Infertility and Divorce..

Any and all topics infertility-related, including treatment, emotions, and questions.

Moderators: unaffected, JessM, southernbelle, maddy

Infertility and Divorce..

Postby Am_ma » Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:33 am

so my dh is ready to throw in the towel... not just ttc but all together. He said he is too old to keep dealing with "my issues" and he doesnt want to waste the rest of his life going to doctors. he comes from a very large family (8 siblings) and he always wanted a house full of kids.... he sees me as sub-human I guess cause I cant give him what he wants, and even though I think that is a bit selfish on his part, I cant really blame him. it hurts really bad but its true, I think its for the best. We tried so many years for our ds and I've tried everything they've given me and then some. I dont understand how I can have bad eggs and they not detect it.
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby Alyce » Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:38 pm

i just want to say how sorry i am that infertility has taken such a toll on your marraige. if thats how he feels, then i guess he just doesnt deserve you. :hugs:
TTC over 3 years. 6 cycles 100mg Clomid, 5 BFNs 1 Ectopic. Lap and fertility testing, DX Unexplained Infertility.
BFP 8/12: Ectopic pregnancy - treated unsucessfully with Methotrexate, then surgically removed in emergency surgery.
10/12: Found out my right tube is deformed and my left tube is badly damaged from the Ectopic pregnancy. Advised to move onto IVF because I have almost no chance of conceiving naturally.
User avatar
Alyce
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 663
Joined: Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:00 am
Location: Australia

Postby Am_ma » Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:01 pm

Thank you. :|
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby profshopper » Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:08 pm

im so sorry to read your post. i hope you find strength to move on with or without him. my husband wasnt the best support when we realised there was a problem and nothing was happening for years. from my experience men react differently to us and unfortunately not always the way we want them to react.
xxx
profshopper
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 80
Joined: Sun Jul 19, 2009 12:00 am

Postby waitingtobemommy » Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:40 pm

Ugh, this just breaks my heart! Can I ask....what makes you think that DH thinks you're sub-human? Has he expressed thoughts/feelings making you believe this? If that's the case, as much as I hate to say it, then he doesn't deserve you and you dont deserve the pain of his words and actions. Hoping you find some peace!
Me (Jen): 34, DH: 35
TTC #1 for 4.5 years
3 BFN IUI- 2011
1 BFP IUI- March 2011
1 BFP IVF- December 2011
1 BFP FET- May 2012
:angel: @ 5 weeks; March 2011
:angel2: @ 8 weeks; Jan. 2012-Trisomy 16

DS Owen Matthew born 1/17/13 via FET
Surprise natural BFP 8/3/14! EDD 4/10/15!
User avatar
waitingtobemommy
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 1121
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 1:00 am
Location: Colorado

Postby Am_ma » Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:55 pm

lol, well that was my take on it. He said that "even cats can reproduce" and we've been going through this for too long. Ok, I get it, animals can reproduce but its not because I am brainless or something.
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby alanatx » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:40 pm

I didn't want to just read and run. That is just downright horrible. "Even cats can reproduce" was not very nice. For women TTC I believe it is more rough on us then it is the men. It's US trying to POAS all the time and our hopes that are held higher every cycle. I hope everything works out the way you would like it to. (I've been married 3x) Remember you are worthy and you are trying and as long as you gave it everything you had that is what matters the most :-)
User avatar
alanatx
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 202
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2011 12:00 am

Postby Am_ma » Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:43 pm

You gals are truly amazing! You all go through rough times yet still have the kindness in your hearts to extend to me, I appreciate it and best wishes to everyone! xoxo
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby waitingtobemommy » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:46 pm

I dont mean to pry, but wondered how you are doing and if there's any updates. HOpe you're doing well!
Me (Jen): 34, DH: 35
TTC #1 for 4.5 years
3 BFN IUI- 2011
1 BFP IUI- March 2011
1 BFP IVF- December 2011
1 BFP FET- May 2012
:angel: @ 5 weeks; March 2011
:angel2: @ 8 weeks; Jan. 2012-Trisomy 16

DS Owen Matthew born 1/17/13 via FET
Surprise natural BFP 8/3/14! EDD 4/10/15!
User avatar
waitingtobemommy
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 1121
Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2007 1:00 am
Location: Colorado

Postby Am_ma » Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:20 pm

waitingtobemommy- pry! pry away! Thank you!! I wish I did have an update though, I'm just trying to take it easy and make sure my body is back on track, I had some bloodwork done and it leads me to believe some of the issues were stress or anxiety related.
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby lolong2x » Fri Sep 30, 2011 1:49 am

@Am_ma

It work in both ways and always remember that. If the husband doesn't treat you well because of infertility, he does not deserve you. But well, since your update says, there could hope, hope you'll be okay. It could just be anxiety and some sort of super stress. And hope your not fat, because it could be a big factor. :D
lolong2x
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2011 12:00 am

Postby Am_ma » Fri Sep 30, 2011 2:02 pm

I wasn't even going to dignify that with a response, but fyi I am neither "fat" nor overweight. I understand weight can be a concern with some ttc, but where have I expressed issues with weight. Second and more importantly, this is a positive community and that comment is both callous and irrelevant to this thread.
User avatar
Am_ma
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 164
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:00 am

Postby MamaWiltz » Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:26 pm

Hope all is doing well and what not. And i agree that comment was just real rude ecsp with the nice lil smiley face at then end ummm wtf???
Me, Maureene-30 DH, Austin-28
DS-5 & DD-3
Early loss 5 weeks 9/23/11

Image
MamaWiltz
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 1281
Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 12:00 am

Postby desperatetobeamommy » Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:07 pm

this infertility thing has def put a huge strain on my marriage as well! recently dh even kicked me out because we got into a fight about all the expenses it was causing us. i'm back now but we are looking into marriage counseling. need an outside perspective. i'm hoping this is the cycle so all this fighting will go away! i understand how you feel, though. not only is your dh denying you a marriage but also a baby! i couldnt get over it during our episode. ugh!
Image
User avatar
desperatetobeamommy
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 144
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2011 12:00 am
Location: Alabama [AL]

Postby sweets » Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:30 pm

Honestly, infertility puts HUGE strains on many marriages. Probably more than many people are willing to admit even. It definitely put one on mine. My ex-dh chose to run .... after we had selected a donor for eggs and had been pursuing IVF for quite some time. Everything seemed ok, although I am sure that I was probably a bit pre-occupied with all the stuff that comes with pursuing IVF - the crazy hormone related stuff from the injectibles, the pressures in general, etc. We were sailing along like there was no tomorrow and all seemed fine. And bang, he just decides one day to tell me he's leaving and doesn't want to continue the marriage. Not only did I have to deal with the "loss" of trying to have a child, but also with a divorce. The story goes on from there. I've certainly learned that things happen for reasons though and the healing process is hard. If it's any help, talk with your fertility drs about the pressures. They are there to help in that aspect as well. It's hard enough to deal with the pressures of becoming a mom, but don't let dh "bully" you about it either. No one deserves that. Our bodies are not perfect, but compassion and understanding and love go a long way to helping out in the otherwise mechanical process that infertility can sometimes be.

Hugs and good luck. I wish you well and hope that dh begins to understand. Heck, it could even be that he's just frustrated and unfortunately said the first stupid thing that came into his head. I hope not though!!!!!!!!
sweets
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 142
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2006 1:00 am

Next

Return to General Infertility