Menu Search Account

Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

Oh, estrace thickened my lining all right...

TMI warning. Not for the faint of heart.

I was put on estrace / estradiol from my iui until AF because at my ultrasound the lining was only 6.7mm, which they considered thin. I've never had a lining issue before, but of course I wanted a good lining so I took it as directed. Now that AF is here, I am kind of horrified at how thick my lining must have gotten. I use soft cups, so I am quite familiar with what menstrual fluid looks like. My flow right now is so full of tissue that when I went to empty the cup it sort of slopped out in gooey pieces. It didn't even look liquid in the cup. More like thick, dark red ewcm with giant dark red tissue pieces. I'm actually pretty horrified just explaining it here. Thankfully I'm not really in any pain, and the flow isn't much heavier than I'm used to, but oh the horror... I feel like I'm bleeding gunky motor oil or something. :( 

This was my last cycle on meds. I think after the one month break we'll do our next iui as a natural cycle. These meds haven't done us many favors, and the results didn't seem very consistent. Oh well, live and learn. 

Sending you all my best. 

To add insult to injury

I poas this morning and when I wiped after it was brown, and now I have cramps. >_<  The frer was bfn. I'm 12 dpo / iui, and I have the sinking realization that this probably didn't work... again. My last estrace pill is this morning, but they wanted me to take it until Friday, but in my mind what's the point? I'm gonna go buy a whole refill for two days? Only to start AF on Saturday?

I'm sad, and frustrated, and dreading all of this. I'm tired of spending all the money. I'm tired of all the appointments (and disappointments). I just have such a heavy heart right now. I wonder if any of the swimmers even met the egg? I wonder if maybe it just couldn't implant? So many questions, and unfortunately there are no answers.

:(

10dpo / iui - Home Stretch

I have enough estrace to get me to Wednesday morning, and I have one frer in my cabinet, so it looks like that'll be my test day. If I get a bfp by some miracle apparently they want me to continue estrace and balance it with progesterone for a few weeks, which I have my concerns about, since my prog is always great, but I guess I'll cross that bridge if I get there. I've had a bad luck few days, so I'm feeling a bit down and out, but at least there's not much longer to wait. Please please please let this finally be the month.

Lots of luck, ladies. Wishing you treats instead of tricks.

 

P.S. Note to Self: I'm really proud of myself this cycle, regardless how this turns out. I have done things I never thought I could handle, like giving myself a shot in my stomach and agreeing to take extra meds at my doctor's recommendation. I have not obsessed through this wait. Small victories, but victories nonetheless.

I've got a good feeling about this.

I have decided to embrace the positive this cycle. Things have gone well, and I feel like we have a good shot. I have finally (officially) moved beyond symptom spotting -- only took me 27 cycles. ;) I have my test date on the calendar, and here are some fun and exciting things to consider if I get a bfp that day:

I would be 12 weeks exactly on Christmas day, which would fit perfectly into the way that dh & I have always said we wanted to do grandparents' gifts to announce to our families. We would do gifts  regardless, but at least ppl expect to receive gifts on Christmas so it would preserve the surprise until the last moment, which would be nice. 

A bfp this cycle (considering, of course, a happy & healthy 9 months) would have an EDD of July 7th, which is the birthday of one of our pets, which I found funny when it popped up in the calculator (based on my iui / ovulation date). Seven seven! Hehe.

Of course, I would take any bfp at any time regardless of funny little coincidences like these, and I realize that this may not be my cycle so I wouldn't get an xmas announcement to our families nor a seven seven due date, BUT it's keeping me positive, which is more than I can say for symptom spotting or chart stalking.

Wishing you all my best. 

P.s. What's up with the blogs being total Spam-a-lot lately??  Makes it hard to keep up with the actual ttcers. I wish they'd get it resolved. Hint hint, to any mods reading. :)

If this is a test of character, I fail.

I just found out through my DH that two of our close friends are pregnant.  I feel like I've been kicked in the gut, not only because their attitude about it is "we weren't trying and this isn't great timing but oh well, whatever" but also because I'm finding out about this secondhand.  I was kind of surprised that she didn't tell me (she was in my bridal party when I got married, and I'm supposed to be in her wedding next summer, to put it in perspective), so I was checking my phone to see if maybe she was secretly pregnant last time I saw her and she just didn't mention it or what -- and then I see that a couple of weeks ago she texted me asking what my ogbyn's name is because she knew I recommended her and she wanted to find an actual doctor instead of just continuing to go to PP.  I didn't think anything of it.  I actually wasn't terribly upset until I saw that.  I know I'll sound like a petulant child when I say this, but I'm supposed to be the one going to my awesome doctor for a pregnancy.  Instead, I'm over here eating soup because my stomach is sour from all the fucking fertility meds I'm taking.  Instead, I've spent over $2,000 to date this year trying to get pregnant.  I mean, good for them.  I'm sure they're going to adore parenthood.  It's not that I suffer from any delusion that the world is fair, and I'm breaking one of my cardinal rules of ttc (don't compare your journey to others) even as I write this.  But I don't care.  Trying to get pregnant has been the shittiest, loneliest, most heartbreaking time I've ever had in my life.  I've had to do things that most people will never do, and I still have nothing to show for it.  And maybe I never will.  How many more babies do I have to see be born and have birthdays before I get one?  And I don't have anybody that I can just call up and cry to about this because nobody else has gone through this.  And the only thing anybody can ever find to say to me is "It'll happen when it's meant to happen" or some shit like that.  I know I'm ranting, and I know I'm being selfish, and I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but right now I am so very sad.  It's pathetic actually, even my dog keeps coming up and putting his head in my lap because he doesn't understand why I'm crying, which makes me cry even more because it's sweet.  Fuck.  Just... fuck.

Anyway, I'm done making a fool of myself.  Ending this here.  Lots of luck, everybody.  

What a day! What a lovely day!

I already posted once today, but this deserves its own blog.

Today, our post-wash iui numbers were excellent.  Yes, that's the word the nurse used.  Excellent.  I could have cried at how exciting that was -- I'm sure the estrodiol has nothing to do with that.  ;)  Pre-wash motility was just under 40%, which is the best SA we've ever had.  So I didn't quite understand previously, but when they document post-wash motility, it is not a percentage but a total number of motile sperm.  Apparently they prefer to see this number at 10 million or above for an iui cycle.  Last cycle, the sample had 4 million motile sperm, but we knew there was a motility issue, and they went ahead with the iui anyway.  But for this iui we had, *drumroll please*, 13 million motile sperm.  THIRTEEN MILLION SWIMMERS.  Do you understand the almost crying part, now?  I asked the nurse about three times to confirm that this was good.  Not good -- great.  Now I'm just praying beyond praying that the estradiol does its job to get the lining where it needs to be (they seem quite confident that it will) and praying that the big follicle (and maybe even some of the runners up, too) are going to meet one of those thirteen million!  Eeeeeeeee!  I am hopeful but not excessively so.  I am relaxed and upbeat (thanks, estrogen pills), and in two weeks I am hoping that I finally -- FINALLY -- see two lines.  I'm due to test the day before Halloween, and I need that witch AF to fall off her broomstick and give my little pumpkin a chance.  ;)  The wait begins tomorrow!

I've been missing some familiar faces around here.  I hope things are going okay in your camps.  Best of luck to you all.   

Perfect Storm of HCG and Estrogen

Last tww I had an issue with gas and I suspected it was due to the trigger. I'm gonna go ahead and confirm my suspicions, because I'm one day past trigger and it has (unfortunately) begun again! Ick!

On the plus side, I'm loving Estrace. I haven't felt this upbeat and normal since I started letrozole in August!!! Hopefully it's also doing its job with the lining.

Fingers crossed!

Feeling like a Walking Pharmacy

Despite earlier extenuating circumstances that made this month seem like a no-go, here I am for another installment of my never-ending ttc saga.  Sticking with the same plan as last time (with a few hiccups), here's the rundown of what's going on with me:

CD 3 - 7: Femara/letrozole 2.5mg for superovulation

CD 11: Ultrasound showed multiple follicles (17mm, 15mm, 15mm, two other smaller ones), but my lining was considered thin at 6.7mm

CD 11 p.m.: Start Estrace/estradiol twice a day for two weeks to thicken and support lining

*I am currently here*

CD 12 a.m.: Ovidrel trigger injection (to be self-administered -- yikes)

CD 13: IUI scheduled

CD 14 - 27: Infinite waiting

I have never had issues with my lining before (normally the techs talk about how "beautiful" it is), so that was a bit of a curve ball, and I have my concerns about adding yet another prescription hormone, but this is my last medicated cycle before my clinic will require a month's break, so I figured why not give the doctors the benefit of the doubt.  Presumably they do this all the time and know what they're doing -- I mean, they are the medical professionals.  I'm ready for my bfp or a break, though.  These meds have not been fun, and I would kind of like to have my sex drive back.  Here's to hoping!  AF is due on Halloween.  Trick or treat... hahaha.

I would appreciate any similar experience, wisdom, or well wishes.  Sending you all my best.

 

Ttc break

Due to personal reasons beyond my control, I'm not doing meds and iui this cycle. Maybe I can pick up again in the future when things settle. Just wanted to give a temporary goodbye, as I prob won't be around this month. Best of luck to you guys always. 

Wishful Thinking with a Bad Case of Line Eye

I'm a little embarrassed to even be posting this because a) I'm 99.99% sure it's bfn, b) it was after a two and a half hour hold, and c) I could only think I halfway saw it in person but don't really think I see anything in the pic. :/ Sigh. It's 12dpiui. Will test again in the morning. 

Pages