Early 20s, do you find people are judgmental?

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Early 20s, do you find people are judgmental?

Postby and1makes3 » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:09 am

I have been with the same wonderful man since I was 15 - 22 now and we are TTC. We don't tell people as we have found people are too quick to say we are still so young and should live our lives.

Do you find people are quite insensitive?

We have lost two unplanned pregnancies and now want to plan it because we are ready - who are people to tell us what we are ready for?
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Postby anniea » Fri Oct 16, 2009 6:13 am

Yes I agree that people are insensitive. Thats why we are telling anyone. But I've gotten funny looks from a few drs. I went to. Once when I had a test in the office the dr. came back and said well I have good news...your not pregnant. And I thought, how is that good news?
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Postby kmat » Fri Oct 16, 2009 8:24 am

Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I'm 20, so nobody really thinks I'm "ready." We haven't told anyone that we're TTC, but people always say things about waiting to have children.
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Postby anniea » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:03 am

Oh kmat I know what you mean! We get so many..."Do you have kids yet?" "No not yet." "Well you have to enjoy your life first anyway!!" Whats that supposed to mean?
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Postby stefanielynn » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:08 am

We didn't tell anyone when we were ttc our first. We were both 19 when we got married and went off bc right afterwards. If you're in a stable, loving relationship, you are ready for children, then go for it. I think there are some problems in society's view on when we should have children now. By the time a lot of people consider it acceptable, fertility has declined. Women were made to have babies in their 20s, that's when we're at our most fertile. I mean, seriously. It took us 28 months to get pregnant with our son and we're in month 18 of trying for #2 (people know now...they get less judgmental when you've already have one and you're nearing 26...). If I'd waited until I was 30? We may have never been able to get pregnant.
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Postby kmat » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:16 pm

Yep, anniea, that's exactly the type of thing I'm talking about. I'm in a stable relationship, we make plenty of money, we have our nice little apartment, but something is just missing, and we both know what it is. I think I would enjoy my life more with a child in it :)
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Postby anniea » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:30 pm

I know just what you mean. I've been married over 2 years, we've owned our house for almost a year. I want to be a stay at home mom and we know we can make it on his salary. No one could possiblly understand my desire to start our family, its what I've always dreamed about! Plus I want a big family and I dont want to be an older mama so we kinda have to start early. I kinda wish I knew what our parents thought even though I'm not going to tell them til it happens. Both our parents were married and pregnant at a young age so they can't possibly see harm in it.
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Postby anniea » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:30 pm

I know just what you mean. I've been married over 2 years, we've owned our house for almost a year. I want to be a stay at home mom and we know we can make it on his salary. No one could possiblly understand my desire to start our family, its what I've always dreamed about! Plus I want a big family and I dont want to be an older mama so we kinda have to start early. I kinda wish I knew what our parents thought even though I'm not going to tell them til it happens. Both our parents were married and pregnant at a young age so they can't possibly see harm in it.
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Postby anniea » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:33 pm

I know just what you mean. I've been married over 2 years, we've owned our house for almost a year. I want to be a stay at home mom and we know we can make it on his salary. No one could possiblly understand my desire to start our family, its what I've always dreamed about! Plus I want a big family and I dont want to be an older mama so we kinda have to start early. I kinda wish I knew what our parents thought even though I'm not going to tell them til it happens. Both our parents were married and pregnant at a young age so they can't possibly see harm in it.
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Postby kmat » Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:15 pm

Yeah, I'm not planning on telling anyone either. His side of the family is kind of judgemental (mostly his sister and her husband.) I'm sure his mom would be so happy. Her baby having a baby lol. I don't really see how my mom could possibly be mad or upset at all. She got pregnant at 17. My little sister is 17 and has an 8 month old boy, no job, and is still in high school. I'm in a much much better situation with DF (fiance technically).
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Postby AmberG9907 » Fri Oct 16, 2009 7:31 pm

Im 20 and my husband is 22. We have been together since I was 9 years old and he was 11. Once we got married, we started trying to get pregnant. Everytime someone older would hear, they would get extreemly judgemental. I now have a beautiful 2 year old son and we are currently trying to get pregnant with baby #2. We still get the same kind of remarks/looks as we use to, but now we also get the "you already have one, and you want ANOTHER?!" looks and remarks. Its sad really, but Ive kind of came to the decision that it doesnt really matter what they think. I have my wonderful family, (my husband, son and I) and thats all that I need. I dont need anyone else's approval on how soon is too soon to start a family. I believe that when your ready, you will know... not someone else. I know where you are comming from. Keep your head up though. :)
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Postby jodilynn » Sun Oct 18, 2009 12:54 am

I know exactly what you are talking about. DH and I have been together since we were 13 and got married when I was 18, he was 19. It was the best thing we have ever done but we were judged so much. Half of my family told me that I was ruining my life and throwing all my hopes and dreams away. And that was just about getting married! :roll:

I think a big reason why people are so quick to judge is because "back in the day" was alot diffrent then these days. Alot of 18 year olds arent ready for those type of commitments anymore. But what some forget is just because alot arent, doesnt mean there isnt any who are.

The whole "you should live your life" line really gets under my skin. How is being married to the love of your life and creating a family NOT living life? In my opinion, that is what life is made of. Just because you are younger doesnt change the meaning of that. They assume that you should be out at parties and dating at this age and find it astonishing that an 18 year old can actually have a stable and mature life style.

I wish people would focus more on maturity level, financial stability, and relationship stability. If you have those three things and are ready to become a parent then whos to say you arent ready?

So needless to say, Im pregnant now and STILL get those comments. It gets so annoying because I feel I cant go out of the house without my wedding ring on without somone looking at me and thinking Im a pregnant 16 year old who got knocked up at prom. :roll:

All I can say is take it with a grain of salt and ignore it. Unfortunatly, the stupid comments will NEVER end :roll:

GL to all of you TTC!!! It WILL happen for each of you! :D
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Postby and1makes3 » Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:27 am

Thanks ladies for your responses - I feel so much better!

My mom had me at 18 and raised me alone and had to work really hard. When we talk about my work - she always says how well I am doing I just mustnt do anything stupid like falling pregnant. My doctor has been wonderful though.

It's just so hard but we have said, it's got nothing to do with anyone else.

Good luck to all
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Postby Crystal520 » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:49 am

I am 23 and DH will be 24 in less than a month. We haven't really told any of our family mainly because of this reason. I know both sides will make comments about us being too young.

But so far all the friends we told are very happy for us!

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Postby CarPanFan » Mon Oct 19, 2009 10:33 am

I am 23 and DH is 27 we have been together for 5 years and married for a little over a year and we haven't told anyone we TTC. When we talk to people, especially older people, they tell us that we should enjoy life now and we should wait to have kids and have fun being married. It gets annoying because don't most people spend their teens and 20s trying to FIND someone to marry and have kids with? Oh well, we are ready and can't wait for #1!
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