Brittany,I agree 100%. I just wish it would hurry up and happen lol. I really can't complain, though. My life is 1000 times better than it was about 5 years ago. My mom was really sick and needed constant care, my dad lost it and made some terrible decisions that kept him away from the house for 12 hours a day (he burned through over $300,000 in about 6 months and added a huge amount of debt on top of that), so I was the one in charge of my mom's care and keeping up the house. My dad had always been my rock, and when I finally figured out what he was up to (I won't get into it, but it was heartbreaking) and how much he had been lying to me and the rest of the family, my world crumbled. I had no social life, I didn't try to get a job in my field after college because there was just too much going on. I started nannying part time because I needed time away from the house and felt like I needed a reason my dad would respect and actually be come home for (he didn't, really).
After 2 years with little change, I got out of there. I moved into my own apartment with a friend and about 7 months later I met DH. He changed everything. I was just barely surviving before him and he made life worth living. Here we are over 4 years later, married, happy, and with a beautiful little boy that lights up my days.
My dad has come back around after years of counseling. He declared bankruptcy a couple of years ago and really started working to better his life. He was doing pretty well, but there were still some lingering things he was struggling with when my mom died. I think her passing was the catalyst for him to get his life together and repair the damage he had done with his family. He has worked really hard to make that happen. While things aren't completely back to normal, they are as close as they've been in a long time. That's the reason this Thanksgiving was the first time my whole family had been together in 6 years.
Honestly, our only problem is that we are poor! But it is such a big worry. I come from a wealthy family so this adjustment has been hard for me. I have felt for a long time that I needed to live this way to learn the value of money and be responsible with it, but I really feel like I've learned that lesson and we can move on now lol. I don't need unlimited funds, but I don't want to have to worry about buying groceries or that we won't be able to afford to put our kids in sports, or EVER go on vacation other than road tripping it to a family member. We make too much to qualify for any kind of aid, yet we have very little left over after bills and groceries. We're making it, but we don't have savings other than our baby fund and his work doesn't provide health insurance or any other benefits, so health insurance and all of that is out of pocket. We have cut back on as much as we can, but really we need new employment with family benefits that is in a place that's cheaper to live. I'm ok if that takes awhile, but I need to know there is a plan to get there, which is what we're working on right now.
So there's my life story... or the crappiest part of it anyway. Life was perfect until I graduated from college! And it's pretty darn good right now, just has some kinks to work out.
Ashley, it's so hard to be kind to ourselves! I pride myself on being a listening ear when people need it and offering hopeful advice, but when it comes to my own thoughts and emotions, I'm right there with you! I think I have gotten better, but these last few months, those break downs were so big and so over the top (like yelling at my precious baby to be quiet because I couldn't stand him crying, and then sobbing to DH that I was a terrible mother/wife/person in general) that they really scared me. I was so out of control in those moments and I really did begin to think I had some serious psychological problems. In hindsight, I think the mirena was playing a role in the intensity, as were hormones, but I realized I had been bottling up my worries and not discussing them or allowing myself to feel them. DH is not great about listening, or rather not great about responding after listening... it's something we've been working on, but I'm kind of conditioned now to keep my worries to myself and convince myself that I'm overreacting. But then something comes along that pushes it over the edge and every worry I have, especially money, comes flooding through and I can't reason my way out of it. I have found that I need to face these things head on when they come up, not wait until it's all too much to handle. It's a learning process, but I feel like I'm doing better and giving myself a break. Sometimes I even write out the things that are bothering me, then pretend it's a friend telling me those things and write a response to them. It's always WAAAAY nicer and more uplifting that anything i would normally tell myself.
