TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Thu Feb 23, 2017 9:08 pm

You are so right. I didn't even think of the possibility that the pain I experienced the other day might be related to implantation. I'm just having an off day in genral. It could very likely just be my usual pms as well. A very good friend of mine announced her pregnancy on fb today and I just didn't handle it well. It's silly because I've known about her pregnancy for over 2 months now, and we talk about it regulary... so it kind of blindsided me when I felt sad over the announcement. I just feel crushed and empty. Ugh! Stupid hormones and feelings! I know these feelings will pass and it helps to focus on all my blessings.

I don't know much personally about hormones other than thyrold, but at least for thyroid you're correct. Diet and exercise can definitely help up until a certain point, but usually can't fix the issue completely. I can definitely tell a difference when my diet and exercise are in check, but I'll always need medication. It kind of stinks, but knowing there is a problem and being able to treat it is sor much better than wondering if things could be better.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:11 pm

Hey hey! How are things going? Any updates? Thinking of you this weekend.

Just a quick check in. It has been a busy few days, followed by minimal sleep. I am STILL dealing with this insomnia. I wish pregnancy was the culprit but unfortunately that isn't the case. It's really bothering me. On top of that, DD has gotten into the bad habit of waking again at night and last night, it was an hour and a half until she went back to sleep. Zzzzz. This mama is tired.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sat Feb 25, 2017 10:59 pm

you must be exhausted! Sleep troubles are my worst enemy. Have you tried taking benadryl or unisom?

Still getting nothing but bfns and I expect AF tomorrow. I got my usual day before AF pink tinted cm today so I'm for sure on schedule. It's been a crappy couple of days emotionally. One minute I'm fine, convinced that everything is ok, my life is blessed, and trusting in God's plan. Then the next minute it's like I can't breathe because I'm so upset. It's silly and was completely naive to think this way, but to be perfectly honest, when we started trying I didn't even entertain the idea that I wouldn't be pregnant by now. I had and weird interaction at the playground where another mom approached me and started chatting with me about being among the few that only wanted one child and I just didn't know what to say to her. I managed to mention that I was "leaving it up to fate" because I didn't know how to say what I was really feeling, plus I didn't want to make her feel bad.

In good news, I've decided to pursue becoming a certified doula. I've been thinking about it for a couple years and now the timing is finally working out. I think it will be good for me to have something else to focus on. If I can't have a baby myself right now at least I can help other women have good birth experiences!
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sun Feb 26, 2017 11:22 am

AF arrived like clockwork this morning confirming I did O early. The upside to all of this is that I can say without a doubt that I know when I'm ovulating even without taking opks or temping. So at least this whole process had taught me how to be more in tune with my body. Also gives me more confidence if we do pursue fertility treatments I can say for sure that it's not just an issue timing sex.
I actually feel surprisingly ok today. I guess the one good thing about my testing habit is that I usually get my emotional breakdown over with early haha. Onto trying for a Xmas baby! How is it possible that we're already in the last cycles for 2017 babies. That's bananas.
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:00 pm

So sorry about AF. You are so right about your POAS so early, you do kind of get over the "sting" early. I found this last month, because I tested and knew it was a bfn, I was a little relieved to see af because I knew a new cycle was finally starting. That's wild that this is the last shot for 2017 babies. What!! Craziness. But I'm letting my desire to "control " it all go. The only downside is our crazy deductible, which would be over two years meaning lots more money, but my parents already said they would help us and I'm not gonna stress about it.

So, I've decided to sit down and talk with one of our pastors. DH is gonna come with me. I am just struggling so much with one day trusting God and feeling like He is in total control, and the next feeling like it's hopeless and why am I even trying? It's a woman pastor and she's actually my moms best friend. She's a wise woman and even if she hasn't walked the same road, I know she can give me guidance and wisdom on how to feel and think.

You know how I shared that article with you about children asking for siblings? Umm yeah, talk about perfect timing cuz DD has started asking for a sibling. I guess it started when I mentioned to her that her cats were like sisters and she was the big sister. I made the mistake of asking "what would you think about having a real baby brother or sister?" Just cuz we have never really talked about it. Since that conversation, she now says that we need a baby, and she wants a baby sister. I explained that we all need to pray for a baby cuz God is the one who makes and creates them. So, what does she ask to pray for every night? Yep, a baby. It's so sweet and yet it's tearing my heart up. As a mother, you don't WANT to deny your kids anything. Sometimes you say No because it's what's best for them but to not be ABLE to give her something, it's hard. I mentioned it to my Mom and she said "well, maybe that means she's ready" Hmm... could we have been waiting for DD to be ready for a sibling? Guess time will tell.

That's awesome about becoming a doula! Good luck with all that. Is it like a training program or how does that work? Did you use a doula with DD? So cool. What an exciting new adventure.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:41 pm

Oh wow, I bet that article totally hit home! DD has been really into babies lately, but so far hasn't grasped the concept of brother/sister. I can't imagine how tough it must be hearing her ask and pray every night. You are such a great mama and it's so awesome how you're teaching her to trust and have faith in God!

I think it's so great that you're meeting with your pastor. Having someone trustworthy to talk with and get some guidance is so valuable. I've been searching my brain recently trying to think who we could reach out to and keep coming up empty. Counseling doesn't seem quite right because I really do think I need more guidance at this point, but I'm also not sure we're ready for a fertility consultation with a doctor yet either. I've decided to give it at least 3 more months and then reevaluate.

I did have a doula with DD, she made a huge difference for me. I had attempted to give birth in a birth center, but ended up needing to be induced in the hospital. Having a doula was amazing and helped DH feel a lot less pressure to be my only support person. Apparently the term doula isn't regulated at all, so I could make a website tonight and start advertising my services as a doula and it would be completely legal, albeit totally sketchy haha! I'm planning on going to a local training, which will be a weekend long workshop basically, and then I plan to follow through and get certified as well. The certification process basically entails going so many different births and getting the parents or a mentor to write an evaluation on you plus some extra reading and a few writing assignments. So absolutely nothing as rigorous as a grad program haha! My plan right now is to go to a training in April and then offer my services on a volunteer basis until I can get certified and get enough practice to feel confidant in my skills. I feel really confidant about the whole process since so many of the skills overlap with counseling. I read through the training packet and the number one skill they look for in doulas is empathy, so I feel like I'm on the right path haha.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Tue Feb 28, 2017 9:22 am

Ok just a quick one... I'm at story time with DD and I'm getting majorly bummed with all the pregnant women around me. Most of them have a child younger than DD too. Not that the age gap matters, I just.... feeling sad and jealous today. Why oh why do we have to deal with this!?
Thanks for letting me vent.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Tue Feb 28, 2017 1:03 pm

Of course! Vent away! I have been feeling that a lot lately! We just have to keep reminding ourselves that we're doing our best and our time will come. It's so tough sometimes though.

I've been having one of those off days. I had a mom meet up I missed this morning because I accidentally drove to the wrong side of town. I forgot the main thing I went to the grocery store for. And I almost burst into tears at the gym when it hit me it's been almost 6 months since my miscarriage, just out of nowhere. Things will get better though.
Hypothyroid
March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:10 pm

So sorry I've been so slow at responding. For some reason, I feel like I've been crazy busy lately, but not too much is different.

So, just to mention the "other side of the coin" after my venting session yesterday... I overheard one of the moms saying to the other one how she's amazed she even made it out of the house with two kids and I think she said it's the first time she took them both out by herself (the kids looked maybe 2 and 6 months? 8 months maybe?). The lady she was talking to had about the same ages. Plus, all the pregnant women there also had kids probably no older than 2. I guess both ways have their own set of challenges. I take for granted the fact that it's fairly easy for DD and I to get out of the house. We have the freedom to go and do whatever we want because I only have her to worry about.

I think I've accepted the age gap. The way it's going, DD will be off to school and I will (hopefully) have alone time with another child. However, I think just the jealousy of the fact that all these women CAN get pregnant and have more kids just gets to me.

Today is CD9 for me (I had to look it up cuz I forgot! Haha). I didn't have my usual CD9 cm, but that just confuses me anyway. I'm not holding out much hope for this month with DH going away. The last chance to BD is two nights before my projected O day. I wish we could fit one in the day before O, but he leaves at noon and with DD around in the morning.... oh well. Nothing I can do but give it our best shot.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Wed Mar 01, 2017 9:41 pm

I just realized that I said nothing in response to you saying it had been nearly 6 months since your miscarriage. Wow. It feels like it was so long ago and yet it's like it was yesterday. How are you feeling today? Are you feeling like your break from TTC is giving you the chance to work through some emotions?

I think it's really awesome that you are going ahead with training to be a doula. It'll be good for you to have something to focus on. Learning something new feels good. It's like it's good for the soul or something. It's kinda scary that there aren't more regulations on who can call themselves a doula, but at least getting certified will help to prove you are the real deal. I'm sure there are some very interesting characters claiming to be doulas in your state. haha. I was born there so I totally know.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Thu Mar 02, 2017 3:59 pm

Sorry, me again. Why is it that just when we think we've figured out our cycles, they have to go off the rails and confuse us?

I was having almost O like pains today so I did an opk (CD10 here-O is projected to be in 7 days) and it wasn't positive, but it was a LOT darker than it usually is on CD10 and it almost looks like it's gonna turn positive soon. I will try to attach a pic but last time it didn't let me.

It would be good to O early with DH going away, but I am just confused now. Usually if I do test on CD10, it's very very light, like visible but barely. Hmm.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby Sandralin » Thu Mar 02, 2017 4:00 pm

Ugh pic won't work. Do you have Facebook messenger? Maybe I can send it there. I want you to see it cuz it's really dark for a WEEK before O.
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Re: TTC#2 September 2016 Hopefuls - Thread 2

Postby carrotk » Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:40 pm

yes, I have fb messenger. Feel free to sent me a message anytime!

I was thinking about the whole age gap thing today actually. I met a new mom today and she was the first (I swear I'm not even exaggerating) person I've met since moving who had a "bigger" age gap between her kids with about 4 years between them. She seemed so calm and happy, her older was off at preschool while she was at the playground with the baby. All the other moms in our play group have kids around 18 months to 2 years apart or one have one. I definitely do see the the blessing to our current situation, especially the one on one attention we'll be able to give our children. You're so right though about the jealousy, it's almost just the fact that the other moms COULD get pregnant. Sometimes I mourn the idea that my kids won't be super close/bffs, but honestly, just because they are close in age doesn't that they will necessarily be best friends. Plus, I'm 5 and 7 years older than my sisters and even though we didn't get a long as kids we are incredibly close now. I just have to keep reminding myself that God knows our lives better than we do.

I am feeling better emotionally today, but it's kind of been up and down all week. I've been going through the process of finding a new ob/gyn and they wanted me to send along my medical records. I wanted to make sure the files were working so I scrolled through and there was all this info about my miscarriage that I had never looked through. Nothing new, just details that the weren't important for the doctor to talk about but are in the file. I'm still not sure if reading through it was upsetting or healing. I do feel good about at least establishing care with a new doctor. Not being pregnant they couldn't get me in until the end of April! I'm glad I didn't wait longer to make an appt. I feel like by then I'll be ready to start talking about fertility and what our next steps should be.
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March 2014: BFP, baby girl born 11/2014
Nov 2015: started TTC #2
July 2016: BFP - m/c @ 10 weeks
Aug 2017: BFP [8/1 beta 1: 6, 8/4 beta #3: 37]

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