I feel so alone :(

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I feel so alone :(

Postby LibbyMac » Thu Dec 01, 2016 11:47 am

Hi everyone

I'm pretty new - posted my first entry on Am I Pregnant 3 days ago.

My husband and I are TTC, newly TTC I might add, i was on birth control for 10 years, came off it in September; as I said in my other post, I didn't realise just how ready I was until I cried after getting my first period, silly isn't it?

I've spent the last 10 years convinced that if i took my pill late, or missed a day, or got sick, or had an upset stomach, or mixed it with other types of medication, that that was it, game over, you're pregnant! So I genuinely believed that after having unprotected sex for a month I'd be pregnant immediately! And then I wasn't... or the month after that...

So here we are now, month 3 off birth control, 7 days POD (does that mean post ovulation day? I'm still getting used to the acronyms), period due in 6 days... experiencing some symptoms, but not really enough to convince me that something happened this month - I've had three "waves of nausea", a small bit of bloating and two days of serious lack of coordination (dropping, tripping, bumping!) and even though I'm cramping a bit, I'm expecting my period any day.

But I feel so lonely, it's a very lonely time!

I haven't told any of my friends that I'm TTC, I don't want people watching me wondering "is she avoiding alcohol? is she avoiding shellfish? could she be pregnant?" - we haven't told our families because we want them to be surprised when it happens and my husband, who I love so much, is literally no help!

He's just so calm and when I try to talk to him about being worried that it didn't happen this month, he dismisses it as "oh well we'll try next month!"

I want someone to talk to...

thanks for listening

xxx
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby BeeCee33 » Thu Dec 01, 2016 12:28 pm

Aw, LibbyMac. I could have written this same exact post 2 years ago, on cycle 3, feeling totally defeated and alone, hubby saying, "It will happen when it's supposed to happen!" and going back to his football game.

Little did I know, a few days later, with very few symptoms, I got my first ever BFP. My son is now 16 months old and I am back here trying for #2. I think it's so important to try your hardest to remain hopeful. You could be just a few days away from that bfp, or a few months, which sounds scary now, but with any luck, a few years down the road, that waiting will just be a distant memory.

You're in the right place if you're looking for people who actually understand what you're feeling. These boards are full of women who have experienced every feeling under the sun in relation to TTC. Some are at the beginning of their journeys, others have been trying for months or years, some with success, others not.

One other note about husbands: Mine basically only understood the warning messages taught in high school health class: If you have sex without protection, the girl is going to get pregnant! It was around when I thought I was ovulating (turns out I was off by a week, luckily!) cycle 3 and I lost it. The stress got to me and I kiiiiind of freaked out on him. In my defense, he did utter the words, "I just think you're getting a little too obsessed with this..." It all turned out for the best, though. In our case, he really didn't understand the small window you have before ovulation, or the fact that you had to wait about 2 weeks after to see if it worked. He also did not like sex being scheduled. It took all the fun out of it for him, having to perform if he had had a long hard day at work or wasn't feeling well.

We decided that I would continue to track my cycles, use opks, etc. and I would let him know when I suspected ovulation was near, and once I had confirmed it with a temp rise. I explained the Sperm Meets Egg Plan to him (you can read about it in the links at the bottom of the main page, I highly recommend it!) and we basically did a modified version of that, just making sure to have for a day or two, then skip a day so sperm had a chance to mature. I let him be 100% in control of initiating things, though. It was actually a huge relief to me to not have to entice someone who wasn't in the mood lol.

As far as the acronyms, you'll catch on fast. After ovulation, the days are referred to as DPO (you were close!) for days past ovulation. There is also a TTC lingo dictionary in the links at the bottom of the first page.

I hope some of that was helpful to calm your nerves. This can be such a frustrating and emotional process, so it's great to have boards like these to just let everything out. Best of luck this cycle. I hope this is the one!
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby katbagley88 » Thu Dec 01, 2016 12:58 pm

While I can understand your frustration, you need to stop giving yourself a hard time, you've only been trying for a few months. Most women take at least a year to fall pregnant or longer like in my case (5years)
You need to keep thinking positive, really believe it will happen, having a negative mind and stressing yourself out really won't help you get pregnant, there are things you can do to give yourself a boost. Take a multi vitamin that contains 400mg of folic acid (very important) and that has iron and vitamin B12 as they're all vital for conception. Your man can take multi vitamins too. Elevate your hips after sex and avoid getting out of bed for at least 30 minutes. Chart your cycle so you know when ovulation is due then you can time it better.

Its not uncommon for it to take a while after you have been on b/c
For now just relax and enjoy the baby making

As for feeling alone, you're not alone here, we're all in the same boat and being on this forum has really helped me a ton, so feel free to vent whenever it gets too much...thats what we're here for :)
It's a hard journey, feels like a rollercoaster at times but you'll get there, and it will all be worth it :) keep your chin up x
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby ACS21 » Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:09 pm

Hi sweetie!
I completely understand your frustration. We're on month 5 TTC. I think BeeCee's response was perfect (at least, it certainly helped me). Whether you've been trying for 3 months or 5 years, it's okay to be frustrated. I was always the person who made my husband go the extra mile via extra protection when we were dating, because I was so sure that I'd get pregnant, even on birth control. It's amazing at how paranoid we are when we're younger about getting pregnant. Then you start TTC, and after a few months of no success, you wonder why you were so paranoid in your younger years- getting pregnant is actually a little harder than having random unprotected sex.

My DH and I timed sex perfectly this month, so if it's not my BFP, I think I just have to take solace in knowing that we've done all that we could. I have very irregular cycles and am trying acupuncture to get them to become regular (all my hormones levels are fine, but something is clearly not right or I wouldn't ovulate on a different day each month). Anyway, just wanted you to know that you're not alone. One of my close friends got pregnant the first month of trying. She told me that she knew she was pregnant as soon as it happened... said she just "felt different." What I honestly think it was is that adolescent mindset-- the mindset you have when you're younger that the second you have unprotected sex, you'll fall pregnant. It's not until you experience some "difficulty" (and I say that loosely, as there's nothing wrong if it takes a while to conceive) that you realize that it's not quite as easy as that. And I'm very happy for my friend who now has a beautiful 4 month old.

I get pretty obsessed pretty easily, and it's nice to come onto these boards and find that other people are obsessive like me. I wish I could just "be cool" and let this all happen, but that's just not me. We'll get there, girl! Keep your head up!

Have you read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility?" It's a fantastic book, and I'd highly recommend it.

Where are you at in your cycle right now? If you're in your TWW (two week wait: the time from ovulation until your BFP or AF), I'd love to wait with you! I'm 2 DPO now.

Good luck!! Keep me posted!
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby LittleOwl » Sat Dec 03, 2016 3:37 am

I read this and didn't want to run hun. I recognise the feelings you describe so well. on month 3 trying I was so full of excitement and hope, it was fun! It could after all happen at any time. we were in ttc bliss. While this might not sound helpful to you, we prepared ourselves that it can take a little while, 6months or so was my prediction! That seemed like a long time back then, here is what I've learned in 13 months ttc - as soon as we ladies begin trying an amazing but painful and overwhelming baby shaped hole seems to opens up in our hearts, it's there from the word go and it doesn't matter if you've been trying just a few months or many months. It fills with love, with hope and it can turn black and cripple you all at the same time. Men don't have this it seems, after all they arnt searching their body's for signs, changes and reasons like we do.

Women are the best support hun, I joined here when I hit the 12month mark because I was at an all time low and had nobody to talk to. My man is wonderful and we haven't let ttc affect our relationship at all, but when we talk about ttc it's a planned and limited conversation, I felt so desperatly alone. Best thing I ever did joining here! Other women will obsess with you, make you laugh, talk about ttc and much more all day long while getting to know you, everyone here has their own amazing story, some so different from our own but we all want and we are all here for the same thing's! Try the buddy groups, there is no magic answer or way to make ttc easy it can be ugly but it can also be amazing and fun with the right support and attitude, love your man and be understanding, seek support and give support here xx our bfp's will make it all worth while. It can really help having other's to go through the cycles with and knowing somebody else is right there with you is so comforting. Good luck and keep smiling! xx
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby ACS21 » Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:39 am

Libby, I received your message! For some reason, I'm not allowed to make private messages. Says I haven't had enough activity to use that feature? Not sure what that means. Just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you, and I'd love to be a TTC buddy with you :) For now, I guess we'll have to converse via the message board.
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby LibbyMac » Sun Dec 04, 2016 11:17 am

ACS21 thats strange - this post was only my second on the forum but I'd been on for a day or two reading other posts so maybe that all counts as 'activity' which is why I could send PM's. Keep an eye on it and PM me when you get a chance - we're a little out of sync cycle wise but that doesn't matter, I want a buddy :)

I'm 10 days DPO today. I did a test yesterday morning because I was going out last night with friends for food and drinks and I wanted to check before I went, I got a BFN, yesterday AF wasn't due for another 5 days so it was early I know.

Felt disappointed of course, hubby and I were together yesterday afternoon and when we were finished I noticed the, em, 'fluids' were discoloured, a kind of light brown colour. Disappeared again and no sign of AF making an appearance.

Woke up this morning with really sore boobs for the first time - this only happens once in a while for me, I'd get them one month before AF and then I wouldn't get them for another 2 or 3 months after that.

Do you think there's any chance that the discolouration yesterday could be an implantation??? I'm suddenly feeling hopeful again which will make it all the harder on Thursday if/when AF makes her unwelcome appearance

What do you think?

Libby xxx
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby Happyfroggy » Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:42 am

I'm in the same boat Libby! Obsessing over spotting maybe being implantation. Your story is much more promising than mine though since I got a stark BFN on a FRER yesterday :(

So let me formally welcome you to Obsess-ville:

"Hello! Welcome to Obsess-ville! I am it's Mayor, Crazy McCrazyton. Please, do enjoy your stay!"

:welcome:

:lol:

p.s. You are not alone!
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Didn't chart this time, last time was TTC for over a year, BFP chart from daughter :D :
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby Sm1008 » Fri Dec 09, 2016 8:09 am

You are definitely not alone! I'm like you a few months into TTC we're on our 4 cycle. I was definitely one of those people that thought I'd get pregnant in no time and it's not really panning out how I thought. It's hard not to get frustrated. I'm in the middle of my tww and I just already feel out for some reason. I'm trying to wait til the 20 to test to just ease the disappointment but don't see that happening hahah
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby BabyBloom31 » Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:49 am

Oh sweetie, I've been there. I remember truly believing it would never happen for me and wanted to keep it all a secret. Telling no one beside my husband how scared I was and even he dismissed me at first. Until it didn't happen...for a year...then this month; I got my BFP and my levels are increasing very well. It WILL happen for you. It's NORMAL to get scared, angry, sad..I was getting to a point where I didn't even want to try anymore :( but I'm glad I had sites like this to pull me out of it. Baby Dust to you!
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby ShannonF19 » Mon Dec 12, 2016 9:40 am

I literally could have written the same post. I was on birth control for 15 years. I stopped taking it in July and we have been TTC since October. This is our third mont of TTC and I'm not having any symtoms and I expect AF to arrive either tomorrow or Wednesday. I had fantasized about getting to tell my family on Christmas that I was pregnant, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

A part of me says "Shannon, relax. It's only been 3 months!" But the other part of me is upset because I've been taking my temp every morning (even vaginally), charting, I just started using OPK tests this month, we had lots of sex around ovulation day, and I even felt myself ovulate. And still I'm almost positive I'm not pregnant. (I took a pregnancy test this morning and got a BFN).

I, too, cried on the day I got my period the first cycle. I felt silly, but I felt sad. I think its normal for us to have these conflicting feelings. Everyone keeps telling me to relax and saying "It will happen when it happens." The silver lining is my hubby and I are going to Switzerland next week and I'll be able to freely drink wine, eat cheese, and go skiing without worrying.

Most importantly- YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I am here, and we are feeling the same way. And that is a comfort to me. I came online today to write pretty much the same post you wrote. Feel free to stay in touch with me, and we can be each other's support system. I'm new on here as well. Not sure if there's a way to keep in touch with messages not on public boards, or not. Anyway, good luck and God speed to us both. Let's (try) to stay calm!!

-Shannon
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby thisismenextweek » Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:58 am

I also could have written the original post. You really verbalized EXACTLY how I've been feeling this month. I'm in the TWW of month four of TTC. I've been married for over six years and been with my husband for 9. I spent the last 5 years in graduate school and had baby fever for the last four. We could try to conceive until I graduated... we wanted to make sure that nothing would get in the way of my finishing and we were living without family nearby in a large metropolitan area and wouldn't have been able to afford childcare. Plus, grad school was emotionally taxing and I didn't want to have to split my attention like that.

Anyways, fast forward to now and I feel like I almost used up all of my patience on those four years. It was so, so, so hard to wait but logically I knew it just wasn't possible. So, now that it is and we're financially, emotionally, physically ready... I just feel like I already waited long enough for this and I am so ready and don't want to wait any longer. I know four months is nothing compared to so, so many others, but I've found it to be a much more challenging and emotional rollercoaster of a process than I was expecting. I've recently moved and am now further away from family. To echo another person's post, I also had so many fantasies of being able to tell family in person when I'm home for the holidays. I won't be home again until probably July. I'm only 9dpo but I somehow already feel "out" for the month, which I know is kind of silly. I have told a couple friends, but I don't have anyone in my life that has or is trying. My best friend got pregnant accidentally at 19 and since a lot of my friends were in grad school with me, they've all waited or are still waiting. I did have one work friend that I chatted with for the last week but she found out this morning that she's pregnant and I'm thrilled for her -- she's so excited, but I'm sad, too.

I know it'll happen when it happens but I haven't found that to be helpful. I had a meltdown with my husband this week about feeling alone in the process actually. I know a lot of the charting etc. has to fall on me (and he ended up not wanting to really know when I was ovulating related to feeling pressured) but I was like I need you to tell me some of what you're thinking in this process, too, because I'm over here obsessing alone and I'm driving myself crazy. So anyways, the process that I always thought would be so incredibly exciting has not been all unicorns and rainbows. <3
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby june1 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:31 pm

I want to thank all of you for posting on this page. I feel so alone in this too. My husband is amazing and tries so hard to be supportive. He cancelled a work trip this month because it falls during my O week. Still, I can't help but be upset that he is not as upset as me (does that make sense?). Every time I find out someone is pregnant I am absolutely crushed and can't get out of it for days. He always just says "Oh that's great news", and tries to remind me to be grateful for everything else we have (a good relationship, beautiful home, good jobs, family, health). Of course I am grateful, but I'm also sad. I'm only on my 4th month TTC, but like you, I thought I would be pregnant right away. To make matters worse, my best friend started trying the same month as me and she got pregnant right away. She's now 4 months pregnant, and I can't be there for her because it drains me emotionally. Feels good to say it to people who won't judge me. Thank you all for being there.
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Re: I feel so alone :(

Postby BeeCee33 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:30 pm

You've definitely found the right place, June. This TTC business is beyond stressful and overwhelming sometimes. Best of luck to you!
Me (Becca): 31 DH:36

BFP Feb 20, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

BFP June 2, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

Henry James born 7/27/15
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