Depressed and waiting

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Depressed and waiting

Postby Jess.Brooke.C » Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:01 am

My husband and I are both 28 years old. We have been together 3 and half years, lived together for 1 and a half years, and married for 4 months. This is my second marriage and I have an 8 year old son (8 this month). I tried for a second child with my ex husband 1 year after my son was born and had 1 early miscarriage and 1 eptioc pregnancy. After that we actually divorce. I always thought that it was God's way of telling me we did not need another child at that time... And I would wait until the right man came into my life.... Fast forward to my current (and last!) husband. We have done very well for ourselves. In the 3 and a half years we have been together he graduated college, got a GREAT job (just got a HUGE raise with a new position), I graduated college, we built a house, we have our cars, everything you can imagine! We are comfortable in life. I have never ever been this great in life. Here is where is the issues come in. My husband only wants one child of his own. I am perfectly fine with one more. I just want to start trying NOW. He went from 5 years to 2 years to maybe next year. And now he is giving in and said we can start in March of 2016. That is 4 months from now. I should be happy with that. In fact I feel so guilty becasue I should just be freakin' happy and loving this wonderful life I have. But, I am depressed and sometimes angry. I do not understand what 4 months is going to do! It might take us that long to get pregnant in the first place! Not to mention that puts us having a late 2016 baby (if we even get pregnant right off the bat) and I did not want to have a child in Nov or Dec because my sons birthday is one month from Christmas and that gets really stressful. So, I need to wait 6-7 months! I feel so devastated inside and I keep thinking I am going to have 10 years between my children! I am also so nervous about my pass history. My doctor was so worried acting over my eptopic pregnancy and my risk for a repeat. I find myself mourning over my egg every time I ovulate. It sounds so stupid to anyone I talk to.... Like its just hormones or just wait it's only several more months. Does not help that literally neighbors on both sides of my house and the one in front of my house are pregnant (we hang out on a regular basis too and one is my best friend) plus my sister and my brother in law both just had babies! I feel like this whole mess is effecting my relationship with my husband. I am to the point I want to talk with a doctor! Maybe I need mental help. Am I crazy? Has anyone else gone through this? I have tried to focus my mind on preparing my body, learning about trying to conceive, learning my bodies schedule, etc. Nothing seems to work. I still want to try now. I still get mad at my husband when he gets mad that I ask him each month "Have you changed your mind?".... I could use a few words of encouragement.
Last edited by Jess.Brooke.C on Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
Jess.Brooke.C
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Re: Depressed and waiting

Postby blooop » Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:13 am

You're not crazy. I'm sorry about your previous losses, and your last marriage. Your husband probably just doesn't understand that it's time-sensitive, and that it can take a long time. March does seem pretty far away when you want to have a baby right now, but men just don't get it. People always say "I told my husband we've been trying for eight months, and he said, what? I thought it was three or four." They're just silly.

I wouldn't worry about having a late baby next year.. your son will be old enough to understand his mom is pregnant and can't run around and I'm sure your family can help you with Christmas/thanksgiving stuff. And, like you say, TTC can take a while, it might not even be a problem if you're in 2nd trimester or so by then right? And you have a new husband, with a good job and a nice house. That's great!

I know having a big age gap between your children will not be fun. But try to think of the positives. You're still young, and you're going to start trying four years sooner than he originally wanted you to. You could do temping in the mean time so you have a good idea of how your cycle goes and it'll speed up the process when you start trying.

Nagging the husband about it though is probably a bad idea. If he's already a bit stressed about having another baby, it might freak him out more. And they aren't very good at being supportive about it anyways. Can you talk to anyone else about it, like your mother or a best friend or something?

*hugs* I know this is a bad situation and you're upset... but I'll cross my fingers that you can keep sane til March. And you're always welcome to send me a message if you need to vent.

Me: 23
DH: 29
#1 due August 22, 2016

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Re: Depressed and waiting

Postby Jess.Brooke.C » Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:01 am

Thank you so much for your support! I am tracking ovulation. I also tried not to track so I would not know when I was ovulating and feel depressed that it is not going to happen that month...but I am on of those unlucky/lucky people that have ovulation pain. Sigh. Men.... Can't live with them can't live without them.. And in this case.... We kinda need them 100%.
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Re: Depressed and waiting

Postby blooop » Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:21 pm

Awww.. It's good that you are tracking! Yeah ovulation pains suck, I get them too.

You could also use the time to make sure you're good and fit.. then you will have an easier time TTC and not feel as crappy during pregnancy right? And it'd give you something to focus on.

Me: 23
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#1 due August 22, 2016

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