Need some perspective...

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Need some perspective...

Postby BandLady » Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:11 pm

Hi ladies!

Just looking for some words of wisdom here... I'm new to these boards and I'm just hoping to gain some perspective.

A few months ago, I had an old friend come to me to tell me that she was having trouble conceiving, and was going to be starting Clomid. I was devastated for her, of course, but almost secretly happy to have an ally in this crappy race against the biological clock. Her doc was going to have her take a low dose of Clomid for a few months then check back in. Meanwhile, I was shooting myself full of hormones, having acupuncture 3x a week, and doing IUIs. We just found out about 2 weeks ago that my latest IUI failed and we're starting our first IVF cycle. I shared this with some friends - including her - and have really been feeling pretty excited about this new approach to trying to get pregnant.

Well, tonight I get a text message from her that just says "So, we just found out - I'm pregnant with twins!"

It was like an emotional punch in the gut. I feel terrible because I *want* to be happy for her and share in her joy but all I can think is "that should have been me"... I've been working so hard for this and going through so much!! I know there are plenty of people who have gone through much more than I have with infertility - and that life isn't about keeping score, but I am just left with this feeling that this isn't fair! I know this paints a really bad picture of me - I swear I'm a nice person - but I am just heartbroken right now! Mostly because I'm disappointed in myself for not being happy for her as soon as I saw the text.

Anybody have any perspective or advice for me? I feel like a terrible person and this is just making me miserable!!

Thanks everyone!
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Postby stefanielynn » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:26 am

:hugs: It's totally normal. I had so many friends get pregnant and deliver while we were trying (my SIL with twins) and it always felt like a punch in the gut originally. I would have to distance myself as much as I could until I felt like I could be happy for them. Once I got over my jealousy, I would do my best to ask for updates and give support where I could. It's hard, but I would remind myself that they deserve to be pregnant and have a family as much as I do, and that just because I suffer from infertility doesn't mean everyone else should feel guilty that they don't.

Allow yourself the time to hurt. :hugs:
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DS: August 9, 06 (TTC 28 months)
DD: March 27, 2011 (TTC 26 months)
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Postby BandLady » Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:09 am

Thanks for the kind words, ladies.

I actually saw my friend this past weekend and she was really great and sensitive about how her pregnancy was affecting me. I really am over the moon excited for her, just trying to fend these "Why not me?" feelings off. :D
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Postby Alyce » Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:50 pm

i completely understand!! im glad im not the only one. if you read "what they dont tell you about ttc" on this website it says, "they didnt tell me that infertility would make me a very jealous person". not to say your "jealous" at all, but i definately am when i find out friends are getting pregnant with their 4th, 5th child with no effort! and hearing one of them say they wish it didnt happen because it was accidental makes me so mad!
hugs!
TTC over 3 years. 6 cycles 100mg Clomid, 5 BFNs 1 Ectopic. Lap and fertility testing, DX Unexplained Infertility.
BFP 8/12: Ectopic pregnancy - treated unsucessfully with Methotrexate, then surgically removed in emergency surgery.
10/12: Found out my right tube is deformed and my left tube is badly damaged from the Ectopic pregnancy. Advised to move onto IVF because I have almost no chance of conceiving naturally.
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Postby socialite_baby » Thu Jun 16, 2011 10:30 am

Clomid is still a fertility drug, it still means you're infertile, it's usually just first line treatment. I personally think women who get pregnant on Clomid are lucky, they usually don't have to go through all the other crap or have as long of a journey... I've been TTC 3+ years, but I'm only doing IUI with Clomid, am about to have my 2nd HSG, will soon be subjected to my 2nd lap (surgery) in the past year if we're still unsuccessful in the fall, and was told I'll probably ultimately end up needing IVF at 22. That shouldn't mean I'm not as "involved" in the infertility process as someone else. I understand where you're coming from, but other people might not have the same means or treatment route as others. :) We're all important here, we all have different paths we were meant to take.
Lindsay (Mild Endo, thin PCOS, Hypothyroid, implantation failure)
TTC #1 for 7.5 years...

April - November 2011 - 7 Rounds of 50 mg Clomid, 3 IUIs. All BFN.
February - March, June 2012 - 3 Rounds 5 mg Femara. BFN.
April 2012 - "Immune Protocol" Follistim IUI. BFN.
May 2012 - Diagnosed activated natural killer cells and told we'll NEVER conceive naturally... *treatment break*
October 2015 - IVF #1. OHSS. Freeze all. 9 blasts on ice.
November 2015 - FET #1. BFN.
January 2016 - Holy *NATURAL* BFP!!! WTF?! First ultrasound 2/1/2016. Praying for a healthy sticky baby. <3
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