TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

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TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby NavyWife » Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:47 pm

Currently I am on cycle day 3 of cycle 3 after our full term loss. Our son, Callum, was conceived after more than 5 years ttc. We conceived him our first cycle taking soy isoflavones (120mg cd 3-7) after many rounds of failed fertility treatments. I started soy again 2 cycles ago and have returned to a somewhat "normal" pattern (normal for me is 40 day cycles with ovulation occurring around cd 24-26). I have been charting and temping for more than 10 years and honestly… I am tired of it. I feel so frustrated. I have MTHFR and am on multiple daily supplements and vitamins (magnesium, folgard, fusion iron, neevo prenatal, 42 fruits/veg, 81mg aspirin)

I just really am tired of my body failing me in every possible way. I was so close to having Callum, I had the perfect pregnancy and labor was effortless. I actually delivered at home in the bathtub and didn't even realize it was true labor until my water broke and his head was out with the next contraction. I also did not know that he had passed before he was born (probably 5-6 days). I thought his lack of movement was due to his increased size as well as him being head down - I actually had a midwife appointment on the 13th and we had a sonogram and everything to make sure he was in the correct position for delivery…. he was born on the 28th and the moment I saw him I knew he was gone and had been for a while.

I know everyone here wants a baby, just as much as I do. I know what it is like to buy handfuls of test at a time and see bfn month after month. I know what it is like to overanalyze those tests - hold them up to every possible light you can find hoping to see just a hint of a line. Pull them out of the trash, knowing if we see something it will only be an evap. I know I am not alone in my longing for more children and I know I am not alone in the sadness I feel from losing a much wanted and much loved baby that should have filled the emptiness I have felt for so long. But in the real, everyday world, I feel alone. I feel like people effortlessly get pregnant every day. Every day they have healthy, full term babies and never think twice about it. But not me, not us. It's not that simple for some people.

So here I am, back once again. Back to charting, testing, analyzing every sign and symptom and hoping that soon I will, once again, be blessed with morning sickness, weight gain, swollen ankles, braxton hicks, sleepless nights, moodiness, and a child to hold and care for at the end of all of it.
Mom to two boys - one almost 8 year old and another who was born and lost on 7/28/2013 at 37w3d
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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby alexandra1234 » Sun Dec 08, 2013 10:32 pm

Oh my goodness. I literally cannot think of a more heartbreaking thing to go through after such a long struggle with infertility. I'm so very sorry. :(

I know real life can be isolating... I feel it after only 10 or 11 months trying. But you've got us to lean on... We'll do our best to make it feel less lonely.

I fervently hope you get another bfp soon, and that you get to hold a smiling baby in your arms in the near future. Xoxo
Me, dh: 33
IUD out: 01/'13.
Dec '13: HSG: R tube clear, L blocked-ish, hydrosalpinx
Jan-Oct '14: TTC break
Nov '14: TTC back on!
Dec '14: Clomid #1! BFN :(
Feb '15: Clomid #2. BFN
March '15: 1st RE appt: IVF with ICSI is our only option.
3/23 saline sono: WTF is that polyp doing in my ute?! 3/26: Hysteroscopic polypectomy
4/28: Embryo retrieval! 15 eggs retrieved, 10 fertilized, 9 frozen.
5/3: 5-day transfer. BFN. :(
6/9: 5-day frozen transfer. OMG BFP!!!

My Ovulation Chart

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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby littlemissbroody27 » Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:09 am

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too lost my little boy earlier this year in August, at 20 weeks - it was the single most difficult thing I have had to go through in my life, so I really feel for you having had to have gone that extra step further wth your pregnancy and to still have empty arms.

I'm hoping that as it has for me that your DS is getting you through this time, I really dont know what I would have done without him.

We are also trying again for Number 3 and i'm scared - I hope you get your bpf much much sooner this time, and have a beautiful rainbow baby at the end

and we are here to listen if you need us :hugs:

x x x
Me (Rachna) - 33
DH - 45
DS - 3

TTC#2 since Jan 2013
:angel2: 29 Aug 2013 (19w5d) I love you my beautiful baby boy :cry:
:angel2: 6 Jan 2014 (approx 5w)
:angel2: 14 Apr 2014 (8 weeks)
:bfp: 23rd May 2014
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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby B Michaelson » Mon Dec 09, 2013 6:53 am

I am so sorry for The loss of your son, Callum. I am also sorry for the struggle you have been through to even get to that point.

There is nothing that can make the pain or desire go away. I can understand why you feel alone. It seems health and pregnancy are so often taken for granted.

I wish there was an easy answer.

Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical



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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby lawmom5 » Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:42 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss! Unfortunately, I know what you're going through. My son, James, was stillborn full term 10 yrs ago this March. I remember so clearly how hard ttc was after his birth. I came to this board because I'm TTC after a 10 wk mc on Dec 18. I had a daughter when James was stillborn, and between James and the mc, I had 3 successful pregnancies. So, we are ttc #5 (technically, 6). It has always been my dream to have 5 living children. Just didn't realize it would be this hard!

I don't know where in the world you are, but after James died I connected to a pregnancy loss support group called Share Atlanta. It is an amazing resource for processing grief and ttc after stillbirth. They are .org and on FB.

I hate that any of us have to ttc after loss, and I agree that it is a lonely experience, but I am thankful that these boards exist so we can reach out and share when we need to have some company along the way.

I'm praying we don't have to ttc long, and we are all holding new babies before the end of 2014!!
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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby mrsm44 » Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:02 pm

Navywife, I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss. It is truly heartbreaking, especially after everything you've already been through. I just can't imagine. If you feel like you need to talk to someone, I am here. Message me any time!
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Re: TTC #3 after full term stillbirth in July

Postby kmkhaler17 » Thu Mar 20, 2014 11:54 am

navywife...did you get pregnant this time around again with the iso's?
Kristie - - - - sticky baby dust!!!
ME: 31 (eek now I have to worry about healthy eggs :()
DD: 3
TTC # 3
Started TTC October 2013
My Ovulation Chart

BFP - 12/22/2013
EDD - 09/2/2014
1-31 - Angel Baby 7wks 3 days (found out at 9 week appointment)
2-3 d&c done - cleared to try again.
Cycle #3 after D&C
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