Feeling lost trying to TTC in mid twenties - please read <3

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Feeling lost trying to TTC in mid twenties - please read <3

Postby essiejames23 » Tue Jan 20, 2015 4:17 pm

Hi Ladies!!! I haven't been on in a few months after unsuccessful ttc for 6 months :) Was looking for a forum just like this - perfect!!!

Two years ago I survived a life-threatening embolism. I immediately thought if I live, please let me have a baby. Well, now i found I have multiple clotting disorders and will be on coumadin for life. I have prothrombin mutations and Lupus Anticoagulant with questioned Antiphospholipid Syndrome.

My doctors are pushing me to get healthy and have children sooner than later if I ever plan on having them. While this is not ideal, I am determined to have children so need to find a viable option. I am a sophomore at university right now (hubby also goes full time and works full time - he will be 29 this year), working towards my masters in occupational therapy.

The doctors say the healthiest and safest time for high riskers is to get pregnant by 25 - that is next year so it raises TONS of questions and concerns i am hoping someone can take the time to reach out to me. :happydance: The plan is once i get a BFP, see oncologist and be switched to lovenox/heparin and baby aspirin and see high risk fertility specialist biweekly.

If I were to wait until I am finished with school, I'll be 30 when we start ttc!! The best age (according to the doctor) and safest would be early next year right after I get my associates in science ( I will be 25 then ). Now, I can choose to TTC while continuing on to my bachelors, assuming I don't get pregnant right away (we ttc for 6 months last year with no luck). Then I can either hope baby not born until senior year or hope that school has deferment option and lets me take a year off.

Then I need to consider how this will impact us financially, we are just staying afloat now with a teeny bit of wiggle room, but could not afford a bigger place unless we find better jobs with our Associates degrees.

Unfortunately, surrogacy, egg freezing, or IVF are not options as they all require hormone injections which can cause a repeat clot to happen. Then we need to consider if pregnancy is even safe for me - they said with proper monitoring I will be okay, but will still be high risk. I need to talk to more moms with clotting disorders!

Does anyone else have experience with pregnancy with clotting disorders or on lovenox? This is so scary and overwhelming - I have no one to talk to!

So that's me in a big nutshell - I am really hoping for some kind words of wisdom out there right about now! I just feel so lost <3 Big hugs and baby dust!!! :hugs: :kiss:
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Re: Feeling lost trying to TTC in mid twenties - please read

Postby Jzscott » Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:56 pm

Hi Essie,
I'm sorry you're going through this decision. I'm sort of in the same boat. I have a clotting disorder (factor V). While I don't think it's as serious as what you have, several doctors have told me the risks and said it can be very dangerous and that I would need weekly heparin/lovenox shots to make sure I, either don't get clots or don't miscarry. I also have either a bicornuate or septate uterus which can cause early miscarriage as well as preterm labor and I have very long cycles which means I don't ovulate frequently and could potentiomally take a long time to conceive.I found this out in July of 2013, 2 months before I got married. My husband and I weren't really financially ready to start TTC but since finding out about factor V and other things that can lower my chances of conceiving, we were faced with two options: start now and see what happens or wait till we're "ready" just to find out its too late and not end up being able to have any biological children. We originally started NTNP and although my cycles were crazy long I managed to conceive 15 months later just to have a miscarriage shortly after. I was devastated. Before that I was pretty carefree about the whole TTC process. I told myself whatever happened happened and that one day we would get our child. When I saw that positive HPT I was so excited!!! And then on my birthday it all ended. Now I have been more active about TTC especially because my doctor has said that I may have multiple miscarriages and it will only get harder from here. I Just turned 25 and I hope that one day we can have a happy healthy baby. But I know its going to be a rough journey.

I know I didnt answer any questions or concerns you may have. But I figured I could be here for support. I know you're not ready for kids (I didn't think I was) but there's always ways to go back to school, to make more money, to grt a good career, but you only have a short timeframe to have children. This is what I've told myself and my husband. If we want kids we have to do it now. It may get tight but we can't turn back time because we decided to save more money or find better jobs. If children is what you want I say start TTC with careful monitoring. If you'd rather focus on school and your career then put TTC off for a couple of years. Maybe you will be able to conceive and it won't be difficult.

Good luck!
J&M <3
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Re: Feeling lost trying to TTC in mid twenties - please read

Postby essiejames23 » Thu Jan 22, 2015 11:11 am

Hi Jzscott!! :) Its so nice to hear from you. Maybe we'll get pregnant at the same time and can talk to each other about the lovenox and how its going - bfp buddies! I am so sorry to hear about your clotting disorders and uterus, will it expand while you get pregnant? I know exactly how you feel - I am in the same exact boat right now. Its difficult knowing we'll struggle a little financially and want to get our affairs in order as much as possible within the next year or two while we TTC, but at the same time it would be so much easier to wait. Then thinking about missing out and not getting pregnant at all really kicks me into high gear! At the same time, I feel like I am missing out on finishing school earlier and maybe hurting our financial future by not finishing school? I just want to give our children the best. Its hard because I watched my parents always say they would go back to school and never did/could and I want to make sure that doesnt happen - then again I am REALLY determined to finish school. I just want to make sure I do the right thing. Its hard when I see friends graduating or my parents telling me to wait, but they don't really understand what its like knowing you may never get pregnant - especially if you wait. The urgency we feel, I just don't think people can relate. It almost seems logical though, after associates degree next year, ttc and take a year or two off until daycare and then go back to school to get bachelors. I would be graduated by the time they are in elementary school. Then I could really work during the day on my career instead of starting it now and having to quit my job once they are born (LOL I just assume more than one. Its too funny, hubby constantly refers to "the kids" - I'm like... we're having multiple? haha).

Now I wonder if it was the uterus or the clotting disorder that caused your miscarriage (so sorry to hear about that :( we have had some non sticky or false positives over the past year as well). I know they say you really need to try EVERY other day to get pregnant, but we have been NTNP for the past year with no luck. I feel like KNOWING that it will be difficult makes us want to have it sooner - we could choose to think of it as an advantage... knowing know rather than waiting til later and finding out when its too late. My mom started trying at 22 and didn't have me until 29, then it took another 5 years to have my brother. I was told that being on heparin while you try to get pregnant (or baby aspirin) will thin the blood and help the baby stick if it is the blood clotting causing the problem. I wonder if you could ask your doctor about it?

I really resonate with your last paragraph about " I know you're not ready for kids (I didn't think I was) but there's always ways to go back to school, to make more money, to grt a good career, but you only have a short timeframe to have children. This is what I've told myself and my husband. If we want kids we have to do it now. It may get tight but we can't turn back time because we decided to save more money or find better jobs."
I tell myself this all the time.

Hope to hear from you soon!! ((HUGS))
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Re: Feeling lost trying to TTC in mid twenties - please read

Postby Jzscott » Fri Jan 23, 2015 6:12 pm

Hi Essie,
I feel like you're the first person I've talked to that's going through the exact same thing as me, not knowing whether to hold off or keep trying. I wouldn't mind waiting to have kids in another 2-5 years if I was guaranteed to get pregnant within the first 6 months. But at the rate I'm going now, we'll probably have our baby by the time we're 30 anyway. Luckily we've both graduated college so getting our degrees is not something we're worried about, we're just worried that we won't have stable enough incomes or that we won't be able to buy a house, deal with all the expenses a new baby brings, or, for my husband, go on vacation. But I have to remind him that money isn't everything and we will love our kids and they will love us no matter if we're rich or poor, as long as we love them. I mean we are better off than a lot of people our age so I'm not worried about not being able to afford basic necessities, it's just the little extras that mostly my husband worries we might never be able to achieve. I grew up with 7 siblings so we never had a lot but I loved having someone to play with or someone to sleep with when I got scared at night and always someone to talk to. I never worried about money because as a kid I didn't know any different. My husband is an only child who pretty much had everything growing up (except his dad gone a lot in the military) so he thinks that not being able to give them the best of the best means it's not time to have kids yet. But he still does want kids and that's why we've made the decision to start trying right away even if it means being a little financially "strained" for a little while. That is if we are to conceive quickly. Now that we are TTC I do feel the urgency to get pregnant. I want it so bad. And especially after an early loss, I feel like I want to replace it so badly.

You seem to have a lot of the logistics planned pretty well. Me, I know I will have to take the first year off because I want to watch them grow, not let someone else witness it without me. I was a nanny to a set of twins and every time they did something new and I would tell their parents I always felt horrible because I know, deep down, they wish they would have seen or heard it first. They worked very early and came home late at night so Monday-Friday they hardly saw their kids at all and that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I don't want to work my butt of to make a baby just to send it away. I'm a very emotional person and I think I would be a miserable mess if I went back to work at 4-8 weeks after birth. I definitely plan to go back to work, though.

Maybe you will have multiples! You never know. I've heard that it runs in my family, but out of 8 kids none of my siblings were multiples. My mom was fertile Mertyl. Lucky her!

I have no idea what caused my miscarriage. I tested too late and by the time I had my doctors appointment I was already bleeding and told it was a miscarriage and my HCG levels were only at 11. I cannot tell based on my LMP because it was over 4 months ago but I feel like I was at least 6 weeks, maybe more, because of how long my symptoms were there, but I'm so sad that I'll never know. I feel like it was a mixture of both. I am now taking baby aspirin every day, just in case. But once I get another BFP I'll immediately start injections.

I'm sorry you've had some false positives and non sticky beans the last year. It's definitely not fun. I'm glad we know what's going on and that it's going to be difficult to conceive, that way, even if it takes a few years, we're right on track to when we wanted to conceive in the first place. Although I would gladly have a child right this second if I could. It's kind of a positive thing knowing that your mom had trouble conceiving as well. Maybe that gives you some hope that it will work out for you as well?

I'm glad to have stumbled upon your post. Keep me updated on any news with you. I look forward to hearing from you some more!
J&M <3
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