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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

They should offer Chill Pills when you order from those specialty fertility pharmacies

It's four weeks until my target date, which means crunch time for scheduling appointments, making payments, and trying to coordinate everything that goes into an out-of-state ivf, so all of that calm clarity I had in the beginning has mostly been replaced by general panic and a yeast infection. Even though I know it was most likely lounging around in that wet bathing suit on Labor Day (rookie mistake), I couldnt help feel sort of responsible when my doctor looked me over, in my rumpled work clothes and rained-on hair, and told me to make sure I'm taking care of myself during all this. So naturally I went home, was snippy with dh, cried about being snippy with dh, and took an essential oil bath. Yayyy stress.

Dh has been so amazing since we started this. He really wants to feel involved, which can be hard for guys, when we have to do all this stuff and all they have to do is turn in their specimen cup, so communication is everything. Even though my instinct is to close up like a turtle when I'm feeling stressed, we talked it out, and I know everything is on track. It's kind of funny how we went from weeks of renewed "baby making" intimacy to me being a crazy stress monster, but that's ttc, right? :,D

In your head you've got this glowing picture of how well you'll handle ivf and then you realize you're only human. It's a lot. But after I make these last few payments I'm going to relax and stop thinking about it for a while. I trust this doctor, I trust that this is the opportunity we've been given, and I know that God has always had my back. I was actually praying for peace or guidance or something the other day during a walk, and at that exact moment a dragonfly flew straight into my head. It got stuck in my hair and everything, I had to free it, and it jetted off. But I feel like that was God smacking me upside the head, being like, "Stop being ridiculous. I got you."

Anyway, I also recently confronted one of the chief offenders in the family who was making inappropriate comments about our fertility situation (she was super mad and defensive, but oh well), so at least I've marked that off my list of stressors going forward. I'm in the best shape of my life, physically and spiritually. It's a long road yet, but I've got good company (like Frodo!), so let's do this. Onward!


I just read your entire blog. I really hope this ivf cycle is it for you. Prayers and all the baby dust I can find coming to you.

Pre-cycle, I had a notebook with all kinds of information with tabs and folders and you name it. I looked at it every time I started freaking out so I reminded myself of the process and things were moving forward. But that's just me needing to feel in control over something I had no control over. :p My friend who recently had a failed fresh cycle hasn't texted me for a while. I heard from her a lot when she was going through the fresh cycle because her clinic wasn't very available when she had questions. She should be having her frozen cycle transfer in a couple weeks. I really want to know where she is in the process but I've been trying to give her space. I have the bill for storage on our frozen embies looming over my head. Nearly $800 per year. Yeh that's going on a credit card! Anyway, wishing you the best of luck. And as always, anxiously awaiting your next post...

oooo god I love your descriptive posts spazzle. I was scrolling and saw the title and I said 2 myself "I Bet that's spazzles post, hmmm iv been looking to check up on her" sounds like her and it was! lol! dragonfly image had me crying with laughter. You've been told! God works in mysterious and buzzing ways! fingers crossed for both of us but especially your IVF babes. thinking of you. luv alex xxxxxxxxxx

Good luck hun x