Recent Loss -- new to the group

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Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby KatyinDC » Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:19 am

Hey ladies.

My name is Katy and I am new to the TTC After Loss group. Until this weekend, I was a member of the August 2015 babies group - but sadly, we miscarried at 12 weeks on Saturday. We had no warning that a MC was coming and are still a little surprised. Some of the sweet ladies from my August group had been through miscarriage before and suggested this group as support.

We are grieving and I am still physically healing. We are devastated and in shock. We fooled ourselves in to feeling safe at 12 weeks. However, after meeting with our physician yesterday, we feel a bit better. There appeared to be no anatomical problems with me, so the doctor believes the baby died due to chromosomal abnormalities - and believes that we should be able to have a successful pregnancy in the future. Also, praise the Lord, no D&C was needed - as my body had taken care of everything naturally.

We still feel sad, but learning that it was not something we could have helped was comforting.

As we grieve, we are dealing with the questions I know you all deal with:
-When do we start TTC again?
-What can we do to help our chances this time? vitamins, diet, etc?
-Do we need to take longer to grieve? Can we grieve and try at the same time?
- How do we deal with fear of loss?
-How do we properly remember our little baby?

This was our first pregnancy and we are a bit scared for the future, but hopeful. I am glad to find support online - and hope to find some support at a local group (DC area) Also, it is going to be a happy but difficult week -- my sweet sister in law is due any day now with a baby girl. We are thrilled for her, but we know that this will be a difficult time for us -- happiness for her while still mourning our own loss.

Looking forward to getting to know you ladies!
Katy (31) DH (30)
Married Since June 28, 2013


TTC #1 since October 2014

Cycle 2 :bfp: at 11dpo: 12.10.14
EDD for baby #1: 08.21.15
:angel: MC at 12 weeks, 2 days: 02.07.15
***always our first baby***

:angel: March and April 2015 - 2 Chemical Pregnancies

JUNE 17, 2016 -- :bfp: at 8dpo!!! To God be the glory, great things He has done! So excited for our RAINBOW baby!!!!!
BETAS: 326 at 14dpo (am); 691 at 16dpo (am)
7 week heartbeat :hb: = 151
8.5 week heartbeat :hb: = 177
10 week doppler :hb: = 160s
12 week heartbeat :hb: = 163
14 week heartbeat :hb: = 148

DUE DATE: Feb. 29, 2016 (leap year baby!)

IT'S A GIRL!!!

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KatyinDC
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Re: Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby Stardancer8764 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 10:47 am

Kat! You made it over here...but- these boards are quiet. The board I was talking about is....

TTC BOARDS
BUDDY GROUPS
TTC AFTER A LOSS PART 16

You have to click on the buddy group link and that will take you to a new page with TONS of groups.. Then look for TTC after a loss part 16.

I would copy your post and paste it in there! Those girls are super awesome and there are about 20 of us or so. Overhere seems to be kinda quiet... I lurk all the time over here because after my loss I felt like I had no community, and like you, built a community in the January board. I felt so lost. So, I try to gather all those with m/c and invite them to our board. And these boards for whatever reason aren't always that active!

Gucchi, and Eren, teenytiny, and Teamsizzle, are all in the buddy group board. You will probably remember them from the August DDC.
Myself: 32
DH: 35
Married: 10/18/08
DD: Baby#1 :future baby girl: 04.26.13 :bfp: 08/12/12 :hb: 169bpm 9/10/12
:angel: Baby #2 due 1/15/15 :hb: 140bpm - 06/28/14 missed m/c and D&C at 11 weeks.
DS: Baby #3 :future baby boy: 08.11.15 :bfp: 11/23/14 :hb: 165bmp 12/23/14
:angel: Baby #4 :bfp: 10/18/17 CP 10/24/17
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Re: Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby jb612 » Tue Feb 10, 2015 6:39 pm

Hi Katy,

I am so sorry for your loss! I am kind of in the same boat right now and definitely would love people to talk to about it. I found out I was pregnant a week before Christmas. We told all of our immediate family on Christmas but we waited to tell friends which ended up to be a good thing. My dr doesn't see patients until 10 weeks so we had our very first ultrasound last week 2/4 at 10 weeks 1 day. About 30 seconds in the u/s tech told us she was very worried because the baby was measuring 6 weeks and no heartbeat was found. It was so devastating. It was supposed to be the best day of our lives and ended up the worst. We learned the baby had passed around 6 weeks but my body didn't recognize it so we had a d&c the next day 2/5. It's been so difficult to deal with especially today is so hard since I would have been 11 weeks. It's still so hard to believe. I am also wanting to try again right away. This was our first pregnancy. I don't know a lot of people who've had a miscarriage. Most people I know that have kids haven't had any problems. I also would love to hear what others did to get another bfp soon after miscarriage.

Anyways I iust wanted to share as well. I hope you are doing ok and wish you the best when you decide to ttc again.
jb612
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Re: Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby Erin33 » Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:29 am

Hello Ladies,

I am so sorry for your losses. Loss at any stage with any of your children is hard but for those of us who lose our first pregnancy, we don't have previous success to compare it to and it seems even more frightening. After 2 years of trying to conceive we were finally successful in August of 2013, due April 19th 2014. We waited until 12 weeks to tell our family and friends because that is what they tell you, make it to 12 weeks and you pretty much safe. Family was excited, this was their first grand baby, first great grand baby, first great great grand baby...first for a lot of the family. A little bit before Christmas we found out we were having a boy, so the gift buying started. Baby shower in February and by mid March the nursery was complete. First week in April I go in for an NST (Non Stress Test), I had Gestational Diabetes and my OB wanted to have weekly monitoring until he was born. I had a couple before that first week in April and all were good. This one his heart rate dropped quite a bit, so they sent me to the hospital for further observation. I was admitted, hooked up and monitored all night long. His heart rate was perfect the entire time, not once did it ever dip...so it must have been a fluke. I was sent home the next day, a Friday. Sunday morning I felt something was wrong so I got out my home doppler and listened for him...found him right away, heart rate of 142. That night after dinner I started to think again how things didn't seem right, so I went to get ready for bed and listen for him again. I couldn't find his heart beat anywhere. I panicked and told my husband to take me in immediately. We were admitted for decreased fetal movement and they tried listening for him but were unsuccessful. Finally the OB on staff at the hospital came in with an ultrasound machine to check things out. I watched intently...there on the screen was his little body, a body that normally was so very active, still as can be. The doctor zoomed in on his heart and it wasn't beating. At 38 weeks and 3 days my son died, only a couple weeks before we were supposed to meet him. My world ended. 2 days later, on my 34th birthday, my son was born sleeping. He was absolutely perfect, nothing wrong with him what so ever. The cause of death was determined by the pathologist who examined the placenta. It was fairly clear at the time of birth that the placenta was the cause as it was clearly smaller than it should be. The pathologist confirmed the placenta was not just small but it was actually only 1/3 the size it needed to be. When it is that small it allows for no compromising situations what so ever. That first time I was sent to the hospital for him to be monitored, he must of kinked or twisted the cord but managed to correct the issue himself. Since it didn't repeat, we couldn't foresee any issues and all the other tests came out just fine. Sometime on Sunday afternoon he must have kinked or twisted the cord again and was unable to correct it. The one thing I wanted more than anything in this world, the one thing we tried years to get, the one thing we were weeks if not days away from finally meeting...gone. :(
It is hard to think about going through this again, what if this happens again? Even though the doctors have said the chances of it happening again are rare, I can't help but fear that something else could go wrong the next time. The need, want and desire to raise and mold a child outweighs that fear. We want to give our Henry a sibling and we want to do it sooner rather than later. While I was in the hospital going through labor, I asked my OB when we could try again. Some may think that is crazy, I hadn't even given birth to my deceased baby yet and I was asking when I could try again. Everyone is different, everyone's life is different. I must make it clear, we are not replacing our son...we could never do that. I don't refer to another child as "another baby", I refer to it as Henry's sibling because that is what he/she will be...our 2nd child. My age doesn't allow me to take my time to grieve and think this through. My fertility status doesn't allow me to take my time, it will take long enough to get pregnant again. I also don't think those factors are forcing me to do something sooner than I am ready for. I will ALWAYS miss my son, I will ALWAYS grieve his loss and the only thing worse than losing him would be to never give him a sibling.
Again, everyone is different...only you will know when the time is right for you. My OB wanted me to wait a least 6 months before trying again. Since I did carry to full term, she wanted my body to have that time to heal and recover from a full length pregnancy. The chances of having a preterm baby and/or low birth weight baby increase when they are born to close together. Henry was born 10 months ago and 3 months ago I started back on the fertility treatments and we are currently TTC. I was really hoping being recently pregnant might make my body cooperate and we wouldn't have a struggle this time...doesn't look like that is going to happen. :(
This is a fantastic site and I will be looking into the area that Stardancer suggested. But I have also sought support outside this group because I needed somewhere I could talk it out. We have an amazing group here in my area called M.E.N.D (Mothers Enduring Neonatal Death), there are several chapters across the US. We meet once a month and just chat for 2 hours. I am in a group of the most amazing people with the saddest commonality. It's a range of women who have suffered miscarriage all the way to infant death. Some of us are first time moms and first time losses and some have other children, many with children born after their loss. I highly suggest if you can find a group that is similar, one where you can just talk it out and ask questions...do. We cry, we laugh, we share disturbing thoughts that you probably think are messed up and only you are thinking...you're not. It's normal and you learn that pregnancy/infant loss is more common than you think...it's just not talked about. We need to talk about it, if we don't...it will consume us!
You can always private message me as well if you ever need to talk, vent or ask questions. Good luck in the future ladies!
Me-34
DH -35
TTC #2 since 01/2015, 9 months post stillbirth of our son Henry. Progesterone and Femara.
#1-Due 04/20/2014 - Angel Baby 04/08/2014
TTC #1 since 08/2011 - Successful July, 2013 (with Femara), Stillborn @38 weeks
History of Endometriosis (laparoscopy 07/2003, lesion removal). History of Chocolate cysts. PCOS unconfirmed.
Erin33
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Re: Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby pumpkinseed » Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:28 pm

So sorry for your loss. These boards can be quiet like someone said but you are not alone. I had m/c at 7.5 weeks and it was our first also, due in August. Unlike you I don't know the reason, but either way it's not easy. We wanted to share our joy so told family and friends at xmas only to lose it a few weeks later. It sucks. I worry I'll never carry to term. I wonder if I'll get pregnant again. I don't want to see that sad look on DH face again.

Your loss at 12 weeks is particularly sad as it happened at the "safe time" so it just proves that there's never really a right time to share the news as there is always a risk. At least with family/friends aware, they can support you vs feeling so alone with it.

It's strange as even though you hear about m/c you always think it will happen to someone else. I am sad about it, worried for future and upset about missing out on that summer baby I wanted. Silly isn't it? To be upset about the month they are born? I never wanted a winter baby but now that might happen, if I'm lucky! Funny how m/c changes perspective.

I saw specialist which found I have bunch of blood clotting mutations and MTHFR, so I'll now need blood thinners and metanx (special prescribed b and folate vitamin my body can absorb) as well as baby aspirin, etc. At least I feel like I have a better chance now.. or "some" sense of control!

If you have any concerns, even with it being chromosomal, maybe there are tests dr can run on you and DH to ease any fears it could happen again. Drs love to say "it happens" but until it hapoens to "you" no one really understands.

The worries are normal and like someone said, a first baby loss is compounded as we don't have an earlier success to compare to.

We plan to ttc right away after dr ok's but I'm still waiting on period and hoping husband's business trip doesn't fall over ovulation. So frustrating, the timing of it all and watching a friend or family member who is pregnant (all going well) is difficult, even if we are happy for them.

Wishing you healing and a healthy future pregnancy when you are ready to ttc again.
Me: 37 / DH: 43 / G-free / Autoimmune thyroid disease (nature-throid)
Lovenox, metanx, baby aspirin, prometrium, vitamin d3, prenatal, progesterone
MMC: 01-14-15
CP: 4-12-15
MMC: 7-13-15 (d&c, heartbeat was seen but gone at 8 weeks, 2 days)
TTC ON HOLD WHILE I AWAIT RESULTS, HOPING FOR RAINBOW BABY
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Re: Recent Loss -- new to the group

Postby pumpkinseed » Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:42 pm

Erin33,

Sorry for your loss, so heartbreaking at 38 weeks. There are no words. I'm glad you've found the support you needed.
Me: 37 / DH: 43 / G-free / Autoimmune thyroid disease (nature-throid)
Lovenox, metanx, baby aspirin, prometrium, vitamin d3, prenatal, progesterone
MMC: 01-14-15
CP: 4-12-15
MMC: 7-13-15 (d&c, heartbeat was seen but gone at 8 weeks, 2 days)
TTC ON HOLD WHILE I AWAIT RESULTS, HOPING FOR RAINBOW BABY
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pumpkinseed
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