avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Any and all topics infertility-related, including treatment, emotions, and questions.

Moderators: unaffected, JessM, southernbelle, maddy

avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby lisianthus » Sun Nov 22, 2015 2:29 am

Over the course of our TTC journey, we haven't gotten the typical "when are you finally starting a family" question, too often, if at all. We were never shy to say, that we wanted a family and we just had to be a bit more patient. People seemed to understand and basically shut up about it.

What did however happen, was the scanning of my body. Which to this day is a side burden when TTC.
I can't weare a lose top out of pure comfort, because ppl. would desperately try to catch a peak and see something that wasn't there.
I can't tell my mom over the phone that I slept through the entire weekend, out of pure lazyness, b/c - you guessed it - I sure must be pregnant.
I can't express a desire for a certain dish, b/c that MUST be a pregnancy craving.
And there are more...
All I'm trying to say is, not conceiving is hard enough to deal with, now you (I at least) have to additionally deal with avoiding things that could be perceived by others as a sure pregnancy sign. Who can spot the irony in that!
Rant over.
Last edited by lisianthus on Mon Nov 30, 2015 11:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
lisianthus
Friend
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:08 am

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby hero7 » Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:44 am

Hi! I understand completely! People are just excited for you and want it for you too! It's so hard I know...especially around the holidays. Try to remember these people care about you and want you to be happy... but yeah, I've had to tell a few people (like parents) that when we have news we will share it, and please to not get too excited in the meantime.
Me: 38
Hubby: 42

Married 11/2/2014
TTC #1


March 2015 - confirmed early MC/CP
May & June 2015 - Clomid 50mg - BFN
July 2015 - Testing done: AMH 0.72, FSH 10, DH SA #s are great, but lowish morphology
Aug 2015 - Follistim w/ timed - BFN
Oct 2015 - Follistim w/ IUI - BFN
Dec 2015 - New RE!! Updated labs - AMH is now 1.3! Started IVF meds 12/31, retrieval mid-Jan
hero7
TTC Queen
TTC Queen
 
Posts: 300
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:58 am

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby Shaebaby44 » Tue Nov 24, 2015 7:24 pm

I think people need to understand that if you want to show a TTC lady/couple that you care, the BEST thing you can do is stop bringing it up. It does not help and while your intentions may be good, it's probably just upsetting her. If the lady who is TTC wants to talk about it, SHE will bring it up. She has enough on her plate to deal with, she doesn't need questions and comments from everyone around her. It's a very sensitive topic for some people so I believe the safest thing is to just leave it alone unless she initiates a conversation about it.

I've even said this to family and friends who keep asking us when we're having kids or making comments about how long we're waiting. I got sick of it one day and lost my cool. I told them to stop asking, stop hinting about wanting grandkids, stop telling me i'll run out of time if i'm not careful, don't tell me what I should and shouldn't be eating/drinking/doing if I want to get pregnant, just stop. After being on the TTC journey for over 10 years, I think I have a pretty good understanding of what I can and can't do/eat/drink while i'm actively trying. You might mean well by trying to give me advice, but I don't want it. If I want help, i'll ask for it.

This probably sounds a little rude and cold because "people just care", but I spent WAY too long being sensitive to other people's feelings when they're "just trying to help", and I am done putting their feelings before my own. They need to remember that it's ME going through this. Not them. They don't have to deal with the heartbreak of failed cycles every month and the hormonal rollercoaster these fertility drugs send me on and the waves of depression and anxiety that come with it. They're not being denied the one thing they want in life, the ONLY thing they've ever truly wanted. Until they're in the same boat as me, they'll kindly keep their opinions and advice to themselves!

And I solemnly swear that I WILL thump the next person to tell me "it'll happen if you just relax and stop thinking about it so much". Oh gee, that MUST be it.

Sorry, this turned into a complete rant LOL. I am actually the nicest, sweetest and LEAST confrontational person you'll ever meet, but when it comes to my TTC journey, my tune has completely changed. I used to let people make jokes about the fact that we don't have kids yet, and ask stupid questions about why it hasn't happened yet, and offer condescending advice like "you do know you have to do it at a specific point in your cycle right?" as if the sole reason i'm not pregnant is because we've spent the past 12 years doing it at the wrong time. I've just had enough and I keep the whole thing private, and I tell people to stfu and mind their own business if they try to make comments about it.
Lisa (29, PCOS), Danny (37)
TTC #1
NT/NP 10 years, actively trying since August 2015
Sept/Oct 2015 - Provera, Clomid 50mg - anovulatory
Oct/Nov 2015 - Provera, Clomid 100mg - anovulatory
Dec 2015/Jan 2016 - Provera, Clomid 150mg - anovulatory
Feb 2016/May 2016 - Vitex, Ferro f-tab
May 2016/Jun 2016 - Provera, Clomid 100mg - In progress

Image
Shaebaby44
TTC Diva
TTC Diva
 
Posts: 486
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 6:28 pm

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby scarletWillow3086 » Wed Nov 25, 2015 7:55 am

Amen, sister Shaebaby. I couldn't say it better myself. Feels like you wrote my thoughts, which is great to hear because I feel so alone in my thoughts sometimes. Thank you for that. :)
TTC #2
Unexplained IF, Femara with Trigger/IUI

DS born 9/26/16 He's our little miracle!
Image

Conceived naturally second time around! Very surprised! :omg:

Image
scarletWillow3086
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 903
Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 7:10 am
Location: Eastern US

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby Wishfull » Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:49 am

Shaebaby
I couldn't have said it better myself. And I have blown up at people including my mom. Omg I gained five pounds must be pregnant. No mom it because I'm a big girl and my weight fluctuates. Or I don't have any energy after work must be pregnant. Nope pretty sure its the Ten hours at the office that did it. And I know they want to be supportive but dadnamit just mind your own business.
http://FertilityFriend.com/home/5eb089/]http://FertilityFriend.com/home/5eb089/[/url]
Wishfull
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 1078
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 7:40 pm
Location: Tennessee

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby veryclearly » Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:35 pm

It's hard to balance all of this stuff out with our emotions but I find it very hard to stay away from this "pressure" from family. It's like it was a bad idea telling them in the first place maybe because they all want to "notice" something first.

"I remember seeing her that day and I just knew she was pregnant"
veryclearly
Friend
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:31 pm

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby Nic&la » Thu Dec 03, 2015 11:36 am

I totally agree! The only thing worse than my disappointment month on month is my F&F disappointment.

The way i avoid it is to make sure I drop into conversation where possible 'the nice glass of wine I had last night' etc. although it cant be helping my reputation - everyone must be thinking I'm an alcoholic!

TTC can be so lonely sometimes, I'm not used to keeping things to myself, I'm glad I found this board :-)
Nic&la
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:55 am

Re: avoiding pregnancy signs when NOT pregnant

Postby lisianthus » Thu Dec 03, 2015 12:54 pm

Haha! The glass of wine! That's also a 'trick' I'm familiar with. I basically don't shy away from joining the drinking party right away, to set the record straight, even though often I'd prefer not to drink. But again: she MUST be pregnant, didn't touch the alcohol.

On the other hand I must admit that I've always been very upset about women drinking when it was an open secret that they were ttc. I thought it highly inapropriate. Sitting in the ttc boat for 20+months myself now, my restrictions on a glass of sparkle have loosened up.
april 2014 - start ttc #1
------
may 2015 - mfi (low count, low motility)
nov 2015 - ivf stimming #1 - 18 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized, 1 transferred, 7 frozen - bfp!
------
jan 2016 - natural m/c at (8w5d)
mrch 2016 - medicated fet #1, bfn
apr 2016 - unmedicated fet #2, bfn
june 2016 - medicated fet #3, cancelled five days prior to transfer, (PGD results: none came back ok)

aug 2016 - IVF stimming #2
lisianthus
Friend
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:08 am


Return to General Infertility