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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

My nonconformist cervix

I've been checking my CP for a couple of months and I've determined that it's of no help to me. It's all over the place! It's high before AND after AF. Then it bounces between medium and low, firm and medium soft. Sometimes it's far to the left, then it'll center itself or end up far to the left again. Idk what it's doing up there but the "pattern" is kind of haphazard. Anyone else have a nonconformist cervix? 

I admit I'm scared

I was lying in bed last night and was struck with the overwhelming fear of getting a bfp. I mean I'm suddenly terrified. What makes me think this is a good idea?! Like they say in Juno, pregnancy can often lead to an infant. I love infants. I want a family. But omg I can't be the only one who might have a panic attack at the thought of actually getting one?! So much responsibility! We're committed and up for it, and I've read all the books and made all the plans, but can you ever really be prepared for a child? What if somehow I'm not a good mom?

Obviously I would be really excited too. Don't get me wrong - we WANT kids. 

This is a normal, realistic response, right? 

Why I Prefer DTD to BD

I should preface this by explaining that I'm a word person.

It crossed my mind the other day that BD and/or "baby dance" as an acronym/euphemism kind of weirds me out. First off, I don't like to dance. Also, even though I would like to become pregnant, I wouldn't say that's my primary reason for having sex. And what about all the sex I have when I'm clearly not fertile? It seems wrong to call that baby dancing, since it's clearly not intended to lead to a baby. BD also reminds me of BM, which my time working in childcare ensures that I never will associate with anything romantic.

I suppose as far as ttc abbreviations or euphemisms go, I prefer DTD: simple and without baby-specific terminology. I think I actually like that it reminds me of DTF, which is an acronym I hear said aloud in acronym form sometimes, and I have absolutely no desire to know what that means about me, lol.

I'm fully aware that this is trivial and none of it matters, but it crosses my mind every time I look at my charts.

I've been on chart hiatus thus far this cycle, and it's been really awesome. Mind you, this was brought on by the fact that I'm recovering from a week-long virus that resembled the flu and left me with no desire to do anything but sleep, but I still consider it a small victory. I can't even tell you what CD this is. I started to realize that no matter how many times I look at my chart, it isn't going to change anything. Staring at the app on my phone will not will fertile cm or perfectly timed O into existence. Anyway, long story short, I'm feeling better in a lot of ways. Maybe that horrid virus was a blessing in disguise!

Sorry, this was long and rambly. And I haven't even had a single glass of wine...

Baby dust!   

The Flu

I'm at cd7 and AF is finally gone but I'm now waiting on the results of my flu test. I feel awful. I'm ready to be well and enjoy my husband darn it!

I'll check back in a few days when I have more exciting things to talk about. Bleh!

Happy TTC!


I've been all fine here in my 5th month ttc with my commitment to positivity. I refused to let AF bring me down with her terrible flow and headaches and cramps. But right now I want to cry my eyes out.

I saw a discount crib today online. $20 for a gorgeous $200 crib. My stepMIL is a bargain guru and I contacted her about helping me track one down bc it was in-store only. I figured we could store it and no one thinks that suspicious bc we have space and it's understood that we want kids at some point. No one knows we're actually ttc (well, no one in the family especially) bc we don't want any pressure. Anyway they were all out so nocrib. She texted me to say she was sorry and I said nbd, maybe it would have been bad luck anyway haha. She responded,  "Nah, I don't think you guys will have any trouble in that dept!"

I know she meant it as a positive and she can't possibly know how this discouraged me. She got pg with her first kid while on the pill and her second quickly after deciding to try. I just feel down about it now. I was feeling so damn positive and thinking that I hadn't been ttc long at all really and then I have someone tell me it'll be no trouble! Agh. She's really sweet and she wouldn't havesaid it if she had known but this whole five months feels really sad and long right now. II'll bounce back but jeez.... some timing.... 

:(  :(  :(

Meow Bears, made with love to fund an adoption

Through a friend of a friend of a friend (haha) on Facebook, I found out about a woman raising money for an international adoption by making and selling stuffed animals called "meow bears." She has one "miracle infertility" baby and they are hoping to adopt a child to add to their family since they still struggle with infertility. This story touched me, and I figured I would share it here because who better to understand than the TTC community? The bears are really cute too. May buy some as gifts for all the people having babies besides me ;) lol. I don't know about you,  but I could definitely use some good karma related to ttc. 

The friend of mine, who has one for her daughter, had lost two babies to miscarriage before conceiving her daughter. I love to see women forming a community like this - in a perfect world everyone could be open about their ttc struggles and support each other, but in the meantime at least we have the TWW connecting us with people who understand! 

Anyway, you can look up Meow Bears on Facebook if this interests you. I just thought others may be uplifted by this story! 

**I am in no way affiliated with Meow Bears. 

May the odds be ever in your favor

AF has officially ushered in the start of my fifth cycle ttc. Another 33 days of hope! The good news is I should O the day dh goes out of town for a few days, so we're going to dtd the days before and the morning of and hope for the best. That's assuming my ovaries don't decideto play a trick on me and hold out a few days. But here's to hoping I'll get my bfp in 2014!

How are your last efforts for 2013 going? Have your charts given you any new insight? We're currently working on being more proactive about bd timing and taking advantage of fertile days more. Every month is a learning tool and puts us one month closer to that bfp!

Happy BDing!


5mo ttc - 6mo off bcp - cd2 and AF has come with a vengeance

Cmon AF let's get cycle 5 started already

Today I'm cd33 of a typical 33-day cycle, so usually that would mean I would start spotting by tonight and quickly transitionto cd1 of cycle 5. (Cycle 5 makes me think of it like America's Next Top Model or something... lol). Anyway I calculated O at cd18-19. Well on Sunday (cd31) I started spotting and was thrown off but just expected AF early on Monday but nothing! Just the tiniest bit of spotting! This morning there was even less! This is really unusual for me, and at this point I just wish AF would come on with it so I can start cycle 5, which I'm actually feeling really optimistic about. I'm in a GREAT mood today. I don't feel bloated and my bbs look awesome, lol. I'm anxious to see when cycle 5 will start exactly because the hubbs will be out of town right around my O and the sooner we can get this started the better lol. We've already made a plan to bd a lot around xmas and I'm super excited. Makes me think of the early days when all we did was stay in bed. ;) 

Anyway I took an hpt on Sunday and got a bfn so I don't have any reason to think this weird spotting is baby related. Hilarious to be ttc and wishing my period, but I'm just grateful I'm smiling and not crying this month!  :) 

Baby dust to everyone. Hit me up with your comments and insights if you have any! 


4mo ttc - 5mo off bcp - 14-15dpo and where the heck are you AF this spotting is annoying

I just haven't met you yet

Michael Buble's song "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" came on during my commute and whenever I hear it it makes me super happy because I have always thought it could be about having a baby / ttc. If you haven't ever listened to it in this way you should. It will give you warm fuzzies. :)

"I might have to wait, I'll never give up. I guess it's half timing and the other half' s luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right, you'll come out of nowhere and into my life." ♥ 


Early spotting but is it AF?

So I am usually a 33 day cycle and it seemed that O was cd18 or 19 this time around so I was expecting AF on Wednesday. Last night (Sunday) to my surprise I had brownish spotting. Usually I may get pre-AF spotting but it's usually shortlived. I use soft cups so I'm very up close and personal with AF, but this morning revealed a tiny amount of brown spotting still. Should I accept this is AF or is there hope it's this elusive implantation? Would implantation occur as late as 12dpo?

Last night I had accepted my fate and charted Light for today to prepare for cd1 of cycle 5, but I realize now that may have been premature. Can't wait until I get home to see if AF is still eluding me. I never spot this early or for any significant amount of time. I thought I had a few days left. Any insight? 

Baby dust. 


4mo ttc - 5mo off bcp - 13dpo and waiting...