Well, I thought I would return for a little update on my journey..
It has now been 7 loooong cycles, and I am starting to get past that anxious and worried and stressed out stage, thankfully heading into the 'what will be, will be' stage. I do believe that although the longing that us TTC'ers feel once we have made our decision to start 'trying' never goes away, (and more than often not, rears its head with an ugly vengeance), it does fade to a controllable level. I began with the easy going approach to TTC, went deep into the phase of obsession and POAS addiction, and have now come full circle again and decided that it will happen when my body is ready.
This little revelation has lifted me emotionally even though I do still feel down at times - especially at the announcement of other BFP's of those close to me.
You may remember my last blog was an update on the results of our Dr's appointment to discuss my fertility testing (which all came back normal), she had informed me that she wanted to refer us to the fertility specialist in our area but that this could only happen once my hubby had done a SA. Unfortunately, part due to his job restraints and part due to a bit of performance anxiety - he has been unable to do this. So I have been permanently stuck in limbo for the last month, unsure of where this road would lead to and feeling rather hopeless.
Since that time, I think I have experienced a 30 day cycle!!! I had some spotting and very light menses on the 19th June and this July I began a light to medium bleed on the 19th July! I do not want to get my hopes up, but am now feeling very positive that my body is trying to right itself after the affects of BCP for so many years. I was temping for all of last month (my first time) but FF didn't give me any indication of ovulation, so I am completely unsure whether I actually did or not. But progress is progress, isn't it??
So now, as you can imagine, I am patiently awaiting the estimated fertile time as I am currently on CD7 and trying my best to stay neutral and not put too much pressure on myself just incase I don't get a 30 day cycle this month!
But here's to hope!!
I have also decided that temping isn't for me as it leaves me feeling stressed and constantly second guessing my body. This month I experienced PMS symptoms which I have never ever felt before. I usually have medium cramps on day 1 & 2 of my AF and apart from that - nada. This cycle I experienced very tender BBs and sore nips (even when rubbing on my clothing) for around 7 days before AF. I developed fairly severe backache in my kidney areas and this lasted for an entire day before AF, I also experienced mild cramping the day before and throughout AF - Mighty odd! Unfortunately, I was all geared up thinking I was possibly pregnant with all these ragingly different symptoms, but I guess they were just new PMS symptoms because I was having a natural cycle instead of pill withdrawel. This is why I feel like it is more important to get to know your body, because ultimately, it's the part of you that controls this frustrating journey from beginning to end.
I will continue to take pre-natals and agnus castus (which I feel may deserve the credit for my returning cycles).
I will update with any news this 'cycle' as and when it happens.
Much love and baby dust to all xxxx