TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Wed Feb 15, 2017 3:46 pm

Oh my goodness, you poor thing! What a yucky sickness to have to deal with. I hope you are fever free by now. So glad DH could help you out! I guess if nothing else, the sicknesses have distracted us a bit from the TWW.

So, my sis-in-law is in labor. I was doing really great with it all, not letting it (especially her) get to me, but it's like all the envy and jealousy and frustrated unfair feelings are flooding back now that the big event has arrived. It's so hard to be completely happy for her as I feel like I am being so fake. Luckily she lives in England so we don't have to visit the hospital or anything. I know it's selfish of me, and I should be happy for her, but the injustice of it all is maddening!

On top of that, I am really trying to fight my overly hopeful outlook. Since my bbs are not sore, and I am dealing with insomnia, it's like I automatically tell myself that it must mean I'm pregnant cuz that's so different than what I usually experience after O. However, with being sick during O time, it's probably more likely that I don't have my usual symptoms because I didn't O after all. I'm done giving myself false hope and I'd rather be completely surprised than completely disappointed. I've also been really moody and short-tempered lately. But again, that could be because I am not getting much sleep at night between the insomnia and DDs recent "sleeping like a newborn" stage. She is usually a great sleeper (minus a few early mornings), but she's been waking up multiple times at night. I think the exhaustion combined with a little PMS is making me feel like I'm going nuts! I've been feeling some cramping, but again, maybe I am just hyper-aware of everything and it's just normal. Today is 8dpo according to my app but I don't have the guts to test tomorrow. Maybe I will breakdown this weekend. We are going away for a night to a cabin with my parents and niece and nephew and uncle and his fam on Sunday into Monday, so it may be good to test before that just to know.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:23 pm

Just tested on 9dpo... bfn. Of course. I give up!! I know it's early but still...
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Thu Feb 16, 2017 8:46 pm

Oh I completely know how you feel! I want to tell you that 9 dpo is crazy early, that plenty of women don't get positives until after 12 dpo, but the reality is that I ALWAYS feel out if I get a BFN on 9 dpo. Even though with DD I didn't even get a barely there squinter until 10-11ish dpo. Oh, and my friend who is pregnant with twins didn't get a positive until 2 days before she expected her period. I know that stuff in reality, but rational thinking and ttc just don't seem to go hand in hand. It's almost like we have to believe we're out to avoid getting our hopes crushed too hard.

I can't imagine how you're feeling with your sister in law. One of my very close friends is due next month and I've noticed myself withdrawing from her. I'm so happy for her and she deserves it more than anyone I know, and even still I find it so hard to talk to her sometimes. Just know that it's totally ok to be angry and frustrated! Even though it's a happy time for your SIL, you're feelings are still valid and they matter!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Fri Feb 17, 2017 8:20 pm

Hey! How are you doing? Have you taken any more tests?

I feel like I've lost my calm and relaxed feelings. I keep wanting to check the calendar and try to figure out what dpo I am. It's silly because either way it's too early to take a test, and knowing won't change our chances. I feel completely better, but my tummy has just been off since getting sick. I've been feeling slightly nauseous, almost like car sick, in the evenings. I'm sure my gut is probably just off from puking so much and I probably just need a probiotic or something. Unfortunately I think it's getting DH's hopes up. He keeps saying "maybe you're just pregnant!" Even though I've told him 100 times I've never had pregnancy nausea before 5 weeks and I'm barely half way if that through my tww! I love that he's so optimistic, I just hate the idea of disappointing him. I think I'm just having an off day! Thanks for reading my ranting and rambling haha.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:33 pm

Aren't we a pair of hopeless gals? haha! I'm so sorry you have lost your "chill". I still will never understand women who CAN fully relax and "not think about it" fully. I totally understand what you mean about DH saying "Maybe you're pregnant". Early in the TTC process, you might have played along, but too many months of being disappointed leaves us a bit unbelieving.

I haven't decided if I'm going to test again. I was going to wait until Sunday (12dpo). On one hand, I want to take a chance and know for sure before we go away for a night, but on the other hand, the thought of staring at another stark white BFN just doesn't thrill me. I just wonder if the BFN would cause me a lot of sadness again like last month.

My mind and heart are playing horrible tricks on me because I haven't had my usual sore bbs this month. I know that it's more likely that I didn't O and that's why they aren't sore, but my mind keeps thinking otherwise. I think one thing causing me to hope is that I was actually sick when we conceived DD, however it was a different kind of sickness. It was like a random vomiting bug for one day, but by the next day I seemed ok, just weak and tired, so we BD and BAM, there's DD. But at the same time, this month, my body was in full-blown "fighting infection" mode during O, so who knows. With these bodies of ours, something "odd" one month shouldn't surprise us. It seems that just when we think we have it figured out, something like this happens and it throws us completely off. So far, the only difference for me is no sore bbs (just slightly today, but not unless I "look" for it) and clear insomnia. I don't think I've fallen asleep before midnight in a week! Ever since I started feeling better. I thought at first it was the steroids for my bronchitis, but I stopped taking them and I'm still struggling to sleep.

Thank you so much for what you said about the situation with my SIL. You are so right, my feelings are valid, even if she doesn't understand them (how can she? She gets pregnant whenever she tries!) Luckily, most of our communication is over Whatsapp (messaging app) so it's a typed reaction rather than a face-to-face or phone reaction. It's easier to formulate the words I think.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sat Feb 18, 2017 8:00 pm

Hey! I am feeling a little more calm today. Man, am I tried of the roller coaster of emotions! I also feel like my mind and body are playing tricks on me. For the past few days I've had this motion sickness/slight nausea off and on, I've had so much trouble sleeping, and today I had achey boobs. I NEVER get achey boobs. I think the last time I had achey boobs was when I was around 20 weeks pregnant with DD. The furthest I could be is 6 dpo if I O'd early, so it's probably too early for implantation, let along pregnancy symptoms. I know rationally there is no way that these "symptoms" have ANYTHING to do with pregnancy, but it's frustrating because they are very pregnancy-type feelings. I'm just hoping that we both can get a decent night's sleep and a BFP for all our troubles haha!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:27 pm

Haha a BFP for our troubles! I like it! After this month, I think we both need it! I must be gearing up for one wicked AF cuz I got hormonal issues everywhere. Jawline break outs, now sore bbs, moodiness, feeling like I'm gonna start at any moment (shouldn't be till Monday or Tuesday but this month, who knows?) That doesn't account for the insomnia that I STILL have. I've even tried changing my schedule/routine a bit and I still can't sleep! Also the heartburn. I know I've had pizza and stuff this weekend, so that's mostly to blame, but still, gross!

That's so strange that you are having odd symptoms. I know we both know better than to symptom spot but it's just so weird to have these strange, out of the ordinary symptoms. It just sucks that we can find so many other causes of these symptoms as well. I'm really hoping we are not both going crazy here and we really do get our BFP this month! However, I've already convinced myself I'm out. Don't think I have the will to test again. I think I actually find it easier just waiting and seeing AF.

I'm not sure how not Oing would affect AF though. Would it be delayed? I'm just so ready to finish this cycle and look to a new one. This limbo is maddening.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:59 am

Ugh heartburn is the worst! Sorry you're feeling so off! I actually ended up taking unisom last night. I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed a good nights sleep! I still didn't get 8 hours but at least I got some solid sleep. I want to say maybe it's all a good sign, but I know how frustrating it can be for someone to get your hopes up. I was like that last month, just absolutely wicked PMS and DH kept saying "stop calling it PMS, you don't know, maybe you're pregnant." Of course that just made it that much harder when my period eventually (of course) came. I think I mentioned this last time, but one of my favorite things about him is his positivity and optimism, it's just such a hard line to to figure out in this situation. He always says that I have to think positive and tell myself I am pregnant or could be pregnant and that will make it more likely, meanwhile I'm like... yeah... but I just cant handle being devastated over and over again.

I think that if you didn't O at all AF could be either early, on time, or late. But if you just O'd after you were sick then AF will be late by however many days late your O was (if that makes sense.)
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:45 am

So, AF just started, right on time. I'm bummed but I also knew it was coming so I'm not really surprised. On to the next cycle. Im seriously wondering if we should start pursuing the medical route again, cuz clearly this isn't working. Maybe DH needs to try clomid after all. It may help his overall mood and health anyway.

How are you doing? Sleeping any better?
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Tue Feb 21, 2017 5:56 pm

Nooooooooooo! So sorry to hear AF showed up. I was so hopeful that the heartburn was a good sign. Sorry for not responding sooner, we lost power from some bad storms and for some reason the internet wasn't working on my phone either. Have you talked to your DH about considering any medical interventions? Hopefully he'll be open if it will help his overall health too.

Luckily (or not so luckily lol) I've been pretty distracted over here with the bad weather and power outages. We just got power back and I'm just really grateful it looks like our food in the freezer survived. I keep having that motion sickness feeling on and off but I'm getting more and more convinced that it's just because I've been eating to much sugar and fast food with the power being on and off. If I O'd early I'd be 9dpo today. I stupidly took a test since I got a BFP at 9 dpo last time. I think seeing that bfn was enough for me and now I'm just waiting on AF. The only odd thing is just a few minutes ago I had a terrible pain on my right side around where I'd guess my ovaries are. I had to sit down and it sort of throbbed for a few minutes. When I was pregnant with dd I actually went to the ER after a very similar pain thinking I was having an ectopic pregnancy, but I was already 6 weeks along at that point. Probably just a weird coincidence. For as evolved as our bodies are, you'd think it'd be easier to figure out what's going on inside them!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Wed Feb 22, 2017 8:50 pm

Hey! So that pain you had sounds interesting. Timing sounds about right... guess you just have a few more days to wait now! So sorry to hear of all the issues you are having with water, and now power... I heard about the flooding too in San Jose (which is where I grew up). My cousin still lives there but thankfully she's not affected. Crazy Cali! What is up with all that!?

I'm feeling much better today about AF starting. I had a really rough day yesterday (when it started) but I think I'm just relieved now to be done with the TWW and all the "guessing" and just move on to a new cycle. However, I think DH is going away for work during the majority of my fertile window! I think I will O on March 7, and he is gone a few days before that and only gets back on the 8th. Ugh! He's not traveled much at all lately, so it just HAD to be that week! Oh well, I'm not gonna stress. If it happens, great and if not, maybe we needed a break anyway. I can't let it bother me. I just have to hope and pray that it happens when it's supposed to happen.

DH and I have talked about the medical idea again. Not that I want to "go against God" by pursuing it if we aren't supposed to, but this testosterone issue is really causing a lot of physical issues for DH and it's significantly impacting his life. The Endo said he would likely start him on clomid as a next treatment option, which can not only boost fertility but can also help with low testosterone. I just dread the idea of all the specialist visits and they waiting and the hassle. The one he went to last time was way far away and I just wonder if it's worth getting On the waiting list for our local Endo, just as a plan of action if that makes sense. Selfishly, I want him on clomid to help us conceive, but I also see how his issues are severely affecting his life and I just want my husband back!
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Wed Feb 22, 2017 9:16 pm

I just came across this article and it was exactly what I needed! Check it out...

http://barrentobeautiful.com/2016/09/30 ... -you-cant/
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:54 pm

So BFN again today. No matter how much I tell myself I don't need to test, I always end up doing it anyway lol. I guess I just need to accept that about myself and roll with it haha. I'm expecting AF Saturday or Sunday so, I'll know for sure soon either way. Luckily it seems like the weather is finally starting to calm down, at least I hope so! It's been windy, but at least the sun was shining today!

Sorry to hear that your DH will be traveling in your fertile window, I definitely know how frustrating that can be! It can also be nice mentally though to take a month off since it will be out of your control anyway. Although, don't forget I got pregnant last time when DH was traveling during what I thought was my fertile window, so anything is possible I guess!

I don't think that seeking some medical intervention at this point is going against God. Especially since, like you said, your DH stands to gain a lot more from treatment than just increased fertility. I sort of see it as similar to getting my thyroid treated. Sure technically having healthy thyroid function is critical to fertility, but I get treated for it mainly because it's so important to my overall health and well-being. I really wasn't myself when my thyroid was untreated. That said, I know how frustrating it is to be in the whole process of making appointments, waiting, traveling, possibly not getting the answers you're looking for. I've been putting off finding a new doctor for months now I hate it all so much. Whatever you decide, I hope you feel good about it and that it doesn't cause you more stress!

Also, that article is perfect. Seriously exactly what I needed to read today. Letting go of perfect and seeing the time I have with DH as a gift is definitely something I could do some work on!
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Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Thu Feb 23, 2017 1:06 pm

Ugh. When we were trying for DD I never have trouble with "line eye." My test was either negative or positive and I didn't squint or take pictures and try to "tweak." But for some reason now every dang time I take a test I *think* I see something. This morning I could have sworn I saw a line forming while the dye was still running, but by the 5 minute mark when the test had settled there was nothing. I was so convinced that I took another one (still had my pee collected) and then of course felt so dumb for wasting the tests. I know it's still early, I'm only 10 dpo, but I'm just feeling silly and frustrated and needed to vent.
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Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:19 pm

If you were pregnant and had implantation pain on CD9, wouldn't it take 2 days to show up on a hpt anyway? luckily just a few days until your AF day, so if it is a bfp, you should see it soon. 10dpo is still very early.

Maybe having DH away this month will force me to relax and not worry about TTC, cuz there's nothing I could do about it anyway. We will try our best, as swimmers can live for a few days, but if this is our month, then it'll truly be a miracle from God cuz it won't be our doing! I may have been looking at the wrong month on my app (the dates for Feb and March are very similar) so I think O is on the 9th, and DH should be back the 8th so he better be ready! Haha!!

I'm gonna try to call about getting DH to see the endocrinologist locally, even if we have to wait a few months for him to be seen. He really needs to figure out what is causing this low testosterone. I'm just concerned that he is trying SO hard to overcome it on his own, but if it is a hormonal issue (mainly the pituitary gland), then it won't likely go away with just exercise and weight loss. I'm sure that will help, but am I correct in thinking that things like thyroid issues and so on won't be cured by weight loss alone? Sometimes one needs medication to help those hormones sort themselves out. I've tried explaining this to DH and he hears me, but he believes that losing weight will solve all his issues. I agree to an extent, it would definitely help, and it wouldn't hurt to have him get in shape, but I'm not sure that will completely solve the issue. Plus, the added bonus of fertility boosting doesn't sound too bad to me!

Thinking and praying for you over the next few days. As if the TWW wasn't bad enough, the last few days are the worst. It's like a guessing game that never has an answer!!
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