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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

My Inner Eeyore

I think it was a long weekend and I'm a little down. With AF starting a day behind schedule, that throws my key days right across a weekend (again), which makes scheduling for everything even trickier. Apparently I'm just bad luck lately. :/

I handled the weekend pretty decently, but I feel like maybe it caught up with me. We were out of town for a wedding and saw lots of dh's extended family, which mainly consists of newlyweds (all married last year) who are all in their very early twenties and all had babies born earlier this year. The most any one couple was married before pregnancy was 6 months. Anyway. I was doing fine until the reception when a distant somebody nudged me to go up for the bouquet toss -- "All the single ladies," she said. I was sitting right next to my husband, so I just told her I was taken, and she persisted, "Single just means unmarried." And I said, "I know. We've been married over three years." And typically this wouldn't have been much of an annoyance except that the reason she seemed to assume we weren't married is because we didn't have a kid with us. She thought I was his girlfriend. Always delightful. Anyway, we had a good time with everyone and the wedding was lovely, but then the day after at a different gathering of mostly the same family everyone started speculating when the next baby would come, and everyone agreed that the new couple (both 21 yrs old) would have one right away. "What's 9 months from now?" someone joked. And it just stung. A lot. I felt like I did a great job of brushing things off all weekend only to find them lurking in the back of my mind once we got home. I'm sad that none of this seems to be working out, and I'm sad that so many people have it so damn easy. But I guess the silver lining is that nobody asked us when we're going to have kids this time. I suppose they either assume we're using all sorts of "sinful" birth control and don't want kids or something, when in truth we're just scheduling lots of "sinful" fertility treatments. (Sarcasm. Sort of.) Regardless, I admit I was grateful not to hear the question. 

Calling today to get things scheduled for this cycle. Hopefully everything is in order. By looking at the dates I'll have to cancel an event I've had planned for months. Oh bother.

Sorry for the ramble.

Long luteal phase... letrozole?

I know I ovulated on cd 13 or earlier, bc I had no follicles on cd 14 and my progesterone on cd 21 indicated a strong O, but today is cd 29.  My lp is always 14 days. I don't have any signs of AF, but I tested bfn on frer this morning. I'm at least 16dpo today. I'm supposed to have progesterone drawn again today. Of course the timing for my next iui just gets worse and worse as AF delays. Bah. I know I'm not considered late until Thursday by RE standards, but this is a bit frustrating. Oh well, que será será.

Anyone have experience with a longer than normal lp on letrozole / femara (no trigger)? I would appreciate any info. 

HA!

Remember how I went to my cd 14 ultrasound and the snotty tech told me I had no follicles, and when I said I thought I ovulated early she said no because she didn't notice any fluid, and then the doctor canceled my cycle and said I needed double the dosage of Femara? Well I had day 21 progesterone drawn yesterday because I wanted to prove to myself (and them) that I did ovulate, and guess what? Not only does it look like I ovulated, but I ovulated like a boss. The reference range for luteal phase is 2.5 - 28 ng/ml.  My natural confirmed ovulation last cycle was prog 24.1. This month? 33.1.  THIRTY THREE POINT ONE. Guess what can cause high progesterone levels like that? Ovulating more than one egg.  So HA! Double HA! I knew I ovulated early and now I have supporting evidence! I am vindicated! (This also explains why I've been so damn hot lately and sweating all night, but I digress.)  I am now making my plans to call the nurse and explain that I ovulated early on Femara and discuss plans for next cycle.

Anyway, I basically want to shout this from the rooftops, but this is as close as I can get.  ;)  HA!

Moving forward

Following my no follicles ultrasound on cd 14, I am employing the following tactics:

- requesting cd 21 progesterone (Labs are free for me so idgaf if they think i didn't ovulate early; I had ewcm and O pains on cd 12 - 13; never hurts to check.)

- taking opks and monitoring cm from now until I either get a positive, labs that confirm early O, or AF. If i get a positive at some point, i will call for a second scan.

- the doc wanted cd 28 progesterone, so I'll do that too. (Like i said, it's free so what's a little blood.)

- dh & i are 100% on the same page about next cycle being natural, even though the doc just wanted to double femara dosage (i cannot even imagine what hell that would be...). I will take opks, i would like an ultrasound at some point to confirm follicle growth, and hopefully if all goes well we can do a natural/surge iui. I think a monitored natural cycle will at least give us a look at what's going on without the meds, and then we can make better decisions about how we feel comfortable proceeding.

I am still decompressing from the canceled cycle, but just making this list makes me feel better and gives me a sense of forward motion. Everything is all right. I have my dh. I would just like to get a handle on what happened this cycle and use that knowledge to move forward.

Sending everyone my best. ♡

 

Canceled Cycle

I had my cd 14 ultrasound today, and they indicated they saw no measurable follicles. They called me later today to cancel the cycle. I have googled to no avail, but i cannot find evidence of letrozole / femara causing someone who was seemingly already ovulating not to ovulate. All of my previous tests, labs, charts all point to ovulation. I could even track it. I haven't had my usual pattern of anything on this drug, so I really don't know what to think. I had pink ewcm on cd 11, tons of watery stuff on cd 12, but not much to speak of any other day / now. I wish i had done a monitored natural cycle before doing this so i would at least have something to compare it to. I asked if they thought i had already ovulated and the tech said no. I have toyed with the idea of buying cheapie opks and testing over the course of the next week to see if anything happens, but part of me feels like i just need to accept this and move on. Obviously the doctor thinks this is a bust if he canceled. I have no idea when to expect AF. I feel so lost. And sad. Dh is being really sweet but i think he thinks I've legit lost it (I'm sure I'm just projecting and that he doesn't actually think that). Anyway. That's where I am... *huge sigh*

Aside: My ovaries / uterus have been in pain since approximately day 2 of the meds. I'm thinking of calling tomorrow to ask some questions about that. I felt like i had a pulled muscle in my ovaries when i was walking into the clinic this morning only to find out there's no activity so who knows why I'm hurting... :( I suck at this ttc thing. 

Low point

Tomorrow is my mid cycle ultrasound to see what the Femara has done. I'm currently sitting in bed crying because i have a feeling that what Femara has done is make me ovulate super early. I just know I'm going to go to my appointment tomorrow and pay them $149 to tell me I've already ovulated bc of these awful pills i didn't need but got talked into anyway, and then we'll have to wait a whole month to try this all over again. I am sad, partially bc my hormones feel very unbalanced since i took the meds but also bc the whole point of this was iui, which won't happen if i already ovulated. I'm prematurely devastated. I'm so very tired of all of this. I guess it would help to get out of bed and stop crying but I can't. Or I won't. Either way, today sucks. :(

Last dose of letrozole!

I took my last pill this morning! Definitely happy about this, not only because it's one phase done but also because I'm hoping this means the side effects (headaches, nausea, general blahness) will go away. My mid-cycle ultrasound isn't until cd14, and normally I don't ovulate any earlier than cd 15 or 16, but I'm still nervous. I just want everything to go as planned! My worst fear is showing up to the appointment and having them tell me I already ovulated and we missed it. Did I mention big bouts of anxiety with this medication? *deep breath* Anyway, I can do this, it's gonna be great. Just hoping for some super mega egg(s) next week. Super mega eggs that are gonna turn into my May baby! Hehe. Kmfx...

femara side effects?

Took my first dose of femara/letrozole 2.5mg... now have a hot flash feeling and a sudden headache. Is this in my head? What were your experiences with it?

I can only hope it's doing its job! No pain, no gain, right?  :/

Today is day 1 of my bfp cycle

My schedule has been confirmed! I'm taking letrozole days 3 - 7, getting an ultrasound and hopefully trigger on day 14, followed by iui. This is going to work. I'm going to have a baby next May. There's no reason it shouldn't work. Say a prayer, do a fertility dance, cross your fingers. THIS is the cycle I'll get my bfp. :D

finally, a happy pregnancy dream

I record a lot of my ttc dreams here because they're so emotionally-charged.  Last night's was no different, except that this one was a happy dream.  I was pregnant in the dream, and I *felt* pregnant in it.  I can't explain it any other way than that, but it was nice.  Anyway, DH and I were in this vacation home, and we were supposed to be going to the airport to catch a flight, but I kept having cramps and was having a hard time manuevering my giant pregnant belly, so it was slow going.  We got to the airport, and they actually let me through security to get on the plane, but I stopped at a kiosk and was like "I can't get on the plane because I think I'm in labor..."  :)  It was just the best feeling like "I'm having a baby!"

Anyway, the dream dictionary says this:

"To see an airport in your dream symbolizes birth (arrivals) and death (departures). If the airport is busy, then it signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure."

:)

I'm on day 6 of very light spotting that ranges from brownish to pinkish.  Still waiting on cd 1, which at this point I presume will be tomorrow, setting me up for a 28-day cycle.  Kind of down about all the spotting, but excited to get my schedule for the iui cycle.

Sending happy thoughts to all. 

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