New and looking for support - TTC and PhD D:

[SpacedOut]

Hi all Long time stalker, (nearly) first time poster.

DH and I haven't been trying for too long, but I'm finding this to be a very gruelling experience. Before we started trying I had been on BC of one form or another for over ten years so it took a while before I could see ovulation symptoms. I'm still not seeing strong symptoms (ALL neg OPKs but sometimes a faint whiff of a second line...) but temping has shown a little promise. I'm starting to chart CM so we'll see how that goes.

Meanwhile.....

My dream since I was little was to get my PhD and go into research, but since I had to pay for all this education myself I did a teaching course in 2006 after my bachelors so I could pay off my student loans then go back to uni after. I just paid them all back in 2013 so I started Honours (no American equivalent, sorta like Masters) in 2014 part time while still working part time. I finish in November so then I can do the PhD... the dream is happening!

So my dumb, over-planning, micro-managing, naive self figured I could get pregnant in March, have the baby at the end of the school year in December (I'm in Australia). I could then do that dodgy 'I'm taking a year off as maternity leave but really I'm not ever coming back' thing and start the PhD in Jan 2017 when bub is old enough for daycare. I had it all planned...

That window has clearly come and gone I hadn't considered that it would take so long as both my mum and my (twin!) sister are Fertile Myrtles and get preggo in a strong wind.

Anyway, needless to say this is stressing me the hell out. I don't really have anyone to talk to so I've come here. Mum and sister have both asked the dreaded "what's more important, children or a PhD?" which just kills me. I've wanted both for myself since forever, neither are negotiable, why do men never get asked that? Arg! DH is super supportive but mostly in the "it's ok, we'll try again next month" way.

I would be grateful for any words of support, especially from anyone who's managed (or is trying) to have kids in the midst of a career.

[KariC]

I know you posted this a couple days ago, but I didn't see it til now so thought I'd answer. I'm so sorry your family's making you feel like you can't do both - you can - you can do whatever you want. And if it works for you to start the PhD when you planned and have a smaller baby at home or be pregnant or still be TTC, that's ok, and if it works for you to tackle the PhD a year later than you planned, that's ok too. Just don't give it up or put it on hold because of what might happen.

I'm TTC as a resident doctor - I work 80 hours a week, sometimes I only see DH for 30 minutes a day or not at all, we're on a timeline too - it would be ideal to get pregnant in the next couple months because of my rotations - I would have the most time off with our newborn that way, but I can't plan these things, I can't force it to happen. So I pray and wish and hang out here posting because these ladies know how I feel.

Anyway I believe you can do everything you want. I post most days in the blog section too - also KariC.

Babydust.

[SpacedOut]

Thanks KariC, That means a lot <3

[w8ting4baby1]

I am SO GLAD I found your thread!! Our stories are so similar.
I am nearly 32 and DH nearly 35, TTC #1. I have been on various birth controls for about 14 years, went off nuvaring in March. This last cycle was our first real TTC, I'm in my TWW now.
I have been really stressed b/c I currently live abroad in Turkey (hubby is military), and we are slotted to go back to the USA in April. I am finishing my Maser's in Marriage and Family Therapy, and within a few months of returning stateside, I HAVE to start my internship, which is a full time job basically, but unpaid. I can't take time off, there is no maternity leave, and I also have to finish it within a certain amount of time so i LITERALLY cannot take time off. Both of my hubby and my's biggest fear is putting a newborn in childcare If I can conceive within the next 3 months, I will have about 3 months with a baby before childcare. If I don't, my tiny infant will be going to childcare basically from birth. I can't wait any longer either, b/c a) there is NO 'perfect time' and b) it would be another 2 years, and I"m nearly 32 and we want more than one so....I am not comfortable waiting that much longer.
Trying to just give it to GOd. All the women in my family are also ridiculously fertile, and here I am....
So great to find others who understand a bit!
Prayers and baby dust to us all!!

[SpacedOut]

That's criminal that you don't get any maternity leave!! >:(
Good luck w8ting, please let me know how you go. I'm now in cycle 8 of trying with no luck I'm cd4

[EstrellaS]

Hey, there, honey. I hope you're doing better, today. I know, TTC can be a real pain in the @ss. It's nothing to worry about, though. Have you thought about going for alternative assisted conception options? I really think that could be a good idea. Best of luck to you! Here's to hoping your luck turns around.

[hannahdavid]

Good luck to you. I am in the same boat as yours. Life can be tough at times. However, it is soo important to not lose hope. For my struggles, I learned the importance of a good clinic. If the doctor is experienced things do go well. Really hoping this one last procedure works out. Or esle I dont think I would try for another process.