TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Flybutter » Tue Sep 06, 2016 8:36 pm

Kat, I have not been so active on the boards lately because work has been keeping me busy, but I decided to check in on you ladies today and was just heartbroken to hear your ultrasound did not go well. I don't really know what to say except that it sounds like you are handling it extremely well and I'm glad for you that you have found strength to help you through this tragedy.

I hope you can decide on a method that will be the least traumatic for you as I know it is already such a hard thing to have to deal with the loss of a pregnancy. I can say I have taken the pill once and had a miscarriage naturally also. With the pill I was only 6 weeks and it was bad but no where near as bad as the completely natural miscarriage which was excruciating and had a longer time of bleeding, I was 8 weeks for the natural miscarriage. I haven't had a D&C but I'm sure it would probably be less painful and less traumatic. The only benefit I see to the natural way is that for someone like me, holding that little sac in the palm of my hand was actually comforting. I sat in the shower by myself with a perfectly round healthy looking sac in the palm of my hand and cried until I was all cried out. When I was ready, I placed the sac and baby which was just a black spec in the sac, in a velvet box and buried the box. Everyone is different and you will know what is right for you.

Just remember that we are here for you and you are not alone. We feel your pain too and mourn the loss of this sweet little angel. Hugs to you my dear. Get some rest and let us know how you are, when you are feeling up to chatting.
Kimberly (33) married to Joshua (35) ~ February 11, 2016.

PCOS
Clomid #1 50MG - July - Miscarriage September 17th, 2015 - 8wks :angel:
Clomid #2 50MG - November - Annovulatory - CD21 1.8 - BFN
Clomid #3 100MG - December - Ovulated - CD21 6.3 - BFN
Clomid #4 100MG - January - Ovulated - CD21 18.5 - BFN
Clomid #5 100MG - February - Ovulated - No CD21 Because of Lab Mixup - BFN
Clomid #6 150MG - April - Ovulated - Didn't bother with CD21 - Discouraged - BFN
Month off clomid - May - Ovulated - No CD 21 - 06/06/2016 :bfp:

June 13 Beta: 1228 - Progesterone: 17.5
June 15 Beta: 2759
June 22 Beta: 28,354

:hb: 6w1d: 101 bpm
:hb: 13w5d: 159 bpm


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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Thu Sep 08, 2016 12:43 pm

Fly, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've decided to opt for the surgery. It's been 2 days more and I have no signs or cramping or bleeding and since it took so long to conceive this time I just want to get the over with quickly and move forward. I called this morning but if course there us only one person who schedules surgery so I'm in limbo waiting for her to call me back. Scheduling the surgery has definitely been emotinal. Part of me wishes I could just do natural but at 9 weeks I don't know that I could emotionally handle seeing the baby and I'm just so afraid of how long it might take. I'm still having nausea so I don't think my hormones ate dropping quickly. Yesterday I was mostly ok, but today I've been pretty sad. I keep wanting to ask "why me? This isn't fair!" But I know this is just life, it's not meant to be fair, others have it so much worse. Sorry, I'm rambling now.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Thu Sep 08, 2016 7:13 pm

Kat, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I can't imagine all the different emotions you are feeling. I totally understand wanting to get it done and finished quickly so you can move on. Any luck with the scheduling lady calling back? We are totally here for you for as much or as little as you want to talk. I don't know how religious you are, but there is an amazing song by TobyMac called "Move (keep walkin')" that really spoke to my heart and may be encouraging for you. My best friend shared it with me as she knows our TTC struggle and it really gave me strength and comfort.

Fly, thank you for being so open and sharing about your experience. It's so important to hear about these experiences from people who have come out stronger on the other side.
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Sat Sep 10, 2016 8:24 am

Hey everyone
So I have the d&c scheduled for Monday morning. I felt so sure about my decision up until it was scheduled and then the doubt started to pour in. I guess that's the downside to the surgery, it's so final whereas a natural miscarriage doesn't really leave any room for doubt. I still know in my heart that this is the best decision for us as a family, especially since I still have no signs of miscarrying naturally at this point.. it could literally still be weeks from now and we just want to get back to normal and start trying again as soon as possible.
My emotions have been all over the place, but I'm sure that's totally normal. Sometimes I have no problem accepting that this is a natural and normal experience for most women. Other times I'm crying about how unfair and terrible it all is. It's honestly just been such a blessing to have people here to talk to and the fact that my friend literally went through almost exactly the same thing just two months ago helps so much (although it's terrible she went through it and I wish she hadn't, we're able to support each other).
The hardest part has been still feeling pregnant. Sometimes I can mentally push it all aside, but then I catch a glimpse of my belly slightly sticking out (ugh sooo annoying that I was already getting a small bump, I guess because it's #2) or I trying to eat healthy and start gagging ans dry heaving. The other really hard part is that it takes so much energy to hold myself together that I've been short tempered with DD which i then feel so terribly guilty about. I'm trying to give myself some slack until after the surgery, if I'm still havin a hard time then I'll probably start looking into counseling options. The last thing I want is for this to be hard on the wonderful child I do have!
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Sat Sep 10, 2016 6:02 pm

Kat, I'm really glad you scheduled the surgery. I'm sorry it's been such a struggle for you. I think your emotional state is totally normal! I can imagine you have good moments and bad moments, not just good days and bad days. You know, it just really sucks... it sucks that you have to go through this. It sucks that the stress and emotions of TTC aren't enough and you have to go through a new round of deeper and more intense emotions. Just remember... it's totally OK for you to feel like you've accepted it one minute and are angry and upset the next. I totally hear ya about it affecting things with DD though... and unfortunately, little ones don't understand enough to cut you some slack. What's the recovery time after surgery?

I'm so glad you have your friend close by for support. It is awful that you both have to go through this, but it is great that you can truly understand what each other is going through. And you know we are always here for you. The journey continues!
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Sat Sep 10, 2016 10:08 pm

Thank you so much. Luckily the recovery is supposed to be very short. Some women say they go back to work the next day. DH was able to take off the day of surgery and the day after and I'm hoping to be feeling close to normal after that. It is a little scary getting put under, but this will be my 3rd time under general anesthesia so at least I know what to expect. Just really looking forward to moving on and feeling normal, unfortunately I'm still having a good amount of pregNancy symptoms. Each day is a little easier and a little better. Looking forward to seeing the rainbow on the other side of this.
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:28 pm

I'm thinking of you and praying for you for tomorrow Kat! Just wanted to let you know. Hope to hear from you when you are on the other side of recovery!
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Mon Sep 12, 2016 7:38 pm

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. Everything went as smoothly as possible today and I'm just so beyond grateful for my OB and the beyond wonderful nurses at the surgery center. One nurse even held my hand as she wheeled me into the surgery room. For an overall sucky situation, it really couldn't have gone better. I cried going in and while I was getting prepped, but I felt surprisingly at peace when I woke up from anesthesia. My nausea is finally gone and I feel like I have the closure I need to start moving on. I actually ended up posting about having a miscarriage on my personal fb page... which is so out of character for me, I almost never ever post on fb and I can't remember the last time I posted something personal. For some reason I just felt like I wanted people to know, that keeping it secret was going to keep me from being able to move on. I'm so so so glad I decided to post. I cried my eyes out at all the incredible responses and support I got. It definitely helped me so, so much. As of now I have to schedule a follow up for next week to make sure everything is healing up properly and then my OB said we can start talking about trying again. I'm interested to see what he says about when we can start trying again. I wasn't sure if I'd feel ready, but now I'm pretty sure we want to start as soon as we can.
Seriously, thank you again so much for all the support. It means the world to me.
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Tue Sep 13, 2016 5:37 pm

Hey Kat, I am so glad all went well. It sounds like you are feeling some relief now that it's over and can finally move on. How are you feeling? I'm so glad you had the support before and after the procedure. I'm also so glad you found a great OB.

That's very brave of you to share on FB. I know it's hard to be so transparent online, but I think situations like this are more common than we realize and some people don't know how to share their experiences. Also, especially us women need to stick together. TTC, pregnancy complications, miscarriages, fertility treatments... we ALL need support and to be open with each other. I'm so proud of you for sharing!

I'm in the TWW so trying to not focus on the slowly ticking clock...
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Tue Sep 13, 2016 6:29 pm

Hey! I'm feeling really good (physically) today. I basically feel back to my normal. Its a big relief to not feel nauseous anymore and the bleeding has been very minimal, less than my usual period so far. I don't really know why I posted on FB, it was VERY out of character for me, but I guess part of me kept feeling like it was all just a bad dream and reaching out and connecting with people over it helped it feel more real which is helping me move on. I have my follow-up scheduled for this coming Monday to see how I'm healing up and talking about when we can start trying again.

Have you still been doing OPKs or just going by your usual cycle schedule? Hoping the TWW goes by as quickly as possible for you! I'm not looking forward to the crappy tww but I am looking forward to being back in the ttc game with you!
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:16 pm

I'm so glad you are feeling ok physically. For such a traumatic event, it really does sound like you had a lot of support and very sympathetic and understanding doctors and nurses. It's also awesome that you are ready to try again once the OB gives the all clear. I will be glad to have a TTC buddy again, it's lonely around here.

I haven't been doing OPKs cuz DH and I both agreed that they make me more stressed (he of course said it in the nicest way. Haha!). I assume I O'd on CD16 cuz that was the last day of CM and I felt a lot of cramping. So, based on that, I am 5dpo today (Tuesday). Nothing out of the ordinary... Sore bbs and incredibly irritable. We did start BDing early in my cycle but stopped on CD16, mostly from it becoming a chore. So, here goes nothing.
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Wed Sep 14, 2016 7:15 pm

I totally know what you mean about the OPKs and staying less stressed is always helpful! I'm having hard time deciding if we're going to do the whole OPK/temping timing BD thing when we start trying again, but I'm also trying to not worry too much about it since we still have lots of time to talk and think about it.

My heart was kind of heavy today. A very good friend called to check up on me and chat and while I very very much appreciated it, she's currently about 14 weeks pregnant and even though I didn't want it to bother me it kind of did. I'm still over the moon happy for her and the last thing I want is any kind of distance in our friendship over this, but I just couldn't help but feel sorry for myself after we were done talking. She really tried to encourage me to take some time to myself and do things I wouldn't do while pregnant and just not worry about trying until I was really "ready." Her heart is totally in the right place and she's not wrong, but I had to tell her that I felt like I didn't have the luxury to wait to start trying again since we don't usually conceive very quickly. Of course this friend has conceived both of her pregnancies on the first try. I'm not sure where I'm going with this at all anymore... just feeling emotional I guess!
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Flybutter » Thu Sep 15, 2016 12:27 pm

Sandra, I'm excited to see your test coming up soon and praying for a BFP for you!

Kat, I am so glad you are feeling better and can move on to trying again and I pray for you that it will happen quickly and that this will be your sticky.

AFM, work is keeping me busy lately but otherwise I am doing fine.
Kimberly (33) married to Joshua (35) ~ February 11, 2016.

PCOS
Clomid #1 50MG - July - Miscarriage September 17th, 2015 - 8wks :angel:
Clomid #2 50MG - November - Annovulatory - CD21 1.8 - BFN
Clomid #3 100MG - December - Ovulated - CD21 6.3 - BFN
Clomid #4 100MG - January - Ovulated - CD21 18.5 - BFN
Clomid #5 100MG - February - Ovulated - No CD21 Because of Lab Mixup - BFN
Clomid #6 150MG - April - Ovulated - Didn't bother with CD21 - Discouraged - BFN
Month off clomid - May - Ovulated - No CD 21 - 06/06/2016 :bfp:

June 13 Beta: 1228 - Progesterone: 17.5
June 15 Beta: 2759
June 22 Beta: 28,354

:hb: 6w1d: 101 bpm
:hb: 13w5d: 159 bpm


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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby Sandralin » Thu Sep 15, 2016 7:37 pm

Kat, I think it's totally understandable for you to feel the way you did after that convo. It sounds like she definitely had good intentions, but it's like putting salt in an open wound so to speak. I hope today was better for you and a bit more uplifting!

Fly, so glad you are doing well! What do you do for work? Is this a busy season for you? Hope you find some time to relax and put your feet up.

Nothing going on here. Don't want to test. I just can't handle it. I think unless I have some major symptom which makes me think it's a BFP, I'm just gonna ride it out. However, I have noticed that I have been VERY moody lately. Like, I hope it is a BFP so that can explain it and I am not just being a royal B! Especially toward DH... Yikes! I'm blaming hormones.
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Re: TTC #2 - September 2016 Hopefuls

Postby carrotk » Fri Sep 16, 2016 9:07 pm

Sandy, I'm hoping the moodiness is a good sign! I always hope that I'm getting a BFP when I'm super moody just to have a reason for being so crazy haha. I def was super moody before both of my bfp, but of course I've have some random bfn cycles that were super moody too. So frustrating that there isn't at least one sure sign.

So the first few days after the d&c were great. I felt normal, had minimal bleeding and no cramping. Then on wednesday evening I started a low grade fever which lasted all day Thursday. It never got high enough to indicate infection but I was sooo miserable. Today (friday) my fever broke but I started cramping and passing a lot of medium sized clots. It was honestly really scary for a little while. The worst of it lasted for just around 2 hours and then the bleeding died down significantly so I didn't need to go to the doc/ER, but man, that sucked. I'm feeling pretty emotional today because I honestly just expected to be fine/recovered & moving forward at this point. I just don't feel like myself and I'm so so so ready for this whole experience to be behind me. I hope talking about it doesn't bother you all. The miscarriage support thread is totally dead and I've had a hard time finding a new place to connect, I just feel comfortable here already, you know?
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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