I've actually been in great spirits lately and let go of so much negativity, but this weekend tested my resolve and this rant isn't really appropriate anywhere else so here it goes...
I mentioned a few weeks ago that DH & I are friends with a couple who are pregnant. I didn't take the news well because the girl I thought I was close friends with not only did not tell me the news herself, but a few weeks earlier had lied to me and went on a long rant about how they "just weren't at that point in their lives to try for kids" with a "maybe next year" attitude only for me to find out that they had just started trying AND she was at least 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I didn't even bring up the topic, so I felt (and still feel) 100% betrayed that she would bring it up just to lie to me especially when she was already pregnant. Then I felt like I was denied the opportunity to be excited for her because she just cut me out completely. Anyway, when I reached out to her to express my congratulations, she was kind of short with me, so I haven't reached out again, which brings us to this weekend when she and her boyfriend showed up at an event we had for my dh. Of course we wanted them to come -- they were invited. When she finally started talking with me about it, she used the opportunity to complain about how she has to get up in the middle of the night to pee and how she's thirsty a lot, and at one point she actually said, "You have no idea. Ugh, it's the worst." And all I could manage to say was, "Yup, you're right, I don't have any idea." <_< Long story short it was super uncomfortable, bc I still felt like she wasn't being genuine with me about anything. So I was telling a friend about how it was handled (or not handled) and she admits to me that she had heard and that the couple specifically told everyone not to tell us early on because they weren't sure how we would take it. I felt like I had been slapped. It was handled badly enough anyway without finding out that everyone had been tiptoeing around, lying to us, and just generally being like "poor pitiful them" about it. I just wanted to scream. Heaven forbid my so called friend just treat me like a person, and tell me the news in an excited way (or at all) so that I could be excited for them. I just feel like the way it was handled has made it impossible for me to participate, and after all the hurt feelings I kind of don't even want to anymore. I have been shoved into my own little corner. I want to tell everyone I'm infertile but I'm not broken, I mean damn... It's not like I can't handle reality or be happy for others.
Anyway. Aside from this bugging me, I've been doing really well. Super healthy, a lot happier than I've been in a long while, meds free. Just living the dream, haha.
I miss you guys. I hope you're all doing well.