Just need to talk....

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Just need to talk....

Postby Nic82 » Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:47 am

Hi

Sorry I just need to talk. I am feel so down at the moment and really just need to write it down in the hope that it will make me feel better.

We've been trying for a baby for years now and the doctors can't find anything wrong. I have had a laparoscopy and the doctors found a small amount of endometriosis but nothing they felt concerned them (this was back in February).

I just don't seem to be falling pregnant still. I have tried temping, ovulation sticks, trying to not think about it, completely thinking about it, trying not to try... and nothing seems to help :(

I am now at the point where I am feeling depressed and don't think I will ever fall pregnant.

Every month I convince myself I am having symptoms but every month like clockwork my period shows up :(

Sorry to go on - and I know you are all strangers - but I can't talk to my family about this because I don't want anyone to know I am breaking down inside.

Sorry about this - and I don't expect anyone to feel they need to answer - as I am not asking a specific question... I'm just hoping that by putting in it writing I will somehow feel better - thanks x
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Postby babydreams22 » Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:00 am

Nic,i read your post and couldnt help but reply.you are def not alone in this,almost every one on this forum is facing the same frustrations,and thats why we are here in the first place,i want to encourage you not to despair,it will happen when you list expect dearie,i want to invite you to join our group CHATTY LADIES ,we are in part four,now just come over
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Postby Nic82 » Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:13 am

Thank you babydreams22 :)
I really I hope I don't offend anybody by saying how sad I feel. I know everyone here are in the same boat as me, and I truly wish everyone happy endings. I guess I am just feeling more and more down with every month that passes.
I held off telling people we were ttc as I didn't want the constant questions, but after my operation I couldn't not tell anyone, and now when they tell me to "hurry up and get pregnant" although they are only joking - it really hurts! I think to myself - its not through lack of wanting. If it were down to that I'd have a million babies by now!
What makes it harder is that both my younger sisters have children and I feel resentful of this - and this is not me. I am not a nasty jealous person :(
Thank you for the invite to Chatty Ladies :) I will take you up on that thank you!! I will say you told me I could join - don't want anyone thinking I am trying to butt in :) Thanks again babydreams22 x
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Postby stillamom » Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:54 pm

Nic~ Nobody here will be upset for you posting your feelings. I think everyone on this site has felt that helplessness at one time or another. Please look at my siggy and see how long my journey has been. On more than one occassion I thought for sure I was going to end up in a padded room! I completely understand what you mean about the younger siblings having babies already. That truly killed me and ruined holidays for many yrs for me. (I LOVE my neices & nephews, but hated being the 'childless one') everyone knew that we were ttc also and the 'hurry up' comments used to P!SS ME OFF! I knew that they were trying to be funny however I didn't find it funny at all! When my sis was ttc for 3 mos she called me up whining becuz it was taking 'forever' and she wanted to vent about it! :x

After 18 yrs of ttc #1, I am in the homestretch of a very high risk pg'cy that has been uncertain since the very beginning, the Dr's or myself never thought I'd make it this far in this pg'cy, but here I am! Don't give up hope I am living proof that perseverance pays!
Please feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent!

Hugs, Kelly
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Derek ~ born still 11/20/93
"Goldfish" (m/c) 12/31/04

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Postby Nic82 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:44 am

Thank you so much for your kind encouraging words Kelly :) Its nice to know that although I selfishly think I am the only one who feels like this - there are other other people who have struggled longer than me and have miracle stories like your own! My 3 years of trying makes me feel silly complaining compared to your 18 years! I am so pleased for you :) Success stories always cheer me up!
The worst part for me is that both my sisters seem to fertile that all they need to do is think about a baby and they fall pregnant. Hard when I've been trying so much longer we now seem to be celebrating 1st and 2nd birthdays of my nieces and nephews and still no pregnancy for me... still - you're story has really given me hope!
Thank you for saying I can vent to you anytime - I may just take you up on that! Sometimes its hard to speak to family members because as much as I love them - they have no idea how I am feeling right now and its easier to talk to people who have been and are going through it! :):) xx
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Postby hhone » Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:19 pm

I not trying to snoop but i read your post and the comments and feel for you. I have a 3 yr old and just had a m/c in April 2011 and am trying again---but i will say that i do have a dear sweet friend of mine, my best friend--that has been ttc for like 6 years and FINALLY and thanks to her fertility specialist and an IUI she is 21 weeks pregnant with a little boy she is naming Carter. So there is hope out there, believe me...she was in your shoes. Just keep your head up and talk to more ppl than just your DR and see if there is anything that maybe another DR can do. I dont know your situatuion, but there is hope-- Im sorry that you are down.
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Postby AMgirl13 » Thu Aug 18, 2011 6:24 pm

Hi Nic82! I am having a hard time right now as well! I have been trying for over a year with no luck and my dr just diagonosed me with unexplained fertility which is so hard! My cycle is like clockwork as well every 28 days. So I knwo how you feel you aren't alone! AF is due Saturday for me and I def feel like she is coming :( :roll: baby dust to you! :D
Started TTC #1 2010
March 2014: BFP DD1 12/1/14
TTC #2
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Postby Bethers » Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:10 pm

Nic82 - I may have missed this, but do you have a diagnosis? Also, have you gone through any treatment? My DH and I were trying for 2 1/2 years with "unexplained infertility." We had gone through all of the tests and nothing was abnormal with either of us. We still do not know why we couldn't get pregnant naturally. We went through treatment this summer and got pregnant on our first IUI with Clomid. I am now 11 weeks pregnant! (first pregnancy). I cannot believe it. I can absolutely relate to the niece and nephew thing. My brother and his wife have two girls (2 and 4) and my sister has four (1,3,5,7) with another on the way in a few weeks! (that was the only "unplanned" one). Yeah, it can get pretty annoying.....good thing the kids are really cute and I love them to pieces:)

I can absolutely relate to the feelings you are having. One thing I have learned through this whole process is to never apologize for my feelings, no matter what they are. Infertility is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and unless people have experienced it, they just don't understand. The best thing is to let your feelings out, no matter what they are....and remember that those feelings can change from day to day, and that's okay too. If you just want to be away from people, do what you need to do. I never attended friends' baby showers - I just called beforehand and explained my situation and every one of them understood why I couldn't be there. It was hard, but I had to do what was best for me.

Get a few really good friends around you and let them be your biggest fans. It's kind of nice to have a few people checking up on you when they know when you should be ovulating, expecting your period, etc. Then they are there to support you when you are bawling your eyes out. We shared what we were going through with our family and that is when all of the comments finally stopped....they were supportive once they knew (although I know that some people still are not that lucky).

Best of luck, hang in there, and get the support that you need from others who understand. Best of luck and prayers going your way:) Hugs sweetie!
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