Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

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Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby brittimae » Thu Jun 19, 2014 9:15 am

Here I am, again. Ttc month 17, after having two very early m/c last year, in a row. Im so sad. Honestly. I feel like this is never going to happen. My anxiety has been so horrible I can barely even function properly. I just dont understand how its so easy for some people to get pregnant and deliver healthy babies, when I cant even seem to get pregnant, and when I do, my body wont support the baby. And having everyone around with newborn babies makes it even worse. Both my sister in laws got pregnant last year when I had both my m/c..and so sometimes I feel like those should be my babies and not theirs..It is so depressing, and it is so hard to keep positive.
But on a better note, I quit smoking (I know I shouldnt have been smoking anyways, but I was so super stressed!), and next week I go back to see my doctor and *hopefully* will get started on clomid for my next cycle. I am thankful to finally found a doctor that is willing to give me time and help.

Baby dust to all, we've just gotta keep trying! <3
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Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby orangecat » Thu Jun 19, 2014 10:20 am

Hi Britt
I here ya! I am on cycle 19 month 18. 1 loss. Babies and pregnant friends everywhere! I quit smoking 18 months ago but DH refuses to kick the habit even though he has less than ideal sperm count.
If BFN in a week we are jumping into Clomid and IUI. My RE won't let me do Clomid on it's own without IUI which kind of pisses me off. It seems like a money grab for them! I am tempted to do Clomid without telling her but am scared something could go horribly wrong without proper monitoring.

I am finding being hopeful harder every cycle:(

Hang in there. Xoxox
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Me 37
DH 39
"Unexplained Infertility" diagnosis Feb 2014
IUI- planned for May 2014
Surprise BFP April 18/2014 while waiting for IUI!
Natural miscarriage April 29/2014 - 6 weeks
IUI #1 50mg Clomid and 24 mil sperm July 4/2014= BFN
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Aug= CANCELLED due to cyst and midcycle bleed
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Oct 7/2014= BFN
2015 NOTHING
2016 New RE gives us hope
April 19/16 Ectopic Pregnancy while waiting to begin IUI again
Right tube removed
DH 3% Morphology
ME AMH 4.4PMOL (British scale)
"I may not be there yet. But I am closer than I was yesterday."
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Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby Bluevini » Fri Aug 29, 2014 10:26 pm

Hi orangecat,
Don't worry dear friend . I've been trying for 4 years and still no success for us. Had two miscarriages so far. Hubs has no prob. I have pcos but mild . I changed my doc coz she would'nt give me clomid. This cycle I took clomid and was monitored , had 4 good sized follies but only one ruptured :-( new doc not very happy about it. 7 dpo feeling no preg symptoms . God life sucks. Pls don't do clomid by yourself coz it could lead to ovarian hyperstimulation or some other complications. You will be in my prayers both Brit and orange cat...lets hope for the best very soon ... Take care
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Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby DeeMarie » Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:28 am

I know it's easier said than done, but try to stay positive. I need to take my own advice. I've been telling my sisters that I'm so optimistic and sometimes I don't think I really am. Took a preg test on Friday with a BFN and then AF just came to town on Sunday and I am not happy about that.. Dang her. But I will try again this month with the Clomid. I know there are success stories after 1 month but I also know that I need to think rational.
On the same note, I'm so over all the posts I'm seeing about pregnancies and kids going back to school. God forgive me for being so bitchy about it. AND then a friend on Facebook announced her pregnancy ...
~ Dee Dee ~
Me: 39 (PCOS with anovulation)
Hubby: 45
Hubby and I together since 2001 - Married since 2010 ~ TTC for over 12 years
First Round of Clomid August 2014
2nd Round of Clomid: Sept 2014
3rd Round of Clomid: Nov 2014
BFP on 12/13/14
Methotrexate on 12/30 for ectopic pregnancy
Surgery on 01/16/15 for ectopic rupture
*Back on the horse* - May 2015
**BABY DUST** ....
DeeMarie
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Location: Southern NJ

Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby WhileImWaiting » Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:00 am

Im sorry DeeMarie :( I was diagnosed with pcos last year. Hubby and I (38 & 37) have been ttc for five years. Just got insurance back so got a new dr who put me on clomid. Got two positive tests (first pregnancy since having my daughter in 2003!) so I was elated! Lost it today, around 5 weeks and the dr's assistant was super insensitive about it saying she doubted I even was! My sister-in-law is 8 weeks now. Totally full of resentment.....but, this month who knows? I'll start another round of clomid this month and try to stay hopeful with you <3
Me 37, Hubby 38
Had daughter in 2003
DX with PCOS in 2013 after Mirena wrecked my system
Been ttc 5 years
Started clomid 8/2014
BFP 8/19 & 8/29
Early Miscarriage 9/2/2014
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Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby DeeMarie » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:40 am

Oh my heart, WhileImWaiting.... I'm thinking of you! What a crappy bedside manner from that doctor's assistant. Thanks for sharing that info, even though I can bet it was difficult. Guess that's what we're all here for. The SUPPORT and the experiences. Staying hopeful, with the rest of the gals on here!
~ Dee Dee ~
Me: 39 (PCOS with anovulation)
Hubby: 45
Hubby and I together since 2001 - Married since 2010 ~ TTC for over 12 years
First Round of Clomid August 2014
2nd Round of Clomid: Sept 2014
3rd Round of Clomid: Nov 2014
BFP on 12/13/14
Methotrexate on 12/30 for ectopic pregnancy
Surgery on 01/16/15 for ectopic rupture
*Back on the horse* - May 2015
**BABY DUST** ....
DeeMarie
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Location: Southern NJ

Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby Bluevini » Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:38 pm

First clomid cycle and af is due today ... Having the worst week ever. Spoke to my mil's elder sister yesterday and she asked if I have any good news and I said I'll let her know soon. She got pissed off and said how many more years are u going to say the same thing. God it felt very like someone stabbed me in the heart. Don't know if i am overreacting. My sis in law is preg now. I really love her a lot but sometimes the green monster shows up and I am scared i might ruin our relationship. Anyways my dear sisters hang in there . Hope one day we all get BFP real soon. Baby dust to all of u ....
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Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful

Postby DeeMarie » Fri Sep 19, 2014 8:06 am

Just checking in today ... Been feeling some ovulation type "twinges" but pretty sure I'm past that.
No BD last night, even though I think we should have. Today, I was thinking about how I hear so many women say "Oh, I just knew I was pregnant". I wonder if any of you ever had that, "feeling"... like you just knew something had changed within you? Literally and metaphorically. I remember, even my mom, saying that years ago. I know that we "know our bodies" -- I just wonder if I'll ever wake up one day and say "Yep, I can tell. I know I'm pregnant".

What a feeling that would be! To just know it.
~ Dee Dee ~
Me: 39 (PCOS with anovulation)
Hubby: 45
Hubby and I together since 2001 - Married since 2010 ~ TTC for over 12 years
First Round of Clomid August 2014
2nd Round of Clomid: Sept 2014
3rd Round of Clomid: Nov 2014
BFP on 12/13/14
Methotrexate on 12/30 for ectopic pregnancy
Surgery on 01/16/15 for ectopic rupture
*Back on the horse* - May 2015
**BABY DUST** ....
DeeMarie
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Posts: 31
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:54 pm
Location: Southern NJ

Re: Hopeless but trying to stay hopeful.

Postby abbyttc#1 » Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:05 am

To all you that have posted in here, I'm thinking and praying for all of you. This is month 16 of TTC, round 3 of clomid but this is the first round that my doc increased from 50mg to 100mg. Had an ultrasound last week and the rt ovary looked good they said. Praying for good news for all of us this month - wouldn't that make a great Christmas gift? Wrapping you all in love, seems like everyone around me is pregnant either after trying for 1 month, or pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd child, while I can't even get pregnant with 1! Thinking of you all :)
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