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Mamabear2's blog

Cautiously Optimistic -8dpo bfp?

Im sooo nervous right now! stepped away 2 months ago...  is our 13th month ttc and everything up to this point led me to believe it wasn't gonna happen this time either. I was SICK at the beginning of my FW and couldn't BD till CD17. Thought I might've Ovd CD16 or 17 but we did it so late at night I thought we missed it for sure.

I should only be around 8dpo and decided to use a cheapie just to see the bfn and feel ok about still having a beer w hubby tonight. At the 3min mark, I saw a shadow. Hmmm ok. Nah, I'm seeing things. Cleaned up, went to the room and sure enough, faint Bfp. Looked again at the 6min mark and ...there could be no mistake... obvious, pretty dark bfp!! I'm still in shock. NEVER had one this dark, and NEVER had one this dark so early either!!! 

After soooo many chemicals, I dont wanna get excited. But none of my chemicals were dark lines.... idk. Crossing fingers and praying at this point. 

Knew it wouldn't happen.

It's amazing how wishful thinking can really trick your mind into believing something to be when it really isn't. Lack of symptoms and actually not spotting for the first time in years had me thinking.... maybe??

I "knew" that it would most likely not happen because this was the cycle we bd'd every night. That we possibly tried too hard and wouldn't get lucky because of it. 

Checked my cm... and sure enough, its tinted brownish/pink. Af will b full blown tonight or in the morning. On time. I can't help but be jealous of those lucky couples who just get it in one or two months. I'm happy for them of course... but it still brings a level of sadness. We are happy, and fortunate... however, ttc is starting to feel like it's consuming me. Cycle 11 begins today or tomorrow and I think it's time to step away.

I will step away from all things ttc. Sure, I'll still take prenatals. But will step away from ttc forums/websites and apps. Hoping to regain some normalcy in the coming months...

Best of luck on your journeys ladies... and thank u for your support over the months. 


Bfn 14dpo

Was hopeful this cycle. Ttc cycle 10, bd every night... no spotting and different mild cramping instead. Af is due tomorrow and because I hadn't spotted yet, I decided to take a test. FMU and frer gave me a bfn. Id like to remain positive but don't think its gonna happen. Won't be testing again till af is usually done (sometime next week)...

Allowed myself to feel disappointed this morning. Time to take a deep breathe and move on one day at a time. We'll see when af decides to crash my party... 

hope u ladies are doing well...

Positivity dwindling...:(

Started cycle10 determined to remain positive, focus less on ttc and more on ME/my health.... easier said than done! 

Workouts have helped with my mood... but now, at 6dpo the discomforts-or lack thereof- raise more questions. I thought that I could just wave away the symptom spotting because everything could b attributed to exercise. I was wrong. 

Not feeling as optimistic at this point. Feels like I'm out... not even feeling my typical sore bbs! While we DTD EVERY night in fertile window it was more for fun and not cause we had to.  Just feel like being optimistic at this point is only setting me up for disappointment... again. 

I seriously need to make an extensive "to-do" list to keep busy and make the time go faster... :( Office work doesn't help keep my mind busy enough!!! 

Good Luck to you ladies. Stay busy!

Cautiously optimistic

(TMI?sorry!) -CD11 and I now have the usual thick glob of a jelly-like cm thats normally streaked brown or red.... I have that EVERY cycle anywhere between CD8-11 right before loads of ewcm. I was starting to worry when all I had was barely even a bit of ewcm mixed in w some sticky. Yay!! Im cautiously optimistic this might be a regular cycle! 

Pretty sure last months CP was due to a thin lining -AF literally only lasted 1.5 days! (not counting random spotting before and after). Not worried about it though... I think it makes sense since the cycle before was a 16day bleed. I'm thinking my body didnt have enough time to thicken properly. This time though... I'm HOPING ill b back to the norm!!

TTC cycle #10 and I think maybe I'm gonna do a few things different. Yes, bd in fertile window is on the table... but I'm gonna try and workout again. Who knows, maybe I'll even manage to get my abs more defined and back in view before I get that elusive BFP. Been a couple days into my routines and I already feel better about myself. 

Gosh i hope i have a "normal" cycle again! Cautiously optimistic today!! Give us something good June!! Sending lots of baby dust and positive vibes out there!  GL ladies!!

It seems the witch has arrived... Another chemical

Cervix is now lower, firmer and open. Interesting thing, is that this has to be the most watery/thin AF bleeding I've ever had. I've started an AF slightly watery before, but never for a whole day steady thin flow. Strange.

Im no expert, but from what I've read... a watery AF could be due to a thin uterine lining. For me, it might actually explain my chemical. (After bleeding for a solid 16 days last cycle), Maybe my lining simply didn't have enough time to thicken enough to sustain a pregnancy. 

Dont know if that makes me feel any better tho. Wish someone would hurry up and invent the "fast forward" button so I can skip straight to Ovulation and start ttc cycle #10.


whatta bummer. Booo

AF around the corner :(

I was really hopeful this was our month.... especially when I tested at around 14dpo and got a shadow/faint line within 2mins. The next day, I started with only one wipe light brown discharge. Checked cm, and it's still a light brown tinted creamy. In all my pregnancy experience (DS12, DD10, 1miscarriage, 1chemical) -spotting only leads to AF. Downside of testing early... you can catch a chemical. I believe this is the case for me this cycle. Pretty bummed. Wish AF would show and get it over with so we can start TTC cycle #10. Officially in double digits. 

Yea, I'm bummed.

Evap lines stink!

Here I go testing again! Yesterday, (around12dpo) I figured, "What the heck, it's been a couple days since I tested". I decided to use my last Walmart cheapie.

Collected my fmu and put a few drops in the window, then hear my 10yr old nosy daughter approach so I hid it. Went back to the bathroom after I could get away from her (2mins or so) and saw bfn. Ok. Fine. Knew it'd be.  Not long after, I decided to dissect it before throwing it away. Shouldnt have done that!! i didn't realize that unused dye collects at the end of the strip causing what looks like a "second line" below the test window. I was confused. Put it back together and did some research. 

The research I did, put my mind somewhat at ease. Went to look at the test in brighter light and realized, there was the THINNEST faint second line! It was almost microscopic. Lol Gosh, I wish I woulda just thrown it away. I didn't really look at it within the 10min time frame in proper light so the doubt that maybe it was real was messing w my mind. Im convinced it was an evaporation line.... seeing that was actually worse than seeing a straight bfn. It's like a tease! 

All out of cheapies, so I'm sure I can wait it out now. AF should arrive anytime between Now and Monday. 

Baby dust to all u ladies out there And good luck... <3

Silly me

Told myself I wouldn't test. Tested at around 6 and yesterday 10dpo anyway... (bfn of course). Silly me. 

Its not even that i have symptoms either! When I had my chemical in Jan, I had pulling pains and hot flashes. This month... Everything I'm feeling can easily be AF as well. I'm more tired than usual, had "lightning crotch"-weird, CM was a bit different.... but meh-everything can be explained away. 

I'm basically talking myself out of testing again until this weekend. 4 more days.... and until then, I will stop symptom spotting. Mmhmmm. Good luck Ladies!

Accepting it's not the cycle

Not knowing which day of a long 16 day bleed to count as CD1 is more frustrating than I thought. Maybe if I woulda charted my bbt, I would've felt more confident but I didn't. 

DH and I bd'd as soon as the bleeding stopped (and I did notice ewcm right after the bleed-which is weird too) but without using opks either, I can't confirm OD. :(. At least we dtd everyday around that time and I guess thats the best we coulda done given the strange cycle.  

CM was creamier than usual and (without meaning to) it got my hopes up a bit... Naughty me. Cm is now back to its more watery/thin preAF consistency and I wanna slap myself for getting my hopes up. AF will most likely arrive in a week. Anyways... just venting my frustration with myself. 

Good luck to all you ladies out there.