Feeling Down

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Feeling Down

Postby mrsm44 » Mon Jan 06, 2014 9:48 pm

It's been almost a month since losing our little boy at 21 weeks. I just feel really down right now. I feel like there's no hope. I never realized how fragile pregnancy is...nothing is guaranteed, ya know? Even if you make it full term, there's still no promise. It's really scary. My former coworker was pregnant before I left the job...and I just found out that she lost her son the same week I did. She was at 38 weeks. They had the nursery all ready and everything. They had named him Connor...which is the name we had decided on because we had just found out we were having a boy the week before our loss. Who knew entering this TTC and pregnancy world would be surrounded by so many broken promises? Is this really how it is? I'm afraid to get another BFP, because I feel like I won't be excited...that I will only be terrified that something will go wrong again. Until he or she is born, I will worry. Even then, there are no promises. I wasn't sure what to do, and where to go, but I know that most of you can relate, and have similar feelings from time to time. I guess I just needed somewhere to write. I feel so hopeless.
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Re: Feeling Down

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Jan 07, 2014 6:40 am

I am so sorry mrsm. It is scary once you find out how fragile it really is. I know I will be petrified with my next bfp. I know how hard it is to lose an early pregnancy but I cannot imagine the pain of losing a baby that late.

I suppose even once they are born and grow up there is always a fear of losing them too soon.

Nobody ever told me it was so hard. I miss the days where ignorance ruled and I thought it would be easy.

:hugs:
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Feeling Down

Postby mrsm44 » Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:33 pm

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's just so crazy to think about it all. I am so sorry for your losses as well, it's never easy, no matter how far along you are. On one hand, I think it would be easier if I were to get pregnant again; on the other, it would be harder because of the fear of another loss. TTC can surely drive people mad, huh?
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Re: Feeling Down

Postby B Michaelson » Wed Jan 08, 2014 4:51 pm

I know. It is never the same once you lose one.

I keep feeling like I will feel better once I get a bfp but I know that's almost the start of the real fear.

It seems so strange to me that it is so common for women to experience loss.

I did hear something that made it seem more acceptable though. In a documentary it said said conception sets off a sequence of events for a genetic code that has never been tried before (or something to that effect). No 2 people are alike so it is logical that there might be a problem or glitch, but it feels much more strange when it actually happens though.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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B Michaelson
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Re: Feeling Down

Postby mrsm44 » Thu Jan 09, 2014 3:28 pm

I think I saw the same documentary! It said something like the genetic code has never been tried before. That's so crazy to think about. I love science!! I hope you get your BFP soon, I know how hard it is. I miss those little baby feet kicking! Once you feel that, there's nothing that can compare, ya know? I can't wait to be pregnant again. I definitely don't see the possible new baby as a replacement, by any means. Nothing will replace our little boy. I miss him so much.
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mrsm44
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Re: Feeling Down

Postby B Michaelson » Fri Jan 10, 2014 7:15 am

I have always wanted to feel that. One day!

I love science too. When I got my bfp I watched every video I could find on embryo development. It's still hard to believe there is something going on even when you get a bfp. I imagine hearing a heartbeat or feeling a kick makes it pretty real.

I hope you get a bfp soon too. I don't think it is ever a replacement feeling, just our hearts open a little more for another person each time.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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B Michaelson
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Posts: 3746
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 6:14 am


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