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spazzle's blog

on the day after xmas ttc gave to me: an ovary a-laying

Since I seem to be nearing O on Friday (cd18), I figured it may be cathartic to recount what I've learned about my signs in the past few months. I got off bcp in July and don't think I actually ovulated until Sept even though I was having 35-day cycles that I could pinpoint down to the hour. Since I've actually started showing signs of O, my cycles have beencloser to 32-33 days with O on cd 18 - 19. My O signs include:

Nausea, lower back ache, fatigue, ewcm two to three days before (past two cycles), my skin gets very clear, on actual O day I get severe pain on one side that worsens when I pee - I always mistake it for the beginning of a uti, but I figured out later that it's just strong O pain that I suppose gets worse with the "bearing down" action, my bbs look fantastic, and I'm irritable as hell. The day after O my cm goes from watery to creamy. Last month on the day of O my cervix was noticably higher and very soft, even though the rest of the month its pattern was haphazard at best. 

I know I could use opk, which I may in the future if my other efforts seem to fail, but right now I'm trying to be happy about all I've learned from taking notes and charting! Learning these signs has really helped me pull away from my chart and feel confident that I know my body. :) Has anyone else experienced a similar charting victory? How do you pinpoint O?

Baby dust. 

5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - 1-2 days til O - cd17

 

To finish the days of ttc song just for fun:

Five DTDs!

Four confusing charts,

Three opks,

Two fingers crossed,

And one hopeful BFP!

Happy Xmas Eve! EWCM!

Everyone around here is hoping for a little Christmas magic. I woke up to my second month of ewcm!  A few things about this:

a) this is the exact cd I got it last cycle - three cheers for regularity!;

b) I'm really tired of mucus in general due to my lingering virus but I'll make an exception since at least my lady parts do not also cough and sneeze;

and c) this means I may O on cd18 like I did last cycle, which is awesome bc cd18 is Friday and dh goes out of town on Saturday! Happy dance!

No matter where you are in your ttc journey, snuggle your loved ones and merry Christmas to you! 

(Hahaha just realized spazzle sounds like an elf name.) 

Gearing up for O, need positive energy

All right ladies, my fertile window should start tomorrow on Christmas Eve and I should (read: better) ovulate on Friday or Saturday at my usual cd19. DH goes out of town on Saturday so that morning is our last opportunity, and I'm hoping all the advance activities will suffice. I'm already feeling a bit let down about it, which is ridiculous because nothing has happened yet that would affect our chances. If you have any positive energy to spare, plz send some my way. 

I'm STILL recovering from the virus I had. I'm coughing my lungs up and for whatever reason I'm super nauseated and have no appetite. This is the time of month I trick myself into wondering if I'm already pregnant and am one of those ppl who has a period while pregnant (you know bc that's not spazzy at all). I've never been worried about a sickness affecting my fertility - is that something I should worry about this month? Eek. 

A quick tangent: I want to dtd more often than my husband, and this is not a ttc related thing but I definitely notice it more now that we are ttc. I feel like this is the opposite issue that most women experience, which makes it even more frustrating. Even though he's all about dtd this week bc of impending ovulation, which I guess is nice, I'm still just kind of like... Agh why can't you be this excited the rest of the month?  Anyway. 

I'm open to any support and likeminded rants. We could all use some extra cheer right now. 

Baby dust.

5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - 25 years old 

My nonconformist cervix

I've been checking my CP for a couple of months and I've determined that it's of no help to me. It's all over the place! It's high before AND after AF. Then it bounces between medium and low, firm and medium soft. Sometimes it's far to the left, then it'll center itself or end up far to the left again. Idk what it's doing up there but the "pattern" is kind of haphazard. Anyone else have a nonconformist cervix? 

I admit I'm scared

I was lying in bed last night and was struck with the overwhelming fear of getting a bfp. I mean I'm suddenly terrified. What makes me think this is a good idea?! Like they say in Juno, pregnancy can often lead to an infant. I love infants. I want a family. But omg I can't be the only one who might have a panic attack at the thought of actually getting one?! So much responsibility! We're committed and up for it, and I've read all the books and made all the plans, but can you ever really be prepared for a child? What if somehow I'm not a good mom?

Obviously I would be really excited too. Don't get me wrong - we WANT kids. 

This is a normal, realistic response, right? 

Why I Prefer DTD to BD

I should preface this by explaining that I'm a word person.

It crossed my mind the other day that BD and/or "baby dance" as an acronym/euphemism kind of weirds me out. First off, I don't like to dance. Also, even though I would like to become pregnant, I wouldn't say that's my primary reason for having sex. And what about all the sex I have when I'm clearly not fertile? It seems wrong to call that baby dancing, since it's clearly not intended to lead to a baby. BD also reminds me of BM, which my time working in childcare ensures that I never will associate with anything romantic.

I suppose as far as ttc abbreviations or euphemisms go, I prefer DTD: simple and without baby-specific terminology. I think I actually like that it reminds me of DTF, which is an acronym I hear said aloud in acronym form sometimes, and I have absolutely no desire to know what that means about me, lol.

I'm fully aware that this is trivial and none of it matters, but it crosses my mind every time I look at my charts.

I've been on chart hiatus thus far this cycle, and it's been really awesome. Mind you, this was brought on by the fact that I'm recovering from a week-long virus that resembled the flu and left me with no desire to do anything but sleep, but I still consider it a small victory. I can't even tell you what CD this is. I started to realize that no matter how many times I look at my chart, it isn't going to change anything. Staring at the app on my phone will not will fertile cm or perfectly timed O into existence. Anyway, long story short, I'm feeling better in a lot of ways. Maybe that horrid virus was a blessing in disguise!

Sorry, this was long and rambly. And I haven't even had a single glass of wine...

Baby dust!   

The Flu

I'm at cd7 and AF is finally gone but I'm now waiting on the results of my flu test. I feel awful. I'm ready to be well and enjoy my husband darn it!

I'll check back in a few days when I have more exciting things to talk about. Bleh!

Happy TTC!

Agghhhhh

I've been all fine here in my 5th month ttc with my commitment to positivity. I refused to let AF bring me down with her terrible flow and headaches and cramps. But right now I want to cry my eyes out.

I saw a discount crib today online. $20 for a gorgeous $200 crib. My stepMIL is a bargain guru and I contacted her about helping me track one down bc it was in-store only. I figured we could store it and no one thinks that suspicious bc we have space and it's understood that we want kids at some point. No one knows we're actually ttc (well, no one in the family especially) bc we don't want any pressure. Anyway they were all out so nocrib. She texted me to say she was sorry and I said nbd, maybe it would have been bad luck anyway haha. She responded,  "Nah, I don't think you guys will have any trouble in that dept!"

I know she meant it as a positive and she can't possibly know how this discouraged me. She got pg with her first kid while on the pill and her second quickly after deciding to try. I just feel down about it now. I was feeling so damn positive and thinking that I hadn't been ttc long at all really and then I have someone tell me it'll be no trouble! Agh. She's really sweet and she wouldn't havesaid it if she had known but this whole five months feels really sad and long right now. II'll bounce back but jeez.... some timing.... 

:(  :(  :(

Meow Bears, made with love to fund an adoption

Through a friend of a friend of a friend (haha) on Facebook, I found out about a woman raising money for an international adoption by making and selling stuffed animals called "meow bears." She has one "miracle infertility" baby and they are hoping to adopt a child to add to their family since they still struggle with infertility. This story touched me, and I figured I would share it here because who better to understand than the TTC community? The bears are really cute too. May buy some as gifts for all the people having babies besides me ;) lol. I don't know about you,  but I could definitely use some good karma related to ttc. 

The friend of mine, who has one for her daughter, had lost two babies to miscarriage before conceiving her daughter. I love to see women forming a community like this - in a perfect world everyone could be open about their ttc struggles and support each other, but in the meantime at least we have the TWW connecting us with people who understand! 

Anyway, you can look up Meow Bears on Facebook if this interests you. I just thought others may be uplifted by this story! 

**I am in no way affiliated with Meow Bears. 

May the odds be ever in your favor

AF has officially ushered in the start of my fifth cycle ttc. Another 33 days of hope! The good news is I should O the day dh goes out of town for a few days, so we're going to dtd the days before and the morning of and hope for the best. That's assuming my ovaries don't decideto play a trick on me and hold out a few days. But here's to hoping I'll get my bfp in 2014!

How are your last efforts for 2013 going? Have your charts given you any new insight? We're currently working on being more proactive about bd timing and taking advantage of fertile days more. Every month is a learning tool and puts us one month closer to that bfp!

Happy BDing!

 

5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - cd2 and AF has come with a vengeance

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