Anyone else up and down?

This board is for anyone TTC for over a year or longer.

Moderators: JessM, southernbelle, maddy, unaffected

Anyone else up and down?

Postby maddy » Fri Feb 10, 2012 7:19 pm

Am I the only one who's emotions are crazy when it comes to TTC. I just passed the 6 year mark and it just seems the last couple years I am so up and down. One day I am fine and could care less the next day I am crazy obsessed and sad about it all. I seem to go from wanting to NTNP to being super obsessed and going ttc-crazy. I even have my times were we AVOID! I think that is my way of protecting my emotions. If I tell myself we are avoiding ttc then I am not upset when it doesnt happen. Have I just gone off the deep end and/or can anyone relate to any of this? :dunno:
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Postby katievs » Fri Feb 10, 2012 10:37 pm

Totally related.. we've been TTC over 2 years and its different for me almost daily.
Sometimes I cry sometimes I feel relieved we dont have children.

Maybe its a coping mechanism... who knows. Its about 50/50 for me. But I always feel guilty when I have my "up" days.. I literally find myself annoyed with annoying parents and crying babies and then I get home and feel bad about it because I know I do really want that :P

So, to me, I think its normal :) Best of luck and enjoyment trying :)
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Postby unaffected » Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:04 am

I can definitely relate! I've even done the avoiding thing, just so there would be no way I could get my hopes up.

I find myself sometimes thinking things like, "well, if this was our life forever, it wouldn't be that bad" (meaning w/out a child). And then I see a commercial with a baby, or I see a pregnant belly, and I think there is no way I can live out the remainder of my days without a child.

It's a crappy vicious cycle, and I'm sorry you or any of us have to go through it.

Thinking of you, Maddy.
Me (Kara): 30 DH: 30 ♥
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:angel2: Jan 2012 - No hb at 9w1d - d&c (Turner Syndrome/Monosomy X)
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Betas: 8dp6dt/14dpo - 124; 10dp6dt/16dpo - 317; 16dp6dt/22dpo - 6,289; 23dp6dt/29dpo - 32,961
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Postby Mae41083 » Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:15 pm

You are definitely not alone! I am the same way. I will get mad one day and say I am done with all the timed BD, the stressing, and the obsessing and then the next day I'm wondering why I can't get pregnant and then the tears flow.

Thinking of you Maddy and hoping you will get your BFP soon.
Me (Meaghan)-29
DH-31 (S/A: perfectly normal)
TTC #1 since Sept 2010
11/23: HSG-All clear
4/12: 1st RE appt.
Feb. cycle: 50 mg Clomid, Prenatals, B6, B12, L-Arginine, and Preseed=BFN
March cycle: Au naturale=BFN
April cycle: 50 mg Clomid, Prenatal, B6, B12, and Preseed=BFP on 4/17/12@10 DPO!!!

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Postby socialite_baby » Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:53 pm

I think it's normal! I definitely experience it too, sometimes it can change by the hour. Some days I can sit through watching something on tv that has babies or pregnant women in it and look forward to experiencing it. Other days I cry at a commercial because it shows a baby or mentions pregnancy that I may never have/experience. I feel like I'm mentally unstable because of it most days, but infertility is so uncertain and I just tell myself it's normal (unless someone is having suicidal thoughts of course). I just try to let myself feel what I want to feel when it comes, if I don't I think I would explode!

We're here for you, Maddy! Just like you've been here for us! I'm always rooting for you! :D
Lindsay (Mild Endo, thin PCOS, Hypothyroid, implantation failure)
TTC #1 for 7.5 years...

April - November 2011 - 7 Rounds of 50 mg Clomid, 3 IUIs. All BFN.
February - March, June 2012 - 3 Rounds 5 mg Femara. BFN.
April 2012 - "Immune Protocol" Follistim IUI. BFN.
May 2012 - Diagnosed activated natural killer cells and told we'll NEVER conceive naturally... *treatment break*
October 2015 - IVF #1. OHSS. Freeze all. 9 blasts on ice.
November 2015 - FET #1. BFN.
January 2016 - Holy *NATURAL* BFP!!! WTF?! First ultrasound 2/1/2016. Praying for a healthy sticky baby. <3
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Postby Chrissy_K » Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:58 pm

You are not the only one...
I feel so conflicted on this. The last few months I've made no effort regarding TTC. I was trying to not think about it much. That changed when I felt a lump in my breast and have had to have some tests done. They gave me a pregnancy test which made me feel reeeallyyy bitter. I tried to tell them that it wasnt necessary but they insisted. (As for the other tests, thankfully the radiologist didnt see anything) but while I was waiting on results I just kept playing through worst case scenarios, never being able to have kids because of radiation therapy or something. Part of me was glad that if I was sick I wouldnt leave any kids behind....

Then I'm watching TV tonight and some couple just had a baby and their are oohing and ahhing all over it and I start crying. God, it just never ends.

I'm trying to move on with my life, this website is the only thing I still havent let go. I quit my monitor, opks, natural family planning, all that crap. It's hard to let go of your dreams though, I may go on birth control at my next ob appointment, even if it is a waste of money. It would just be a symbolic gesture of moving on with my life. That and antidepressants might help.
-Me: 28 DH: 30. Started with NTNP in 2005, actively TTC since September 2008.
-3 rounds of Clomid in 2009= BFN
-DH SA 9/24/10. Normal count,low motility, morphology and volume.
-HSG: All clear!
No longer actively TTC.
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Postby JMS » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:01 am

My emotions are completely all over the place. Some days it's just too overwhelming. I get depressed and feel like it's all so futile. Some days I am just mad at the unfairness of it all. Other days I'm almost happy I don't have kids because of the freedom I have without them. I can travel or go to a nice dinner or even a rated R movie at the last minute without having to coordinate childcare. I think it's those times that help get me through the depressing days. I am trying to make the most of this baby free time because I KNOW it will happen and we will have a baby eventually. Haha. I guess I am feeling optimistic today :)
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Postby maddy » Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:19 pm

:hugs: Aw ladies I hate that there are so many of us going through this crap. I am comforted knowing that yall understand just how I feel, but I hate that anyone has to feel this way! I sometimes feel certain that our day is coming, and then some days I just feel so negative. We BDd the other day and for the first time in a couple cycles I told DH not to pull out. I dont hold any illusions that Ill get a BFP by it but I feel like maybe thats a sign I am ready to open my self back up emotionally to ttc again. I really do hope that all of us can move on to the next phase in this and finally have our miracles. I told DH that at this point I am not concerned with how many children we have, what gender, I just want one baby that I can raise and provide a happy life. :( DH keeps saying it will happen. He has never swayed from that at all. I just wished I was so confidant. I am praying for all of us and hopefully one day we will all be blessed. :praying:
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How to keep the faith?

Postby Masika » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:27 am

Hi All

I have only just stumbled upon this website, and am very grateful.. I am not even sure how I feel at the moment, just that I never realised this would be so difficult.. I am just waiting, last month I had the longest wait of my life (18 days) for my period.. This has never happened before. Now I am not even sure where I am in my cycle as such. The one thing I don't want to do is stop living. DH has been quite supportive, my natural instinct is to try 'not to worry' so as not to worry us.. I am due on the 28th of Feb (based on the last period). All I will do is visit this site until then.. Thank you for all the support, and babydust to you all :D
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Postby lovebabytime » Tue Feb 21, 2012 12:53 pm

I can totally relate! Right now I am 8DPO and setting myself up for yet another heartbreak. I hate this 2 week wait. Not a thing exciting about it, just another failed cycle. I do have a spec of hope, but I can't think I will get a BFP. The first two days after ovulation I feel the most up beat. But it soon fades... Baby Dust to all of you ladies!! I don't wish TTCing more than 12 months on ANYONE!
Me: 34 DH: 36
Together since 1997, Married in July 2003
DD born 10/23/07
TTC#2 since July 2010
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Postby alinat » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:32 pm

Maddy I totally hear you. Its been nearly three years for us and although I already have three older children I still feel absolutely shattered with my secondary infertility. I so want this for my DH and I. Just remember that you are not alone. I really hope that you get your BFP. I'm sorry that it is taking so long for you. You are in my thoughts quite often and I send prayers your way all the time. Hugs.
Me:41 (Alison) :love: DH:32 (no children of his own)
DD 19
DD 16
DS 12

TTC since June 2009
TCM and acupuncture for 2 years
:angel: July 2010
:angel: September 2011
:angel: January 2012
:angel: August 2012 - 16w4d - Matthew - Complications due to Trisomy 21
DOR and poor egg quality due to age :(
IVF # 1 :bfn:
IVF#2 :bfn:
IVF#3 :bfn:
Two rounds of prescribed Clomid 50mg - both :bfn:
After 5 years we have finally conceded defeat and given up TTC.
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Postby maddy » Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:29 pm

:hugs: I think about you too and send prayers your way Alison. There are so many of of us waiting and waiting. :( I really do hope that we soon can move on to the next part of all this soon.
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Postby conniettcbaby1 » Wed Mar 21, 2012 2:00 am

Maddy you are right - It is nice to know there are so many of us out there that feel the same way, albeit I would rather no one felt this way.

Sometimes even I didn't know how I felt? So how could I explain it to me DH. Some days I don't want kids, then before you know it I am crying when someone tells me they're pregnant. He must have thought I was going mad, then I found this article and gave it to him to explain what i was going through and now he understands exactly how I am feeling.

It gave me a bit of relief reading this so I thought I'd share it with you guys and hope it makes you feel a bt better that a) you're not mad, and b) you're not alone: ... lslike.pdf

I truly wish you all the best of luck and know you will be fabulous parents! Sometimes I think that's why we've been chosen to have this curse, because we will make sure we are the best parents once we become one :D
Me 30 DH 33
Ttc since March 2011
Me - PCOS, possible endo and hypothalmus dysfunction
DH - perfect
Lots of Clomid - all BFN, Injections galore - never got to IUI as always cancelled
IVF Round #1 5dt 1 perfect blast two in the freezer - BFP!
6w3d HB 106bpm
8w6d no HB MMC
9w0d D&C
FET #1 November
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