My best friend has given birth

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My best friend has given birth

Postby estrella » Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:40 am

Today, my best friend of 30 years gave birth to her first baby at the age of 42, through free IVF provided by her state insurance. In the course of just over one year, she is now a full-time SAHM, supported by her husband, and they just bought a home. She used to swear she would never get married and was a women's studies minor in college.

I'm 8 days older than my friend. I cannot afford IVF or similar, and I was laid off 2 weeks ago in the continuing saga of life stressors that have impacted me non-stop for over five years during the TTC journey.

I have never felt more alone in my life than I do right now. I have reached out for the first time to a local infertility support group and am waiting for them to get back to me. They are silent. Which is in 100% keeping with everything else.

I dutifully arranged for flowers to be sent to my friend from me and my family, including my elderly parents who have no grandchildren and would be wonderful grandparents. But I cannot return her texts, even though I know she knows how I feel right now and is trying to be sensitive to me. (I know this because the texts have nothing to do with the baby, but are jokes about how her doctor is named the same as a music artist.)

Earlier this week I was sailing on the high of some amazing non-baby stuff, and that no longer matters. I'm going to a charity event tonight with chocolate and champagne, and I intend to gorge myself.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you are all in a happier place than I am right now. Blessed be.
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Re: My best friend has given birth

Postby hero7 » Fri Oct 16, 2015 2:08 pm

Hi Estrella...that is so hard! SO SO SO HARD! I am sure you are truly happy for her, but it does hurt so much to not be the one with the baby in your arms. I went to a support group for the first time this week and it was really helpful to be in the same room with others who 'get it'.

This exact topic came up and the therapist who was the guest speaker said that it is OK!...just let her know you are happy for her, but it's hard and you can't talk right now. She will understand as best she can... You can tell her you just need some space, you love her and will come around in your own time. This was all advice from the therapist. She probably doesn't know what to say - so you can be the one to just clear the honest, it hurts and you need time. Totally fine.

I am not sure what support group you contacted, but look up RESOLVE.ORG and see if there are any meetings near you. This is who organizes the one near me. Also the fertility clinic I go to has a group that meets monthly, I doubt you have to be a patient to attend, so that may be another resource for you as well.

Hang in there, you will be ok! You are a fighter if you've been wanting so long to be a mother and dealt with what sounds like a lot of difficulties will get thru this too!

Me: 38
Hubby: 42

Married 11/2/2014
TTC #1

March 2015 - confirmed early MC/CP
May & June 2015 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
July 2015 - Testing done: AMH 0.72, FSH 10, DH SA #s are great, but lowish morphology
Aug 2015 - Follistim w/ timed - BFN
Oct 2015 - Follistim w/ IUI - BFN
Dec 2015 - New RE!! Updated labs - AMH is now 1.3! Started IVF meds 12/31, retrieval mid-Jan
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Re: My best friend has given birth

Postby estrella » Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:38 pm

hero7, I cannot thank you enough. I was coming here tonight to delete what I was calling "my whiny post," and then I saw your response.

The infertility group is in fact through RESOLVE, and they have gotten back to me. I will be going there next week and am so grateful it worked out.

Honestly, yes, things have been...challenging the last five years. Our marriage is strong, we have a great dog, we have a roof over our head, and we are deeply grateful for these things so truly much, but wouldn't it be nice if we could, for example, both be employed at the same time.

So. We move onward. All the best on your journey as well! We are all fighters here.:) xo
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Re: My best friend has given birth

Postby rockinmysoxoff » Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:40 am

Estrella, I'm so glad you found and are going to a support group. And I think your 'whiny post' is just fine. You were expressing your feelings and that's okay in my book. Not that you need my permission! Infertility to me has been the longest grief process in my life. Everytime I think I'm okay with it and am doing just fabulous, something BAM hits me and bring all those feelings back again. I hope the group helps you, at least feel not so alone.
Me=34 mild endo, fibroids, pcos....sluggish eggs
DH=36 low sperm count
TTC since july 10 2010
ectopic sept 17th at 7.5 weeks 2010 (so we know it's possible!)

I'm still here, fighting the good fight. We are still 'trying' but it's no big deal anymore if we don't have a baby. We have been together since October of 1998! We certainly didn't get married JUST to have babies! Good luck to everyone TTC!
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