feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

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feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby lisianthus » Sun Aug 02, 2015 1:42 am

My husband and I have been TTC for 16months. Not a glimpse of a second line on a pregnancy test. I'd like to share my feelings on the new "praised" courage of celebrity couples sharing their struggles.

Beyonce, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jaime King, Mark Zuckerberg,...
Having never felt that excitement of a developing child inside of me, naturally all I desperately want is to simply just get pregnant. Obviously someone who had to suffer one or even multiple miscarriages will tell you differently, that she'd rather not had to feel the agony of loosing something that she'd already connected with and planned a future life with. I get that and I see the point. I'm not saying I want to trade places.

I want to put out a question to you all:
Who suffers more: the one that doesn't get pregnant or the one that looses pregnancy(ies)? Don't lecture me on this.

A story to accompany the question.
Two friends get married at the same time. They start TTC at the same time. One year later, none of them is pregnant. The story goes, that friend A is telling people that she's lost 2 babies due to early miscarriage. She receives lots of sympathy, support and encouragement.
Friend B can only tell that it simply hasn't happened yet. Awkward silence. Have you done it right? Well yeah, we do it all the time and use OPKs and charting and stuff. Well gosh! You got to relax, you'll never get pregnant when you want push the subject so hard.

Why is it, that I am not granted to receive compassionate thoughts on my struggles? Why is it that miscarriage is approved as heavy burden to carry but not infertility per say?
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Danaa » Sun Aug 02, 2015 1:52 am

Hey there,im too struggling to get pregnant and is really painful but sadly not everyone will understand what that really means!The heart ache and the suffering and the stress!!I don't know wich one is worse,and I think is different for everyone,I don't think is easy losing a baby,but i understand what ur trying to say,For me a loss would be terrible but also a confirmation that I can get pregnant and I have something to fight for!!!I hope you you get ur bfp soon!!
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby lisianthus » Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:00 pm

Thank you so much for your response! Just to know, someone can relate to my feelings, helps a great deal. Thank you!
april 2014 - start ttc #1
------
may 2015 - mfi (low count, low motility)
nov 2015 - ivf stimming #1 - 18 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized, 1 transferred, 7 frozen - bfp!
------
jan 2016 - natural m/c at (8w5d)
mrch 2016 - medicated fet #1, bfn
apr 2016 - unmedicated fet #2, bfn
june 2016 - medicated fet #3, cancelled five days prior to transfer, (PGD results: none came back ok)

aug 2016 - IVF stimming #2
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby rockinmysoxoff » Sat Aug 08, 2015 5:52 am

Being on the side of actually being pregnant once and having it removed from my body...I'd rather I had not gotten pregnant at all. I'm at a point in my life (5 years TTC...over it now) where it's almost a moot point. If that's my only experience with pregnancy.....that will suck....big time. So I'd rather never have gone through such a traumatic experience in my life only to now not be able to get pregnant at all. I think it's about time that infertility and miscarriages are brought to light. It's a super common problem yet nobody can talk about it.
Me=34 mild endo, fibroids, pcos....sluggish eggs
DH=36 low sperm count
TTC since july 10 2010
ectopic sept 17th at 7.5 weeks 2010 (so we know it's possible!)

I'm still here, fighting the good fight. We are still 'trying' but it's no big deal anymore if we don't have a baby. We have been together since October of 1998! We certainly didn't get married JUST to have babies! Good luck to everyone TTC!
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby lisianthus » Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:01 am

And I think its good that celebrities are bringing awareness to miscarriage. Mostly though with the conclusions of: We are pregnant now!

I have yet to hear 'Oh hello, we got married a year ago and haven't managed to fall pregnant'. That would be incredibly brave I'd think.
april 2014 - start ttc #1
------
may 2015 - mfi (low count, low motility)
nov 2015 - ivf stimming #1 - 18 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized, 1 transferred, 7 frozen - bfp!
------
jan 2016 - natural m/c at (8w5d)
mrch 2016 - medicated fet #1, bfn
apr 2016 - unmedicated fet #2, bfn
june 2016 - medicated fet #3, cancelled five days prior to transfer, (PGD results: none came back ok)

aug 2016 - IVF stimming #2
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby GeorgiaRule » Sun Aug 09, 2015 1:07 pm

I have actually been on both sides of the coin. I have had a miscarriage and I have been TTC for several years now and we have not managed to have a baby. IMO they are both devastating in different ways. None more than the other, simply different.

The loss of a pregnancy is hard because it is a death so to speak. The end of life for a loved one. Infertility is something that I believe still operates in the shadows and isn't really talked about as much. Most people are ignorant and just assume that you need to "relax" or "in God's time" blah blah blah...they are totally clueless and say insensitive things because they have no effing idea what they are talking about. Infertility is VERY hard and in my case expensive too!!

Long story short, walk in your truth no matter what "people" say. You know how you feel and your pain is no less than the next woman. Infertility is hard and so is miscarriage. I believe miscarriage is more talked about and people understand it more than all the intricacies of infertility. Ignorance is a horrible excuse but some people are just stupid!
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HSG:12/14 both tubes blocked

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August FET#1
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Jamster34 » Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:27 pm

Ive had 4 m/c and do not want to go through this ever again I believe its hard on both but just because you haven't gotten pregnant doesn't mean you won't and just because you ttc again after multiples doesn't mean you will not have a healthy pregnancy :-)
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Tina03 » Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:40 am

I can relate to both. It took us nearly 3 years to get pregnant, I actually thought it's never gonna happen. But I had a miscarriage, I'm still going through it and it's the worst experience ever. Yes, I can say "at least I got pregnant" but it doesn't even matter much at all, at least not right now, I gotta learn to be positive again. It's still gives you a big failure feeling and you just go on with thoughts like "will I have another miscarriage again?/ can I bare another one?/ how long will it take me to get pregnant again? If it happens at all?" etc. I think all this isn't easy until you finally hold a baby in your arms. Not falling pregnant or/and having miscarriages, is equally terrible. But I agree that people talk to you differently or treat you differently with infertility than with miscarriages and in general it needs to be talked about more. I didn't get any attention with my infertility but now with the miscarriage I do, it's kinda odd... both is hard to deal with.
2012 diagnosed with endometriosis, surgery/lap, diagnosed with subseptate uterus 2017...TTC since almost 3 years before first BFP in 2015
2015 August 4 - MC identical twins at 7 w, BFP @ 13dpo - squinter BFP @ 12 dpo, Betas: 152, 310, 1982
2016 Oct 10 - MC at 5-6 weeks, BFP @ 9dpo, Beta @ 4w 199

2016 Dec 30 - BFP @ 9dpo > EDD Sept 13, 2017 It's a BOY (av. BPM 130)

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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby xenianew » Fri Aug 28, 2015 4:42 am

Hi girls, I am new to that forum. So I have just started reading your posts.I wish you good luck and become the happiest mum. Ever and again I live in Poland, and at least two fertility clinics (Gdansk and Warsaw) diagnose miscarriages. They say chromosomal aneuploidy may cause miscarriages, that should be examined. So might it also be a reason of your miscarriages?
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Miss406 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 3:35 pm

rockinmysoxoff wrote:Being on the side of actually being pregnant once and having it removed from my body...I'd rather I had not gotten pregnant at all. I'm at a point in my life (5 years TTC...over it now) where it's almost a moot point. If that's my only experience with pregnancy.....that will suck....big time. So I'd rather never have gone through such a traumatic experience in my life only to now not be able to get pregnant at all. I think it's about time that infertility and miscarriages are brought to light. It's a super common problem yet nobody can talk about it.


I'm sorry ''having IT removed'' :shock: :shock:

Geez.
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Cadenceoflife » Thu Oct 01, 2015 5:07 pm

I feel your pain and agree with the awkward lack of support for not getting pregnant. Or even worse the, "It'll happen all in good time" ... pregnancy isn't promised and it hurts sooooo bad when it doesn't happen but because you have no 'trauma' it seems people just assume 'it'll happen'.... it drives me nuts.

As for all this pride over "surviving miscarriage". I just don't know. I mean, I say this is the most non-judging way but in general, when did private issues become so public and more so I can't imagine wanting to tell anyone about such a private and painful experience. I haven't had a miscarriage and I hope I never do, but things like that just seem like something my husband and I would keep private outside MAYBE our parents.

I don't know.
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby rockinmysoxoff » Fri Oct 02, 2015 8:31 am

miss406, did I miss something? Are you referring to me using 'it' in regards to my ectopic pregnancy? Does that offend you? I don't think it offends my dead baby, but if you want to take that on, go for it. You have no right to judge what pronoun I want to attach to my sentences at any given time. DON'T EVER judge another woman like that.......do YOU know what it feels like to have your ONLY pregnancy RIPPED from your body????? You've had a child and you had miscarriages so your attitude towards me is just disgusting. You should be ashamed.
Me=34 mild endo, fibroids, pcos....sluggish eggs
DH=36 low sperm count
TTC since july 10 2010
ectopic sept 17th at 7.5 weeks 2010 (so we know it's possible!)

I'm still here, fighting the good fight. We are still 'trying' but it's no big deal anymore if we don't have a baby. We have been together since October of 1998! We certainly didn't get married JUST to have babies! Good luck to everyone TTC!
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Miss406 » Fri Oct 16, 2015 7:51 am

I have 9 angels and I wouldn't dream of calling them an ''it''. My attitude? Ahaha - have you SEEN what you've been typing to me on my post? Oh - and as for the having a baby ripped out your body, yes - yes I do know what that feels like. Not all of my miscarriages have been ''plain sailing''. I've physically had to go surgery more than once.
My attitude to you - Oh geez, you're funny. Clearly oblivious to your own attitude issues then! LOL!

You're a really nasty woman, thank God you don't have children to have to listen to that. God only knows what they've had to grow up listening to. You seriously need to go to your doctor for anger management. Bye!
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Danaa » Fri Oct 16, 2015 9:10 am

I have been thinking if I should post this or not but here it goes:Miss406 I can't believe your post,you are a mother and you are dealing with ttc so how can you say"Thank God you don't have any children" to a woman who deals with infertility.I'm sure she would have been a great mother!You are nobody to judge how she would have raised her children.You already have children so you will never experience what is it like to fight every month just to have a baby,how do u feel when ur body can't do what is supose to do.I'm not saying just bcs u have kids ttc is more easy but is not the same......As a woman who has been trying for years,I find ur post very rude towards me and all women who are struggling. Don't tell me you never snapped at anyone?We all do once in a while.That doesn't mean we are not allowed to have children.
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My Ovulation Chart
.
Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a loss around 5 weeks
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 ?
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Re: feelings on celebrity "trend" to share miscarriage(s)

Postby Holls3084 » Sat Oct 17, 2015 2:29 pm

Good grief! Rocking I'm SO sorry you had to read that response from miss406 - that wasn't very nice. There's no need for that type of immaturity! We are ALL grown up women here and we need to stand together and not rip each other apart.

This forum is for all of us to say what we need to - whether it's experiencing a miscarriage, struggle to conceive or dealing with infertility. Everyone is allowed to feel what they feel and it's all terrible. Lisianthus - I get what your saying. I've heard 'just relax', stop trying or its in god's hands so many times I could scream! It's heartbreaking every month to either see a BFN or af show up. And experiencing a BFP only to have it taken from you is heartbreaking too! It's just a different type of heartbreak. So I am giving everyone a big hug who is struggling to conceive or with infertility and those who have lost a baby! Life is hard enough without having this type of thing added to it.
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Me -31
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2 cycles on a break - I need surgery
TTC Journey - 8 months
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