infertile feminist mini-rant

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infertile feminist mini-rant

Postby redmeetsfood » Wed Apr 15, 2015 4:27 pm

It's damn frustrating to be constantly asked if I'm pregnant. First, just because I'm a woman of child bearing years doesn't mean I WANT children. Second, I DO want children, but apparently my ovaries didn't get the memo! (My PCOS girls know what's up!) So every time a stranger or an acquaintance asks me if I'm pregnant and I have to say "no" with a smile, it's a subtle reminder that I'm either defective because I don't want children, or defective because I do and can't get pregnant.

I know people mean well and are just trying to be friendly. This experience has taught me to tread lightly around personal issues. You never know what the person next to you is dealing with. (Hopefully this post doesn't break that rule!)

Anyone else have these frustrations?
31, Married Feb 2014
TTC since March 2014
Diagnosed w/ PCOS Sept 2014
Metformin since Sept 2014
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Re: infertile feminist mini-rant

Postby pumpkinseed » Thu Apr 16, 2015 3:14 am

Yes and yes. I got those questions for years and was treated so rudely at times. I have always wanted a child but we kept that to ourselves as neither of us was ready due to numerous circumstances. My own family were aholes at times about it. I've never understood what my husband and I having a baby had to do with others. Very personal decision IMO.

When we were ready, of course, we've now had two early losses (friends/family only know about the one) and I get the pity face now. I am surrounded by super religious family members who feel a woman's place is at home with kids. If u don't have /want kids something is wrong with u. They couldn't be more anti-feminist. How at this day and age some women can't appreciate how far we've come in terms of equal rights and the right to choose...leaves me speechless. I do plan to stay home and raise my child (if i'm so lucky to stay pregnant at some point) but that is my choice not because my husband told me so or it's my "place".

My sisters are submissive to their husbands (he gets final say in household) and love the duggars/sarah palin so u can see what I'm dealing with here. If i never have kids, apparently I must turn in my woman card! LOL. Now, my m/c is family gossip. So fun being a woman. My husband doesn't have to deal with this crap except once a lady told him we were selfish for not having kids. uhhhhhh ok lady, you don't know anything about our life but thanks for your input. ugh. it is the one area in life some people feel is their right to question u about. i say, off limits!

Anyway, I feel your pain and have dealt with this for years, even from strangers and aquaintances. One lady said to me, "when are u having a baby, u need babies!" This was way before we even started ttcing. I just stared at her, no response, and it was so awkward for her it was awesome! Lol.

Your post hit home so I had to respond! You can't win with some people so don't bother but feel free to vent here! I, too, feel u never really know what a person is dealing with don't pry or judge ..tread lightly!
Me: 37 / DH: 43 / G-free / Autoimmune thyroid disease (nature-throid)
Lovenox, metanx, baby aspirin, prometrium, vitamin d3, prenatal, progesterone
MMC: 01-14-15
CP: 4-12-15
MMC: 7-13-15 (d&c, heartbeat was seen but gone at 8 weeks, 2 days)
TTC ON HOLD WHILE I AWAIT RESULTS, HOPING FOR RAINBOW BABY
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Re: infertile feminist mini-rant

Postby redmeetsfood » Fri Apr 17, 2015 6:48 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story pumpkinseed! I'm sorry for your losses.

It's helps tremendously to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. You hit the nail on the head when you said it's all about choices! All women should get to choose how we make our families and not be judged for it. This is America in the 21st century for crying out loud! :)
31, Married Feb 2014
TTC since March 2014
Diagnosed w/ PCOS Sept 2014
Metformin since Sept 2014
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Re: infertile feminist mini-rant

Postby kflores31 » Thu Apr 30, 2015 3:54 pm

It's the hardest thing dealing with PCOS. Three of my close friends are all pregnant right now. One giving birth any day, one 20 weeks, and one is 10 weeks. Its hard to explain what we are going through to non-pcos people. The meds we have to take just to see if our bodies will decide to work or not. So, I try not to talk about it much, I don't want them to pity me or think differently about me. But, every day its hard. And then when someone asks "when are you going to have a baby?" I just want to rip their head off! It's not like i'm doing all this (taking meds, tracking bbt) just for sh*ts and giggles! Gahh, some people. I feel you red, and your definitely not alone.
Me: 25 | DH: 26
Nov 2014: Dx PCOS
Jan 2015: 1500mg Metformin
6/14/15: BFP :)

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Re: infertile feminist mini-rant

Postby redmeetsfood » Sat May 09, 2015 11:19 am

Thanks, kflores! Recently a friend told me she's pregnant with #2 and I could tell she was afraid to tell me. I don't want to take away from anyone's joy and I feel super guilty for making her feel bad! There are so many emotions wrapped up in ttc and pcos, beyond just being frustrated and sad about the BFNs. Thank goodness for these message boards and all of you! Otherwise I would have no one to talk to who really understands!
31, Married Feb 2014
TTC since March 2014
Diagnosed w/ PCOS Sept 2014
Metformin since Sept 2014
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