Lost all hope....

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Lost all hope....

Postby GennaTTC » Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:47 pm

I rarely post here, but I am at the end of my rope.

I started seeing my gyne for clomid last June when I had 2 cycles that were 50+ days. I got pregnant with my first clomid cycle...chemical. I ended up doing 4 more cycles and bfn, and moved onto a RE. We opted out of IUI + injectibles as there was a 30% chance of multiples. So we went straight to IVF.

I did IVF #1 in January this year, hyperstimmed something fierce, cycle cancelled and all-freeze on day 1 embryos. Went back in March for an FET, chemical. Did another fresh IVF cycle in May put back 2, chemical.

Had a repeat loss panel (RPL testing) in June following my 2nd ivf chemical and that came back showing that I have hetero MTHFR (clotting issue) and a "reciprocal balanced translocation" Basically one of my #5 chromosome gene material broke off and the same thing happend with my #10 chromosome and they switched positions. It happens in 1 out of 600 people. The only time you realize its a problem is when you want to have kids. Great.

So I did a 3rd IVF cycle this year with pre-genetic testing to figure out which of the embryos is unaffected with my chromosome problem. They found that 1 was normal...a little girl. I was over the moon excited. 4 days post transfer, I had a + HPT. The hpt's got darker and then on 9dpt, the tests stop getting darker. On 10dpt the tests got lighter, had my beta, it came in at 14. 2 days later it was 5...another chemical pregnancy.

I've just lost all faith. My doctor told me donor eggs is a solution to my problems. I don't want to persue that as its just not for me. I'm exhausted. We finally had a fighting chance this last cycle and another chemical. All I want is to be a mother and my body is failing me. I feel broken and lost and don't have any hope. The reality of all of this is I should probably move on, but I can't. I have 1 more IVF cycle with insurance and intend on exhausting that in the spring.

Please pray for me. Pray that there is a bigger plan for me, and that will be evident in the near future. My husband is a stroke survivor from 2006...he had a brain bleed, and recovered. I feel God performed a miracle that day...I'm lucky he is alive and healthy. I just hope God has a miracle in store for me one day..............................

Thanks!
Me:35 (Genna) DH:41
Me: thin PCOS, homo MTHFR, balanced translocation 5;10 DH: normal
- No kids/TTC 2.5 years
- 5 losses: clomid/IVF/IVF+PGD, 1 natural loss November 2012
- Last IVF #4 with PGS January 2013: 4 chromosomally normal embryos-3 girls/1 boy
- FET 4/11
- Beta #1 9dp5dt: 209! I'm Pregnant OMG!!!!
- Beta #2 12dp5dt: 657! 42.97 hour doubling time!
- Beta #3 15dp5dt: 2311 39.68 hour doubling time!
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Postby lady_lizzie1119 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 3:04 pm

Oh... oh my gosh. I can't even begin to comprehend the suffering you've been going through. I promise with all my heart that I will keep you in my thoughts. How awful to have this happen to you! And when you say "all I want is to be a mom" at the end of that string of complications just breaks my heart. I am a newbie yes but if I could be there to hold your hand through it all I would do it in a heart beat. You are more than deserving of more than one miracle. You deserve your husbands health and this pregnancy you've so desired. I wish I could do something more than just throw words at you so I will pray as hard as I can that you be given a rightful chance and that you triumph through your bodies persistant issues and have your little miracle. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby urwithnitin02 » Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:03 am

:(
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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby maddy » Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:32 am

Prayers for you! Heavenly Father has plans for all of us!

I love this verse, it reminds me that Heavenly Father has not forgotten me in my times of grief and hardships and that I am important to him!

Luke 12:7 - And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.
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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby mmm3v » Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:19 pm

Genna my heart is aching for you! I begin to comprehend what you are going through! I see that you are getting another treatment this month. I will be thinking and praying for you! Hope you get to come back and tell us you have your sticky bean!
05/12 - married & off BC
09/12 - BFP
11/12 - MC at 12 weeks - blighted ovum
12/12 - 1st cycle temping & OPK (BFN)
01/13 - BFN
02/13 - No OPKs or temping
3/7/13 - BFP! Due Nov 17th
11/9/13 - DD 7 lbs 1 oz
12/14 - trying for #2

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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby GennaTTC » Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:54 pm

Thanks everyone for your support and prayers. We decided to do our last ivf + pgd cycle this month. This is really our last shot. Praying this works
Me:35 (Genna) DH:41
Me: thin PCOS, homo MTHFR, balanced translocation 5;10 DH: normal
- No kids/TTC 2.5 years
- 5 losses: clomid/IVF/IVF+PGD, 1 natural loss November 2012
- Last IVF #4 with PGS January 2013: 4 chromosomally normal embryos-3 girls/1 boy
- FET 4/11
- Beta #1 9dp5dt: 209! I'm Pregnant OMG!!!!
- Beta #2 12dp5dt: 657! 42.97 hour doubling time!
- Beta #3 15dp5dt: 2311 39.68 hour doubling time!
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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby mmm3v » Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:55 pm

Good luck & Keep us posted!Hope this is your BF miracle :D
05/12 - married & off BC
09/12 - BFP
11/12 - MC at 12 weeks - blighted ovum
12/12 - 1st cycle temping & OPK (BFN)
01/13 - BFN
02/13 - No OPKs or temping
3/7/13 - BFP! Due Nov 17th
11/9/13 - DD 7 lbs 1 oz
12/14 - trying for #2

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My Ovulation Chart
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Re: Lost all hope....

Postby maddy » Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:30 pm

Praying for you!
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