Need some advice

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Need some advice

Postby jess2245 » Tue Aug 19, 2014 7:21 am

Hello ladies. I hope everyone is doing ok. This past Friday 8/15 DF went in for our 12 week scan only to find out our beautiful baby had passed away at 9w3d. Talk about devastating. I have not been through a loss this far along. I had a chemical like 6 years ago and maybe a blighted ovum 4 years ago. ( I say maybe because the u/s showed nothing in my uterus but my hcg was like 5500 so they gave me misoprostol to flush uterus) So right now I do not know how to straighten out my thoughts. I had my D&S (dilation & suction) done yesterday 8/18. I have had a bit of cramping and some minor spotting. Some places say to count yesterday as CD 1. Is this correct? I was very regular before this and we planned our pregnancy. I just hope that my cycles go back to sort of normal. I have also read of many ladies getting a bfp before their next bleed. Would this be something I might be able to look forward to? I just really want to try and put this behind me and get pregnant again.
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
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Re: Need some advice

Postby ekkotack » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:35 am

I wouldn't count it as CD 1 - there's just too many unknown factors. I've heard of others getting BFP before their next period. I've had two d&c's and both of mine went like this (i'm very regular 26 day cycle):

D&C bleed/spot for a few days
two weeks after D&C have "sort-of" period (now have Dr permission to have sex again)
~two weeks after that i ovulate
~two weeks later, real AF
THEN we had doctor's okay to TTC again

So, it was approx 6 weeks after D&C that I had my first REAL period and had Dr's blessing to TTC again. Now, I know Dr's don't know everything, but mine has been right so many times, and I've tried to ignore his instructions/advice before and it turned out poorly....so now I listen to him.
Me: Ekko, newly 35 and AMA on the front of my chart :(
DH: Jamie, 33
Mommy to Ellis Mae, born 10/26/12
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*Angel babies*
Oct 2013 d&c
April 2014 d&c

BFP 8/22/14 grow baby, grow! !
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Re: Need some advice

Postby Erin33 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 1:45 am

I agree that it shouldn't be counted as CD1. Your body should get to the next cycle before you start with CD1 again. But that is not to say that it is not possible to get pregnant before then. It is also possible to get a BFP before your next bleed because you still have HCG is your system, so it would be a false positive...so I'd be cautious with hopes if you get a BFP that early.
I know it's hard to wait but it may be the best thing to wait one full cycle before trying again. My son Henry was stillborn at 38 weeks, he was our first and it took 2 years to conceive him. It's been just 5 months since we lost him and while I am still very much a mess about his loss, I can't wait to start trying again. Our doctor said to wait 6 months before we can try again and it is hard. She said ideally a year would be best but with me being 34, we don't have the luxury of time. Pregnancy lasts so long and to get so far and lose it all, then to have to go through it all again...it's torture. Even at 9 weeks, that is a long time to have to get through again. We have to wait another month, then we can try, then it's 2 weeks to see if it even worked...if it did, then it's about another 38 weeks (we will induce at that time to be on the safe side)...that is so long. Or it's wait a month, try again, wait 2 weeks to find out that it didn't work, wait 2 more weeks (if you have a standard cycle which I do not...it's longer) and then we start over again. This whole thing is just too much...but we go through it anyway because the end result will be amazing. But for the "instant gratification" type (which I am)...it's agony!
I am sorry for your loss. :( I sincerely hope you get your rainbow baby.
Me-34
DH -35
TTC #2 since 01/2015, 9 months post stillbirth of our son Henry. Progesterone and Femara.
#1-Due 04/20/2014 - Angel Baby 04/08/2014
TTC #1 since 08/2011 - Successful July, 2013 (with Femara), Stillborn @38 weeks
History of Endometriosis (laparoscopy 07/2003, lesion removal). History of Chocolate cysts. PCOS unconfirmed.
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Re: Need some advice

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 4:28 pm

I agree with the other ladies that you should not count it as cd1. I would also agree (from experience) to wait until after a first real af. I ended up with a chemical before af even showed after my m/c. It was similar to your story, being a missed miscarriage, since your body doesnt realize the baby is not alive, the placenta still produces progesterone and hormones and that with no bleeding, there is no way of knowing it happened. I am sorry you had to go through that. If this happens again to me, i will wait a cycle.
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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Re: Need some advice

Postby jess2245 » Tue Sep 02, 2014 7:17 am

Thank you ladies. Since my d&c roughly 2 weeks ago I had 2 random days of medium flow and then back to spotting. Friday night I decided to use a $ store cheapie to make sure my HCG was going down and there was still a very faint 2nd line, then on saturday, heavy cramping and passed a rather large clot. After that, Ive had no more spotting, so I am hopeful that maybe in a month from now I will get a real cycle. I am just keeping my fingers crossed that my cycles go back to normal.
Erin, I am so so sorry for your loss. :hugs: I cant even imagine trying to go thru what you are, I really can't. I am sending you lots of babydust and prayers.
Another thing that has bothered me (and DF has made comments out of concern) is that I just havent really broken down. DF has said he's worried because he feels like he's cried more than I have (he has no biological children so this was to be his first, whereas I have 3). I know I lost our baby, and it really breaks my heart, I look at my US pic everyday and say hi to my little one and wish he was still with us, but I just, I know what DF is talking about. Its like, it hasnt registered yet? Emotionally anyways it hasnt. I know I have ALOT going on in my life that is very stressful and worrisome and I hope that maybe its my body protecting me from a breakdown of sorts. IDK. Has anyone else ever gone thru a delayed phase of grief?
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
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Re: Need some advice

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Thu Sep 04, 2014 9:54 pm

I know for me, i had a week where i knew i was going to be miscarrying I cried a lot that week before it happened and i feel that i grieved before it happened. It now hits me at odd times, a certain song, hearing a friends story or telling mine. It will happen everyone grieves in their own way. I searched for support groups and even bought a few books about grieving. I know one book talked about delayed grief (i dont remember what it said) but it does happen. This is what has helped me, that and a lot of prayer. I hope this helps.
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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Re: Need some advice

Postby jess2245 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 6:40 am

Thank you Rhondalynn. Its really been bothering me that subconsciously I am trying to ignore it. I know alot of it is likely due to my health issues from my ulcer not healing (and now finding out its been bleeding). That alone has been very consuming and has worn my body so much. Between having multiple deficiencies, iron and blood count issues, Ive been coping with the severe pain that it causes, easy bruising, light-headedness/dizziness, severely tired ALL the time, headaches, and losing 35lbs since mid June (not intentional). So its just very consuming to worry about why this hasnt healed at all even with many months of meds. I just want it to get better like NOW so my body will get back to normal. I want to be able to TTC again, not keep fighting myself. UGH. Nothing really ever goes smoothly for me. :/
Sorry for the vent/rant. I am just really tired of my body not cooperating and failing me. You ladies have been great listeners, support teams and advice givers :) So, thank you all again!! :)
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
jess2245
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Re: Need some advice

Postby Erin33 » Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:07 pm

I am thankful for a local support group really near to me (literally down the street). I am not sure where you all live, in the states or not but they have chapters all over. They are based out of Texas and I live in Washington state. The group is called M.E.N.D (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) and they are amazing. We meet once a month and just talk for 2 hours, anything we want. There is no structure to the group, just a place to say what is on your mind with other women who know what you are going through. We have all types of mommies in the group, some who have had 1 early miscarriage with their first to multiple miscarriages to stillborn to babies lost from SIDS. A loss is a loss at any stage and we all feel the pain, no one knows that better than another mommy who has gone through it. I would be lost had it not been for the group and those women. They even have a Facebook page (per chapter) where we post what ever we are feeling and someone ALWAYS responds....even at 2am when you can't sleep.
It's helpful knowing that the craziness I feel from different grief stages (like anger and resentment) is not something that is unique to me. We talked about being angry at other pregnant women and feeling terrible about it but it's normal. We don't have terrible thoughts towards them, just anger at the situation. I liked hearing that I wasn't the only one, that I wasn't some bitter, mean and angry person. Plus they have a lot of information about trying again, especially those who have had rainbow babies. Suggestions on what to watch out for and what to ask. Their personal experiences can help guide you through your next pregnancy. Plus being local they can suggest doctors, clinics, specialists....to go to in the area.
This thread is helpful as well, a lot of great people going through the same horrible events. It's sad that something tragic like this is how we meet these other great people, it's a terrible commonality.
Like I said, the threads are great but if you can find a local group to attend I recommend it. Sometimes topics get brought up that you don't think to bring up yourself...you just feed off each other and talk a lot of stuff out. You cry and you laugh...you roll through all the emotions but never feel awkward about it.
Sorry rambling, just wanted to throw that idea out there.
Me-34
DH -35
TTC #2 since 01/2015, 9 months post stillbirth of our son Henry. Progesterone and Femara.
#1-Due 04/20/2014 - Angel Baby 04/08/2014
TTC #1 since 08/2011 - Successful July, 2013 (with Femara), Stillborn @38 weeks
History of Endometriosis (laparoscopy 07/2003, lesion removal). History of Chocolate cysts. PCOS unconfirmed.
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