firstly.. im apologizing for my first officially negative post in the entire history of me being a part of this bloody blog, which is nearly a year and a half. Ttc for just too long.
Iv had a really bad day. We've had a really bad day. I cried. I got angry. We fought. (My fault) All about ttc. Today is Ovulation Day. I feel like we missed it. Again. Its our 2 year anniversary on the 18th of September. ..and so i wanted to really, really try thistime!!! because AF is due that day too and i just clung to this ridiculous slip of hope that maybe, just maybe we might get lucky this time (havent i done My time yet?!) and i could surprise him on our anniversary with a urine covered stick of all our dreams come true..!! But, frustratingly, once again, that bloody nooky-destroying pressure coupled with my continual crazy-eyes and obvious desperation pouring from every pore has ruined the last few days, resulting in one measley tear induced bd session this morning. Far removed from my plans/goal of bd every day from last thursday. Im so upset with the whole thing and iv scrapped the whole ttc thing at this point. Im upset and iv banned it. Lol. But no, its Not really that funny. I have tried so hard to keep my and others spirits up on this website for the past nearly two years but today, today i just cant get to that place. That positive place. my place of optimism and hope. Sigh. Im so tired of this. Dh held me while i sobbed and ranted and stuffed my 500 opks id just bought in the bin, and said all the right things, and god i love him and im sorry i always put this pressure on him month after month - he wants this so badly too!- and he gently reminded me to take a breath and dont give up just yet as we have our first fertility appointment booked mid December and to just hold on a little bit longer and we will see what they say...but today, today,
today i hate the world and im just not me :(
Thanks for listening. Im off to read the bfps as they never fail to cheer me up. I love seeing you all get pg, i just could do this if not for that bfp section!