2017 Baby Buddies! (2)

[nelsonfamjam]

Becca, I need pictures of these tests to obsess over. Honestly, you are so positive about everything, IDK how you do it! -- I'd be freaking out over having to leave. I totally understand why he's up'ing the rent but it's kind of a s**t thing to do on such short notice. And stressful!! It's pretty expensive here to move around and you don't get nearly as much property for your buck (or pound, should I say). We own our flat but it's only a tiny one bedroom which is fine for us now, and would be fine for us and a tiny baby, but eventually we will need more space and we need to move in to the city to be closer to his work. Hopefully you find something suitable soon for your dogs and for your hubby garage/shop space needs.

[Hopefulrosey]

Hi everyone. Quickly replying to Claudia before I go for dinner.

Claudia – Thanks a lot of telling me about your thyroid and spotting. What you said about THS levels is absolutely correct. My THS was not that off. It was around 4.4 and I did not really need meds. My obgyn still put me on thyroxin to bring it down for TTC. I got tested last weekend and she messaged that its normal. I don’t have the report so I don’t know the exact number. Good that you mentioned 2.5 target, now I am gonna ask her office to email me the report. If it’s more than 2.5, I might ask her to up the dose. I doubt she will do that as she thinks it my DH’s low morphology which is preventing pregnancy, but worth a shot.
For my temps, they weren’t that rocky but they were consistently lower than average. For both follicular phase (around 96. and LP (97-97,5) which apparently was a symptom of underactive thyroid. I have been on meds since July so this month I will see how my avg temps are now.

btw, how much was your original dose? I am on 0.05mg / 50mcg.

[BeeCee33]

Brittany, If I get anything to show on a picture, I'll post it. That one I posted where you could see the line was the most line I've seen and even that barely showed up. These I'm not even sure are there lol.

And yes, our landlord really only thinks of himself when it comes down to it. He's not a great boss, either and won't fight to get DH a raise even though he has worked like crazy to get this company off the ground and where it is today. We want to move on from both renting from him and working for him, but haven't found a suitable opportunity yet. Hubby and I are very similar in that we procrastinate when it comes to "big" problems that overwhelm us. He gets discouraged when he doesn't get a job and stops looking for awhile until something happens that really pisses him off and he gets going on it again. I kind of feel like the rent increase is one of those life events that lights a fire under your butt to make you act and find a better solution. So yes, it sucks right now, but I'm hoping it's the catalyst for making a better plan and getting to a more stable place in the future. Even if rent stayed the same, we are cutting it close financially and that has been a huge stress. This job hasn't gone where they said it would a couple of years ago and we just need to cut ties with all of it as soon as we are able, which might not be for awhile. I just wish this wasn't all happening right after the holidays. It's kind of put a damper on buying Christmas presents and enjoying the season. :/

Also, I'm incredibly optimistic about 95% of the time, but that other 5% I don't share as much. It's usually right before AF but it feels like the world is ending and all of my problems seem so huge and unsolvable. I start having panic attacks and can't control my emotions. It's really scary. I think the mirena was affecting it and making it worse, but I have had some pretty dark days over the last 6 months. So no, I'm not always upbeat! I actually worry constantly, but I'm pretty good at finding mental pathways around the worst case scenario and convincing myself of a better possibility (like with this cycle lol). It's what keeps me somewhat sane!

I just keep hearing my dad in my head saying, "There will always be another house," or job, or car, or whatever. Even though things look grim right now, I know we will be ok, we just have to figure out how to get there.

[nelsonfamjam]

Becca, That's exactly right!! This isn't the same kind of situation at all and it's something I don't share often but, what the hell, here it goes...

I was married before I met my current husband. We got married in my early 20's because we had been together since we were about 15 and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Ended up being a horrible marriage. His drinking problem did not get any better with age and it was just... not a great situation. We got divorced and I left that relationship with about 3k to my name. I took very little because I just wanted out. I moved 50 miles away to live with my brother and be his caretaker (he's a heart transplant patient) and I didn't have a car (I did but it was not running, it was a busted up car), which meant I could only take odd and end babysitting jobs that were close enough to walk to. I couldn't commit to staying with any one family on a set schedule because I was constantly back and forth between Georgia and Alabama with my brother to the transplant hospital at UAB. I lived off of very, very little money. I slept on the couch of my brothers condo. Ramen noodle packets were my best friend. The only good thing I had at that time was my relationship with my current husband but he lived 4000 miles away. I didn't really see a way out for myself. BUT... getting divorced, finally applying for a visa, and standing up and telling my parents that they HAD to take some responsibility in my brothers care because MY LIFE WAS A MESS AND I COULDN'T GO ON LIVING THAT WAY... I now find myself in a wonderful place in my life and I'm very happy. Thinking back to how it was then and how it is now... it's like night and day. The rough times definitely lit a fire. You gotta be brave, you gotta push through the tough times and keep going because there is always something better waiting for you. Always, always, always. PHEW, sorry to spill all that on you!! I just got emotional for a minute.

Anyway, you'll be okay. The rough times are what take you to the BEST times. Promise

[ashley2016]

Becca - [b][/b] WOW can I ever relate! With the procrastinating, the overwhelmed feeling, the usually positive attitude that can go out the window in a big way every once in a while (or maybe more than once in a while). I used to think there was something SERIOUSLY wrong with me. I hated myself in fact. I would fall apart emotionally and feel like a different person, and I thought it was a sign I was defective. I got some help and the main thing that came out it wasn't that I stopped having fall apart moments, but that I stopped hating myself for them. And guess what? They got a lot better. Just yesterday actually, I was applying to a job after a longgggggg time of not having applied to any jobs. Partly due to that procrastination/overwhelmed thing you mentioned. A few minutes in, I started to have a panic attack and my first reaction was "You are pathetic, you freak out over the smallest things, so just quit now because you can't handle this." Mean right? I would never say that to a friend! Anyway... I caught myself doing it and took a step back, reminded myself to just "feel the feelings," be objective, and be kind. I realized, of course I am freaking out, getting back in the job market is scary! But, even with that fear, I knew I had what it takes to finish the application. So I did, and I dealt with the panic instead of beating myself up over it or being scared by it, and I felt a bit better. Today I feel A LOT better. Don't worry, we all have those moments/days/weeks in our life. They come and go. Thank you for sharing that with us. It is nice to be reminded we are not alone, and to have the opportunity to share our own experience as well!

[BeeCee33]

Brittany,I agree 100%. I just wish it would hurry up and happen lol. I really can't complain, though. My life is 1000 times better than it was about 5 years ago. My mom was really sick and needed constant care, my dad lost it and made some terrible decisions that kept him away from the house for 12 hours a day (he burned through over $300,000 in about 6 months and added a huge amount of debt on top of that), so I was the one in charge of my mom's care and keeping up the house. My dad had always been my rock, and when I finally figured out what he was up to (I won't get into it, but it was heartbreaking) and how much he had been lying to me and the rest of the family, my world crumbled. I had no social life, I didn't try to get a job in my field after college because there was just too much going on. I started nannying part time because I needed time away from the house and felt like I needed a reason my dad would respect and actually be come home for (he didn't, really).

After 2 years with little change, I got out of there. I moved into my own apartment with a friend and about 7 months later I met DH. He changed everything. I was just barely surviving before him and he made life worth living. Here we are over 4 years later, married, happy, and with a beautiful little boy that lights up my days.

My dad has come back around after years of counseling. He declared bankruptcy a couple of years ago and really started working to better his life. He was doing pretty well, but there were still some lingering things he was struggling with when my mom died. I think her passing was the catalyst for him to get his life together and repair the damage he had done with his family. He has worked really hard to make that happen. While things aren't completely back to normal, they are as close as they've been in a long time. That's the reason this Thanksgiving was the first time my whole family had been together in 6 years.

Honestly, our only problem is that we are poor! But it is such a big worry. I come from a wealthy family so this adjustment has been hard for me. I have felt for a long time that I needed to live this way to learn the value of money and be responsible with it, but I really feel like I've learned that lesson and we can move on now lol. I don't need unlimited funds, but I don't want to have to worry about buying groceries or that we won't be able to afford to put our kids in sports, or EVER go on vacation other than road tripping it to a family member. We make too much to qualify for any kind of aid, yet we have very little left over after bills and groceries. We're making it, but we don't have savings other than our baby fund and his work doesn't provide health insurance or any other benefits, so health insurance and all of that is out of pocket. We have cut back on as much as we can, but really we need new employment with family benefits that is in a place that's cheaper to live. I'm ok if that takes awhile, but I need to know there is a plan to get there, which is what we're working on right now.

So there's my life story... or the crappiest part of it anyway. Life was perfect until I graduated from college! And it's pretty darn good right now, just has some kinks to work out.

Ashley, it's so hard to be kind to ourselves! I pride myself on being a listening ear when people need it and offering hopeful advice, but when it comes to my own thoughts and emotions, I'm right there with you! I think I have gotten better, but these last few months, those break downs were so big and so over the top (like yelling at my precious baby to be quiet because I couldn't stand him crying, and then sobbing to DH that I was a terrible mother/wife/person in general) that they really scared me. I was so out of control in those moments and I really did begin to think I had some serious psychological problems. In hindsight, I think the mirena was playing a role in the intensity, as were hormones, but I realized I had been bottling up my worries and not discussing them or allowing myself to feel them. DH is not great about listening, or rather not great about responding after listening... it's something we've been working on, but I'm kind of conditioned now to keep my worries to myself and convince myself that I'm overreacting. But then something comes along that pushes it over the edge and every worry I have, especially money, comes flooding through and I can't reason my way out of it. I have found that I need to face these things head on when they come up, not wait until it's all too much to handle. It's a learning process, but I feel like I'm doing better and giving myself a break. Sometimes I even write out the things that are bothering me, then pretend it's a friend telling me those things and write a response to them. It's always WAAAAY nicer and more uplifting that anything i would normally tell myself.

[nelsonfamjam]

Becca, That's a lot to go through!! I'm really glad your father worked out a lot of his issue and things are being repaired. However slow, any progress is better than no progress. You seem like such a strong person and I think it's a really admirable thing to do to be a caregiver. It's not an easy job at all, I understand that 100%. Caregiving for an ill loved one is extremely tough!! -- I'm not close to my father and I didn't speak to my mother for 10 years so we aren't close either. I've been on my own since I was about 16 so I feel very grateful to have a family with my in laws. -- As for being poor, I totally understand. We're not well off either. Luckily our mortgage for our flat is super low and we keep expenses down any way we can. DH is starting to move up in his company which is really nice but I wish it would happen faster. He's always been a very, very hard worker and is really good at what he does - he's works for the corporate end of a cell phone company in the UK in customer relations and trains people on how to use the operating systems and all that jazz but last year he was only an assistant manager in a retail shop! We've been very lucky that things have moved in the direction they have, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to afford to sponsor me on a spousal visa and we wouldn't be able to try for a baby. We don't have a ton of extras but we make due. -- Sad how people fall through the cracks when it comes to getting aid and assistance. Making too much to get anything but too little to live comfortably.

Everything will be fine. Things will unfold just as they should! Be strong

[ashley2016]

Such a good idea! I'll have to try that! Yes, financial worries are the worst. I feel you. We also have very little extra after bills and groceries. Sometimes we spend more than we make. It is a temporary situation, and I know in time things will improve, but it is hard. The worst is comparing yourself to others, so I try not to. Best to focus on what you have, and be grateful. Maybe you could make some homemade gifts? Cookies, jam, granola, pesto sauce, lol. Clearly I love to cook. Ummmm, non-food related gifts..... Do you knit? A nice heartfelt gift that's not expensive is to give a nice framed photo. They have nice frames at Marshalls and stores like that. And as much as I'm sure you want to spoil Henry rotten, the truth is at that age he won't know the difference between ten toys and two, or a really expensive one or a cheap one. They usually are more interested in the box! Lol

[nelsonfamjam]

Ashley, I'm so sorry I missed your post in between!! I got very caught up in Becca's story!! - You're right, comparison kills. Definitely don't compare to other people. It's killer to do that. It's kind of hard to NOT have money issues these days, it seems. -- I love to cook as well. I feel like its all I do. However, I'm really awful at baking?? I don't think I've ever successfully made a cake or pie in my life. IDK why it's so much harder to bake than it is to cook...

[BeeCee33]

Ashley I did make homemade soaps for my family and his, and Henry has plenty of books and a few toys to open. It's just that hubby and I save Christmas to get each other things we really need but put off because of money, and now we won't be getting each other much. It's nothing new, really, just disappointing. We already skipped birthday presents this year for the same reason. Hopefully in the future we won't have this problem. :/

Brittany, here are this morning's tests. Not sure if you can see anything!

[BeeCee33]

Oh, and yes, caregiving takes everything it of you! It's not just the official demands, but mental as well. I'm sure you went through a similar thing when you made sure your parents you'll some responsibility, but when I moved out, I experienced immense guilt about leaving my mom. I was worried that my dad wouldn't do what he needed to do and I felt like that would be my fault. That's why it you'll me so long to leave, but it really needed to happen.

[nelsonfamjam]

Becca, I see that line! I totally see what you're talking about. That's so odd??? I wonder what's going on!

Yeah, I still feel guilty. I talk to my brother daily and he assures me he's fine. It's just difficult because on one hand, you feel like it's your responsibility to the person you love to take care of everything but at what point do you decide that you have to take care of yourself as well?? It took me a while to work up the courage to say "I need to leave" but once I did, it was very freeing and everything has worked out thus far. It's kind of why I'm so worried about going back to America in 5 days... It's like stepping back in to the place that took me so long to leave.

Money comes and goes. DH and I aren't getting each other anything either. We got tattoos instead My DH has a ton already and I have a couple.

[BeeCee33]

Brittany, I hope your trip goes well. It was always hard for me to go visit my parents because really my dad did an ok job, but not the best, at taking care of my mom. She had a catheter, and everything would smell like pee. He's not super careful and I think he was spilling the bag when he disconnected it but didn't know and it got in the carpet. Luckily my mom was not aware enough to notice things like that at that point, which made it almost harder for me. She was a very clean, organized, classy lady, and it hurt to see what had become of her. I felt guilty every time I saw her right up to the very end, wondering if I could have or should have done more. That's the cost of love, I guess. I did what I needed to do and if she was well, I know she would have encouraged me to live my life and find happiness.

I saw a bank bilboard in Idaho that I keep thinking about. It was on a day I was panicking (just found out about the definite rent increase) and I looked up and saw it. "Money is a thing. It's not everything." I keep repeating that to myself. We have our health, we have our baby, we have each other. Nothing else matters when it comes down to it!

As for the tests... no clue lol. The fact that there is a little something on new and old wondfos and the dollar store test make me doubt my decision that it was just the new wondfos. But if all of those lines were legitimate, and they haven't gotten darker in over a week, that suggests a chemical pregnancy to me. But, I suppose there is the possibility that the wondfos are giving evaps/shadows, and that the dollar store test is an early hint at what could be something that gets darker in the next few days. I seriously just don't know what I think anymore!

[BeeCee33]

I want to say I'm going to stop counting days and doing the math, and trying to figure out what's happening, but we all know I'm going to keep testing every day "just in case." I hate wasting that many tests for nothing, but a little part of me keeps thinking "this is the day I'm going to get some answers!" I might pick up a couple of other brands of tests while I'm out today- just other cheap ones. Maybe a different brand will give me a better answer...

[cloz75]

I feel like I arrive in the thread at a very intense moment! I hope I’m not interrupting. I just want to say you ladies have great spirits and I’m impressed with the way you deal with your TTC journeys. We all have rough patches in life and look at us, managing to keep our head out of the water and trying to create/creating families! I say, we can be proud of ourselves. xoxoxoxoxox

Ashley, nope, no ‘’real’’ nausea yet! I have mild dry heaves when I’m hungry so I basically just eat a little, all the time. I’m having serious mood swings though. I was in the car this afternoon and Macy Gray ‘’ I try ‘’ song played on the radio. I had forgotten about that song and how I liked it so I just cried, helplessly, waiting for the light to turn green!

Either than that the Preg boards are pretty much dead. There is no one in there! I kind of miss the camaraderie of this thread.

Becca + Brittany, sorry about your BFNs. I still have my fingers crossed for you this cycle. You're not out yet!

Rosey, I had a starting dose of 0,025 mg – almost nothing! Now I’m at 0,05. But we don’t take the same medication (I’m on Synthroid) so I don’t know if it changes anything? Your ob/gyn seem cold, but at the same time she seems to know what she’s doing! Maybe she’s just very bad at communicating? :P