Can't seem to feel better about the situation.

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Can't seem to feel better about the situation.

Postby Rachie07 » Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:04 pm

I'm not really sure if this is the correct place to post as I am new here, but here goes.

My Husband and I have been married for about a year and a half, we have been together for almost 6 years.Best Friends for about 8 years. We have been trying to conceive now for over 3 years. About a year and a half ago we went to the doctor to find out what the problem was, the results were that my husband has low sperm count and low motility. The doctor basically said we can keep trying but chances were extremely low of getting pregnant. This of course devastated us both. We decided to try to change somethings in his diet and go back 3 months later like the doctor recommended to see if there were any slight changes. He quit smoking, changed his diet, started exercising more, even tried some natural supplements that could help with fertility.

We went back, and absolutely no changes. This is of course made him angry. So he basically shut down, started smoking again, went back to his old habits because in his mind there was no point anymore. He has it in his mind that we will never be able to conceive. He got mad everytime i would bring it up, im guessing thats his way of dealing with it?

Anyways, because of his reactions when I bring up children, I have stopped talking about it completely. Which completely breaks me inside. I want to have children more than anything else in the world and it kills me everyday knowing that it might not happen. I try to remain positive, but it is really hard when my friends and family are constantly getting pregnant around me. I watch tv and see someone have a baby or raise kids and i burst into tears. I usually leave the room so my husband doesnt see. I dont want to talk to him about how upset i am because i feel like im bothering him about it or making himself feel bad because he cant get me pregnant. He has told me when we first got the results that he didnt feel like a man because he cant. I always reassure him that I love him no matter what, and even if we can't have children it doesnt matter to me. Even though i feel like im lying when i say it doesnt matter. We have already discussed IVF and dont feel that it is right for us. And although I would like to adopt, he doesnt like the idea. He simply wants to have his own child which i completely understand.

I just dont know where to go from here. I know i cant go on being upset about this everyday because i feel like im putting myself into a depression. I cant keep crying when one of my friends gets pregnant, or my sister or my cousin. I feel like a horrible person when i have to pretend to be happy for someone who gets pregnant. I wish i could shut off my brain and just forget about trying to conceive and live a normal life. Every month when i get my period i cry and it is so hard to keep all of these feelings to myself because i just cant bring myself to talk to him about it because i dont want to upset him.

Sorry for the lengthy post just needed to vent. Thank you for taking the time to read.
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Re: Can't seem to feel better about the situation.

Postby Danaa » Fri Mar 11, 2016 2:47 am

Hello and welcome!!You are dealing with a very stressful and sad situation,i have no idea how would I handle something like this but I have to say that marriage should be based on communication,trust,love,my point is that you should talk with ur husband about this,is not fair that you have to go through all of this alone and can't share your pain with ur life partner,i understand you don't want to make him feel bad but he has to know ur not ok.I don't know why you wouldn't try ivf or IUI's,I guess we all have different opinions about it but for me IVF is like a gift from God,I have been trying for 3 years whitout any luck so ivf is the only I could get pregnant at this point.Have you had any tests done?hormonal?uktrasound to see if ur O?!Are your cycles regular?how did you confirmed O when you were TTC?
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Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a very early loss,chemical pregnancy.
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 MMC at the 10 weeks ultrasound.
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Re: Can't seem to feel better about the situation.

Postby Rosebud78 » Sat Mar 12, 2016 4:46 am

I'm really sorry about your situation. If you don't mind me asking why wouldn't you consider IVF? Is it because of the cost or just moral issues? I was not willing to try IVF until we tried everything and you know what if I do this again I would do IVF before anything else. It takes 3 weeks to complete an IVF cycle and I got pregnant with strong HCG unlike my previous pregnancies that ended in a miscarriage. Alternatively have you tried IUI? There is only a 10% chance whereas IVF is close to 30-40 depending on age. But still a better chance than not doing anything. Lastly you really need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. I know you love him and you don't want to hurt him but if you keep things inside it's no longer a partnership. Your relationship should come first before any TTC. Good luck and you never know next month might just be your month.
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Re: Can't seem to feel better about the situation.

Postby Me2please » Sun Mar 13, 2016 11:58 pm

Hi Rachie,

I am really so sorry about your situation. I can relate because about a month ago we found out that my DH has a very low sperm count. He is classified as severe MFI. It's been a huge shock and I can understand all of the emotions you are experiencing.
Have you guys been in this limbo for over a year - after the count didn't go up? That is a really long time to be holding your emotions in and pretending to be ok.
There are some positive steps you can take to start taking control of the situation a little bit more and from my experience (I know it's been a much shorter time than you) it really does help to keep moving forward.

First of all;

1. Have they looked into why your DH 's count is low? Has he had blood tests for hormone levels etc? Diet, exercise and everything are really good, but there is a chance your DH might need some hormonal treatments. If it is not a production issue, then it is a structural issue - in which case fertility treatments or sometimes surgery to correct the issue are the only ways to conceive. In my DH's case it is a structural issue, but they have put him on meds anyway to give it a try before surgery.

2. Have you and your DH considered counselling? Infertility is really an emotional trauma and it extends both to the individual and to the couple. You and your DH are going through separate emotional experiences - together.
MFI sadly is still a huge stigma and there are probably a number of really difficult emotions your DH is experiencing. When mine finally opened up through some psychology, things like embarrassment, inadequacy, that sort of thing came out, along with sadness, anger and fear. Your DH is feeling less of a man and that is a huge emotion to deal with.
If you are feeling like me - your heart is breaking for your DH and you love him so much, while at the same time you are dealing with your own pain that having a baby is not going to be an easy road and fears that it may never happen. It is ok to feel like that and your DH needs to know.

I really, really hope that you manage to find a way to move forward in your situation. All hope is not lost and perhaps some more investigations would lead you to the solution you are looking for. All babies and children are miracles and I really do hope that you find your way through this journey. Sending you hope and love xx
Me: 34
DH: 34
Stopped contraception - Let's just see what happens since Oct '14
Actively TTC since May 2015
ICSI IVF #1 - July 2016 - ended in CP with no frozen embryos
Oct 2016 - Laparoscopy - endo discovered.
ICSI IVF #2 - Feb 17 - Let's make a baby!
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