TTC after infant loss

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TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:41 am

My son grew his wings on 19th September 2014 aged 5 weeks due to infant ALL (leukaemia) we have been told it's not inherited and we are at no greater risk of having another baby with ALL.

It's been 6 weeks since he left and I'm desperate to have my baby back. I know I can't have him and instead feel I want to ttc straight away now. I don't think my partner will agree with me somehow. Just wish I knew what the best thing is to do.

what are other peoples opinions of ttc after an infant loss? I guess I just dont want my journey to end and now Ramsey is gone we have no children, I want my family back.
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:45 am

I am so sorry for your loss. I have never lost an infant, but had my first miscarriage this month. I can completely understand you wanting to ttc asap. I do too. This is something you definitely need to discuss with dh. If he isn't ready, then you should respect his wishes. Has your dr said anything about when your body will be ready to ttc again?
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:03 am

Not especially. I had my 6 week pp check up and thats about it. He had a straightforward birth etc and I'm 11 weeks pp today so i don't think health wise the dr would object to a pregnancy.

Guess I'm just not sure what to do for the best. Having experienced having my son has made me realise thats what I want to do, I want children and to stay at home with my babies. It's hard but I worry the more we avoid it, the harder it will be to try again. I just can't face my life knowing theres no baby on the horizon after spending 9 months anticipating it and 5 weeks living it. My flat is filled with his stuff (we are staying with family as he died in our bedroom, I haven't been able to stay in the flat for longer than 5 minutes at a time) and its almost like my life has been suspended. I want something to look forward to.
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 12:03 pm

If you are ready and so is dh then go for it. I think it will give you something to look forward to. Nothing can replace a lost baby, but at least a new pregnancy will give you some hope. Im glad you have family close enough to be there for you now. Have you ovulated or had a period since you gave birth?
Me: Jessica 26
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DD1: 8
DD2: 5
DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
baby #4 due 6/20/17

:angel: 10/19/14, 6 weeks

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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Wed Oct 29, 2014 1:14 pm

To be honest im not sure quite what state my bodys in at the moment. I have 2 weeks pp bleeding, started again around 5 weeks pp. Went on the pill for 2 weeks but didnt get on with the brand and had a withdrawal bleed from that. Nothing since.

I'd have to wait to see what happens before actively trying. Just cant help feeling guilty about having the discussion with my oh.
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 2:37 pm

Aww, there is nothing to feel guilty about. Has dh ever mentioned any of his feelings on the subject? Men aren't quite so vocal as we are and maybe wants to say something, but just cant. Maybe just start temping, so you can get an idea of when you ovulate if you even are. I started temping after the bleeding from my mc stopped and I have no idea when I will ovulate again. I hope soon, as I don't want to get an af, just a bfp. But who knows. As women, I think that urge for a baby is so strong, we aren't trying to forget, just trying to feel normal and somewhat happy.
Me: Jessica 26
DH: 27
DD1: 8
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DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
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:angel: 10/19/14, 6 weeks

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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:34 pm

He hasnt. I think he's scared, and probably still very much grieving. I think wanting to try again so soon is probably a very female thing to feel. I lost a bog part of my life, night feeds, routine etc. I want it all back where as he is focused on our loss.

I think I need to slow down and be a bit more patient before bringing it up with him. Im desperate to get his approval but I guess if my body is not back to normal cycles no amoumt of ttc will make any difference. Just need to focus on one step at a time.

thank you for the messages x
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby tryingnumber3 » Wed Oct 29, 2014 3:46 pm

Sounds like a very good plan. I hope our cycles get back on track so we can get those rainbow babies soon. I have been reading posts on this site for a while and posting for a few months, but since my loss have really become involved. It makes me feel better talking with people who are going through similar situations and have baby brain.
Me: Jessica 26
DH: 27
DD1: 8
DD2: 5
DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
baby #4 due 6/20/17

:angel: 10/19/14, 6 weeks

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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby Stardancer8764 » Fri Oct 31, 2014 10:52 am

I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so very sorry for your loss.

People handle loss differently. I wanted to be pregnant right after I lost mine at 11 weeks. Now, I realize I wanted to replace the baby I lost. And, replacement isn't always healthy. Take the time you need to grieve. Cry. heal. I am so glad I waited, because I needed that time. And it took a LONG time. There are some great books on miscarriage and infant loss out there. They helped me a lot to process the many feelings I was experiencing. :hugs: Take one day at a time. And feeling like you are all over the place is completely normal. These things arent easy
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby Artsymama » Wed Nov 19, 2014 7:41 pm

I lost my full term baby during delivery. She was born 2 days after her due date and was absolutely perfect in every way. I miss her terribly down to the core of my being. Those emotions are so powerful and raw at times they are overwhelming. It is very different to lose a full term baby or infant than having a miscarriage. Both are devastating but very different. You are grieving still. I also want another baby right away. Sometimes I question my motivation but I really wanted my baby and she is gone. It's not fair. I feel so cheated. I want to hold her again and give her kisses. I spent 1 day with her and some time with her on the day of her funeral. I think of her everyday. She was born in march so it's been about 8 months. My hubby is ready to try for last month. I think men grieve differently. He was not ready while I wanted to be pregnant the next day. If you need anything I'm here. It's nice to talk to others in the same situation.
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Sat Nov 22, 2014 7:43 am

Thank you everyone.

I started CD1 at the beginning of the month and my other half has agreed to not try but not prevent. I'm happy enough with this.

We are hoping to lay Ramsey to rest in his plot before christmas, my other half is also now having some counselling to help him. I feel a bit more positive about the future. I'm still desperate to see that bfp test but it will happen when it happens.

Are you now currently ttc artsymama?

Sorry to hear about everyones losses, I've found some great support in online networks and my local hospital chapel where they hold SANDS services.
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby fehnder » Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:12 pm

Congratulations on these rainbow bfps!!!

As predicted my partner wasn't overly keen on ttc but I think he could see how much I needed it. We had a mc in Dec at 5 weeks (as in sig) and got my rainbow bfp in Jan (13+3 today!)

It's interesting mixed feelings, and I have had times where I felt I got pregnant in an attempt to bring Ramsey back. I know it's going to be hard to accept this is not him but a new baby. We're still in a bit of a terrified waiting mode at the minute but hoping once we have another later scan we'll be able to work on being excited and building a home for our new baby to join.

Once we're over the initial anxiety I feel like we can really work on giving this baby his or her own identity.

Not to say I'm not happy with being pregnant I absolutely am!! It's just a little hard to accept this baby wouldn't exist if Ramsey were here.

One day at a time though. Thanks for the kind replies ladies, and congratulations again.
My baby Ramsey grew his wings aged 5 weeks and 2 days 13/08/2014 - 19/09/2014

M/c -Dec 2014

Rainbow baby!! BFP 20/01/2015
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Re: TTC after infant loss

Postby tryingnumber3 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 8:50 pm

Glad to see we've all got sticky beans! I'm ready for these rainbows to be born already.
Me: Jessica 26
DH: 27
DD1: 8
DD2: 5
DD3: 7/21/15 :babyg:
baby #4 due 6/20/17

:angel: 10/19/14, 6 weeks

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