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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

Moving forward

Following my no follicles ultrasound on cd 14, I am employing the following tactics:

- requesting cd 21 progesterone (Labs are free for me so idgaf if they think i didn't ovulate early; I had ewcm and O pains on cd 12 - 13; never hurts to check.)

- taking opks and monitoring cm from now until I either get a positive, labs that confirm early O, or AF. If i get a positive at some point, i will call for a second scan.

- the doc wanted cd 28 progesterone, so I'll do that too. (Like i said, it's free so what's a little blood.)

- dh & i are 100% on the same page about next cycle being natural, even though the doc just wanted to double femara dosage (i cannot even imagine what hell that would be...). I will take opks, i would like an ultrasound at some point to confirm follicle growth, and hopefully if all goes well we can do a natural/surge iui. I think a monitored natural cycle will at least give us a look at what's going on without the meds, and then we can make better decisions about how we feel comfortable proceeding.

I am still decompressing from the canceled cycle, but just making this list makes me feel better and gives me a sense of forward motion. Everything is all right. I have my dh. I would just like to get a handle on what happened this cycle and use that knowledge to move forward.

Sending everyone my best. ♡

 

Canceled Cycle

I had my cd 14 ultrasound today, and they indicated they saw no measurable follicles. They called me later today to cancel the cycle. I have googled to no avail, but i cannot find evidence of letrozole / femara causing someone who was seemingly already ovulating not to ovulate. All of my previous tests, labs, charts all point to ovulation. I could even track it. I haven't had my usual pattern of anything on this drug, so I really don't know what to think. I had pink ewcm on cd 11, tons of watery stuff on cd 12, but not much to speak of any other day / now. I wish i had done a monitored natural cycle before doing this so i would at least have something to compare it to. I asked if they thought i had already ovulated and the tech said no. I have toyed with the idea of buying cheapie opks and testing over the course of the next week to see if anything happens, but part of me feels like i just need to accept this and move on. Obviously the doctor thinks this is a bust if he canceled. I have no idea when to expect AF. I feel so lost. And sad. Dh is being really sweet but i think he thinks I've legit lost it (I'm sure I'm just projecting and that he doesn't actually think that). Anyway. That's where I am... *huge sigh*

Aside: My ovaries / uterus have been in pain since approximately day 2 of the meds. I'm thinking of calling tomorrow to ask some questions about that. I felt like i had a pulled muscle in my ovaries when i was walking into the clinic this morning only to find out there's no activity so who knows why I'm hurting... :( I suck at this ttc thing. 

Low point

Tomorrow is my mid cycle ultrasound to see what the Femara has done. I'm currently sitting in bed crying because i have a feeling that what Femara has done is make me ovulate super early. I just know I'm going to go to my appointment tomorrow and pay them $149 to tell me I've already ovulated bc of these awful pills i didn't need but got talked into anyway, and then we'll have to wait a whole month to try this all over again. I am sad, partially bc my hormones feel very unbalanced since i took the meds but also bc the whole point of this was iui, which won't happen if i already ovulated. I'm prematurely devastated. I'm so very tired of all of this. I guess it would help to get out of bed and stop crying but I can't. Or I won't. Either way, today sucks. :(

Last dose of letrozole!

I took my last pill this morning! Definitely happy about this, not only because it's one phase done but also because I'm hoping this means the side effects (headaches, nausea, general blahness) will go away. My mid-cycle ultrasound isn't until cd14, and normally I don't ovulate any earlier than cd 15 or 16, but I'm still nervous. I just want everything to go as planned! My worst fear is showing up to the appointment and having them tell me I already ovulated and we missed it. Did I mention big bouts of anxiety with this medication? *deep breath* Anyway, I can do this, it's gonna be great. Just hoping for some super mega egg(s) next week. Super mega eggs that are gonna turn into my May baby! Hehe. Kmfx...

femara side effects?

Took my first dose of femara/letrozole 2.5mg... now have a hot flash feeling and a sudden headache. Is this in my head? What were your experiences with it?

I can only hope it's doing its job! No pain, no gain, right?  :/

Today is day 1 of my bfp cycle

My schedule has been confirmed! I'm taking letrozole days 3 - 7, getting an ultrasound and hopefully trigger on day 14, followed by iui. This is going to work. I'm going to have a baby next May. There's no reason it shouldn't work. Say a prayer, do a fertility dance, cross your fingers. THIS is the cycle I'll get my bfp. :D

finally, a happy pregnancy dream

I record a lot of my ttc dreams here because they're so emotionally-charged.  Last night's was no different, except that this one was a happy dream.  I was pregnant in the dream, and I *felt* pregnant in it.  I can't explain it any other way than that, but it was nice.  Anyway, DH and I were in this vacation home, and we were supposed to be going to the airport to catch a flight, but I kept having cramps and was having a hard time manuevering my giant pregnant belly, so it was slow going.  We got to the airport, and they actually let me through security to get on the plane, but I stopped at a kiosk and was like "I can't get on the plane because I think I'm in labor..."  :)  It was just the best feeling like "I'm having a baby!"

Anyway, the dream dictionary says this:

"To see an airport in your dream symbolizes birth (arrivals) and death (departures). If the airport is busy, then it signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure."

:)

I'm on day 6 of very light spotting that ranges from brownish to pinkish.  Still waiting on cd 1, which at this point I presume will be tomorrow, setting me up for a 28-day cycle.  Kind of down about all the spotting, but excited to get my schedule for the iui cycle.

Sending happy thoughts to all. 

See Spot run. See Spot drive me insane.

Today is day 4 of spotting. At this point I'm just sad and frustrated.  Bfn on frer with fmu. (Wow at the acronyms. A whole sentence of them!) All my bloods and tests came back fine so I'm not sure wtfx up with this:

Cd 23: brown cm in undies in the evening

Cd 24: watery pinkish when wiping, but only on tp and only in the a.m.

Cd 25: stringy brown cm near cervix in morning, on & off watery brownish pink color when wiping

Cd 26 (today): woke up feeling so wet down there that I half thought it was AF. Did a cervix check and got some brownish cm but mostly it's just abundant, watery / slippery clear stuff. Bfn. 

I'm a 28 - 30 day cycle. I need AF to come put me out of my misery, but I seem to have a couple more days of this at the least. I'm just sad and annoyed. I'm ready to start next cycle and I don't like all the AF fanfare. Bah.

Capricorns weren't made for the tww

In many ways, I'm a Capricorn through and through: diligent, hard working, analytical, and logical. Unfortunately, these are all qualities that ensure I will spend every tww trying to collect data, make sense of symptoms, figure out some hidden secret of the reproductive process, and have all my hard work rewarded with a bfp... lol. C'mon, AF! I know you're like 4 - 6 days away, but how can you allow this madness to continue??? 

Anybody else feel like the stars have aligned to make them batty? ;) Good luck to you all. 

Brown Spotting 7 - 9 dpo

Apparently I've been here before, according to my blog. Not a progesterone problem bc I've had it checked. I know brown spotting can happen, and it doesn't happen often for me, but it's still a little frustrating... I hope upon hope that I'm pregnant and that the expensive meds arriving Thursday will go to waste, but after 2+ years I'm a realist. Those 5% odds aren't looking too promising, esp since we didn't time dtd. Blehhhhhh. What cruel trick is this, universe? I'm quite done with games. 

Anyway, just ranting...

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