TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sat Feb 04, 2017 3:29 pm

Oh no! I'm so sorry you're still feeling bad. Fevers are the worst! I completely turn into a useless lump when I have a fever. I know I say this all the time, but it's just so frustrating how delicate this whole ttc process is. We only get a couple days each month and it's so easy for something to go wrong. The good news is that it can happen with just one lucky BD and I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that's the case!
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:20 pm

Ok so weird. Cd14 today. Did an opk this morning, negative (like, not even close). Did one again at about 3pm. I could only wait about 3 minutes but it looked negative (now that I think about it though, the control line wasn't even fully there). Went back at around 8pm and it had dried into a definite positive, where both lines were the same. Also, I had cm all day, but when DH and I BD this evening (mind over matter, even while sick!) it was like non existent. Ugh! Plus, I tried using one of those Instead cups, but I don't know if I did it right and they are already causing me unnecessary stress!! Ugh!! Sorry, this is a bit of a ramble.

I think bottom line is, I need to calm myself down, stick to the opks and just BD as we planned. No amount of worry will change the outcome. I put a positive opk for todaybin my app and obviously it changed ALL the fertile window info, but I will see what the opk says tomorrow and adjust if necessary.

Thanks for letting me freak out. Hehe. I guess you still have a week or so to go before you reach this stage!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sun Feb 05, 2017 1:28 pm

I think I've read that opks can go from super faint to blazing positive in just a few hours. It's also possible to have a surge but then not ovulate and then surge again a day or two later. Hopefully you'll get another positive tomorrow and your cm will come back! Sometimes my "not quite positive but still super dark" opks will look positive after drying. Oh why can't ttc just be more straight forward! I have some of those cups too, but I only ever used them for one cycle. I keep wondering if I should try again, but I'm half scared that I'll put it in wrong and block the sperm from getting to my cervix lol.

I'm CD 6 today. I expect to O around CD 14-15, but every once in awhile I do on CD 13. In my perfect world (haha) we'll BD CD 8, 10, 12,14&15. Unless I get a positive opk on an off day. Our schedule never goes completely according to plan, but at least it's a goal to aim for. Every other day seems to be about as much as we can push it without getting burned out and stressed.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:20 pm

Oh girl, do I ever know about BD schedules never going as planned! Your schedule sounds good cuz even if you do O early, you will still catch it a day before/after.

Opk was positive again this morning. It showed pretty quickly. Plus, cm is back. So, I'm thinking I will actually O tomorrow, which is what happened last month. Just to be safe, and since our perfect BD schedule got messed up due to sickness, I'm gonna try to get DH to BD tonight and tomorrow, to cover CD14-16 in case O is somewhere in between. Even though I'm sure it's good to let his sperm "build up", my thinking is the same as last month In that I would rather have SOME sperm in the right place when the egg comes down rather than to have a ton there at the wrong time. There seems to be a variety of thinking out there on what is "best" but here's what I'm gonna do... using my opks as a guide, I'm going to trust God that only He can make this happen anyway and all DH and I have to do is give it our best effort and let God do the rest. No amount of worrying about lh surges or BD schedules or chances of conception is gonna help. It's down to faith, and believing that God is in control whether we do everything "right" or not. Sometimes, a miracle is that much more miraculous when it doesn't follow all the "normal" ways... just trying to relax, stay focused and positive. Gods got this!

You are so right about those soft cups. I worry that I would also put it in wrong and cause more harm than good! Maybe just laying down for a bit after BD is a good ol fashioned idea that will work.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Mon Feb 06, 2017 12:44 pm

You are so right! We just have to try our best and do what works for us, in the end it's up to The big guy! I can drive myself crazy sometimes trying to figure out if we should be BDing every day around I or if EOD is ok... but when it comes down to it, if it's meant to be, it will be. I'm the perfect example of that with both my pregnancies happening on random BD/O days and not when we timed things perfectly. The problem is that it's so hard to let go of control, even though it's just an illusion anyway! I think I'm going to try my best to just go with the flow this cycle. Keeping the schedule in the back of my mind as a game plan, but not necessarily what has to happen. Hopefully I can hold onto to these relaxed and optimistic feelings for the next couple of weeks!

Today I'm feeling very tired and sort of depressed. I've been trying not to ignore my grief and giving myself grace when I just don't feel normal. It's not always easy because of course I end up feeling the mom/wife guilt for not being "myself." I'm trying to remind myself that I need to take this time so that I can be a good mom and wife in the long run. I don't know what else to say, greif just sucks!
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Mon Feb 06, 2017 8:46 pm

Hey. So sorry this grief stuff has you down. I know it feels like a huge mountain to climb, but you'll get through it. Why can't we just have our bfp so we can be too excited about that to worry about the rest of life?!

So, 3 positive opks in a row. We only managed to BD on the first 2 days though cuz we just couldn't manage it tonight. We were bickering all evening and it just was the last thing either of us felt like. Maybe we can get one more in tomorrow for "security". My Cm was mostly dry today, so I'm thinking maybe O was today, but to be honest, I have NO idea. If the opk is negative tomorrow, I will assume O was today. I hope we have done enough, but it feels like this month is a waste anyway because I was sick and we didn't have a chance to properly follow our schedule. Who knows, maybe it'll happen this month cuz I am convinced it WONT! Haha.

Good luck with your upcoming "window". I hope you can relax and just let things happen. It would be so nice to be able to find that balance between being aware of your cycle and schedule but being able to relax as well. I still haven't figured out that balance.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:00 pm

Hey! DH got off work early today and it putting DD down for her nap while I type this from the computer with a cup of coffee, it feels like such a treat!! Thank you as always for the encouragement. It does feel like a huge mountain sometimes, and it can be frustrating because it's kind of like a jagged mountain. I have these days and even weeks where I feel fine and feel like I'm finally headed back downhill, only to have to start trudging uphill again. The problem is when I think I'm finally feeling fine and then a bad day catches me off guard. I think I'm finally learning to anticipate the bad days and accepting that I'm not going to be completely ok for a little while, and that's ok. I'm taking a lot of comfort in my support team, knowing that DH and friends and family are there to support me and are helping me push up this mountain. I know the end is in sight and that I won't feel this way for ever.

Actually I've decided to set aside the next two months and sort of take a break from TTC and focus on getting my groove back. DH and I decided together it would be good for my mental health to take a break and try to find my happiness without all my hopes hingeing on a BFP to fix everything. We're aren't giving up completely, I'm going to write down my best guess for my fertile days and give them to DH and just let him be in charge of it all for a little while. If we end up pregnant in the next two months, FANTASTIC, but if not, I'm ok with that and will be (hopefully) refreshed and ready to try again in April. I just started the Couch 2 5k program with a local stroller running group, so for the next 8 weeks I have something else to focus. I used to be really into running and I think if I put in a good effort I'll be able to potentially run a personal best, but I know I won't push myself if I'm worrying over TTC (usually try to keep my workouts gentle during the tww). As an added bonus, maybe I'll be able to lose a few lbs and that will help ttc, I'm not betting on that and I still have major doubts that my weight is as big of a factor as the doctor seems to think it is... but it can't hurt to try! I'm sure none of this will go exactly as I'm planning... because let's be real, life never does! But after being in counseling a couple times and getting my degree in counseling, I have to admit that I'm on the cusp of depression and need to do something different. In the past regular exercise and social interaction has made the most significant difference in helping steer me away from depression so that's where I'm starting.

Another thing is that I'll be going (flying clear across the country) for my Mom's memorial service in March. I know that it will be emotional and stressful and honestly, I don't know if I can handle morning sickness or the panic/nerves of not knowing if the pregnancy is viable while I'm dealing with all of that. If I had gotten pregnant this last cycle I would have been past 12 weeks by then and felt a lot better, but now that that's not possible I feel like taking a step back from ttc is the best choice. Of course, if God decides it's our time, I will more than graciously accept that burden, I'm just putting the ttc choices in DH's hands for a little while. Plus I'm hoping the memorial service will give me some closure on the whole grief process. I honestly feel more relaxed and at ease already. Occasionally I feel slightly panicked at the idea of "not trying," but honestly, two months in the grand scheme of things really won't make a huge difference. I'll still be checking in here of course though! Phew, that was way longer than I thought it would be, brevity is not my strong suit lol! Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Thu Feb 09, 2017 8:53 pm

Hey just a quick reply... I think that's a great idea taking a few months off. It sounds like you already have some other things to focus on and that's an awesome idea letting DH kinda take the reigns. Definitely a stress reliever and may be the break you need to deal with all the emotions.

Sorry this is short, I really wanna dive in deeper but I've had a bit of a sickness setback this week. Went to the doc Tuesday, sinus infection and bronchitis. Then, Wednesday morning (like 3 or 4am) I had a horribly pounding headache and all I could do was throw up. I slept ALL day on Wednesday (like till 7pm). I've never had a migraine but I tell you, I was ready to run to the ER. It was so painful. Nothing since, but I think my body is now just reached it's sick limit and I'm crashing. Haven't had much energy the last 2 days. So thankful for DH really stepping in and just being an awesome guy! He really helped so much. So, let's just say getting better is on my agenda this month. TTC has taken a bit of a backseat.

I promise I will write more next time!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Thu Feb 09, 2017 9:40 pm

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear you're so sick! This is a crazy coincidence, but I actually just had my first migraine ever this past week, too! It was absolutely terrible. I can't even begin to imagine dealing with the pain and nausea when you're already feeling terrible. Praying for a quick recovery for you! So glad your DH is helping out and taking care of you. Feel better soon!
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:21 pm

Hey! Just wanted to check in real quick. How are you feeling? Hope you've been able to rest and are on the mend!

I'm somewhere near the middle of my cycle I'd guess. When we first decided on this whole plan this cycle I really doubted that I'd just be able to forget what CD I was on, but to my surprise I really have. I can't completely ignore it all, I've had a lot more cm this cycle so I know I'm near O, but it really has taken the pressure down. Whenever I start to worry about it I just tell myself that "it's in God's hands. If we want we can start trying again obsessively in April, but for now, just enjoy the break." I know its always easier to stay calm and relaxed before the tww, so we'll see if this feeling sticks around haha!
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:50 am

Hey! I am finally on the mend. I tell you, two weeks of being sick is more than enough for me! Still struggling with a cough, but no more sinus issues or weird headaches. That's so crazy that you had a migraine for the first time recently! I've never had one before but I'm sure that's what they feel like!

I am so proud of you for maintaining your chill during your break. I'm sure it's very freeing knowing that you don't have to even think about it! I think it'll be great for you to forget about opks and dpo and all that crazy stuff.

Although we aren't taking a break, I'm also trying to just chill about it all. I get so hung up on what the opk says and trying to figure out timing and so on, when ultimately, we need to give it our best effort (which some months is less than ideal) and stay confident knowing that it'll happen at the right time. I'm also trying to focus on other things in life. It has just really hit me that I don't want to neglect the life I have because I'm always focused on what I don't have/want.

I'm probably about 5dpo. I'm not sure if I even Od though cuz of the sickness. We did manage to BD during all the sickness (haha where there's a will, there's a way!) on CD 14, 15 and 17 but I had positive opks on CD 14-18 so who knows. I had CM and all, but I didn't feel any distinct O pains, I think I was too busy focused on sickness pains. Also, I don't have my usual sore bbs right after O, which has me suspicious. I am having horrible insomnia though, and dreams like crazy (like weird, all night, not usual for me). I will not symptom spot, I will not symptom spot. Hehe! I need to knock it off!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sun Feb 12, 2017 3:55 pm

So happy to hear you're feeling better!! I'm so impressed you guys made such a great ttc effort while you were so sick. I will say that the only times I've ever had a cycle longer than 28 days has been when I was significantly sick and so I think that caused me to ovulate late or possibly not at all. You really never know though! What you said about not neglecting the life you're living really hit home for me! I realized recently how much time I've wasted focused on or sad about a child/life that doesn't even exist yet, meanwhile I have a beautiful life and a beautiful family that need that time and energy. It's a really hard balance to figure out, since I do believe that it's important to work hard for the things you want. If nothing else, we can be confidant that this whole ttc process has helped us learn about ourselves!

Things have been absolutely crazy over here. On Thursday night DD came down with a stomach bug. It was the worst I've ever seen her. Once we got her cleaned up and the puking phase passed she perked up and seemed to be mostly herself aside from the usual fever symptoms so luckily we didn't have to go the ER. She continued to have a fever all day Friday and most of Saturday, but we could tell she was feeling much better. Saturday night the bug hit DH in the middle of the night. All the usual tummy bug unpleasantries... except to make matters worse, at the same time the water main on our street broke and we lost all running water!!! I'm still fuming. Luckily the puking phase passed relatively quickly, but still with no running water we're in a bit of a predicament. Of course I'm just over here PRAYING that I don't get it while the water is still off. We do live only 2 blocks away from the community center with showers and bathrooms... but I can't imagine getting sick in a community center bathroom! yikes. I've already been to the grocery store and target today and used both of their bathrooms lol... I'm sitting here typing this knowing I need to go soon but just so mad that I can't go in my own dang house! I know these things happen and it's no one's fault, its just the whole situation is crazy. And if all that isn't crazy enough, I've had more fertile cm today than I think I've ever had before lol and of course all of this is going on so I seriously doubt we'll get to any bding today.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:20 am

Just a quick update. Since I'm not tracking I can't know for sure, but I think I might have ovulated early. Yesterday I had a ton of ewcm in the morning and almost nothing by bedtime. This morning it seems to still be gone. I remember thinking I was going to O right around Valentine's day because I told you the story about how we conceived DD around Valentine's day and I felt like it was funny having all this TTC stuff come full circle. On the one hand I want to say I'm already out since DH was sick and we haven't been able to BD much, but on the other hand you know how I feel like early O is a good sign haha! Either way, I'm absolutely determined not to test too early, if at all. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's ok to let go, we've done the best we can. We even gave it our best effort to BD last night and it just didn't work out. I mean, what more can we do? Just gotta keep praying.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Mon Feb 13, 2017 8:53 pm

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear about your round of sicknesses and the water! Ugh! It's amazing how much we take things like water for granted until we don't have it anymore. Then we realize how much we NEED it! I hope everything was restored quickly and that your household is illness free now. DH has come down with some sort of congestion cold. Ah, the joys of sharing sicknesses.

I know this is your break from TTC and I don't wanna cause you to focus on it too much but early O has been good luck for you in the past! It's like your body is just ready and can't wait any longer! Hehe. You are so right when you say that all we can do is put our best effort in and hope for the best.

I think I'm about 6dpo, if I even Od at all. I'm kinda wondering if the sickness just wiped out O completely. I mean, I had 4 days of positive opk, only two of which were strong positives (one line darker than the other), so maybe my body tried to O and just didn't. I had EWCM and all, but... again, though, all we can do is give it our best effort and hope that it'll happen sooner rather than later. I had a sort of "hopeless" feeling day today, but I'm really trying to change my way of thinking. Almost a "fake it till you make it" mentality, trying to tell myself that it WILL happen at the right time and I need to believe and trust in that.

Can I just say for the millionth time that I am SO OVER TTC!!! Whew, that feels better already.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:26 pm

Hey! So the stomach bug finally caught me. I spent all night puking and felt horrible today. Luckily DH was able to call in and take care of me and DD. I seriously don't know how I would have managed. Of course now that my stomach is finally starting to feel better a fever has popped up. I've always read terrible things about having a fever in early pregnancy so now I'm just about 100% convinced we're out this month. I'm also wondering if maybe I didn't O at all since I was just starting to get sick right around when I thought I was Oing. Who knows! I'm right there with you, so over ttc and sooooooooo over being sick!
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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