Two Week Wait

This board is for anyone TTC for over a year or longer.
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Holidays

Mon Nov 28, 2011 12:35 pm

Hello,

I'm not sure why I'm writing this... maybe to vent, maybe for advice but mainly because I'm frustrated.

My DH and I have been TTC for 12 months unsuccessfully, with the last few months being very emotionally disappointing for me. After hitting the year marker, we scheduled an appt with my OB for the end of this year and I recently admitted to my mom (who desperately wants a grandchild) that we've been TTC for some time now. Sidenote: we are very close and she is wonderfully supportive but I soooo wanted to surprise her with good news and it became tough admitting our difficulties.

Much to our surprise at Thanksgiving, my younger brother and SIL announced that they are expecting after only one month of trying. I am INCREDIBLY excited for them. I love them both dearly and they did give me a year jump start on the baby situation but I am still so jealous (though I try my hardest not to let it show).

They plan on sharing their good news with the extended family at Christmas. Part of me would love to be there to join in the celebration but the other part of me wants to run to a far away ski resort and spend Christmas with my DH (even though I've never missed a Christmas with my family). I'm just not sure I want to endure the ensuing conversations and my mom's sad glances at me :wink:

Thanks for letting me vent. I could never say this stuff to any of my family or friends, because I really truly am excited for my brother and SIL, and I would hate for it to come off any other way..... I just have my own internal struggles right now.

Sorry for rambling...

Mon Nov 28, 2011 8:06 pm

I think we all feel that way. My best friend and I were going to have kids at the same time and she gave me a 6 month head start. When she saw that I was having trouble, she decided to start trying too and she got pregnant on the first try. Now she's ready to give birth and I've been having a real hard time being around her. And now I am spending thousands of dollars trying to get pg and she doesn't get the pain and sadness I am in. It's hard not to resent others when we struggle so much.

Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:20 pm

Smari,

I can really relate to how you're feeling. I've been TTC our first for 3+ years and am now looking at IVF in March. It's so hard seeing my friends and family having their first and now second children when I can't even have one.

The holidays are particularly tough as they center around family life and children. Do what you can to stay happy. No point in torturing yourself. Maybe this is the year to go skiing as maybe next year you'll have news of your own to share.

Good luck!

Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:54 am

I too have been trying to conceive for 2 years and 4 months. I've done 6 rounds of clomid and 2 rounds of injectables and since May '11 have been trying on our own again because it got to expensive.
My older brother and SIL will start trying in a couple months. My greatest fear is that they will get pregrant without any difficulties and I have to act happy but inside I want to scream because it's not fair.

Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:58 am

I know exactly where you are coming from. Although I have 3 older children we have been trying for 2 years with no luck. The worst part is trying to act happy about a friend or family members pregnancy. You know they are looking at you with pity and it just makes me want to punch someone.
When my older brother and his GF got pregnant my Mom told me about it first and she had such a pitiful expression on her face for me. Talk about making a bad situation even worse.

Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:23 am

I have the same situation! My BIL just got married in March and they are now due any minute, they got pregnant right away and of course were not even trying. I have been married nearly 10 years and nothing! And now I am roped into co-hosting the baby shower on Saturday! FML.
We had a girls day out last weekend and she was going on and on about getting the nursery ready and her new bassinet, I thought I might throw up. I literally burst into tears when I got home. This shower is quite possibly going to be the longest day of my life. I am not a jealous person at all but I am becoming one and I do not like the taste of it one bit but I am not really sure what to do! If I don't get prego soon I might lose my mind for real, what's left of it anyway!

Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:24 pm

Ugh! I understand completely. My BF got pregnant on their first month trying. Now her little one is almost one year old and they are talking about baby #2. We always talked about being pregnant together. Now I'm praying that maybe our first and their second will be close in age. But chances are they will get lucky again and we'll continue trying. I just love spending time with her and her daughter, but it makes me sad sometimes too.

Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:56 pm

I can totally relate in every way.
I have a lot of friends at work and we are all really close. Well, I started TTC first of 4 of us... and one just had her child, the other is a few months pg, and the other just told us a few weeks ago.
Everyone kinds of tip toes around it, but they also go on and on and on all of the time about babies and kids and such.
It's so hard because it's my work and I can't escape it. Oh! I forgot to mention, that I'm also the oldest! I'll be happy to have just one child. Everyone else is planning their big families...why should they worry, right?
I would just like to know if it's possible!
Don't get me wrong; I'm excited for my friends, but sometimes I don't want to think about the fact that I've been trying for 16 months.
I'm trying IUI next month, and I'd really like to confide in someone, but I can't because they can't relate and I don't want pretend listening.
It's soooo hard. :cry:

Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:50 pm

My SIL just gave birth to her fourth and DH and I are still trying for my #1. I am infertile as I have PCOS and secondary amenorrhea. I've lost a lot of weight recently so that should up my chances of finally ovulating naturally, but it sucks to keep getting BFN after BFN every month especially on medicated cycles.

I'm also afraid that one of my siblings will get pregnant again OR have their SO get pregnant again. My family is fully aware of my TTC struggles however just the other day my mom was saying we need a new baby of the family (grandchild) to my younger sibling who already has kids which really felt like a knife in my gut.

As much as it pains me I have absolutely no power over who gets pregnant next or again. I've come a long way in learning how to roll with the punches, but when the sadness over my infertility comes on strong I just break down and cry. That's what 20 months of TTC does to a person.

Tue Feb 07, 2012 12:06 pm

Hi everyone,

Well, I made it through the holidays and actually really enjoyed celebrating my brother & SIL's baby news with my extended family. However shortly after the holidays, at 13 weeks, my SIL had a MC :( It was incredibly sad and looking back at my original post I feel terribly petty and disappointed by my attitude towards their news. It's sad what infertility does to your mind!! I have never lost a baby and can't imagine how awful it feels. I pray my SIL gets pregnant just as easily next time but has a healthy, happy nine months and a beautiful baby. And, I'm at peace with the fact that she will likely get pregnant again before I do.

I know how tough it is to see others get pregnant so easily but don't let it get the best of you!

Best of luck to everyone!

Tue Feb 07, 2012 2:53 pm

smari,
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. You can't help how you are feeling in the moment. There are some days when I feel the same way, and then others that I feel really bitter and jealous of others. Just as you don't know what it's like to have a MC, many other people don't know what it's like to deal with infertility.
I have an encounter just about every week with someone being insensitive, and most of the time, they don't know they are because they have no idea what I'm going through.
I had mentioned to a friend from work that I was getting some testing done to determine why I wasn't getting pregnant. Last week, I was out sick one day, and when I saw her she said, "You're pregnant, aren't you?" That really hurt! She said, "I remember you were going to the doctor, so I figured that was it." I wish it was that easy. People just don't have any idea. I try not to get mad at them because they just don't know, but it's still hurtful.
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