Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

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Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 1:50 pm

I'm so sorry Becky :( I know nothing its final yet but with your past and temp drop it's incredibly scary. I'm praying that the spotting and temp drop it's just av fluke. Hugs hun!
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

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Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Janeite<3 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 4:37 pm

Thanks girls. My test this morning was negative, so I'm certain it was another chemical. I still have an appointment in the morning, so I'll let you know what the doc says.
Me: 37
DH: 36
One adorable puppy

TTC #1 since August 2014

-------------------------------------
December 2015-BFP, MC @ 5 weeks :angel:
January 2016-started acupuncture
December 2016-Clomid 50 mg, chemical
July 2017-1st RE visit, AMH undetectable
2nd RE visit-High FSH, high estrogen, AMH undetectable
October 2017- another chemical
Praying for a rainbow
--------------------------------------

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Posts: 51
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 7:45 pm

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Sun Oct 22, 2017 6:55 pm

I'm so so sorry :( hugs and prayers for you. I just hate that you have to go through this again.
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

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Momma-of4
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Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Janeite<3 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:43 pm

I saw the RE this morning, and it's not good news, I'm afraid. The RE things that my early losses are due to chromosomal abnormalities. There's no way to know for sure with such early losses, but that's her educated guess. She said that the only way to know for sure would be to test an embryo. The problem is that I could go through all the stress of IVF, we might get a few eggs (I don't have that many left) fertilized, and there would be a good chance that we wouldn't have any normal embryos to transfer back. So we can continue to try and run the risk of more losses, or we can go through the strain of IVF and possibly end up right back in the same place. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I've been sobbing all morning.I can't believe that I might never get to experience pregnancy, that I won't have a little life that's been created from me and DH, a little person that's truly a part of us.

The worst part is that I feel like I've just been kicked while I'm down. Somehow, I managed to find the strength and hope I needed to pick myself up after the low AMH/high FSH diagnosis. I was truly feeling hopeful and that this journey was about to end, that I'd be pregnant soon. Now it's all been snatched away again and with another loss to boot. I don't want to have to make anymore hard, heart wrenching decisions. Why can't I just have sex and get pregnant like a normal person? I just want to scream! I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm just not strong enough. And why did I have to waste three years of my life yearning for and trying for something I may never have? After all that I've done to achieve my goal, after all the things I've given up. I just can't wrap my head around it.

We have a consult appointment scheduled for next week to go over options. My estrogen came back elevated again. My right ovary had 4 folicles this morning, my left had none.
Me: 37
DH: 36
One adorable puppy

TTC #1 since August 2014

-------------------------------------
December 2015-BFP, MC @ 5 weeks :angel:
January 2016-started acupuncture
December 2016-Clomid 50 mg, chemical
July 2017-1st RE visit, AMH undetectable
2nd RE visit-High FSH, high estrogen, AMH undetectable
October 2017- another chemical
Praying for a rainbow
--------------------------------------

Image
My Ovulation Chart
Janeite<3
BabyDuster
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Posts: 51
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 7:45 pm

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:51 pm

Becky I just hate this for you. What makes the Dr think this is Chromosomal abnormalities? I mean she can't really know that without testing the embryo. If it were that would've you get pregnant easily and then have a loss? I hope that isn't the case and I hope she gives you more hope at your next appt. I know this has to be so hard. I can't imagine going thru all of this. I just can't say I'm sorry enough. I still believe you are going to get a little one, one way or another. Praying for you hun-!
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

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Momma-of4
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Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Peaks+Valleys » Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:55 pm

Janeite! My heart goes out to you. It is true that the only way to know about chromosomal abnormalities is to have genetic testing of the embryo. The useful part is that it would tell you exactly which chromosome has the abnormality, (if you were both tested) if it's inherited or random, and if there's anything you can do about it. The down side, of course, would be potentially investing financially and emotionally in IVF only to make that discovery. Or perhaps it would be cheaper for the two of you to have genetic testing anyway, and perhaps you'd find out something at least for your part? I hope the RE has helpful advice at the next visit. In the meantime, I wish you everything you need to do what you think you can't.
Me: 34, DH: 41
2010: 2 MCs
2015: Begin TTC in August
2016: MC in March (Trisomy 13)
BFP November 2016, EDD end of July 2017
Salomé Marjorie born July 18, 2017
Peaks+Valleys
TTC Princess
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Posts: 205
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2015 2:19 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Janeite<3 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 7:17 am

Thanks for all the love and prayers. Please keep them coming.

As far as I could tell, the RE is thinking the abnormalities are coming from poor egg quality, based on my hormone levels and age. :/

I'm hanging in there so far and starting to feel better if I don't let myself think too much. I think I'm coming down with a cold at the moment, so that's definitely not helping things at all. Just trying to rest and stay occupied.
Me: 37
DH: 36
One adorable puppy

TTC #1 since August 2014

-------------------------------------
December 2015-BFP, MC @ 5 weeks :angel:
January 2016-started acupuncture
December 2016-Clomid 50 mg, chemical
July 2017-1st RE visit, AMH undetectable
2nd RE visit-High FSH, high estrogen, AMH undetectable
October 2017- another chemical
Praying for a rainbow
--------------------------------------

Image
My Ovulation Chart
Janeite<3
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 7:45 pm

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Wed Oct 25, 2017 7:32 am

That's the best think you can do Becky. This is such a hard journey for you and just when you have an up you get knocked down again. You know the saying what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger! You are going to be one tough lady! Coq10 increases egg quality. It's studied and works. A girl in my other group had repeated miscarriages and hormone levels were off as well and she got a surprise bfp and she's 30+ weeks now. Don't give up hun! Prayers as always!
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

Image
My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

Image
Momma-of4
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:29 am

Hey Becky just wanted to check on you and see how you are doing. Hugs sweetie
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

Image
My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

Image
Momma-of4
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Janeite<3 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 1:54 pm

I'm hanging in there. I'm just trying to keep calm and not think about things too much until my consult appointment tomorrow. I see the doctor at 1:15. I'll know more after that.
Me: 37
DH: 36
One adorable puppy

TTC #1 since August 2014

-------------------------------------
December 2015-BFP, MC @ 5 weeks :angel:
January 2016-started acupuncture
December 2016-Clomid 50 mg, chemical
July 2017-1st RE visit, AMH undetectable
2nd RE visit-High FSH, high estrogen, AMH undetectable
October 2017- another chemical
Praying for a rainbow
--------------------------------------

Image
My Ovulation Chart
Janeite<3
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 7:45 pm

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Peaks+Valleys » Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:36 am

Janeite, how did the appointment go? I've been checking in regularly for news but not wanting to pester...

Momma, how are things at home? Is Ben adjusting well to family life? How is your father doing, and more importantly, how are you??

I'm kinda sorta back to work this week, though the church gave me extra time until the 20th because I had some work to do during my leave. But I've also committed to writing a book chapter that's due the end of November, so I really need the extra time to work on that. The daycare situation isn't much better, though a new Montessori daycare just opened last week. We learned about it on Sunday, called Monday, visited Tuesday, and they'll let us know by the end of the week if they can manage a spot. They already have a zillion pre-registrations, so are still in the process of confirming with those families what time slots they want. Our plan b, which is already in effect, is that a lady from the church comes two mornings a week, my MIL a day and a half each week, and DH can help Fridays if I need because he doesn't work that day. Salomé is used to MIL now, and if MIL will stop texting me to come home every time the baby cries, we'll be all set. Church lady is good, and I like the African traditions she brings (came home today and found her holding the baby on top of her head, stomach down to help with stomach ache...). I find it a little annoying when she tries to change my breastfeeding position and tells me to add cereal to the bottle or to give the baby fennel tea, but otherwise she's very capable and a big help. I wasn't able to work yesterday because MIL couldn't come after all, and I was lightly panicking about having time for my academic work (my brain is like mush these days), but was able to write two pages this morning, so a good start. Apart from my return to work, all goes well here. Salomé is (for the moment) sleeping straight through from 10 to 7 on average, and she's started being able to fall asleep on her own for some naps. She makes lots of noises now and has much more vigorous kicks and arm gestures, though resists tummy time and isn't yet lifting up her head from a face-down position. Am not worried about these milestones, though. She'll get there in her own time!

Sorry for the novel... This is what happens when I don't post for a while...
Me: 34, DH: 41
2010: 2 MCs
2015: Begin TTC in August
2016: MC in March (Trisomy 13)
BFP November 2016, EDD end of July 2017
Salomé Marjorie born July 18, 2017
Peaks+Valleys
TTC Princess
TTC Princess
 
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri Dec 04, 2015 2:19 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:48 am

Peaks good to hear from you. Sounds like your life is getting back to normal as it can with a newborn. That's great she's sleeping good now. I hope you can get your daycare straightened out. I know that's hard and it's hard to get a routine with all the different people watching her. Yes I wouldn't like anyone telling me to put cereal on the bottle or giving my baby fennel tea. Lol I hope you can get back into the swing of things with work. It really is hard to juggle both in the beginning. My brain is mush too.

Ben is doing great and growing like crazy. Bell just turned,3 yesterday. My dad isn't doing great. Dementia is an awful disease. He's been in a nursing home and now being moved to a rehabilitation hospital today. Years of alcohol abuse is what they think had caused this. So sad.

Becky how are you sweetie
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

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Momma-of4
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Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:25 pm

(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

Image
My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

Image
Momma-of4
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Momma-of4 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:07 am

Becky how'd your Dr appt go
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

Image
My Ovulation Chart


Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

Image
Momma-of4
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
 
Posts: 3885
Joined: Mon Oct 05, 2015 10:39 am

Re: Peace, Patience and Positive Vibes

Postby Janeite<3 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:03 pm

Hi ladies,

I'm still alive over here. I just needed to work some stuff out and I wasn't yet ready to rehash it all on "paper." I didn't feel like I was in a place to relive everything and then process it all again. I think I'm doing better now, so here goes:

Basically, my FSH levels are through the roof. The last reading was 36 when it's supposed to be under 10. So it's looking like I'm headed towards premature ovarian failure. Why, I don't know. Because if this, I'm not a candidate for IVF. It just won't give me any improved chances. The doctor said that since I still have a cycle, our best option is to continue to try naturally for now and then maybe consider egg donation. I'm going to have my levels checked a few more times. Right now we only have two readings, so it's hard to see any kind of trend from so little data.

With my FSH levels as high as they are, it's also possible that some or all my BFPs were false positives. Apparently, high FSH can trigger a false positive on a preg test, just like a pregnant lady might get a positive ovulation test. I guess the hormones LH, FSH and HCG are all closely related. I'm certain my very first one was a true loss--my LP was like 20 days long and when I had the blood test the results came back at 3. So, technically a negative, but by the time I had the blood test, my HPTs had all but faded. The beta from last year's loss was well under 1. This most recent one came back at a 1, but it was also taken after my tests had faded. So I really don't know what to think. I'm supposed to call the clinic immediately when I get another positive and go in for a blood test to see if it's positive and to check progesterone.

I'm really trying not to let myself become a statistic in all this, but it's a real challenge at times. The potential decisions ahead seem really, really scary to me right now, and I don't even want to think about them.

Sorry that this was all about me. I do think of you ladies often and I'll try to be a better friend.
Me: 37
DH: 36
One adorable puppy

TTC #1 since August 2014

-------------------------------------
December 2015-BFP, MC @ 5 weeks :angel:
January 2016-started acupuncture
December 2016-Clomid 50 mg, chemical
July 2017-1st RE visit, AMH undetectable
2nd RE visit-High FSH, high estrogen, AMH undetectable
October 2017- another chemical
Praying for a rainbow
--------------------------------------

Image
My Ovulation Chart
Janeite<3
BabyDuster
BabyDuster
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue May 30, 2017 7:45 pm

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