Do you tell people what you are going through?

Any and all topics infertility-related, including treatment, emotions, and questions.

Moderators: JessM, southernbelle, maddy, unaffected

Re: Do you tell people what you are going through?

Postby Mrs TTC » Sun Jul 13, 2014 2:27 am

Thanks for all the replies. I agree with everyone, I think what I've learnt is that it really depends on who you're surrounded by. Unfortunately I am surrounded by people who will probe and probe until they know every detail, and if they don't get that they will just gossip and make up their own version. I've told a couple of people that I know I can trust and it felt like a weight had been lifted. I'm currently awaiting af after a BFN yesterday (am on clonus round 1) so just want it out the way so I can start the next round.

Big hugs and babydust to everyone. We will get our time I'm sure and then I bet we won't care who knows!! X
Started clomid 50mg on 18th June 14.
TTC #1 since December 2013
16th July 14 :bfp:
5th August 14 Emergency scan due to bleeding. Tiny heart is beating and measuring 6wk 5days. Phew!!
Posts: 110
Joined: Wed May 28, 2014 1:05 pm

Re: Do you tell people what you are going through?

Postby missfrenches » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:26 am

Personally, I decided to share my experience. After TTC a year and a half, I realized it helps me to share and contribute... Rather than just be upset and mope about it. Also, I found myself watching YouTube videos all the time, and thought -- well, maybe it will just help ONE person if I shared my experience. Today, I have posted 14 TTC videos, and the response has been unbelievable. It's easier to share on YouTube because I don't have to hear responses, I can just share for those looking for education, information, and someone to relate to.

Here is my first one, if you'd like to watch :) BABY DUST!!!!
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Sep 12, 2014 4:08 pm

Re: Do you tell people what you are going through?

Postby USCGWifey09 » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:03 pm

What I have found after over a year and a half of TTC with NO luck is that the questions tend to die down. When DH and I started to try, we probably told more people than we should have. I am a bit of a chatterbox and I don't usually hide anything. Every month it became more and more annoying when my brother-in-law's (now ex) girlfriend would ask the dreaded question EVERY time I saw them. Even if it was twice in the same week. She clearly didn't understand the process, especially when she asked me while I was eating sushi and drinking saki. But, that's off topic. When it came to people I actually WANTED to tell, like my mother, I told her what I wanted to and she respected my privacy not to ask unless I brought it up. Now, when people start talking about babies and I feel the question brewing in their minds, I prep myself with the standard, "it'll happen when it's meant to." Let's face it, even I don't believe that sometimes.
I guess the short version of my rant is that you don't HAVE to tell anyone and you should only include in your fertility journey those who YOU want to include.

Baby dust to all! :-)
Me: 27 DH:30
Married 6/13/2009
DS (Colt) born 8/26/2015 (22 cycles TTC)
TTC #2 - cycle #2
Posts: 19
Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:43 pm

Re: Do you tell people what you are going through?

Postby Emme1982 » Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:16 am

This is a very nice topic...
The short answer for us is no, we are not sharing with anyone other than my little sister, who is the coolest person we know, we love each other so much and we are also brutally honest with each other. My husband and my sister are like two peas in a pod, they have a similar way of thinking. That's pretty awesome and together with the TTC boards (with people who do understand, because they are going through EXACTLY what you are) the need to share is minimal.
Having said that, we have 3 categories of nosy reporters, who will become our babies' paparazzis once they are born.
Category #1: The parent trap...They set traps. They want to know. They are all nice and sweet people. But dammit, they need answers! They ask politely, because they are dealing with two adult children who live thousands of miles away and don't hesitate to say "this does not concern you." My husband is the strong one. He does not fall for anything, he is like the oracle of Delphi or something. Even the words out of his mouth mean nothing when asked. He usually smiles. But I am the weak one. MIL took me down the rabbit hole with a conversation that started very innocently about her problems trying to conceive, some time in the 19th century. And I went down. I said things are ok with us (not true: I know now I have a poor ovarian reserve). She was visiting for 2 weeks, the conversation happened on day 5 of her visit and since then I was treated like a human incubator: she was watching whether I took folic acid, monitored what I ate and whether I was "getting enough protein" (the war generation's way of telling you to eat more and be chubby, dammit!- and I am not skinny. I am a size 8 for God's sake...) and generally, I was on something that felt a bit like a ticking bomb watch. Except I was not the bomb, she was.
Which brings me to my mother, whom I adore, but she gave birth in the 18th century. Also worried about children and when and how we will have them (which, I fear, is only chronic worrying syndrome, and will only then change to "which kindergarten will your kids go to" and "did they walk yet?" etc). I hinted we are trying, and I hinted there may be some problems which are me, myself and I, not my husband. Since then, I am showered with useless information, packaged into "breaking news." "I read somewhere that rosemary causes abortions!" "If you shower on a windy day you might have difficulties conceiving!" "Do you own a computer?" (yes mom, remember? YOU called me on skype?) "Well, put it away, they are known to eat up ovaries, and eggs and sometimes sperm, don't you listen to what TV says" (I think she really thinks TV is a person with personality and education and all...).
And that's just category #1. Category #2 are anyone. Strangers, relatives, anyone who would like to rub a belly and hold a baby once it is here. I call these the "" people. When they ask, I answer: if you could order babies on amazon, we would have three already. But you can't. So wait (and my eyes say "and stop bugging me you stranger! Who are you and why do you care for my uterus to be inhabited anyway? So that you can make cute faces to a stranger's kid? Back. Off."). The "" eyes are even more vicious when I just got my period (hoping it would not come) and even worse when I am surrounded by people's babies and infants. That's the "why not me too" syndrome that hits right then.
Which brings me to special category #3. Reserved for the male counterparts, aka husbands of couples who had trouble conceiving. They are the ones that in theory should have learned the most out of watching their dear wives go through rounds of IUI and IVF, right? Multiple rounds too? Yeah. You'd think. Now they want to be the nosiest ones! They love to tell you that "time is NOT on your side and that you should start YESTERDAY and WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???" I mean, seriously? The irony now is that all of these lovely men were telling this to my husband (who is nearing 50 yrs old) and pointing at me (32) saying: she is young, it's you that has to rush this. Turns out it is my eggs that decided to age prematurely! In their faces! I left out the best part: many of our friends are scientists and doctors. Ya think they should know better? Check again.
All this used to bug me enormously. Now I can kind of sit back and make fun of it all. I got my period, I am on chlomid, I am bloated, I can share all this with my husband, who is a very calm and understanding person (I think some times he should have become a judge or something). So, I am avoiding the minefields of the questionnaires...Some times I think, do they work for some fetus census department or something?
Anyway. This is my story of nosy people in my life, in its long version.
TTC since: December 2011
July 2014: Diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve
September 2014: Clomid round 1
October 2014: Clomid round 2
December 2014- January 2015: IVF round 1- negative
March 2015- spontaneous (unmedicated, babydance only) chemical pregnancy.
We saw a doctor during the summer in Europe, he suggested endometriosis may be an issue.
New doctor- waiting for AF to do first test (3rd day of period).
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
Posts: 234
Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:46 am


Return to General Infertility