd33 with very light spotting. I'm not charting this month - just going to put my expected AF on the calendar and relax. Well I looked today and it will either be due the day before or the day of St. Valentine's Day. Here's why this is weird to me:

I had a dream this cycle that I was trying to buy period supplies and only could find one single box of pads on the shelf. I wondered if this could be a subtle message that I will only have one more AF before my bfp. (I also had a dream that I was being chased by killer bees, so idk how much any of this can be trusted, lol). 

The bigger reason this gives me pause is this: DH and I, way before ttc, decided on our boy name and our girl name for our future kids. The middle name for our girl is Valentine, because we love Latin names and because Valentine is a beloved character in Ender's Game, which as authors and literary ppl we adore. Valentine. Mind you we have a more "sensible" middle name too, should we decide it's too much of a mouthful, but I couldn't help feel my heart almost sink when I saw the V-Day AF due date.

I've committed to ntnp this month. I'm about to order some FertiliTea and I'm going to take it easy. Now I'm all uneasy about this upcoming cycle. I think I'll be especially disappointed if I'm not - but I know that's silly. Who's to say it would even be a girl and that Valentine would even play into it. But you know what they say - the only thing greater than fear is hope. Let's do this. 

I wish you all the best!

Either cd33 of cycle 5 ttc OR cd1 of cycle 6 ttc... remains to be seen - 7 cycles off bcp - less than a week from 26 yrs old

Waiting for AF to come knocking

I had a really funny thought this morning of picturing AF to look like Flo from the progressive commercials. A personification that isn't hateful and mean but instead is positive and encouraging, as if to say "Hey, I'm sorry this wasn't your month, but what's your plan this next month? You can do it!"

I should start spotting before the day is out. Unless there's a miracle or something. It's been great hanging around seeing other TWW buddies getting their bfps this cycle!  I love sharing their excitement. :) One day!

I said next month will be ntnp. I think my plan is to stick with that and order some FertiliTea and relax. No charts. Que será será. 

Anyone else planning to spend their weekend with our new and improved version of AF? Lol. 

5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - 14dpo

Are you effing kidding me?!

I've been taking a break from my charts and aside from occasionally checking in to keep up with ttc buddies have taken a break from this site. I breathed a sigh of relief and thought I could keep ttc from taking over my mobile life, at the very least. Well today, a fbook friend who has no steady job and no steady relationship (actually, no relationship at all to speak of) announced that she's going to be a mommy. Even started bragging about how she doesn't have a bump yet but her boobs look awesome. 

I don't mean to sound like a snob or a sore loser. I understand that loving families come in all shapes and sizes. But I have to ask: ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! 

Going back to my happy place. Just had to vent.

Disclaimer: I'm usually over the moon when I find out ppl are pregnant, but this just felt like the universe laughing at me. 


5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - 13dpo

TTC Hiatus Begins Just in Time for My B-day

As you know, I'm going on ttc hiatus after AF shows. I tested bfn this morning with a target brand ept. Not even a possible line. Nothing. I'm taking it as a sign that I just need to expect AF on Saturday. I'm not going to chart next cycle. My cycles have been predictable to the day for the past few months with good patterns of fertile cm so I'm not concerned I'm going to miss anything. I'll mark AF on my calendar and forget the rest. I'm going to start drinking FertiliTea. I drink a lot of tea anyway so it couldn't hurt to add it to the mix. I'm also planning to relax and work on my new novel (I'm an author), and maybe increase my yoga from three days per week to five.  I just want to rescue myself from the depths of ttc. I turn 26 in less than a week; I'm probably just having a quarter-life crisis, lol. Hopefully February will find me rejuvenated. 

My best to all my ttc friends, old and new. Bfp luck to us all. Remember to be kind to yourselves. 

5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - 11dpo - cd29

P.S. If by some miracle or cruel twist of fate AF doesn't show on Saturday, I'll update.  ;)

P.P.S. As an alternative I've considered talking to DH about Smep. If he wanted to do it I might be game to still ttc. But then I think it may make me more stressed. Better to try smep after a month off, I think.  

NTNP, here I come!