TTC before Terminal Mom Passes - Can we chat? :(

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TTC before Terminal Mom Passes - Can we chat? :(

Postby essiejames23 » Wed May 06, 2015 11:12 am

Hi! Hubby and I TTCd for years with no luck (we are both in school - I am mid 20s he is just about 30). Was diagnosed with PCOS last week and will start on Metformin/Spiro plus lovenox this week. The doctor is certain it will help me lose weight/conceive, but I can't help thinking how real/scary this all is. For the longest time, we lived thinking we may never have children, but now that we really might be able to and I have this small window of opportunity - it is intimidating! The dr said now or never. my mom is also dying of terminal cancer and was given a year - her only wish was to have a grandchild. I cant help thinking maybe this is all the right timing/meant to be, but I just had this whole life planned out in my head. Graduate from college first, buy a home, etc... but maybe this baby doesnt want to wait any longer. Is it wrong to wonder if I should wait for the life I pictured to come true? Or should I jump at this amazing opportunity Ive been given? We can afford it - will be tight, but only two years left in school. We can just live in our big studio the first year. By the time the baby is born and turns 1, we will be done with school anyways. Wow, this is alot to think about.

I would love some fresh insight :) :hugs:
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Re: TTC before Terminal Mom Passes - Can we chat? :(

Postby Jean789 » Thu May 07, 2015 5:51 pm

Wow Essie. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I wish you guys the best.

I would say to try to do what you can in regards to conceiving. Who knows- it could happen right away or take more than a year. Either way you will know you have tried.
2013: off BC - not trying, not preventing
2014: tried clomid through OBGYN and got referred to specialist
2015: 1st IUI- femara- BFN
2nd IUI- femara - BFN
3rd IUI- femara- BFN
4th IUI - femara and gonal f - BFN
Took a month off
5th IUI - femara, gonal f, ovidrel, progesterone - BFN
6th IUI - femara, gonal f ( increased) ovidrel, progesterone- BFN
IVF #1 - BFP m/c early ~4.5 weeks
IVF #2 - BFP! Beta #1 - 790!
First ultrasound 6w3d - 1 baby :-) heartbeat 122
Second ultrasound 8w3d on 12/3/15 heartbeat 182
Graduated from fertility doctor!
First OBGYN appt. went well! We have a very active, jumping bean! :-)
Next appt. at 14 weeks.
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Re: TTC before Terminal Mom Passes - Can we chat? :(

Postby realmckoy » Sat May 30, 2015 2:44 am

Wow it sounds like you have some huge decisions to make! I see you wrote this earlier in the month... so realise that you may in fact have a bfp already. Have you made a decision? My husband and I are also mid-late twenties, and are ttc our first, after deliberating similar ideas. We have always had this picture of what our life would be like when we had kids. We would both have our degrees, have done some travelling, and own our first home. We had also thought that it would be around this time that we would start trying. Well our situation is quite different from that now! We are both from NZ, and after getting our degrees moved to England as a base for Europe travels while we also worked. We had planned to stay a year, then move back and buy our first home, giving us room to start a family. Instead, we have decided to stay for what has so far been two years, and looks like it'll be a few more - before moving back home. Living in London is very expensive - it's hard to save, we live in a one bedroom apartment, though we do have good jobs. I've found that the mindset of people is different over here. People aren't getting married until their thirties, and starting families much closer to forty. Everyone is career driven, and I have been wondering whether I am crazy to think that we can start a family now...am I too young? Should I make moves in my career first? Can we do it while we live here? Should we move back home first? But then if we do, we won't be able to afford to buy a place right away, so we would have to wait even longer to have that 'ideal' family dream that we had previously held. It's crazy to consider!

What it came down to for us, was that when we are older and look back at our lives, we will never regret starting a family now. We would never regret the extra energy that we would have for the job at our age, or the extra few years of love that we could offer. If we didn't do it now, then I think we would regret prioritising jobs (something that comes and goes, something that in the scheme of things is supposed to just provide money for you to live...isn't it?) and prioritising an 'ideal' situation over children. We can still get our house, albeit a bit later, but it'll happen. I guess I've just had to tune out the voices of people here who look at our age as a number and say "why would you", and remember the things we want most.

And so now I wait for either a bpf or AF for the third month of trying... only a few days left till test day!

Hope it helps :-)
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Re: TTC before Terminal Mom Passes - Can we chat? :(

Postby essiejames23 » Sun May 31, 2015 6:31 am

Wow! Hi RealMckoy. I am so so happy you wrote back. I am actually a few days away from testing as well. The deeper and deeper i got into my mom's cancer treatments, the more I said "F-it" life is too short to wait for the perfect life. Because 20 years from now isn't a guaranteed thing, but today is. So we started TTC the same day i got my PCOS diagnosis. Either 10 or 7 DPO today (hard to tell when or if I ovulated but I had first +OPK last thursday and pink spotting sunday, have had +OPKS up until today - 10 days of them but i guess not reliable w/ pcos so very confused). AF due sometime between now and Wednesday. I think I will test in the morning. I am getting a blood HcG tomorrow and will use them every day. I really really want this. The minute I started trying I realized it was the right thing to do and the more I wait for the HPT day the more I can't imagine my life without a child in it right now. I can always go back to school after the baby is born. My brother offered to watch him/her so I can go to school- the first time I've had family support in 5 years. Maybe there is a Silver Lining :)

That was so courageous of you! :) I'm super envious of all the traveling you've done. That's such a lifetime of memories that you'll always cherish. What is the mindset of this in NZ? Its interesting how different it is there, huh? My mom said the same thing about Europe, too. And here the mindset changes just driving an hour up to the city. And you are totally right - careers come and go, but you will never regret having a family. I've learned that from my mom first hand. And now, as crazy and exhausting as this all is - I wouldn't trade it for my quiet life - ever - because I finally have a family and I know its fleeting. I'm still learning from mom to grab life by the horns, I'm more of a planner. I like to plan for the worst, hope for the best, and live life with my eyes wide open. She says "The moment you plan for perfect is the moment you've shut your eyes."

I can't wait to hear if you get your BFP!!!!!! :) Big big hugs.
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