Not sure if I am ready..

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Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 11:08 am

Hi girls,


I am new here and not a native English speaker so please bare with me but I need your help; talking to friends about it hasn't really helped me because they haven't experienced a similar problem...


So about 2 years ago when I was dating my boyfriend, we had a first pregnancy "scare", to me it definitely was a scare, I was 24 back then and definitely wasn't ready to have kids or even talk about it. My mum had me very late and I don't have many friends with kids, never really was close to kids so definitely not someone who was dreaming of having a baby.


However, after taking a test and realizing I am not pregnant, I was extremely disappointed. At first I didn't want to acknowledge it but I don't want to keep lying to myself.


I became obsessed with all the TTC stuff, watching pregnancy videos, learning about pregnancy, conception, ovulation...etc


My boyfriend is a little bit older than me, has a great career and doesn't mind having kids, we have unprotected sex (pull out 99%). When we met I did tell him that I was nowhere near being ready to have kids so we stopped talking about having kids for a long while. I am sure he still thinks I am not ready.


So going back to my problem, I obsess over this topic and every time I see couples with babies, I get extremely jealous and cry (which is not typical of me). I can lie in bed and cry for like an hour thinking about it. When I get my period, I cry...I cry If I hear anyone I know getting pregnant, I feel like I am so far behind and I am missing out...I feel like crap about myself because I don't know if it's just me being weird and selfish or am I really ready? This is very typical of women who are unable to get pregnant and have been ttcing for a while but I am not even ttcing! We are not even trying. When he pulls out, I get upset or angry, not sometimes but it happens.


I feel like it's getting worse because I don't want to talk to my bf about it. He is a very mature person and very rational, my problem is irrational and I can't even explain it properly.


How did you know that you were ready?


I have a good job, we are financially stable and deeply in love(cheesy but true). I am turning 27 next summer and I heard a lot of stories that it's hard to get pregnant after 30.


looking forward to any advice and support:( Sorry for the lengthy message
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Asinclair88 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:49 pm

Hi!

I don't think anybody knows when they're ready., It's definitely something you adjust to.

I had a MC a couple of years ago and I've never felt so petrified in my life! As I think a lot of women are when they fall pregnant.

I'm childless and 28 (though have been TTC for a couple of years) so I understand the struggle and I also worry about how fertility drops after 30.

I would speak to your partner though about how you feel as the withdrawal method won't be helping you TTC..

As for obsessing, you've come to the right place. I think we're all a little bit obsessed ;)
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby GKR_1985 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 1:22 pm

I was like you for several years. Not actually TTC, but hoping for an accident. I wanted to have my first child before 30, but my life was not in the right place yet for that to happen - so I forced myself to wait. Now I am pregnant after almost 1 year of trying, and everything is in place. I have a stable loving marriage and a supportive spouse to guide me through the daily nausea and other symptoms. This would not have been possible a few years ago, so I am thankful that things worked out the way they did.

Your feelings are normal, but you need to be open with your partner. Is being married something you want before you have kids? Is he ready to go down that road? If it doesn't happen naturally what other methods are you willing to try?

And you need to be honest with yourself. Are you wanting a child, or to be pregnant (not the same thing). Is your lifestyle ready to accommodate another life? Are you stable enough emotionally and physically to give the child what it needs for the rest of it's life?

No one can answer the questions but you, however crying over pregnancy announcements, secretly wanting your birth control to fail, and wishing to be pregnant are all normal feelings (at least for me they were). You have decide whether they are ones you will act on or not.
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby BeeCee33 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:29 pm

If your boyfriend came home tonight and said, "I've been thinking, and I want to start trying for a baby," how would you feel? If you would be ready to jump in, then I think what's holding you back is that you are worried about what he thinks.

It sounds to me like you are ready! That first conversation can be a difficult one to start, but it's an important one! There are options as far as how "into it" you get.

You can start with just not preventing pregnancy, then move on to tracking fertility signs when you are really ready, if that makes it easier for you. Or it may help put your mind at ease to discuss with him a future date to start trying. In any case, he needs to know you're feeling the urge. You may be surprised- he may have been thinking about it himself, or at least like my husband, just be on board with whatever you want to do. :)
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:17 pm

Asinclair88 wrote:Hi!

I don't think anybody knows when they're ready., It's definitely something you adjust to.

I had a MC a couple of years ago and I've never felt so petrified in my life! As I think a lot of women are when they fall pregnant.

I'm childless and 28 (though have been TTC for a couple of years) so I understand the struggle and I also worry about how fertility drops after 30.

I would speak to your partner though about how you feel as the withdrawal method won't be helping you TTC..

As for obsessing, you've come to the right place. I think we're all a little bit obsessed ;)


So sorry to hear that...I had some weird symptoms that made me think I had a miscarriage but I also read somewhere that if you want to get pregnant, you can trick your body into thinking you are pregnant sometimes and that's what probably happened to me

I think I failed at explaining the situation with my partner...Basically when we met we started talking about our future almost immediately,we just clicked but it was so different back then. Pregnancy to me was like quantum physics, I never talked about it, never cared, never wanted to be pregnant and would laugh when anyone asked me about my plans. I am sure he thinks I am not ready because that's what I said myself :(

Like I said he is very rational and mature. He wants kids (loves his friends' children, plays with his niece etc) - we talked about this as well. He will be an amazing father, probably a better parent than I will ever be. He takes it seriously and since I said all of those things in the past I can't just take them back. It will sound stupid. We are very open about everything, we are best friends but this topic is like a taboo to me. just can't get to it :( I would wait but I don't want to feel weird anymore, also I don't like playing with other kids (like his niece) because it makes me upset not because I hate her or anything but it makes me look very bad. Generally I am happy person and have a good life but this is really weighing down on me

Thanks for your response and good luck!! xxx
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:22 pm

GKR_1985 wrote:I was like you for several years. Not actually TTC, but hoping for an accident. I wanted to have my first child before 30, but my life was not in the right place yet for that to happen - so I forced myself to wait. Now I am pregnant after almost 1 year of trying, and everything is in place. I have a stable loving marriage and a supportive spouse to guide me through the daily nausea and other symptoms. This would not have been possible a few years ago, so I am thankful that things worked out the way they did.

Your feelings are normal, but you need to be open with your partner. Is being married something you want before you have kids? Is he ready to go down that road? If it doesn't happen naturally what other methods are you willing to try?

And you need to be honest with yourself. Are you wanting a child, or to be pregnant (not the same thing). Is your lifestyle ready to accommodate another life? Are you stable enough emotionally and physically to give the child what it needs for the rest of it's life?

No one can answer the questions but you, however crying over pregnancy announcements, secretly wanting your birth control to fail, and wishing to be pregnant are all normal feelings (at least for me they were). You have decide whether they are ones you will act on or not.


Omg that's exactly what I am doing...and if it happens by accident, I think it's even better, would be a lovely surprise. Also, he did come inside me several times in the past (not during my fertile window) and it felt amazing, TMI I know...but I mean - emotionally, it brings you so much closer together..getting my period after that was devastating though :(

I am not sure that I am ready that's why I feel so lost :( but I think about it a lot...

Thank you kindly for your support and advice xxx
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:28 pm

BeeCee33 wrote:If your boyfriend came home tonight and said, "I've been thinking, and I want to start trying for a baby," how would you feel? If you would be ready to jump in, then I think what's holding you back is that you are worried about what he thinks.

It sounds to me like you are ready! That first conversation can be a difficult one to start, but it's an important one! There are options as far as how "into it" you get.

You can start with just not preventing pregnancy, then move on to tracking fertility signs when you are really ready, if that makes it easier for you. Or it may help put your mind at ease to discuss with him a future date to start trying. In any case, he needs to know you're feeling the urge. You may be surprised- he may have been thinking about it himself, or at least like my husband, just be on board with whatever you want to do. :)


I would be over the moon, I would cry. He is a very loving partner, kind and supportive but he also takes things like this seriously and I just can't ask about it myself..:( One time he asked me - when do you want to start trying and I freaked out because I wanted to say - now but I knew it would be a dumb response after all those things I said in the past
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby BeeCee33 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 7:56 pm

It sounds to me like you just need to decide when you're ready and let him know! Just because in the past you said you didn't want to try doesn't mean that you have to stick to that, it just means that at that time you weren't. I know it's a hard thing to bring up, and to commit to. I was terrified when I first got pregnant, even though we were trying. My first thought was, "Oh my gosh, what have we done?!" But I can tell you that I settled into wanting that baby very quickly and I have never looked back. Having him was by far the best decision we have ever made. Pregnancy was hard, having an infant was hard, having a toddler is hard, but not once have I looked back and wished we had waited!
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Asinclair88 » Sun Apr 23, 2017 2:26 am

Yes your body and mind can send you crazy, especially in the "two week wait." I see so many ladies posting symptoms right from 1DPO but honestly I didn't have any symptoms and I had no clue I was pregnant until I took a test and discovered I was nearly 2 months!

I understand you saying the subject is a bit taboo for you but maybe your boyfriend feels the same and doesn't know how to talk to you either. Before my boyfriend and I actually discussed having children we used to joke with each, he used to tell me he was going to hang me upside down for example haha!

It's sad to think you're sitting there in silence and getting quite down about this topic xxx
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Mon Apr 24, 2017 5:07 am

BeeCee33 wrote:It sounds to me like you just need to decide when you're ready and let him know! Just because in the past you said you didn't want to try doesn't mean that you have to stick to that, it just means that at that time you weren't. I know it's a hard thing to bring up, and to commit to. I was terrified when I first got pregnant, even though we were trying. My first thought was, "Oh my gosh, what have we done?!" But I can tell you that I settled into wanting that baby very quickly and I have never looked back. Having him was by far the best decision we have ever made. Pregnancy was hard, having an infant was hard, having a toddler is hard, but not once have I looked back and wished we had waited!


So happy for you, BeeCee, no I wasn't ready but I think he was and he is now but he probably doesn't see it in me, I trust him and we have very deep conversations about everything but I am afraid to bring this up simply because the truth can be harsh aka he thinks I am not there yet. He won't even think that he might offend me because the way I talked before made him think I don't care. Anyways, hopefully in the near future I will somehow figure out how to approach this topic. Some of the people I know literally persuaded their bfs/husbands with shrieking and crying lol lol, I want both of us to be onboard and want it equally :)
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Re: Not sure if I am ready..

Postby Amelia90 » Mon Apr 24, 2017 5:10 am

Asinclair88 wrote:Yes your body and mind can send you crazy, especially in the "two week wait." I see so many ladies posting symptoms right from 1DPO but honestly I didn't have any symptoms and I had no clue I was pregnant until I took a test and discovered I was nearly 2 months!

I understand you saying the subject is a bit taboo for you but maybe your boyfriend feels the same and doesn't know how to talk to you either. Before my boyfriend and I actually discussed having children we used to joke with each, he used to tell me he was going to hang me upside down for example haha!

It's sad to think you're sitting there in silence and getting quite down about this topic xxx



Omg so many times (well at least 3 times) I was 100% sure and I am rarely sure about anything in my life lol but I literally would have every single symptom!.. Crazy indeed :D

I am just thinking of ways how to start talking about it..

Thank you so much for sharing and giving advice xx
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