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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

spazzle's blog

Low point

Tomorrow is my mid cycle ultrasound to see what the Femara has done. I'm currently sitting in bed crying because i have a feeling that what Femara has done is make me ovulate super early. I just know I'm going to go to my appointment tomorrow and pay them $149 to tell me I've already ovulated bc of these awful pills i didn't need but got talked into anyway, and then we'll have to wait a whole month to try this all over again. I am sad, partially bc my hormones feel very unbalanced since i took the meds but also bc the whole point of this was iui, which won't happen if i already ovulated. I'm prematurely devastated. I'm so very tired of all of this. I guess it would help to get out of bed and stop crying but I can't. Or I won't. Either way, today sucks. :(

Last dose of letrozole!

I took my last pill this morning! Definitely happy about this, not only because it's one phase done but also because I'm hoping this means the side effects (headaches, nausea, general blahness) will go away. My mid-cycle ultrasound isn't until cd14, and normally I don't ovulate any earlier than cd 15 or 16, but I'm still nervous. I just want everything to go as planned! My worst fear is showing up to the appointment and having them tell me I already ovulated and we missed it. Did I mention big bouts of anxiety with this medication? *deep breath* Anyway, I can do this, it's gonna be great. Just hoping for some super mega egg(s) next week. Super mega eggs that are gonna turn into my May baby! Hehe. Kmfx...

femara side effects?

Took my first dose of femara/letrozole 2.5mg... now have a hot flash feeling and a sudden headache. Is this in my head? What were your experiences with it?

I can only hope it's doing its job! No pain, no gain, right?  :/

Today is day 1 of my bfp cycle

My schedule has been confirmed! I'm taking letrozole days 3 - 7, getting an ultrasound and hopefully trigger on day 14, followed by iui. This is going to work. I'm going to have a baby next May. There's no reason it shouldn't work. Say a prayer, do a fertility dance, cross your fingers. THIS is the cycle I'll get my bfp. :D

finally, a happy pregnancy dream

I record a lot of my ttc dreams here because they're so emotionally-charged.  Last night's was no different, except that this one was a happy dream.  I was pregnant in the dream, and I *felt* pregnant in it.  I can't explain it any other way than that, but it was nice.  Anyway, DH and I were in this vacation home, and we were supposed to be going to the airport to catch a flight, but I kept having cramps and was having a hard time manuevering my giant pregnant belly, so it was slow going.  We got to the airport, and they actually let me through security to get on the plane, but I stopped at a kiosk and was like "I can't get on the plane because I think I'm in labor..."  :)  It was just the best feeling like "I'm having a baby!"

Anyway, the dream dictionary says this:

"To see an airport in your dream symbolizes birth (arrivals) and death (departures). If the airport is busy, then it signifies the desire for freedom, high ideals, ambition, and hopes. It is an indication that you are approaching a new departure in your life. Some new idea is taking off or is ready to take off. You may be experiencing a new relationship, new career path or new adventure."


I'm on day 6 of very light spotting that ranges from brownish to pinkish.  Still waiting on cd 1, which at this point I presume will be tomorrow, setting me up for a 28-day cycle.  Kind of down about all the spotting, but excited to get my schedule for the iui cycle.

Sending happy thoughts to all. 

See Spot run. See Spot drive me insane.

Today is day 4 of spotting. At this point I'm just sad and frustrated.  Bfn on frer with fmu. (Wow at the acronyms. A whole sentence of them!) All my bloods and tests came back fine so I'm not sure wtfx up with this:

Cd 23: brown cm in undies in the evening

Cd 24: watery pinkish when wiping, but only on tp and only in the a.m.

Cd 25: stringy brown cm near cervix in morning, on & off watery brownish pink color when wiping

Cd 26 (today): woke up feeling so wet down there that I half thought it was AF. Did a cervix check and got some brownish cm but mostly it's just abundant, watery / slippery clear stuff. Bfn. 

I'm a 28 - 30 day cycle. I need AF to come put me out of my misery, but I seem to have a couple more days of this at the least. I'm just sad and annoyed. I'm ready to start next cycle and I don't like all the AF fanfare. Bah.

Capricorns weren't made for the tww

In many ways, I'm a Capricorn through and through: diligent, hard working, analytical, and logical. Unfortunately, these are all qualities that ensure I will spend every tww trying to collect data, make sense of symptoms, figure out some hidden secret of the reproductive process, and have all my hard work rewarded with a bfp... lol. C'mon, AF! I know you're like 4 - 6 days away, but how can you allow this madness to continue??? 

Anybody else feel like the stars have aligned to make them batty? ;) Good luck to you all. 

Brown Spotting 7 - 9 dpo

Apparently I've been here before, according to my blog. Not a progesterone problem bc I've had it checked. I know brown spotting can happen, and it doesn't happen often for me, but it's still a little frustrating... I hope upon hope that I'm pregnant and that the expensive meds arriving Thursday will go to waste, but after 2+ years I'm a realist. Those 5% odds aren't looking too promising, esp since we didn't time dtd. Blehhhhhh. What cruel trick is this, universe? I'm quite done with games. 

Anyway, just ranting...

if the tww were a marathon, consider this my 13.1

I think I ovulated a little ahead of schedule this cycle, maybe closer to day 14 than 16, but either way I'm at or close to the halfway point for this tww.  My meds for next cycle will arrive this week (woo!).  I've been a little emotional about all of this, because we would never be able to afford / finance ivf, so if iui doesn't work we're effectively out of options.  I keep trying to get in an optimistic mindset. The doctor said that given how long we've been trying, we only have about a 5% chance of it happening naturally every month.  That being said, here's what's going on with me this tww:

Later last week I had a really strange dream that I was full-term pregnant, and I was in a movie theater that was filling with water.  Somehow I took this to mean my water had broken, but when I walked into the lobby of the theater it turned out that I was bleeding profusely, and I passed out.  When I woke up, I was three days post-delivery.  I was so upset.  I had missed the birth, and I didn't even know what to do with the baby.  I tried nursing her, but I couldn't figure out if I was doing it right.  I was so panicked that she was going to starve because of the days that I was unconscious like maybe all of my milk had dried up.  I also kept physically losing the baby and having to find her again.  I would find her the strangest places, like under the recliner.  I think when the dream ended I was holding her and was successfully nursing her, so maybe that is a positive sign.  Overall, it was a really anxious dream.  According to, "To dream that you are breast feeding or nursing symbolizes tenderness, love, nurturance, and motherly love. Good things will be at your grasp."     

I've had pinchy cramps in my lower left pelvic area for the past couple of days, which has coincided with sleep orgasms.  It's not like I'm having especially sexy dreams or anything, so I'm not quite sure what the deal with that is, but the recurrence seems kind of noteworthy so I figured I would include it here.

We made zero effort to time dtd this month, so I'm not getting my hopes up.  Putting all my eggs in the iui basket (haha).  Trying not to be too antsy!  Sending happy thoughts to all you ladies. 


the one fbook pregnancy announcement you won't wanna miss

Came across Mark Zuckerberg's very own fbook pregnancy announcement. It touches on recurrent miscarriage and infertility. It's a refreshing thing to see, especially in a place where I feel like we're so often confronted with announcements that can leave us feeling like lonely, miserable failures. Anyway, if you haven't seen it, take a look. :)