How friendships change during IF and how to deal...

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How friendships change during IF and how to deal...

Postby goodnightelisabeth » Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:00 pm

I could really use some advice about how to deal with what I am going through right now. I will give you a quick background - my husband and I have been TTC for 2+ years. Infertility testing found a bunch of hormonal issues and endometriosis. I recently had surgery after a long wait. We were almost cleared to start TTC again, but some hormonal issues that we thought were fixed have come up again. It's been incredibly frustrating, draining, and emotional that we have had so many barriers for such a long time, and still may have a long road ahead.

About a year and a half into our journey, our close friends started TTC for a few months and decided to get some testing done because they couldn't handle the wait. They had listened to what we were going through and decided to be proactive - no problem. Long story short - after comparing fertility battles, they got pregnant naturally within a year. All of a sudden, the people who said they'd be there for me through our struggles and my surgery were nowhere to be found because they had gotten pregnant.

I'm happy for them, but I don't know how to deal with this. It feels like a huge transition in our friendship. It's incredibly odd to not be sharing this part of our lives because they think it's too awkward to talk about it, especially after the amount of advice they asked us about infertility. The worst part is they told us the news via text, even after inviting them over several times, they didn't even bother with a phone call. When we said we were hurt by that, they apologized and said, "We didn't want to upset you because we've been there and know how it feels." But they haven't been through what we've been through.

Any advice for the transition in a friendship like this when going through infertility? We haven't seen them in person yet, and everything just seems so strange and I don't know how I will react. I'm afraid others will alienate us because they won't want us to dampen their happiness for the new pregnant couple.

My husband is so positive about things while trying to commiserate with me, and he doesn't want me to isolate myself. I just don't know what to do or how to maintain normal friendships while I'm going through this - like I've completely lost myself.
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