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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

BfpDreams's blog

Sad News

On Dec 19, 2016 we had our 12 week, 4 day check up which was supposed to be a regular check up. The 7 week and 9 week ultrasound was perfect. Perfect growth, heartbeat everything ❤️. At this 12 week appointment the midwife wanted to just do a quick ultrasound but was unable to find our baby's heartbeat. Our baby was measured perfectly at the date however must have recently lost its heartbeat :( On December 23rd I had a D&C surgery scheduled to remove our baby. We couldn't wait to announce our pregnancy to our family. Our dreams came crushing down. I am still so heartbroken. January 6, 2017 I had my checkup from the surgery and everything seemed to heal just fine per the doctor and she gave us the green light to start trying again. Emotionally its been the toughest thing in my life I had to go through. I almost feel like this is where my TTC journey started and ended. Not sure how anyone can try again after a miscarriage. Not sure if I'll ever be ready again. I know I don't have the luxury to wait considering my 33rd birthday is coming up next month. Life feels so unfair right now. I feel terrible for even feeling this way. There's so many positive things to be thankful for but yet all I can do is dwell on this very occurrence :( What did I do wrong? :( Was it my negative vibe from the beginning of the pregnancy? 

Photo attached is from the 9 week scan ❤️

12 week scan - baby was just curled up in a ball, no photo was taken of course :( 

11 DPO - Faint line???

I am new to this site. Actually this is the very first one I had signed up for and my first post since our journey. This is our 6th cycle of tcc. I have grown increasingly more and more obsessed over reading every blog that is relating to my current cycle and everything tcc. This cycle we had only bbd 4 times during my fertile week. However had positive OPK's using the clear blue digital advance to track high and peak pertility. I am now at 11 DPO and have been testing since 8 DPO. Today I tested in the morning and for the first time ever in my cycle saw a very very faint line. Then couldn't help myself and tested after work this afternoon and saw an even more visible faint line. I'm not sure what to make of it. This slim hope is actually making me quite nervous and unsure whether to feel happy or scared of a false positive and other unknown disappointments. DH has been having rough days at work and I would love to bring some wonderful news to him but not until I am sure. I needed to vent and release the endless thoughts in my mind. I've messaged one friend states away (who is also tcc) to see what her thoughts were and first thing she said was congrats but I didn't take that positively because I know it can result in other things like a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage. I'm not even sure what the next appropriate steps are if the test continues to darken. I do have a doctors appointment mid Nov w/ my midwife to discuss our unsuccessful tcc journey. Hoping the test continues to darken and the pregnancy can be confirmed. Praying for the best. An arrow should be pointed at me: pessimist here. Sorry gals <3 Big prayers to all tcc and this is their cycle! Woosaaaa! 

Symptoms during first week of tww: cold like symptoms like super sore throat, headache, backache, lower right and left twinges

2nd tww: sore throat slowly going away, boobs not sore, insomnia, urination not unusually frequent, more tired, nauseaus throughout the day, emotional (typical pms symptom as well) 

AF is expected to arrive this Sat.