Hoping for 2017 Babies II

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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Danaa » Sat Apr 29, 2017 5:17 am

Hugs to all of you and thank you for the support you have offered me over teh years.
I will return with another post later but I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing better,im all cried out but my heart is still aching,my sister is with me and that helped a bunch.
Thank you for the good thoughts and prayers even if my relationship with God is not the best at the moment!
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Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a loss around 5 weeks
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 ?
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby babydust530 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:21 am

Danaa it's good to hear from you. I'm so glad you have your sister's support. I hope each new day brings you more healing.
Me: 32
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Our little girl is 17-months old (born Oct. 2015)
BFP on 4/5/17 (est. due date 12/18/17)
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Momma-of4 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:44 am

Danaa it's good to hear from you and am glad your sister is with you. Is understandable your relationship with God is rough at the moment. Just know that he cares for you and will bring you comfort even if you can't feel hI'm. You are a strong woman.
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
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DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
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Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Flybutter » Sat Apr 29, 2017 10:23 am

Yes, unbelievably strong. I hope you heal from this and don't give up on your rainbow. We love you! Hugs sweet lady!
Kimberly (33) married to Joshua (35) ~ February 11, 2016.

PCOS
Clomid #1 50MG - July - Miscarriage September 17th, 2015 - 8wks :angel:
Clomid #2 50MG - November - Annovulatory - CD21 1.8 - BFN
Clomid #3 100MG - December - Ovulated - CD21 6.3 - BFN
Clomid #4 100MG - January - Ovulated - CD21 18.5 - BFN
Clomid #5 100MG - February - Ovulated - No CD21 Because of Lab Mixup - BFN
Clomid #6 150MG - April - Ovulated - Didn't bother with CD21 - Discouraged - BFN
Month off clomid - May - Ovulated - No CD 21 - 06/06/2016 :bfp:

June 13 Beta: 1228 - Progesterone: 17.5
June 15 Beta: 2759
June 22 Beta: 28,354

:hb: 6w1d: 101 bpm
:hb: 13w5d: 159 bpm


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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Danaa » Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:18 pm

I hate the fact I'm strong,I hate the fact im getting better,I hate the fact that I recovered without any problems and that my body was and is strong but it wasn't strong enough to keep my babies safe,I hate myself for not feeling that anything was wrong and my cervix was opened.
My heart is aching and is broken into pieces,I feel empty....I want my babies back....i don't want to try again and replace them,I want my boys back.
I hate to see my husband trying to be strong for both of us,I know he is hurting,I see him lost but won't show it...
How do I find the courage to try again?!
Why did God alowed us to get so far?!
I feel guilty for not being able to see them after I brought them into this world,I was a coward,I was afraid that I won't recover,I wanted to remember what I saw on the scans ...
No one should ever get trough something like this....the pain,the trauma is horrible.
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My Ovulation Chart
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Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a loss around 5 weeks
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 ?
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby starMint » Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:52 pm

Danaa - I want to reach right through this computer and give you a hug. I don't even know where to begin, but know that you and your angels are on my mind and in my heart.
Me: 38 DH:46
TTC#1 since August 2012
IVF#3 starting Nov 27, 2017 150iu Follistim and 150iu Menopur (been doing 7 units hGH since 11/1)
IVF#2 - 19 eggs retrieved(12/8/16) (11 mature) 10 fertilized, 0 blasts
7 units hGH x 43 days (from 10/24 until trigger), 150iu Follistim and 150iu Menopur x 13 days (with last three days the Menopur dropped to 75iu and last four days with 250iu Ganirelix shots), 2000iu hcg and Luprene trigger
IVF#1 26 eggs retrieved (9/16/16), 14 fertilized, 0 blasts
225iu Follistim/Gonal-F and 75iu Menopur x 13 days (with last two days the Follistim dropped to 150iu and last four days with Ganirelix shots), 2000iu hcg and Luprene trigger + 2mg Estradiol until retrieval, methyl prednisolone and doxycycline following retrieval


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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Momma-of4 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 4:09 pm

Danaa whatever you chose is the best thing for you. There's nothing that you did to cause this. I understand that you are scared to try again and that's ok. I know it isn't fair and I wish I had answers for you that could help but know one knows the answers. Maybe your babies would've went through something more terrible in their lives and god took them to spare them from it. It's just impossible to know. It's ok to be strong. That is what they would want for you. Even though you didn't see them and they never saw the outside of you they knew you. They knew your precious voice. You were comfort to them. Just remember it's nothing you did to cause this and you can't know that your cervix is opening. Did you make it to your 21 week scan? If so did they check your cervix at that point? I wish I had something concrete to tell you and could give you better answers. Let your husband be strong for you and you guys will grieve in time. No one should have to experience these things. My mil lost a baby at 7 months along. She had no idea what was going on she went into labor and they couldn't stop it and her baby wasn't alive when born. It's very sad but as son as the dr gave them the green light to try again she got pregnant with my husband and all was fine. There are things that can be done to treat your cervix when you decide to try again. I just wish I could give you a big hug and cry with you sweetie.
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Nickysy » Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:30 am

Danaa: I know its difficult at this point of time to have a relationship with God. But you need to believe that it was not your fault. You couldn't have known that the cervix was opening. You can feel the hurt, mourn the loss, and ache. Take your time to feel all of this. But don't venture into the guilt space. It doesn't exist. You did your absolute best, and will probably do it again. Though its difficult to fathom it right now. Hugs sweetheart. We are all here for you. If you are feeling strong, be it. I am glad your sister is around for support.
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Me(33), DH (31), Ttc#1 since Sep 2015
Mild endometriosis and PCOD diagnosed feb 2015, DH: Slightly low morphology, great counts.

Nov-Dec 2015- Clomid plus trigger- BFN
HSG-Feb 2016: Tubes perfectly clear
March 2016 IUI: Clomid+Estrogen+ HCG trigger+ Progesterone: BFN
Feb and March 2017- IUI ( Clomid + Hcg Trigger+ Progesterone)- BFN

IVF#1- May-June 2017: 6 embabies frozen on day 3. No fresh transfer.

FET#1- Oct 2017: 3 embabies * day 3 Transferred. Chemical pregnancy.
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Danaa » Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:32 am

I wasn't ready to talk about the events but i think im now and I think it will help.
On Monday we went for our anatomy scan like scheduled,I felt wonderful,after the doctor finished the scan he did an internal scan to check my cervix length and that is when he saw my cervix was opened a bit,he told us and we were terrified,he texted my doctor to let him now and my husband called and talked to him,he told us to go to the clinic and when we got there the nurse took me in to monitor contractions,I felt fine I didn't felt anything but the machine was showing I was having slight contractions,the doc came in scanned me and immediately we went to the hospital to get a stitch,I got to the hospital we filled the paperwork I had a scan and went to the surgery room,they put me to sleep and when I woke up I asked if is over and the doctor looked very upset,he told me he couldn't stitch me bcs I lost amniotic fluid from one of my boys and he won't live,and they are inducing me to give birth to both of them bcs he doesn't want me to risk losing my uterus due to infection and other reasons,I trusted my doctor to do what is best for us....they induced me and i delivered them next day,during the night I felt no movement,it seems like my second baby had the cord wrapped around his neck like in a tie knot....they were both dead....a Everything happened in a few hours whiteout any warning...my doctor took good care of me and didn't left the hospital until when I asked to leave,that doesn't help,Im struggling to have faith in the decisions my doctor and the hospital council took bcs if I lose the trust I have in my doctor i won't be able to try again..i couldn't see them but my husband did.They said I can try again in 3months and i will have to have a cervical stitch when I reach 11weeks,last night I broke down and cried to my husband and he was wonderful,he wants to try again but I don't know if I can and I'm scared if I don't try now I won't ever be able to.
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My Ovulation Chart
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Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a loss around 5 weeks
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 ?
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Momma-of4 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 7:28 am

I'm glad you shared with us. It will do you good to talk about it I think. I don't know anything about the procedures when you have lost amniotic fluid and what is normally done. I can't imagine having to go through that and the feelings you must have experienced during all of that. I know you have to be struggling with the decisions your dr made and wondering if something else could have been done. I'm glad your husband got to see them. Also very glad you are leaning on him right now. You guys need each other to get through this. I know the possibility of trying agin right now seems hard but you can do it. You are a mother and are meant to be a mother and you will have more babies. I know that doesn't replace your two angels. You have been through more than anyone I personally know and I know you aren't a person that gives up. You can do it when you feel ready. You talk and share all you need to. You know we are all here for you hun! Many many hugs!
(Me) Courtney 36 (Dh) Luke 36
Ttc #5
DS 13
DD 11
DS 9
DD 2
Ttc since September 2015

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Dec 2016 first round of clomid 50mg - bfn
Jan 2016 2nd round clomid 100mg bfp

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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby babydust530 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 2:48 pm

Danaa, thank you for feeling comfortable to share your story with us. I can't say it enough how sorry I am that you and your husband went through this awful experience. I truly cannot fathom what you've been through. I'm so glad you have your husband- he seems like a great man and a solid support. I totally get what you mean about having trust in your doctor. I agree with you. As hard as the decision was, it sounds like your doctor made the choice he felt would be the safest for you. I know everyone has diff opinions about counseling, but I would encourage you and your husband to speak to a counselor. You've been through such a traumatic experience and maybe talking to a professional would help you guys heal.
Me: 32
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Our little girl is 17-months old (born Oct. 2015)
BFP on 4/5/17 (est. due date 12/18/17)
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Danaa » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:11 pm

Thank you ladies!!
Im definitely doing better,today I went for a long walk to the beach with Jack and my sister,I felt normal and DH brought us homemade ice cream from a new place.I spent the day with all of them and for a second I forgot about everything.
I haven't cried once today and i feel so guilty for getting better,I'm not ready to move on but I think I have accepted the situation and maybe that is why I feel better.
Seeing a therapist would help but sadly they are very expensive and not many can deal with cases like ours,after spending so much with the hospital bill I want to save as much as we can to maybe try again.
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My Ovulation Chart
.
Me 29
DH 31
After 3 years in which we tried everything we are doing IVF in Greece with Iakentro Athens.
Short Protocol with Bemfola and Cetrotide
19mature eggs and we have 9 day5 blasto.
FET#1 ended in a loss around 5 weeks
FET#2 ended in a loss at 22w due to IC,my boys will be forever in my heart .
FET#3 ?
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby babydust530 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:56 pm

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better- remember everyone heals differently and in their own speed. I'm glad to hear you are having a better day together.
That stinks about counseling- in the states a lot of insurances cover it and there are so many counselors that specialize in different issues. Sendings lots of good vibes your way!
Me: 32
DH: 32
Our little girl is 17-months old (born Oct. 2015)
BFP on 4/5/17 (est. due date 12/18/17)
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby faithrock » Sun Apr 30, 2017 5:06 pm

Thank you so much for sharing Danna. I'm speechless at how quickly it all happened. I am happy your doctors acted quickly. And I understand how afterwards it can be hard to trust again with second guessing their actions. I know I did.

I too have to have a McDonald Cerclage put in at 11wks or I will go into early labor every time. You are not alone.

Your husband is a great man for being strong for you and being on board to try again in time.

Please keep posting too as we will all be healing with you. I wake and I think about you every day.
HUGs
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Me:40
DD:6years
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Re: Hoping for 2017 Babies II

Postby Loz28 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 6:32 pm

Dana, thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope it has helped even in the tiniest of ways, to begin processing everything.
Your husband sounds absolutely wonderful. I know you are hating how strong you are right now but I really admire your courage. You said that you hate that you're already feeling stronger and calmer - just feel whatever you need to feel right now. Nothing you are feeling is 'wrong' or anything to be ashamed of! Take everything one day at a time. I know it must be hard not to think about it, but it sounds like you have at least 3 months before you need to make a decision about trying again - so you have time to just rest and be kind to yourself, no need to make a decision either way just yet.
I hope you can find peace with the way the doctors handled things. It must be so hard not to question every little choice they made.
This must be so terrifying and heartbreaking, I am so glad your husband and sister are there to help you out. Have a big cuddle with Jack as well. Much love xx
Me (Lauren) 29, DH (Nick) 32
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