Say a little prayer for me tonight...

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Say a little prayer for me tonight...

Postby mesothornie » Thu Dec 04, 2014 2:48 am

I turn 30 in March. Me and DH have been "trying" for 6 years almost. I was diagnosed with pcos in 2005 and also have fibromyalgia, lupus and hoshimotos thyroiditis. Basically im a walking medical text book. Anyway, 6 years and 5 miscarriages later I have given up hope and feel broken.

I know the lack of ability to have a child doesn't make me less of a woman, but it feels that way. My heart aches every time af shows up..when she shows up. I have maybe 4 or 5 afs a year now. Ive been to my doctor who just wants to put me on anti depressants and glucophage to help bring the androgens in my body down. Which this makes af show up, but because im not diabetic, makes me pass out because of low blood sugar.
The only fert. Doc in town is a complete jerk and refuses to help any woman who is infertile if she makes less than 60k a year. Even though I have insurance, have a B.A and a good job...he refuses to help me.
DH is a 14 yr veteran. He is disabled due to PTSD. He drags himself to work everyday to help me pay bills and save up for a house. When we first got pregnant he was so excited. Walked around his unit letting everyone know he was going to be a dad. Then I had my first miscarriage. He and I were devistated. Now, after the 5th loss he literally shrugs his shoulders at me.
A girl at work who is 19 just announced she is pregnant. While I am so very happy and excited for her, I can't help but want to cry every time she tells me about her doc visits and the getting ready for her little one. I will be 30 in March. I am the only female that I know who doesn't have a child. I want nothing more than to have a beautiful baby whith DH's nose..and my eyes..

I have completely given up hope. I dont even WANT to try anymore. DH seems fine with that and isn't the least bit interested in me anymore. I'm at my witts end...please..say a little prayer for me tonight. I'm not sure how much more my heart can take.
mesothornie
 
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Re: Say a little prayer for me tonight...

Postby babydust530 » Thu Dec 04, 2014 7:24 am

I'm so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been to experience 5 miscarriages. :(
I know everyone has different opinions about counseling, but I would recommend for you and DH to give it a try. It may help both of you process the loses you have experienced, and maintain open communication during this difficult time. There are a lot of mental health counselors that specialize in infertility counseling. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Thank you to your husband for defending our country.
BTW, I turned 30 this past summer, I know how you feel about this milestone and not having a baby. Just remember many women go on to have healthy babies in their late 30s and even 40s.
Me: 32
DH: 32
Our little girl is 17-months old (born Oct. 2015)
BFP on 4/5/17 (est. due date 12/18/17)
babydust530
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