Most annoying infertility comments

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Most annoying infertility comments

Postby Mdoe1977 » Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:56 am

For those of us with infertility issues, we are told a lot of annoyingly things by friends/coworkers Here are my top three I hear all the time and hate the most:

1. 'Take one of my kids home for the night. You might change your mind about wanting a baby!'
2. 'Just quit trying! The second you quit trying you'll get pregnant'
3. 'At least you get to have sex a lot! That's the fun part, right?!'

What's the most annoying comment you've been told?
Megan(36) , DH (37) perfect!
TTC #1 since Dec 2011
8/12/12 fibroid tumor, polyp removed
4/13/13 - 25mg clomid
5/12/13 - 50mg clomid
5/21/13- 1st IUI
7/17/13 - 2nd IUI 50 mg clomid
9/12/13 - 3rd IUI 50 mg clomid
10/14/13 - 4th IUI scheduled. 100 mg clomid
11/8/13 - surgery to have another dang polyp removed
11/12/13 - IVF consultation
2/7/14 - start stims!
2/17/14 - egg retrieval
2/22/14 - 2 perfect blastocyst, 5 day transfer
3/3/14 - I'm pregnant!!
3/12/14 - No longer pregnant :-(
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby apulda » Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:59 am

#2, is the most response I get. I just want to beat them over the head when they say it to me. They just don't understand that you have issues that is why you seek fertility treatments. If you have never been through it, then you definately don't understand how it feels, right?

The other thing that really bothers me is the stories I hear in the news. Like about the mother that left her baby in a alley, or drowned them in a tub, you know stupid stuff like that. I would love to have a child to take care of and these people just throw them away.

Anyway, done venting. Good post though!!
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DH: 40
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IUI-Failed 2x
HSG 3/11-Waiting to see if it helps
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby sophhie » Thu Aug 01, 2013 4:35 pm

I hate it when people with kids tell me to enjoy my life while I can because with a kid I won't be able to do anything.
We do not go out anyway, so it will not bother us.
DH and me perfectly healthy
Diagnosis: Unexplained infertility
Together since March 2003
Married since October 2007
3.5 years of TTC #1

1st IUI /Clomid 50 mg 3-7 & Novarel/ 136 mil. sperms post-wash, 63% motility/ Nov 27th/ BFN
2nd IUI cancelled because doctor's office was closed on Dec 25! Did Clomid & Novarel & timed intercourse/ BFN

IVF#1 transfer of a 1 perfect embryo (3 day 7 cell) BFP!!!!!
beta 11dp3dt 136
4w5d lost the baby
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby ambernicole8484 » Thu Aug 01, 2013 8:56 pm

I hate...

1 -- If it's meant to happen it'll happen.
2 -- Be thankful for what you've got (I have one DD)

#2 really gets me because it implies I'm not thankful for her and she constantly reminds me of how alone she is. She has times when she breaks down crying and begging me to give her a brother or sister. She has even asked her grandparents, both sets, if they would have a brother or sister for her. I feel like a complete failure.
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby jazzledazzle » Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:14 am

I've the most hurtful comment just yesterday. It's amazing how you thought your wound have healed and someone has to put salt and make you feel the pain again.

Here is the story:

My friend, who got pregnant when I had my miscarriage & knowing i just had a miscarriage asked : "Hey, can I use your "maybe baby" app to check fertility for a friend"

I answer : Oh sorry, but i've deleted the app from my iphone.

she replied: oh haha! Why? It wasn't helpful for you?

Seriously... that really isn't helpful. Just when I thought I healed, my tears drop uncontrollably.
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby nikki12 » Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:17 am

I had a friend who was TTC as longer as me. When she finally got naturally pregnant (which I only knew because she posted the news in Facebook) and I called her to congratulate and share her happiness, she told me - "God heard my prayers because He knew I wanted it so badly."

It irked me a lot because I felt that she was kinda implying that God was selective and that I did not want a child as badly as her. But her insensitivity did not stop her. When I said that I wished that God would also know how badly I wanted to have another child, she said - "You had children already. Don't ask for more."

I could not believe what I heard! For years, we shared our hopes and frustrations. We were TTC buddies, for crying out loud! There was even a time that she thought that secondary infertility was more frustrating because the expectation to have another child would be higher and that my chances of getting pregnant was slimmer due to my age. And everything changed because she finally got her BFP? It's freaking unbelievable!

It took some strength and self-control to stop myself from lashing out. I knew that she was happy that she was already preggy and I was certainly happy for her. I knew that if I would say something about her comments, she would think that I was envious.

Ain't that really annoying?
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby nikki12 » Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:19 am

jazzledazzle wrote:I've the most hurtful comment just yesterday. It's amazing how you thought your wound have healed and someone has to put salt and make you feel the pain again.

Here is the story:

My friend, who got pregnant when I had my miscarriage & knowing i just had a miscarriage asked : "Hey, can I use your "maybe baby" app to check fertility for a friend"

I answer : Oh sorry, but i've deleted the app from my iphone.

she replied: oh haha! Why? It wasn't helpful for you?

Seriously... that really isn't helpful. Just when I thought I healed, my tears drop uncontrollably.


Oh, I'm sorry about that jazzledazzle. Some friends could really be so unfriendly!

:hugs: :hugs:
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby jazzledazzle » Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:31 am

nikki12 wrote:I had a friend who was TTC as longer as me. When she finally got naturally pregnant (which I only knew because she posted the news in Facebook) and I called her to congratulate and share her happiness, she told me - "God heard my prayers because He knew I wanted it so badly."

It irked me a lot because I felt that she was kinda implying that God was selective and that I did not want a child as badly as her. But her insensitivity did not stop her. When I said that I wished that God would also know how badly I wanted to have another child, she said - "You had children already. Don't ask for more."

I could not believe what I heard! For years, we shared our hopes and frustrations. We were TTC buddies, for crying out loud! There was even a time that she thought that secondary infertility was more frustrating because the expectation to have another child would be higher and that my chances of getting pregnant was slimmer due to my age. And everything changed because she finally got her BFP? It's freaking unbelievable!

It took some strength and self-control to stop myself from lashing out. I knew that she was happy that she was already preggy and I was certainly happy for her. I knew that if I would say something about her comments, she would think that I was envious.

Ain't that really annoying?


Nikki, sometimes we wonder. Are we too sensitive or are they being insensitive. Yes TTC is frustrating and we only need supportive friends, not one that rub on your wound n make u feel worthless. and yes, infertility sucks! :( Sorry but I'm really fed up today.. and needed to rant. So I've like post on every forum to rant my frustrations! :(
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby ambernicole8484 » Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:52 am

Nikki -- I don't blame you for being upset about that. It was completely cold and insensitive. I feel like any infertility, whether it be primary or secondary, is not an easy thing to go through, and no one should presume to know what it's like for either. Being a secondary infertile, I think that we get treated like crap more often than not because we already have a kid or kids. Our sadness is not valid. And everyone sees us as ungrateful. It sucks to hide your feelings for fear of being attacked. This way of thinking should be applied to all aspects of life though. Everyone handles things differently and no one truly understands the hardships that are specific to each one of us. The grass is not always greener.
Me 30 ~ DH 31 ~ DD 11 - DS 12/5/14

BFP ~ 4/2/14 <3

10 years and 11 months after our sweet baby girl, our sweet baby boy arrived <3

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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby apulda » Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:58 am

Yeah, during the hard time of TTC you almost have to surround yourself with positive supportive people. Otherwise it makes is even more emotional and hard to deal with.

After having surgery in May to remove endo, I thought all the problems would be out of the way. Nothing happened in June, I mean I didn't O. In July, we thought it was finally gonna happen because on paper everything looked great. Then I started AF yesterday. I was a complete emotional wreck yesterday. Finally my office staff started to talk about how her friend was having a baby and talking about her kids and I just lost it in tears. The two girls in the office were like, "it's only been two months since your surgery, give it some time, it will happen." Okay, it has been a 3 year journey and we still don't have answers and still have not been able to produce a baby, so don't tell me to give it some time. Anyway...there was my rant. I hear ya ladies, it is really tough.
Me: 32
DH: 40
TTC 3 years and counting with #1
IUI-Failed 2x
HSG 3/11-Waiting to see if it helps
4/26 Positive HPT
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5/23 Lap Surgery
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby kez71 » Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:47 pm

ladies, it does suck. but fertiles have no idea how much it hurts when they say things like that. We are each on our own journey, keep the positive people nearby and ignore the rest.

To give you hope, my DH and I were TTC for 7 years before we got our miracle. we had 3 mc's during our journey. its not over til its over. it seems like it will never happen, believe me I know! But you just never know!!
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/10d294

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M/C Dec 08 7 weeks
Lap/hyst/dye work Aug11th 2010- Blocked tubes
First IVF Oct-Dec 2010 BFN- chemical :(
IVF#2 April/May 2011 BFN :(
FET #1 July 2011BFP!!! MC 10w3d
FET#2 Feb 2012 BFP!!! MC 8 weeks
IVF#3 July 2012 BFP Baby Girl born April 2013
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby loveandmarriage » Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:50 am

Amber-I totally agree about secondary infertility. People are always making it seem like I am ungrateful. I love my DD but they don't see her crying because she wants a sibling. She has asked all her grandparents, Santa, Easter bunny, wanted me to put it on her birthday list, and prays to God to give her a sibling. Some people don't understand the hardship of seeing your child want something so bad and feeling like a complete failure for not being able to give it to her. It doesn't help that all her friends have siblings.
So yea I'd have to say the whole "be grateful for what you have" "at least you have a child" comments are the worst. Especially since they cut to the core because any time someone tells me that I picture her balled up on the couch crying because she wants a sibling.
Me: 26
DH: 28
Together since October 2006
Married since August 2008
TTC #2 since October 2008


ME
Lab work 4/12: hormone levels and thyroid are good.
u/s 4/29: microscopic cysts on both ovaries. Another u/s in August to ensure cysts have not grown.
HSG 6/19: no blockage everything good
Gyno 7/8-vaginal u/s and clomid prescribed
+hpt 7/15-never taking hpts again. They are inaccurate.
-beta 7/19- HCG 0.
8/14: start Clomid 50mg CD3-7
9/1: Blood work to check progesterone levels


DH
Urologist 5/20
SA 6/12-Count 97 million, motility good, morphology 2.5%
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby ABelle » Sat Aug 03, 2013 11:53 am

"Do you want me to carry your child for yall" Ugh NO

"So and so is pregnant, they've been trying for so long to get pregnant, it finally happened. They didn't think it would ever happen"...
"oh really, how long?"
"like 3 months"
"ok, we've been trying for over 4 years. we were trying before their miscarriage, before they started trying for their first child, all during her pregnancy and still while her child turned 1 then 2, and while she tried for #2"

Not that it doesn't hurt to not get pregnant after 3 months but dont tell someone that's been actively ttc for over 4 years that "3 months" is a long time.
Me {Anne}- 33 :hi: (Hypothyroidism, Single A1298C MTHFR, Endometriosis, ANA neg)
DH- 42. (amazeballs) :wiggle:
Married since 2005. TTC 60 months before finally getting our positive!

2 Lap Surgeries, 3 HSGs, 4 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUI's, 1 IVF cancelled (cysts) = all :bfn:

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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby randapanda » Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:02 pm

Yep I too have been hearing
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Re: Most annoying infertility comments

Postby randapanda » Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:23 pm

Interesting comments....

The usual "oh why have more since you seem to have your hands full.....it will happen when you don't plan it.....

Also my friend mind you has had 14 so far MCs and hss a 7 yr old DS and tells me that after her recent one that at least I was able to carry all the way with our DS who is 4 1/2 . She knows we have been ttc and a little about our past in ttc journey.

I had a mc when we first got married 6 yrs ago and after conceiving son I started bleeding with him and put on bed rest. So this friend of mine who by a whim keeps getting pg and drinking beer, smokes , no job, and did drugs a bit says to me that I should be lucky to have a child to term unlike her others.

Are you kidding me? Really?

My Mom says we should since we are low income and would be tighter than now........

Another friend has a total of 5 kids and her hubby want more but her tubes are tied....yet its so easy for her but not us? When her hubby was in jail she was pg, then every other year.....seriously?

I dont get it
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